A bird shit on my jalopy

First- My word of the week: JALOPY

You know that some car company is gonna come out with one. Some sarcastic car company will
use it in their “too clever for words” advertising scheme. I could see a company using against another. Why go out and buy the ’06 Buick Jalopy when you can afford a trendy new Infinity XG88TK421 special edition model that starts only at around $147,000. Jalopy is a cool mf’n word.

What a resounding response frome the G-String Blog!
Not only were those responses plenty but great in substance. It makes a man proud! I’m realizing that many girls I’ve asked actually have them and wear them alot. I guess some of the girls that I have been in contact with just didn’t seem to wear them and many said they were uncomfortable/annoying. I still think it’s open to debate.

A week or two ago I was about to get my clothes on for work. I put my pants on and realized that the button above the zipper was gone. This is an instance where I was in a state of total disbelief. These few moments were full of worry, anger, and skepticism. It’s funny how for those few seconds my mind was saying “This can’t possibly happen.” I was focusing more on the fact that a button has never came off any pair of pants that I’ve owned EVER. So I figured the chances of this happening were slim. I was wrong. My mind was in shock as to why nature would do something this cruel to me as I was about to leave for work. I was unprepared for an event of such diabolical proportions. What if I didn’t have another pair of pants on hand? What if I had a pair and they weren’t cleaned? I’d be up the creek. I would need to go to the pants store. Honestly, how many times have you slipped into your old ratty jeans that you’ve had for a million years only to notice that the button was missing? That never happens. I have a better chance of being sprayed by a skunk while jogging in a lime green spandex jumpsuit and listening to “Escape (The Pina Colada Song)” by Rupert Holmes on my Ipod. That shit never comes up on shuffle mode.

—-I forgot to mention this. I figured I’d throw it in like a DVD special feature. Christmas morning I was getting gifts out of my car in my girlfriend’s driveway and after I pulled a bag out and a few packages I turned my head for a second and heard SPLAT! I looked back at my car and there was HUGE dumping of bird shit on my car window. I have never been so close to a bird shitting site ever. It always seems so distant. I was so close to being shit on by a bird. This bird must have been to China Buffet before he pinched that one out. My God. Thankfully it didn’t get on me or I would cry like a little girl and then throw myself in the creek and roll around until I drowned myself. That is another thing – how come almost everyone I know has been shit on by a bird? Guys and girls that I’ve spoken to claim that it’s happened to them. WTF? I’m not saying I want to join the bird shittees club or anything but I do feel that perhaps what they say is right. “IT’S GOOD LUCK.” How many times have I heard that? Is that just them rationalizing their horribly gross experience? Who knows. All I know is that I’m going to the bathroom to vomit right now. No no…I’ll hold it in and then when I see a bird outside I’ll blow my chunks all over it. How would they like it? Dumb birds.