Where are the stoners, slackers, and lovers of artificial Mexican cuisine going to get their sustenance? The outbreak of E. Coli in the Tri-State area specifically New Jersey has sparked a major media reaction. The news has been all over this story and with good reason. Not too long ago in this very blog I was raving about how heavenly Taco Bell food is. And if it weren’t for a few bad scallions I’d probably still tell you the same thing. Hell, a couple of diseased vegetables can’t kill such a great fast food chain. Taco Bell shall overcome.
As I continute to desperately sprint for the border and grasp onto what little piece of glory is left of the Taco Bell legacy, let me tell you about the Secret Santa swap we’re doing at work. It’s imperative that you know how I despise Secret Santa swaps. They are insipid. Fortunately this year, a woman at work decided to tweak the tradition ever so slightly so we can all enjoy it a bit more. She came up with writing not only our name, but also 3 things we would like for $20 on our little secret ballot. I think that’s a lot better than getting some dumbass gift you would never ask for or want in your entire life. So, I wrote down an Amazon gift card, followed by…(drum roll) $20 bucks in Taco Bell gift certificates! Mind you, this was only about a week before the E.Coli outbreak hit the news. I was so pumped to get the oddest, most white trash Secret Santa gift in history. In an effort to save myself from shitting blood I decided (against my better wishes) to take good ol’ Taco Bell off my Secret Santa ballot. I didn’t want the punch line of this story to go down like this:
Jay: Hey Suzy, what did you get from the Secret Santa swap?
Suzy: Bob got me a great flashlight/umbrella hybrid, what did you get?
Jay: I got E.Coli. I never wanted it to end this way.
Suzy: Oh stop, your life isn’t over…yet! You still haven’t finished your Extreme Supreme Chalupa with extra scallions.
Jay: Death by Chalupa. I guess the bell tolls for me.