Ad Jerseum 7: Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman Shill for Palisades Park!

Ad Jerseum: So much Jersey advertising it’ll make you vomit!

new jersey,amusement park,palisades park,batman,superman

In the old days, Super Heroes were known to teach kids to do the right thing. But, when they weren’t telling kids to get the proper nutrition, exercise, and obey the law, they were also scheduling their weekends for them. Here’s a pretty accurate dramatization of how it probably went down after a kid saw the above ad in the comic book they were reading: “Mom please! Palisades Park! Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman gave me coupons! Please, please!! I need to go!” Long before amusement parks were commonplace, Palisades Park was the equivalent to Six Flags. The only difference was that it stood out as one of the most extravagant amusement parks in the country. If I was a kid back when these ads were popping up in comic books and magazines I would have begged my parents to take me there for sure.

Notice Wonder Woman shoved down into the right side of the ad while Batman and Superman are cockily posing in the top left with shit eating grins on their faces. You don’t even have to wonder what’s going on behind that FREE coupon. It’s no secret that The World’s Finest team often had their differences, but one thing they both always fully agreed on was Palisades M-therf-cking Park. That’s how they referred to it too. The following is from an actual phone conversation between Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne…

BRUCE: “Hey Clark! Are you ready for the uproarious fun we’re about to partake in at Palisades M-therf-cking Park, Clark? Get it? Let’s go to the Park, Clark! I’m like Paul Simon tonight! 50 Ways to leave for the Amusement Park, sing it with me!
CLARK: I’m sorry Bruce, I can’t, I’m actually pretty busy working on an article for The Daily Planet.
BRUCE: Yeah sure you are, and Man-Bat might fly out of my butt! Here, I have a fantastic idea, you do your flying thing, and I’ll take the Whirly-Bat and we’ll see who makes it there first. This will kick so much ass, it will be better than the time I “accidentally” saw Catwoman in her lavender neglige. I rocked that pussy…uh…CAT that night. So, I bet you see a ton of hot ass with that sweet X-Ray vision of yours. Damn you Clark! Lucky bastard!
CLARK: Bruce, I’m sorry I really can’t…hey…wait one second…
(Jimmy Olsen sprints over to Clark’s desk)
CLARK: What is it Jimmy?
JIMMY OLSEN: (out of breath) You’ve got to hurry! Lois and several others are stuck on a roller coaster at Palisade’s Park in New Jersey!
BRUCE: JACKPOT! Perfect time to look up that champagne colored skirt she has on today! If you don’t mind, I’d like to take a stroll down to her lane if you catch my drift!
CLARK: Bruce, I’ve really got to go!
BRUCE: No wait! How about you take the Justice Jogger and I’ll take a bat-run through the emergency underground Bat-Tunnel and I bet I’ll still beat you there. That Justice Jogger, what a useless piece of shit! I think you’ll still lose though, mostly due to the fact that you waste too much time standing around with your fists on your hips and your cape blowing in the wind before you spring into action. By the time you get to the park I’ll have already finished riding The Cyclone, The Wild Mouse, and of course MY RIDE ahem…The Batman Slide and will have saved Lois and taken her into The Arabian Nights Tunnel of Love with extra time to spare for some brooding atop The German Fun House! Don’t worry though, I’ll wait for your slow ass at the salt water wave pool, OK Clark? Uhhh…Clark?
CLARK:…(dial tone) (cue subtle hints of John William’s Superman theme)
BRUCE: Fine! I’ll just see if old blue balls himself Dr. Manhattan feels up to going there! Who needs you anyway?

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.19: Superman Endorsed Palisade’s Park, NJ!

Until a recent Youtube search, I had no idea that Superman was depicted in ads for NJ’s illustrious Palisades Park. Here’s the original Palisades Park jingle from the ’60s thanks to user Wireman525, who features it on his channel.

Superman is no stranger to amusement parks and he clearly looks happy inviting us to “be his guest” at Palisades Park. For many years Palisades Park actually did reign as one of “America’s Greatest Amusement Parks” like the ad states. Since it closed in 1971, parks that house pulse pounding thrill rides have rendered all other theme parks extinct like dinosaurs. If you’re like me and frequent the Six Flags brand of theme parks, then you’re familiar with the various roller coasters based on good ol’ Supes. Here’s the rundown courtesy of
Superman: Ride of Steel (S.F New England & S.F Darien Lake, S.F America, S.F Spain)
Superman: Escape (S.F Magic Mountain, & WB. Movie World, Australia)
Superman: Ultimate Flight (SF Great Adventure NJ, S.F Over Georgia, S.F Great America) Superman: Krypton Coaster (SF Fiesta Texas)
Superman: Tower of Power (S.F Dallas/Ft. Worth & S.F St. Louis)
Superman: The Ultimate Escape (S.F Mexico)
By today’s standards, the Palisades jingle probably seems cheesy to many people, especially those who grew up hearing the inordinately obnoxious “Sunday, Sunday, Sunday” Monster Truck spots. Those commercials pretty much obliterated the chance of any other commercials/jingles grabbing our attention ever again (unless it’s the annoying “gimme back that filet-o-fish” song.) In case you couldn’t make them out, here’s the lyrics to the Palisades Park jingle courtesy of
Palisades has the rides, Palisades has the fun
Come On Over
Shows and dancing are free, so’s the parking, so gee
Come On Over
Palisades from coast to coast, where a dime buys the most
Palisades Amusement Park, Swings all day and after dark
Ride the coaster, Get cool, In the waves in the pool
You’ll have fun, so..
Come On Over
Surprisingly, this isn’t the only time a DCU character has talked about Palisades Park. Click here to read NJ’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.7, which features Jonathan Osterman’s (Dr. Manhattan) trip to the amusement park from the pages of Watchmen!

Evel Knievel Roller Coaster at Six Flags – Just Not OUR Six Flags!

Six Flags in St. Louis unveiled their Evel Knievel roller coaster to the public a little over a month ago. I’m nowhere near St. Louis so when I need my thrill ride fix I head down to Six Flags Great Adventure in Jackson, New Jersey. At Six Flags in NJ, we have a super fast and smooth wooden coaster called El Toro that opened a couple of years ago. Why couldn’t they just go the St. Louis route and name it after the legendary motorcycle stuntman Evel Knievel? That would’ve been too rad for New Jersey. Last week, Greg from our friends at Half-Assed Productions published an awesome review of the Evel Knievel roller coaster! Check it out here! After reading Greg’s review, boy am I jealous! I want to go to St. Louis just to ride the damn thing!

Six Flags Dark Knight Coaster: A HUGE LETDOWN

If you’re into the whole brevity thing and you simply can’t stand my never-ending tangents, then here’s the short version: I’ve had more exciting rides on a compact John Deere Gator. Better yet…I’ve taken my life in my hands on numerous occasions reaching speeds 30 to 40 times faster than the Dark Knight Coaster on my Mongoose BMX bike. And yes, you CAN ride on my pegs.

A new ride at a local amusement park is usually pretty damn exciting. It gives us even more motivation to flock to the park and shell out zillions on season passes, parking passes, hopper passes, etc. This season, Six Flags Great Adventure in N.J capitalized on the popularity of the Batman Begins sequel, The Dark Knight, and threw up a dark ride in it’s honor. Naturally, like any die hard insane Bat-Fan, I needed to ride it.

I got there before the park opened because I knew I wasn’t going to want to stay in line for an hour and a half to ride it. Even though it was the Dark Knight, I don’t have the patience that I used to. Waiting for Kingda Ka was the biggest letdown because we must’ve waited 2 hours for a ride that seemed to last 7 seconds. The anticipation was high judging by how fast everyone sprinted to the Dark Knight as soon as the security guards let down the rope to get into the rest of the park. Don’t you hate it when you’re in a holding pattern in an amusement park waiting for it to open and you realize people actually work there and it isn’t just a fantasy world? There’s guys filling cold cases with soda and iced tea, opening up the doors to the various memorabilia and candy stores, and others are sweeping up. I always thought that stuff was done by the amusement park fairies that live in the old Victorian house at the front gate.

For young park visitors, the Dark Knight is a fun attraction but for the majority of people expecting a thrill ride similar to the Aerosmith Rock n Roller Coaster, they’ll surely be disappointed. It’s the most boring, lame, and uneventful ride in the park. I didn’t have to wait on line, but if you do you’ll wait in what they are trying to make us believe is the Gotham City transit system. The lights are dim and the big screen is showing a press conference with Harvey Dent (actually played by Aaron Eckhart) answering questions about crime in Gotham. Then the lights get even dimmer and the Joker’s catchphrase WHY SO SERIOUS comes on the screen while random Jokeresque quotes scrawled on the walls illuminate. There was a short montage with jolts of James Cagney and melting celluloid that for some reason got me so pumped. We boarded the ride, and not soon after I was deflated. I realized that we rode the majority of the ride and I kept saying “I’m sure it hasn’t even kicked in yet.” Was I wrong! The ride was over and nothing happened.

The Dark Knight “coaster” as it’s called is far from a coaster. It felt like it went about 5 mph!! There’s nothing even going on inside while you’re in you’re little 4 person train. You see some blacklit/florescent markings on the walls to make you think Joker is around, and you hear someone who sounds like Heath Ledger trying to spook you out, but other than that there’s really nothing to the ride.

Leave it to Six Flags to make a shitty ride. They can work wonders with their roller coasters but when it comes to other rides and attractions they suck. They rarely show any creativity and it usually seems like they don’t want to offer a variety of attractions. If they wanted to create a throwback dark ride, why didn’t they make a haunted house? At one time Great Adventure had a haunted house but it burned down in ’84. Check out this great article at Dark in the Park about the old Six Flags haunted castle. I haven’t been to a good haunted house since Castle Dracula.

It seemed like they whipped up the Dark Knight coaster in 6 weeks so I’m sure Six Flags has the means to make the most kickass, scariest haunted house on the east coast. You’ll always hear them bragging on TV with their annoying ads about how much bigger Great Adventure is than Disneyland, and how they feature a safari. Who cares how much land they own? How about concentrating on making Great Adventure an awesome amusement park with awe inspiring rides? Isn’t that the point? Their coasters are kickass but they are seriously lacking when it comes to creating atmosphere. I want to escape when I go to a theme park. I want to be pulled into Metropolis when I wait for the Superman ride, I DON’T want to feel like I’m waiting an hour in the sweltering Jackson, N.J sun by the greasy haired kid dressed all in black, yellow converse, who’s blasting some metal song from his ruby red Razr phone.

With Six Flags association with the WB and DC characters, it’s a shame that they can’t get a grasp on the rides in their parks. How about a Marvin the Martian Space Mission? A Gossamer Funhouse? A Wonder Woman Invisible Jet ride? C’mon people…this is off the cuff here! Imagine what I could do if I really put my mind to it!

I love going on rides like Nitro (my favorite), El Toro, Superman, and The Scream Machine, but they don’t offer much personality. The rides themselves are awesome but what I value is the atmosphere. Six Flags chinces out and they don’t take the opportunity to sweep you into a different world as you’re waiting to go on the ride. That long wait is sometimes excruciating and could be made a lot more interesting. You know what I mean if you’ve been on any ride in Disney World and Universal like Spider Man, and Star Tours in MGM. I want to be transported and be so distracted that the greasy haired kid won’t even make it into my brain because I‘m seriously convincing myself into thinking that I‘m about to rocket into space. Maybe the people who run Great Adventure could go take a ride on Space Mountain, Tower of Terror, or even one of the awesome rides in Universal’s Islands of Adventure. They could learn a thing or two.

Have you gone on any terrible rides? If so, tell us about it!

The Dark Knight Roller Coaster at Six Flags

Even though since my trip to Hollywood I’ve bashed the hell out of New Jersey, one cool thing we have that I’m looking forward to is the new indoor Dark Knight Roller Coaster at Six Flags Great Adventure in Jackson, NJ. I get a season pass each summer and I’m usually disappointed at the new attractions they feature each year. Hopefully this time around I’ll be in awe of all it’s batty goodness. For all you haters of the first Batman coaster aptly named “Batman: The Ride,” I actually enjoy it. Of course it’s no Superman the Ride, and it can’t hold a candle to my favorite coaster ever, NITRO. I’ll give my thoughts on The Dark Knight Coaster after I ride it but in the meantime, GEEKS OF DOOM, a site I enjoy, has an excellent post on the ride with video.