Shittiest Songs of All Time

I’m undoubtedly going to piss some people off with this one. But what’s the sense of writing a blog if you can’t offend at least a few people, right? This entry compiles as many songs that I loathe as I could think of in no particular order. I’m sure there are a million more but who says I can’t do a Shittiest Songs part II? Please feel free to comment with songs that you can’t stand either. At that point I’m sure Diddy or some other rapper will sample all of them and have huge hits.

Hocus Pocus by Focus – I never even heard of this one until I worked as a D.J at a rock station. This has got to be the most annoying song of all time. Oh wait, I have 19 more. With lyrics you can’t even understand and even some yodeling thrown in there, this takes the cake for making you want to punch your stereo speakers in the groin. Dutch rock sucks and has always sucked. According to Wikipedia, Helloween and Iron Maiden covered this song. To have 2 of the most well respected metal bands ever giving this song props, it must have some merit i just can’t hear it.

Afternoon Delight by Starland Vocal Band – To believe this was a #1 hit in 1976 blows my mind. It’s amazing how much music has changed. A country artist Johnny Carver also had a hit with his cover of the song the same year. I’m am damn happy that I wasn’t around for that. What’s more surprising is the amount of TV shows and movies this song has been featured in. I have to admit that it’s cameo in Anchorman was classic. Back when I worked at the local movie theater it grated on my nerves every time the credits of Good Will Hunting rolled.

Down in the Boondocks by Billy Joe Royal – If you’ve ever walked around oh…say…the produce section of Shop Rite and you stop and realize that you’re head feels like exploding into pieces and your ears feel like there’s spiders crawling around in them it’s because they’re satellite radio is taking you back to 1965 with a ton of awful music including this one.
Frere Jacques – A song from my childhood that has always disgusted me. In school I never minded music class too much, especially during Halloween and Christmas. Except, this song was the one that I never wanted any part of for some reason.

From Wikipedia: It’s as if it was the devil’s song. Another piece of evidence
that appears to support a dark interpretation of this song is the fact that in
some places such as Austria, it was at one time commonly sung in a minor key, rather than a major key, giving the song the quality of a funeral dirge.

Also from Wikipedia: In this vein, some have suggested that this verse might not refer to sleep, but to the death of a friar or monk, or perhaps a member of one of the religious military orders. For example, it is widely believed in France that the renowned Frère Jacques de Molay of the Templar Knights, who was
executed in 1314, is the subject of the Frère Jacques song.

Fly by Night by Rush – I know I’m gonna get a ton of crap for this one. Admittedly, I was never a Rush fan, but that’s not to say that I don’t have a huge amount of respect for their longevity as well as their musical talent. It’s just that Geddy Lee’s voice is like nails on a chalkboard for me. He always struck me as a little guy who might’ve starred in a Lord of the Rings film. Even though I’m not a fan, this is really the only song from them that I can’t stand.
Black Horse and the Cherry Tree – KT Tunstall Did anyone ever hear of KT Tunstall before this song? I didn’t know what the hell a KT Tunstall was and then I realized she was a singer who was destined to make a song that would eventually be honored in my list of worst songs.
After the Gold Rush by Neil Young – I’d rather have my eyeballs removed with a corkscrew than listen to Neil Young. He’s in his most whiny form in this one.
Public Warning by Lady Sovereign – I had to sit through her performances twice after seeing her open for Gwen Stefani. They werent times in my life that I’d like to relive at any point. Sovereign is British girl who reminds you of a poor man’s sporty spice except with a more vulgar mouth. She’s trying to be a rapper and occasionally mix some punk in there also but it doesn’t work at all. Believe it or not, this piece of crap is actually one of the more catchy of her tunes but it’s still really bad.
Freebird by Lynrd Skynrd – This one’s expected since people generally love it or hate it. I’m definitely not a Skynrd fan but I’d rather listen to them than anyone else on this list.
Don’t drink the Water by Dave Matthews Band – For some people, Listening to the Dave Mathews band brings them utter joy. For me I’d rather be steamrolled over like Ricardo Montalban in the Naked Gun.
Amy Winehouse – Rehab I really can’t think of any song that’s more annoying. How come it’s so popular and doing well even thought every person I speak to wishes it never existed? The people making decisions on what should “make it big” should be beaten by Ivan Drago.
Some other horrid songs:
Leavin on a Jet Plane by The Mitchell Trio
The Snickers song ad campaign song: “Happy peanuts soar over chocolate covered mountaintops and waterfalls of caramel. Prancing nougat in a meadow sings a song of satisfaction to the world.”
Send me On My Way – Rusted Root
The Chicken Dance by Werner Thomas – DAMN YOU WERNER THOMAS!
I’ve Seen All Good People by Yes – What can I say, I’m not into prog rock.
Arms of an angel – Sarah Mclaughlin because it makes me feel like I might be dead. It’s so damn depressing. I’m not one of those people who confuses depressing with uplifting like every woman who watches Oprah.
Cotton Eyed Joe by the Rednex – This one had to make the list because for some reason it was played at every dance, or school function I ever attended. This has got to be worse on your ears than having a sabretooth tiger tear them off.
Also various songs by 3 Doors Down and Clay aiken.

Memorial Day Recap

Many of you had big plans for Memorial Day weekend. I know alot of you were getting obliterated, barbecuing, and socializing. My weekend didn’t involve any of that but I’ll run down some of the high points for you.

I’ve been waiting in great anticipation for Thursday at 8:00 pm to go to see Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. I was so excited for it that I had my advance tickets on Tuesday! I headed over to the AMC theater in New Brunswick without even eating dinner. I was too pumped. I could care less about bad reviews or box office take, this movie was awesome. Some say it’s too long or too confusing but if you’re a fan of the series and you love the characters then you will be treated to an exciting, epic adventure.

Saturday I had a beer with a friend at Hooters of Union, N.J. and then watched the Spurs game.

Sunday was a trip down to Atlantic City to see Gwen Stefani at the Borgata. Just as we were approaching the end of the A.C expressway there was a 10-car accident that was blocking all of the lanes. I wasn’t about to sit and wait three hours for the cops and the ambulances to come and get it squared away. Some of the crafty drivers who were stopped in traffic realized that they could creep through a tight spot on the right shoulder and pass through the mess. Only five or six cars were brave enough to sneak through and I was one of them. Shit, Gwen Stefani was only a mile away!

I was hungry as hell and I knew that they opened a Fatbuger at the downstairs food court at the Borgata. I never tasted a Fatbuger before and I was curious to see what all the hype was about. Eve since I was 6 years old I wondered what the Beastie Boys were referring to in their song “The New Style,” and now I know. I ordered the original Fatburger (w/no onions) with Fries and a Coke which is the way a burger should be served! It was definitely a “tasty burger” as Jules said in Pulp Fiction but it wasn’t too different than a burger from Johnny Rockets. It was definitely enjoyable though.

Before heading to the event center for the show I made a stop at one of the Borgata’s luxurious bathrooms. If you ever have to take a trip to the bathroom and you are like me and you hate shitting in a public restroom – the BORGATA is the place to do it. The best part is that there are literally 30 urinals and like 20 stalls. This isn’t normal by any means. With the amount of bathrooms in the place I don’t think any one bathroom would ever be filled to the max. That means a helluva lot of people need to shit at the same time, that would be uncanny. This is a bathroom sent from Heaven. This is most likely the way the public restrooms are up there after you enter the gates and you have to pee really bad you make a right and there you are at the Borgata bathroom. Who would’ve thunk that a bathroom in New Jersey would be so awesome!

I spent some time at the TOP GUN SLOT MACHINE! While this may not be as cool as the Star Wars slots it’s a very close second. The seat your in vibrates and makes noise while the F-14 does a fly-by onscreen. The bonus game is pretty cool because it lets you attempt to fly into the
bonus number you would like. The only downside is that it plays a cheesy cover version of “Danger Zone” instead of the original by Kenny Loggins.

Gwen Stefani put on a fantastic show as usual. The wait time and standing through the horrid Lady Sovereign was tough but I made it through.