From The Sexy Armpit Police blogger: Occasional cruddy, toxic waste infested locales aren’t the only thing New Jersey is known for. Many of you aren’t aware of a more prevalent problem plaguing N.J than garbage and radioactivity. It’s the fruitless thievery committed by inept, third-rate criminals.
Around 12:36 am this morning in the vicinity of a suburban N.J community (which will remain nameless) an innocent woman’s car was viciously broken into. The neighborhood was
serene as it’s citizens were in repose awaiting another hard, honest day of work.
After the ruckus occurred dogs at the residence of the victim began to bark, waking the family up. The thief left the car door and trunk open and must’ve ran away. After notifying authorities and thoroughly examining the car inside and out, it was discovered that the only item stolen was an EZ–pass tag. There are still several states that don’t have EZ-Pass. For those that aren’t familiar, EZ-Pass is a transponder you put in your car that lets you glide through tolls on highways without stopping to pay. You receive a bill in the mail detailing your account activity. What the thief didn’t think of is that the owner can easily report the EZ-Pass tag stolen and order a new tag. If the pass still works after that then I’d be surprised. Come to think of it, there’s really nothing lucrative or beneficial to gain from stealing one of these tags. If the thief raced to their nearby car they might have hopped onto the Garden State Parkway or N.J Turnpike and scammed the poor woman out of at most, a few dollars, if that. A typical parkway toll is $0.35!
So far I have failed to mention that there was a Sirius satellite radio system in the car and one of those nifty spring-loaded telescoping umbrellas. Wouldn’t you have snatched the Sirius and the cool umbrella? Bet your ass! Maybe even the whole entire car? The EZ-pass would be the last thing anyone would want to steal, right? In it’s defense, EZ-Pass is a great invention and it allows you to coast through tolls while others are waiting from Joe P. Nocoins to find the change he dropped while ordering that Big Mac he was inhaling while driving. What self respecting thief steals an EZ-pass? One from Jersey, obviously.
Surprisingly, Blue Jersey.com actually had a short post about EZ-Pass crime:
Can’t seem to think of something you are thankful for? Here’s an obvious one: YOU PROBABLY DON’T LIVE IN CAMDEN! Yesterday, in the ritzy “City Crime Rankings,” cqpress.com reported that Camden, NJ, has the highest crime rate in the country.