We’re sold out of Mir, sir…

Did u realize that the word “old” is in the word “mold?” That is awesome. I was enthralled when I realized it. It came to me after I told my Dad not to eat a sub that has been in the refrigerator for several weeks. Personally I can’t eat things once they are past a week or two. Also – F Kean University. Had to get that in because they have morons who work there.
People need to stop going to malls and stores and go the fuck home and be with their families. Christmas happens once a year and they will shop til the last minute. They will appreciate the moments for about an hour. If you waited til Christmas Eve to shop then you are fucking retarded. You can quote me on that. I will say it to your face. You back up traffic. You are annoying. You smell. Your breath stinks. You are cheap. You think the world revolves around you. You have no patience. You have an attitude. You have a dirty mouth. You have no respect. You can’t drive. I pretty much despise you all. If you waited til Christmas Eve to buy a nice gift for someone you love and you have no excuse then you SUCK!!! If you are destitute, unemployed, having a hard time in your life, or whatever…then it’s obvious you can’t do it. I get it. But who says you have to get the $400 dollar item? This world is way too into “things.” Hell, I love getting things too, but I like things that are free, like sex. Nah, seriously I would be happy with something small. It’s the people in your life that are important. And of course, Gwen Stefani. And www.TheSexyArmpit.com. And the fact that my friend Steve can draw. Because without him, we’d have no kick-ass online comic book.

But remember all you fuckers who are backing up traffic and cutting people’s throats for a toy like an Idog or an Ipod or whatever…This is is Jesus’ b-day so break out your fucking party hats, balloons, streamers, and we gotta big cake with a stripper popping out of later. Good Ol’ J.C is gonna be pumped this year. We got him a home theater system with surround sound for his cave. Last year we could only afford a GPS tracking system for his SAAB. Needless to say he was a little upset. He grants us things all year and we get him a fucking GPS for his car. The thing wound up conking out on him in only a few weeks. It was a damn good idea we got the service plan on that. Instead of Frankinscence and Mir buy the man something from your heart, give him a lapdance or something. What the hell IS Frankincense? Was it like ancient Frankenberry? If it was a breakfast cereal, I think they should have brought him something better like Crunchberries. From the internet: “Mir, described by Bishop Spong as Jewish deodorant.” It’s also known as a space station, a village in Russia, and it means Peace. Regardless of Mir being a spice or a scent or whatever, we’ll have to substitute that with a Glade Plug-in this year and he’ll have to like it. We’re not going all over town to find Mir on Christmas Eve. All the stores are probably gonna be sold out of it anyway. There’s tons of traffic and I doubt the stripper would even know how to incorporate “Mir” into her routine. Anyway – Happy Birthday big guy!!!