stallone

Some people consider inhaling the cold, crisp, fresh air after hiking up a mountain invigorating. Others find a day at the spa for a deep tissue massage rejuvenating. When you’re dealing with a low expectations motherf–ker such as myself, a bag of Combos squirted with a new flavor is quite a magnificent experience. The odds of actually enjoying the new flavor variety joining the Combo ranks was 3,720 to 1. Usually with any new flavor of any type of food, i’m left disappointed after realizing that it’s nowhere near as good as the hype lead me to believe. In this case, new Combos Zesty Salsa Tortilla flavor left me salivating for more.

I bought them to snack on while waiting for my flight to Orlando to board. I killed almost the entire bag! It seems pretty disgusting, I know, but I didn’t eat breakfast or lunch that day so it’s all good. The typical pretzel is replaced with a crunchy stone ground corn shell which surrounds an accurate and super tasty salsa filling. This new variety really expands on the idea of the traditional Combos and it’s sooo the right move. I guess what I’m trying to say is…if I can change, and Combos can change, everybody can change!

The festive special edition holiday versions of candy and other snacks have been hitting shelves for the past few weeks. Just last night at the local Wegman’s, I found these Giant Size JOLLY NERDS and they are ridiculously and phenomenally awesome. As if GIANT, and CHEWY didn’t sum it up adequately, JOLLY puts it over the top like Lincoln Hawk. I hope I sound like a cliched commercial when I say that these luscious, chewy, and jolly Nerds really burst with flavor. (understatement) The magic of this Wonka offering is that the crunchy outer NERD shell contrasts perfectly with the chewy center. Out of the holiday colors, I preferred the red NERD’s, but after you eat a bunch of them, it’s almost impossible to discern any differences between the red and green.

Here is my work of modern art which I call “NERDY Napkin Face.” He’s really that happy. There’s no signs of party pooper Pagliacci reflected in this piece of art. He’s not downtrodden because he’s being called a NERD! This piece of candy is clearly 100% JOLLY.

OK, so I’ll admit that I didn’t really make this piece of art myself. The NERDS came right out of the bag and danced around forming a smiley face on my napkin. They are that damn good. The only candy comparable to these are those gummy blackberries and raspberries. Now those are one of the few candies that I can overdose on! These NERDS are light years beyond them though. If only life was like the Jetsons and I could get an entire nutritious meal out of ONE CHEWY, JOLLY NERD! That would be some amazing feat! People would be dancing in the streets if they found out they only needed to eat a pellet of chewy, jolly NERDS in order to stay healthy. When it comes to the blissful, elated feeling that overcomes me after eating them, the chewy, Jolly NERDS are basically unparalleled.