No, it’s not 1990…it’s just Wildwood. What was that I was saying about Wildwood t-shirts being hideously ugly? The last time I discussed Wildwood T-Shirts I made it abundantly clear that you won’t be finding any runway couture on the Wildwood boardwalk.
From the top left:
1) The shirts you’ll see on the boardwalk are so terrible that they have to leetch off of another tourist attractions tag line. “What Happens in Wildwood Stays in Wildwood???” Are they serious? That’s the lamest thing I’ve ever seen, and to make matters worse it’s splattered with neon green, pink, and blue paint because we love that shit.
2) I’m not opposed to Zebra print in any shape or form, but when it’s ruined with Funfetti it just reminds me of a Little Debbie creation.
3) As we move to the top right I’m taking a vivid trip back into the ’80s. It could seriously pass for a title screen on an early ’80s Wildwood travel video.
4) This one should be called DRIPPING NEON KISSES FROM WILDWOOD! Was Paul Stanley the lip model for this shirt? Because I’m pretty sure he was doing a lot of lip modeling during the KISS Asylum days in ’85.
5) Finally a generic Wildwood shirt made for tweens. Unfortunately they had to infuse the entire pastel color spectrum into this one.
6) As ridiculous as this last one is, it’s actually the only one that’s remotely wearable. Dig those Palm trees, huh? You are reading this correctly: palm trees on the beach in Wildwood.
Until next time folks, this has been NJ T-Shirt Tuesday, where things keep getting more neony.