In the spirit of not letting this site become a candy review blog, I’d like to tell you that I don’t have much faith in the new candy that’s getting released after eating these new atrocious Chocolate Mix Skittles. I would rather have my face dragged across the blacktop of the New Jersey Turnpike while my feet are tied to the back of a dump truck carrying horse manure than eat these horrid shit pellets.
EZ-Pass Thief on the loose!
From The Sexy Armpit Police blogger: Occasional cruddy, toxic waste infested locales aren’t the only thing New Jersey is known for. Many of you aren’t aware of a more prevalent problem plaguing N.J than garbage and radioactivity. It’s the fruitless thievery committed by inept, third-rate criminals.
Around 12:36 am this morning in the vicinity of a suburban N.J community (which will remain nameless) an innocent woman’s car was viciously broken into. The neighborhood was
serene as it’s citizens were in repose awaiting another hard, honest day of work.
After the ruckus occurred dogs at the residence of the victim began to bark, waking the family up. The thief left the car door and trunk open and must’ve ran away. After notifying authorities and thoroughly examining the car inside and out, it was discovered that the only item stolen was an EZ–pass tag. There are still several states that don’t have EZ-Pass. For those that aren’t familiar, EZ-Pass is a transponder you put in your car that lets you glide through tolls on highways without stopping to pay. You receive a bill in the mail detailing your account activity. What the thief didn’t think of is that the owner can easily report the EZ-Pass tag stolen and order a new tag. If the pass still works after that then I’d be surprised. Come to think of it, there’s really nothing lucrative or beneficial to gain from stealing one of these tags. If the thief raced to their nearby car they might have hopped onto the Garden State Parkway or N.J Turnpike and scammed the poor woman out of at most, a few dollars, if that. A typical parkway toll is $0.35!
So far I have failed to mention that there was a Sirius satellite radio system in the car and one of those nifty spring-loaded telescoping umbrellas. Wouldn’t you have snatched the Sirius and the cool umbrella? Bet your ass! Maybe even the whole entire car? The EZ-pass would be the last thing anyone would want to steal, right? In it’s defense, EZ-Pass is a great invention and it allows you to coast through tolls while others are waiting from Joe P. Nocoins to find the change he dropped while ordering that Big Mac he was inhaling while driving. What self respecting thief steals an EZ-pass? One from Jersey, obviously.
Surprisingly, Blue Jersey.com actually had a short post about EZ-Pass crime:
Surprisingly, Blue Jersey.com actually had a short post about EZ-Pass crime:
So Long, Burger Express
Was it the giant sign protruding out of the parking lot that says Cheese Fries emblazoned in yellow and black that made it so special? Perhaps it was the fact that sitting inside made you feel like you were back in another era? Even though it was known as Burger Express, one of the most famous items on the menu was their Chicken Sandwich with Cheese Fries. Of course, when you’re drunk at 2 am, any type of food ain’t too shabby. You’re 17 years old and the only place you can really drive to with your friends when everything else is closed is a 24 hour burger joint. For 30 years, Burger Express was just that for many of us. B.E. in Carteret, NJ has been a fast food staple, and a local legend of sorts for the entire local area. Recently we got wind that B.E was being forced to close it’s doors. (Something about the NJ Turnpike authority making Exit 12 bigger.) Last weekend we had our last taste of B.E., at least for a while. The lines were literally out the door. It’s said that the classic Cheese Fries sign will rise up from the ground like that missile in Wyatt’s house and once again rule the fast food cravings of many.
In a similar sense, Sciortino’s Pizzeria (the greatest pizza in history) in Perth Amboy, N.J showed the state that they couldn’t keep a good restaurant down. They were forced to close their doors by the city, they re-opened in South Amboy, and now they’re doing better than ever. I think it has something to do with the obligatory newspaper article hanging on the wall commending the unique cuisine and vintage atmosphere. If an eatery has one of those hanging it might give them the extra fortitude to survive amongst all of the chain restaurants that pop up all over the place which no one bothers to actually ever write about. It’s probably cause they’ve got no personality.