No Doubt Will Kick Off Tour in New Jersey!

No Doubt Borgata Atlantic City
To the dismay of Anaheim, California, No Doubt will kick off their ’09 tour at the Borgata in Atlantic City NJ on 5/2! A day later, they’ll also be headlining the 2nd day of the Bamboozle music festival at the Meadowlands in East Rutherford NJ!

No Doubt - King of the Hill
To celebrate No Doubt picking NJ to start their trek, The Sexy Armpit has grabbed screen shots from the bands animated appearance on King of the Hill! The episode “Kidney Boy and Hamster Girl: A Love Story,” aired on May 13th, 2001.

No Doubt - King of the Hill
Gwen Stefani is hot even in animated form
The ‘toon version of No Doubt performed at Arlen High School’s prom. Throughout the episode, their songs “Ex-Girlfriend,” “Don’t Speak,” and “Bathwater,” can all be heard.

No Doubt - King of the Hill
Tom, Tony, and Adrian
No Doubt will also be appearing at the PNC Bank Arts Center in Holmdel, NJ on 6/26!

Memorial Day Recap

Many of you had big plans for Memorial Day weekend. I know alot of you were getting obliterated, barbecuing, and socializing. My weekend didn’t involve any of that but I’ll run down some of the high points for you.

I’ve been waiting in great anticipation for Thursday at 8:00 pm to go to see Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. I was so excited for it that I had my advance tickets on Tuesday! I headed over to the AMC theater in New Brunswick without even eating dinner. I was too pumped. I could care less about bad reviews or box office take, this movie was awesome. Some say it’s too long or too confusing but if you’re a fan of the series and you love the characters then you will be treated to an exciting, epic adventure.

Saturday I had a beer with a friend at Hooters of Union, N.J. and then watched the Spurs game.

Sunday was a trip down to Atlantic City to see Gwen Stefani at the Borgata. Just as we were approaching the end of the A.C expressway there was a 10-car accident that was blocking all of the lanes. I wasn’t about to sit and wait three hours for the cops and the ambulances to come and get it squared away. Some of the crafty drivers who were stopped in traffic realized that they could creep through a tight spot on the right shoulder and pass through the mess. Only five or six cars were brave enough to sneak through and I was one of them. Shit, Gwen Stefani was only a mile away!

I was hungry as hell and I knew that they opened a Fatbuger at the downstairs food court at the Borgata. I never tasted a Fatbuger before and I was curious to see what all the hype was about. Eve since I was 6 years old I wondered what the Beastie Boys were referring to in their song “The New Style,” and now I know. I ordered the original Fatburger (w/no onions) with Fries and a Coke which is the way a burger should be served! It was definitely a “tasty burger” as Jules said in Pulp Fiction but it wasn’t too different than a burger from Johnny Rockets. It was definitely enjoyable though.

Before heading to the event center for the show I made a stop at one of the Borgata’s luxurious bathrooms. If you ever have to take a trip to the bathroom and you are like me and you hate shitting in a public restroom – the BORGATA is the place to do it. The best part is that there are literally 30 urinals and like 20 stalls. This isn’t normal by any means. With the amount of bathrooms in the place I don’t think any one bathroom would ever be filled to the max. That means a helluva lot of people need to shit at the same time, that would be uncanny. This is a bathroom sent from Heaven. This is most likely the way the public restrooms are up there after you enter the gates and you have to pee really bad you make a right and there you are at the Borgata bathroom. Who would’ve thunk that a bathroom in New Jersey would be so awesome!

I spent some time at the TOP GUN SLOT MACHINE! While this may not be as cool as the Star Wars slots it’s a very close second. The seat your in vibrates and makes noise while the F-14 does a fly-by onscreen. The bonus game is pretty cool because it lets you attempt to fly into the
bonus number you would like. The only downside is that it plays a cheesy cover version of “Danger Zone” instead of the original by Kenny Loggins.

Gwen Stefani put on a fantastic show as usual. The wait time and standing through the horrid Lady Sovereign was tough but I made it through.

Plans for ’07

I don’t really have any mind blowing plans for ‘07. I’m not gonna be like all the trendy people and say “world domination” is on my list of things to do. I never aim that high.

I thought about writing some really off the wall stuff describing my plans for ’07 but in all honesty I never think of a new year as any different than a few days from now. Let’s be honest how much do things really change? We get older, more cranky. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna keep doing the same things I’ve been doing.

New Jersey will still be known as a shithole. I bet I’ll still watch lame Nicole Eggert movies, usually starring Corey Haim as well. Most likely Gwen Stefani will still be on my iPod. I’ll still be reading comics, eating eggplant parm., and being claustrophobic. WWE, 30 Rock, and Heroes will still be on the top of my list of shows to watch. The wait time for the next Batman movie will dwindle down to 1 year. As you can see, things won’t drastically change. I do wish for MTV to become as cool as they were when I was a kid, minus the reality crap.

Other than the previously stated items, I’ve been having quite a hard time pronouncing the word “brewery.” I don’t know that I have much of a necessity to say “brewery” all that often but I’ll need to get better at saying it anyway.

There’s also no doubt that I’ll keep berating all of you with my blog because I have such a good time doing it. Even if the new year doesn’t bring much change I’m still looking forward it. Happy New Year everyone!

We’re sold out of Mir, sir…

Did u realize that the word “old” is in the word “mold?” That is awesome. I was enthralled when I realized it. It came to me after I told my Dad not to eat a sub that has been in the refrigerator for several weeks. Personally I can’t eat things once they are past a week or two. Also – F Kean University. Had to get that in because they have morons who work there.
People need to stop going to malls and stores and go the fuck home and be with their families. Christmas happens once a year and they will shop til the last minute. They will appreciate the moments for about an hour. If you waited til Christmas Eve to shop then you are fucking retarded. You can quote me on that. I will say it to your face. You back up traffic. You are annoying. You smell. Your breath stinks. You are cheap. You think the world revolves around you. You have no patience. You have an attitude. You have a dirty mouth. You have no respect. You can’t drive. I pretty much despise you all. If you waited til Christmas Eve to buy a nice gift for someone you love and you have no excuse then you SUCK!!! If you are destitute, unemployed, having a hard time in your life, or whatever…then it’s obvious you can’t do it. I get it. But who says you have to get the $400 dollar item? This world is way too into “things.” Hell, I love getting things too, but I like things that are free, like sex. Nah, seriously I would be happy with something small. It’s the people in your life that are important. And of course, Gwen Stefani. And And the fact that my friend Steve can draw. Because without him, we’d have no kick-ass online comic book.

But remember all you fuckers who are backing up traffic and cutting people’s throats for a toy like an Idog or an Ipod or whatever…This is is Jesus’ b-day so break out your fucking party hats, balloons, streamers, and we gotta big cake with a stripper popping out of later. Good Ol’ J.C is gonna be pumped this year. We got him a home theater system with surround sound for his cave. Last year we could only afford a GPS tracking system for his SAAB. Needless to say he was a little upset. He grants us things all year and we get him a fucking GPS for his car. The thing wound up conking out on him in only a few weeks. It was a damn good idea we got the service plan on that. Instead of Frankinscence and Mir buy the man something from your heart, give him a lapdance or something. What the hell IS Frankincense? Was it like ancient Frankenberry? If it was a breakfast cereal, I think they should have brought him something better like Crunchberries. From the internet: “Mir, described by Bishop Spong as Jewish deodorant.” It’s also known as a space station, a village in Russia, and it means Peace. Regardless of Mir being a spice or a scent or whatever, we’ll have to substitute that with a Glade Plug-in this year and he’ll have to like it. We’re not going all over town to find Mir on Christmas Eve. All the stores are probably gonna be sold out of it anyway. There’s tons of traffic and I doubt the stripper would even know how to incorporate “Mir” into her routine. Anyway – Happy Birthday big guy!!!