Gotham Shore by Bill Walko

Gotham Shore by the phenomenal Bill Walko

Jumping the shark is an understatement – they fist pumped the shark. MTV’s Jersey Shore had it’s time in the sun, but it’s soooo time for it to come to and end. This week the show will begin it’s 6th and final season to the joy of loads of New Jerseyans. Let’s just hope Abed from Community doesn’t ask for it to get 6 seasons and a movie.

It was nice to have the show draw attention to our state, but the stupid stereotypes were and still are annoying. We were the brunt of jokes way before Jersey Shore premiered, and we’ll be the brunt of them 100 years from now, so it doesn’t matter either way. Now we have to deal with lame shows like Made in Jersey. In the future we’ll probably look back fondly on the Jersey Shore and get all fuzzy and nostalgic. Kids in future generations will say “What the hell is a Snooki?” to the amusement of their parents and then score millions of hits on YouTube.

*Artist Bill Walko who created the Batman/Jersey Shore mash-up above will be appearing at this year’s New York Comic Con. Stop over and check out his Deviant Art Page!

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 100: Jersey Royalty

It’s fitting that the 100th installment of this column sees us presenting a shirt by Jersey Royalty. I think I deserve some sort of crown for writing 100 posts on t-shirts of NJ pop culture, even if it’s a cardboard Burger King crown, I’m cool with that.

Miss Sexy Armpit and I decided to take a stroll on the Seaside boardwalk over the weekend…and yes, we did that intentionally. It still surprises me how overrun with tourists that area has been since MTV’s Jersey Shore premiered. It’s probably been seeing some of it’s highest visitor rates ever. In general there’s been a surge in popularity for our state thanks to that show and that’s reflected in the store fronts on along the boardwalk.


In a sea of many ridiculously stupid t-shirts, many of them asking you to tell that cool story again, there’s also about a hundred different variations on New Jersey slogans as well. I never had any interest in a tee that said “New Jersey: We Go Hard,” or any of the like. But I did stop in my tracks when I saw a little store on the side of the boardwalk that sold “Jersey Royalty” tees.

The Jersey Royalty shop offered tees, sweatshirts, and tanks for men and women, and most of them incorporated the outline of the Garden State. Miss Armpit treated us to shirts because we just felt like we HAD to have them. That’s a feeling we seem to get often!

The t-shirt was basically custom designed since they didn’t have my size in the version I wanted. The front of the tee is the same and the stars on the shoulders were already there, but I made 2 other requests. I asked that they put the JR military style shield on the sleeves because it’s their initials and mine as well, and their cursive logo is printed across the upper back of the shirt.

The sales girls at the shop were from Ukraine and it was pretty funny to talk to them about how they are here selling Jersey t-shirts. They told us they were here only to work and then they have to go back to their country. They seemed to prefer to be in Jersey though. The girls were definitely giving the hard sell, but they were very helpful and eager to make my custom t-shirt dreams come true. Miss Sexy Armpit should be the one crowned though, since she shelled out a lot of dough! Thank you!

Trixter Is Triumphant!

Trixter’s latest single “Tattoos and Misery” off their album New Audio Machine

On my commute home from work today, “Heart of Steel” came up on my iPod. As I drove with the windows down and the cool air blowing into the car, the song reminded me of how great Trixter was. They still are as a matter of fact! You may not realize it, but they are still rocking! The Trixter guys were the young dudes on the block as the hair bands began to go extinct, so they still have a lot of gas in the tank and they are about to start putting the pedal to the metal once again.

Remember when Rocky climbed to the top of the mountain in Rocky IV? When you reach the top, it’s hard to get any higher. Where could he go from there? Launch himself into space? That’s unlikely, regardless of how awesome he is. Trixter did the same exact thing in the music world. They sold tons of records, had a huge hit video on MTV, and toured the world with legendary acts. The best part is, they lived to tell about it and even cut a brand new record New Audio Machine that was released in late April. A whole new generation of fans is now getting a chance to see Trixter live as they tour around the globe to promote this new set of tunes!

If you are into flawless melodic rock with an edge and enjoy recalling simpler days of carefree rock and roll, Trixter’s songs definitely have a place on your iPod. If you are unfamiliar with their early work, it’s still as fresh sounding as it was throughout the ’80s and early ’90s. Trixter was all over the hard rock and hair metal scene back then. They were on the covers of metal and rock magazines and everyone around Jersey was psyched to have known them or have a run-in with them at the local mall. It was another feather in the cap for Jersey people because in addition to huge acts like Bruce, and Bon Jovi, we were also lucky enough to say Trixter was from right around the corner too.

While “Give It To Me Good” might sound like a line a porn actress might have demanded Ron Jeremy to do to her in the ’80s, it’s actually the song that really put the rocking sons of Paramus NJ on the map. A couple of classics from the era followed with “One in a Million” and “Surrender.” Trixter was also voted #29 on VH1’s Top 40 Hair Band Countdown. Pete, Steve, P.J, and Mark put on such an awesome show and you can read my review of their 2008 show at Dexter’s HERE. Seriously, don’t waste your money on Tom Cruise singing cover songs of the era on the Rock of Ages soundtrack, get the real deal stuff from the guys who actually lived it – Jersey’s own Trixter! New Audio Machine is available on iTunes.

See Trixter LIVE!
September 29th, 2012
Mexicali Blues in Teaneck, NJ.

Jersey Shore Shark Attack…Finally!


That title might seem completely insane, but it’s not what you think. I’m not saying “Damn, FINALLY someone came up with the idea to merge movies like JAWS and Piranha with MTV’s JERSEY SHORE type buffoonery. I’ll reiterate: that’s NOT what I was saying. When I say finally, it means that it took so damn long to get a trailer for what at first glance looks be quite a piece of shit. Now, when I say possible…there’s like a 6% chance that it will totally kick ass. OK, I’m exaggerating. The truth is, it looks terrible in the most awesome way possible and I’m glad that we finally have a trailer after nearly 2 years of it’s initial announcement.

In the trailer we see all the typical stereotypes of how the country views people from New Jersey. Actually, we aren’t all mongoloids. I speak normally and don’t sleep in a tanning bed. These errors are inconsequential when I think about what an event this movie will be for me. I’m always excited to watch an unintentionally funny, shlocky horror movie takes place in New Jersey. As you can see, the clones of the Jersey Shore cast get guns and hunt sharks at the end of the trailer. The effects are terrible so I’ll be going in with extremely low expectations.
The casting bemuses me though. If I was a kid on Twitter I’d probably tweet this in reaction to the trailer: “That moment when you realize Joey Fatone is in Jersey Shore Shark Attack.” I was taken aback for a moment when I realized Fatone shows up on the scene. Including the heftiest member of N’Sync, all the main stars were born in Brooklyn, NY. What the hell is that crap? The casting director should’ve taken care that they hired Jersey born actors and actresses considering there’s a ton of them. It would’ve made it more authentic. One huge misconception is that people from Jersey do NOT talk like they are from Brooklyn unless they are from Brooklyn and moved to Jersey. We aren’t all Tony Danza clones here contrary to popular belief.
Joey Fatone, Jack Scalia, Paul Sorvino, Tony Sirico, and hold up a second…WILLIAM F*CKING ATHERTON!?!?! NOW I’M IN. I’M SO F’N IN. I’m front and center for what just turned into a magnificent piece of entertainment. Sold. *SPOILERS* Vinny from Jersey Shore plays a news reporter who spills the beans that Joey Fatone’s character GETS EATEN BY A SHARK! I bet the shark is TEARIN’ UP HIS HEART as we speak. No release date has been announced yet, so until then “Bye, Bye, Bye!”

If Disney Made MTV’s Jersey Shore

Stumbled onto this parody while on YouTube. Many of you might just say…”wow, this user has too much time on their hands,” but xXCaraTabrettXx actually did a pretty damn good job. I’m surprised Disney hasn’t yanked it off yet.

Jersey Shornaments

Jersey Shore Ornaments

Vinny, Sammie, J-Woww, Snooki, and Situation all had a nice run on MTV’s Jersey Shore. With the low attention span of the public eye and the constant need for something new, It seems that Jersey Shore peaked before heading off to Italy. This doesn’t mean that next season won’t score high ratings, it just means that the novelty is about to wear off, and I’m thankful for that.

Considering that more than half of the cast isn’t even from New Jersey the authenticity is shot down. Several seasons into the show the entire country now believes that these people represent New Jersey. Here’s the rundown: The Situation was born in Staten Island and grew up in New Jersey, Sammi is from Hazlet NJ, and late to the party is Deena from New Egypt NJ. 
It’s not about being proud that I was born and bred in New Jersey, it’s more about the fact that people throughout Jersey are JERSEY…these people are not. The fact that much of the cast is from Staten Island and New York is a pretty good indication of the type of demographic that visits the Jersey shore. The stereotypes we are being punished with stemming from this show should actually be transferred to the out- of-towners who give us a bad rap.
After all of that, how could I bring myself to put Jersey Shore ornaments on my Christmas tree? I’d love to know how many people around the world have these on their trees this year! If you have one let us know in the comments!

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 88: True Jersey


It’s a crime that it’s taken 88 Jersey related t-shirt posts for me to write about True Jersey. It’s true that I’ve seen their t-shirt and sticker designs in the past, but I wasn’t fully acquainted with their company until recently. Much like The Sexy Armpit, True Jersey started well before MTV’s Jersey Shore and as you can see in the pic above that I compiled from pics off their site, they offer some of the coolest Jersey stuff available.

The company started out as a small operation in “spare rooms and garages,” and eventually moved their printing operation into a space in Belmar NJ. Presently, in addition to the Belmar location, they have a new shop in Toms River, NJ.

Their products are made by Jersey people and reflect the Garden State culture so you know it’s 100% bonafide Jersey. This is a company who is proud of their roots and create products that express that. It’s not like you are getting some t-shirt made in Taiwan that has the word “Situation” slapped on it. In the True Jersey shop you will find all original designs on high quality tees, hats, stickers, skate decks, and art prints.

You must be thinking to yourself, how much free crap did these True Jersey folks give to me to write this? Actually none…but they should! HA! Seriously, I bought a pretty damn sharp pinstriped New Jersey hat from them recently and I’m eagerly looking forward to a trip to their new store soon. One thing is for sure, True Jersey shares the same sentiments that The Sexy Armpit has been living by for nearly 8 years and it’s at the top of their F.A.Q page: “…occasionally poking fun at our own flaws. It’s what Jersey is about.”

LIKE them on Facebook

The Smithereens – “Blood and Roses”

If you can make it through the 30 second ad, you’ll see the official “Blood and Roses” video!

25 years ago this week, The Smithereens, a rock band proud to be from Jersey, claimed their first spot on the Billboard Maintstream Rock Chart at number 14 with “Blood and Roses,” off their first full length album, Especially For You. This is an important album for Jersey music and pop culture because it’s regarded by critics as one of The Smithereen’s best efforts and also cited by Kurt Cobain to be one of his favorite albums according to his journal. In addition to its video getting MTV airplay, the track “Blood and Roses” appeared in the films Dangerously Close, Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion (I better watch it, that’s 2 Romy and Michele references on this site in one week), and TV’s Miami Vice.

Check out the official website of The Smithereens:

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 80: It’s T-Shirt Time!

Shore Store T-Shirts
Some of the Jersey Shore T-Shirts available at The Shore Store

It’s seriously t-shirt time here at The Sexy Armpit! I figured since the new season of Jersey Shore premiered last week, why not delve into the vast collection of tees offered at The Shore Store in Seaside Heights. This is the store where the cast of MTV’s Jersey Shore works when they aren’t getting drunk, smushing, throwing each others belongings onto the deck, fist pumping, or signaling oncoming grenades.

Shore Store T-shirts

If you scan through their online store, you’ll see that they offer a wide array of t-shirts, some highly offensive and some totally stupid, but the main attractions are the amusing New Jersey tees for sale. As you can see, there’s a good chance that the 4th grade class at your local elementary school came up with the one liners on these t-shirts, not William Shakespeare as you may have thought. In case you hadn’t guessed, Come Smell For Yourself is my favorite.