Kicking Ass with Vintage Glass

After reading some random posts here at The Sexy Armpit, my boss grew concerned about my mental health. I informed him that I was absolutely fine and in my right mind. I assured him that my often inane compositions were no indication of my prowess as his employee. “Don’t worry, ALL guys in their late 20’s are obsessed with Lori Loughlin, Janine Melnitz, and Clamp Champ.” He didn’t buy my testimony.

The next day a copy of the latest issue of Men’s Health magazine was on my desk when I got to work. My bosses little secret mission to cure my crazy failed! It only got me more fired up! My rage blew steam out of my ears as I thumbed over to an article under the column “MALEGRAMS: GUY LIST 18 Things a Grown Man Should Never Have.” Here’s a list with only one entry…One thing a men’s magazine should never do: INSULT THEIR AUDIENCE. I guess they overlooked the fact that a huge percentage of their readership comes from the behemothic amount of males in this country who collect vintage glasses. F–K YOU MEN’S HEALTH! THE SEXY ARMPIT SAYS SUCK IT!
Hamburglar glasses have made millions of mouths happy, including mine. Think back to when you were a kid and you were at your friend’s house and you got to choose which glass you wanted to drink your Kool-Aid out of, He-Man or Return of the Jedi. Tough choice, but those were the types of decisions I took pride in making as a child. That was alot more fun than home improvements, car repairs, doctors appointments, etc. My collection of vintage glasses and mugs include everything from Super Heroes to The Flintstones and ALL of them bring back memories for me. Do you have a favorite glass or mug? Do you think just because you’re older you need to part with it? Is a glass like a woobie? Should Men’s Health be deciding what kind of crap we keep on our bedroom shelves?

Skull Shot Glasses

I haven’t bought many Halloween decorations or knickknacks for my place but I couldn’t pass up these Skull Shot glasses. I can’t truly call them glasses because they’re made of plastic but they’re damn cool. When I finally moved out and bought my own place, the first thing I bought was a bar. I’m not even a big drinker but I love the whole aspect of it. Surprisingly, I have all the accessories but I never picked up shot glasses because I figured someone would’ve bought me wacky Batman or Pac-Man shot glasses. I never wound up getting any, but to be honest…how many shots am I going to be taking? Living on my own I don’t do much hardcore drinking, but shot glasses are a necessary item to have for a bar. It’s been a long time since I moved in and I figured it’s about time to finally get myself a set. In a total act of fate, I was walking around the local grocery store’s Halloween aisle and found these awesome Skull Shot glasses. I saw the typical pumpkin paper plates, fake spiders, and then some cool skull goblets. The goblets were cool but they were just larger versions of these shot glasses. Regardless, who would want a goblet made of plastic? If I’m going to get a goblet it better be borrowed from Lil’ John or from The Noble Collection or something. So, I opted for these fantastic $1.99 set of shot glasses.

Bet your ass these sexy additions to my bar will be used all year ‘round. Friends will start to come over just because they heard that I had Skull Shot glasses.

JAY: “Would you ladies like a drink?”
GUESTS: “F-yeah! We’ll take 2 shots of Tequila…but only if it’s out of your $1.99 set of skull shot glasses!”

To fill up my empty set of shot glasses, keeping with the orange theme, I picked up Saranac’s Orange Cream Soda. This version of Orange Cream soda was a let down. It’s orange flavor is so overpowering it might as well be an Orange Crush. They really skimped on the cream flavor and there’s a bit of rusty water type aftertaste to it. Sad to say, even the skull shot glass didn’t improve this overly sweet soda.