NJ to the World: “We Apologize for Breeding the Jonas Brothers”

Throughout time the world has seen a shitload of carnage, but none of it is comparable to the fact that The Jonas Brothers exist.

These dumb-haired, overly preppy, Miley Cyrus bangers could possibly be the most pretentious trio ever to exist. Even though they appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone, they’re the antithesis of Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll. The world needs some danger and these guys are not helping the cause. Shame on Rolling Stone for selling out! Sure I get it, R.S wanted all the parents to make a mad run to the news stand to horde several copies for each of their tweens.

The Jonas Brothers are from Wykoff, N.J (median income: $103,614) which is one of the ritzier towns in New Jersey. For this I apologize. It’s probable that these guys lived a sheltered, spoon fed upbringing. These guys lack edge now but when they get a little older and realize that Hollywood is treating them like yesterdays garbage then the drugs and depression will set in. We’ll see how cheerful, positive, and family friendly they remain after they can’t even get into certain restaurants that even Andy Dick gets rez’s at. Some people thought The Two Corey’s were down and out but A&E still gave them a reality show so the Jonas Brothers shouldn’t lose all hope. Oh wait I forgot, The Two Corey’s was cancelled. Let’s face it, NKOTB seem dark and brooding compared to the Jonas brothers.
The Jonas Brothers are an absolutely awful representation of what it means to be from New Jersey. In fact, these guys may as well have been born in Virginia because they’re rich, spoiled kids who didn’t even attend public school. The Jonas Brothers were home schooled. I’ve always found that the home schooled kids have parents who are so egotistical that they think they could do a better job teaching their children than an entire staff of qualified, intelligent, professional educators. Something tells me the reason why towns and cities employ a full staff of administrators and teachers is so parents don’t have to take on the huge burden themselves.

Were the Jon”ass” brothers parents so afraid of what is out there? Did they think their soft, effeminate, blessed Brothers Jonass were going to get made fun of or be mauled by the Jersey Devil? I sure as hell know that these 3 would’ve been eaten alive if they went to my middle school or high school. Something tells me that the Jonas family thought that the outside world would lead the Jonas brothers down the wrong path. In actuality, it’s the rich, overly religious folks that WE need to be scared of. Want evidence? Just look at their offspring!

Read the following interesting tidbits from the Jonas Brothers’ WIKIPEDIA entry:

Personal lives
The Jonas’s are known for their wholesome, family-friendly image. The brothers are all committed
Evangelical Christians, their father is a former pastor, and they were homeschooled by their mother. In addition, they all famously wear purity rings on
their left-hand ring finger and have vowed not to have
premarital sex. Joe has said that the rings symbolize “a promise to ourselves and to God that we’ll stay pure ’till marriage,” and Nick had stated that “it’s [purity rings] pretty awesome, and the rings are just one of our ways of kind of like being different than everybody else out there.” They started wearing the rings when their parents, Denise and Kevin Sr., asked them if they wanted to.[60]
They also abstain from alcohol, tobacco, and drugs.

The Jonas Brothers earned about $12 million in 2007, and have donated 10% of their
earnings to their charity, Change for the Children Foundation.

Purity Rings? Puh-lease! I can almost see it, years from now they’ll be bribing paparazzi to take pictures of them. The Sexy Armpit to the Jonas Brothers: “Grow some f–king balls, you’re from NEW JERSEY you pansies!” How do you expect us to uphold our reputation when you’re putting on “prom themed” concerts? I wonder if these guys have ever experienced anything real? My prescription to them is to sit in 3 hours of gridlock N.J traffic and then get into a fight just because you feel like it. After I give you all swift kicks in the stomach, then perhaps you could steal a 40, shave your heads, and stop being so freaking lame.