AD JERSEUM 19: That Gekko Grabs Some Free Advertising with his Foam Finger!

So Much New Jersey Advertising, It’ll Make You Vomit!
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“So, what brings ya to Jersey?” a driver of a car on the New Jersey Turnpike asks his passenger in the back seat. Sitting contently is none other than the Geico gekko, who goes on to brag about how his company Geico is the number one car insurance company in the Tri-state area.

He then pulls out an extremely tiny foam finger to bestow his appreciation on this New Jerseyan for helping to gain this milestone. The driver accepts it and is left dumbfounded. All he can say is “That’s great.” Although this commercial wasn’t the funniest of Geico ads, the gekko always amuses me. I find it surprising at how many people tell me that can’t stand this little limey bugger! He’s a good dude, cut him some slack.

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I hate giving free advertising to giant companies like this, but it’s impossible for me not to throw some attention at this crisp eating mascot since he winds up in New Jersey quite frequently. In fact, the Geico Gekko was previously the subject of the first ever installment of our Ad Jerseum column way back in 2010! You can read about the Gekko at the Loews Jersey Theatre in Jersey City, NJ right here!

*Thanks to Miss Sexy Armpit for letting me know about this one!

AD JERSEUM 18: Ballantine Ale Halloween Party!

We all know there’s nothing scarier than…OLD BEER!

Growing up in the ’80s, there were plenty of Halloween and Beer ad tie-ins. We were pretty spoiled in that regard, although it’s been going on for many moons before Elvira showed up in a Coors Light ad. Above, you can see an example of such a thing from 1943, except without a beehive haircut and cleavage.

Today’s ad features one of the oldest beer brands in the country, Ballantine Ale, which is deeply rooted in New Jersey. I wasn’t around during it’s heyday, but growing up, we had a few pieces of Ballantine paraphernalia in my house, so I was familiar with it, even as its popularity throughout the country waned.

In the house I lived most of my life in, we had an actual bar in our house, not one that you would buy at a furniture store or at a place that sells bars, but an actual bar complete with leather stools transported from a real bar in Newark.

It was permanently installed in our den, which was basically our play room. Yes, we played in a room that had a giant full wet bar. Once the huge family gatherings started to become a rarity because family moved away to various parts of the country, the bar room eventually evolved into my own personal play room and wrestling arena for the better pat of my childhood.

We didn’t change anything in the bar so it pretty much stayed the same way since the late ’70s. There were colored lights and lots of authentic liquor trays coasters, branded glasses and mugs, and lighted fixtures with various brands of beer and soda like Schaefer, Carlsberg, Heineken, 7Up, and others.

I can’t really say I ever cared to sample anything until I got older. Maybe crème de menthe because it was green and looked somewhat more appetizing than say, Seagrams 7. The Frangelico bottle in the monk costume didn’t look to shabby either, mostly because it reminded me of the figural shape of Mrs. Butterworth’s, but I hadn’t developed a taste for it yet.

Trust me, just because this thing was in my house didn’t drive me to boozin’ at an early age. If anything it removed the temptation that a lot of my other friends had. Why would I beg my sister or ask an older friend to go to a liquor store for me when I stared at these dusty bottles that no one ever drank every day of my life? Eventually, as I got a little older, there were a few times when I had to enlist some help, similar to the Goldslick Vodka fiasco in Superbad.

While clicking through eBay, and definitely not intentionally looking for Ballatine Ale memorabilia, I came across a vintage Halloween themed ad for this beer which is perfect for our column AD JERSEUM. Print ads are rarely this enticing anymore and finding one oozing with so much old school Halloween spirit makes it even more tremendous!

The ad is pure persuasive Halloween magic. The kickass bar didn’t drive me to drink, but this ad makes it seem like the most fun and appealing activity that anyone could ever take part in. Whenever a product or company completely embraces holidays and makes them the basis of an entire ad campaign, that’s gold in my book.

The ad recalls a time before I was born when parties with a slew of guests were a common practice and entertaining on a weekly basis was the thing to do. Finger foods were a hot commodity and quirky adult beverages were always on the menu.

Let me break this scene down for you. A spooky witch, A knight, and Mr. Pumpkinhead with the argyle shirt are all at a dinner party. It looks as if the witch is attempting to scare the letters in the word BOOO and those letters are shooting back sarcastically with one of those “shakin’ in their boots” mocks back to her as if her attempts are not really scary at all, cause he knows the drill. Boo has been around the block many times with this witch. Cannot pull the wool over his eyes anymore…or the sheet.

The main focal point, of course, is the beer, which looks so damn appealing. It almost looks more like an ice cream soda with whip cream swirled on top than a plain old beer. And look how this brew is making these m’fers HAPPY. You can almost hear Pharrell Williams singing the background song of this ad.

The Knight is completely psychotic and will without a doubt KILL Mr. Pumpkinhead after the first round of hors de ouvers. Hopefully he’ll let everyone grab a cocktail wiener on a toothpick before he chops this poor guys head off and puts it over his head to reenact the legend of Sleepy Hollow out front to the delight of the snobby drunk well-to-do folks who attended this soiree. I just realized, cocktail wieners were completely out of the question for this party, CORRECTION – Crab Puff pastries, my bad.

If you can read the very tiny verbiage, it describes talking with our hands as if it was an ancient thing, which is interesting. Jerseyans and New Yorkers are often described as people who talk with their hands, so this part of the ad works on two levels. Here, hand gestures are referred to as a “Handy.” Stop smirking. This is serious beer business.

The handy mumbo jumbo doesn’t make much sense to me, but I chalk that up to it’s age. Maybe at one time it made perfect sense to readers. We don’t really need to connect with this lingo, because apparently, all we need to know is that the “OK” hand signal means this Ballantine stuff is a superlative beer.

According to Wikipedia The new Ballantine is not the same exact brew as it once was because the original recipe from over 100 years ago has been lost to the ages. Presently, it’s been said that the brew is reminiscent of it’s original flavor. I’ve tried it actually found it enjoyable, and easy to drink. If you want to add a vintage flair to your Halloween party this year, give Ballantine a shot, look how happy it made the Knight and Mr. Pumpkinhead!

*Long after I wrote this, a coincidental thing about this beer happened. I was driving home last weekend from Weehawken, NJ on the NJ Turnpike with Miss Sexy Armpit and we saw a giant Ballantine billboard. It looks like this beer is attempting to make a comeback! I had no clue about that either because this post had been in the can for about a month before I even saw that billboard!

Facts about Ballatine from Wikipedia:

– Founded in Newark in 1840, the company stayed in the Ballantine family until the brewery close in 1972.

– Ballantine, based out of Newark, exists in name only nowadays. The brand is owned and marketed by Pabst while the actual brewing is outsourced to Miller.

– Ballatine was a longtime sponsor of the New York Yankees

– Martin Crane on Frasier was a fan of Ballatine beer

AD JERSEUM: Shannon Rose – Ireland in New Jersey

While you may be recuperating from a weekend of St. Patrick’s Day parades and imbibing enough liquor to get 3 of Jabba the Hutt’s drunk uncles even drunker, why not enjoy the latest installment of Ad Jerseum? It’s been a while, so here it goes!

Unless there’s some free food in it for me, giving free plugs to chain restaurants is not something I do. I really contemplated posting about this billboard solely for that reason, but ultimately it’s too Jersey too pass it up. I’d much rather give the plug to a local mom and pop restaurant, but today’s billboard literally jumped out at me several months ago.

I took this photo a while back and rather than just sit on it until next year, it would probably be best if I actually posted this before St. Patrick’s Day 2014 comes to an end, wouldn’t you say?

This billboard ad resides on Route 1 South in the Rahway area. It caught my eye thanks to its usage of the state. The comparison is very persuasive. If you’re a fan of Irish pubs/restaurants and you’re cruising down Route 1, I think it would entice you to turn off.

As offensive it might be to some, the fact is, I’m not really a big fan of Irish pubs. It’s more because I prefer Italian and Mexican food over basically any other cuisine, but I have to admit, nothing beats beer, burgers, and those giant fries at an Irish pub.

Shannon Rose, an Irish pub/restaurant chain, has 3 locations and they’ re all in New Jersey. I’ve eaten there many times and I’ve never been disappointed, although I will say that it gets extremely packed, and it’s pretty loud, especially on Sundays during football season. It’s definitely not a spot to go if you’re trying to be incognito, but the beer is cold and the appetizers are great.

AD JERSEUM 16: Girls Costume Warehouse!

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This video was featured on College Humor several years back, but it’s definitely worth a watch if you are A) a girl in the market for a Halloween costume or B) a person who has never seen this video. I never said I couldn’t feature a commercial parody for the Ad Jerseum column! This one is hysterical and extra points for creating the little nuances to make the video look as if it was ripped from an old VHS recording. Look at all these f*cking costumes!!

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4rUiV_Hh74?rel=0]

AD JERSEUM 15: Gary’s Oasis

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Gary’s Oasis…
All Your Fantasies Can Come True…Now Buy a Jacuzzi you pricks! I need a new car stereo!

There’s no stipulation in AD JERSEUM saying that we can’t discuss fictional ads relating to Jersey, so the 15th installment of Ad Jerseum comes from the 1985 film Desperately Seeking Susan.

During a sleepover when I was a kid, instead of hanging out and pretending we were on secret missions with toy guns and all the usual activities, I once made my best friend watch Desperately Seeking Susan. This was one of the rare times he actually trusted me and agreed to watch a film that I recommended. I was a little kid in love with the Material Girl, what can I say? Most of my friends would’ve told me in more juvenile terms that my sleepover agenda was out of whack, but not Frank, he was a trooper. He actually got into the movie and enjoyed it.

“In our New Jersey showroom we have hundreds of models of whirlpools and hot tubs at the lowest manufacturer-to-you prices…”

Speckled with New Jersey references, Desperately Seeking Susan was less about Madonna and more about Roberta Glass. Roberta desperately wanted to BE like Susan (Madonna). She was unlike the obnoxious women you see on the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Roberta lived in a beautiful home in Fort Lee, NJ and had everything she needed because her husband raked in a fortune selling spas and jacuzzis to rich assholes. Her husband, Gary (yes…Gary Glass – possibly the brother or cousin of George Glass, we’re still investigating that), was basically a self centered d-bag played to a tee by actor Mark Blum.

In the film, Glass has a party to view the airing of his latest commercial. The Gary’s Oasis TV spot has a similar production quality as a commercial you might see at 3 AM for a crappy local car dealership. But, it’s the blonde girls in bathing suits volleying the beach ball back and forth as they sit 2 feet away from each other that makes this one AD JERSEUM GOLD!!!

The Haunted Mansion in Long Branch New Jersey: AD JERSEUM 14

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWXO22H7ngw?rel=0]
This ad will take you back to a time when haunted attractions incorporated more than just actors jumping out at you. Watch this classic TV commercial for The Haunted Mansion in Long Branch NJ and you’ll remember when the Jersey Shore had some of the best Haunted Houses in the country!

AD JERSEUM 13: Boardwalk Empire in Atlantic City

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For last year’s premiere of HBO’s Boardwalk Empire, the ad campaign was seen all over Atlantic City. The series of posters for the first season were beautifully painted and appeared in magazines, blogs, and naturally, along the boardwalk in Atlantic City. You might have also seen these posters while you were baking on the beach because they were all over the pier.
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Not too long ago Miss Sexy Armpit and I saw a couple of billboards for the 2nd season of Boardwalk Empire on the Atlantic City Expressway. These were more of a viral type ad campaign in contrast to the lavish artwork used in the 1st season’s campaign. The Atlantic City Beautification Project is a bit of a ruse if you don’t bother to look at the rest of the billboard. Since Atlantic City has actually made progress in beautifying it’s central area with new landscaping, upscale outdoor shopping, various restaurants, and Jay Z’s 40/40 Club, one might think that the A.C Beautification Project was a real municipal initiative. Either way, the ad indicates that we have Nucky Thompson to thank for it.
Boardwalk Empire Atlantic City
When seen from your car before you split off to go to your casino, this smaller version of the billboard is even more realistic. It’s like one of those homemade signs stuck in someone’s lawn promoting a candidate for a spot in the local government. Props to HBO for another cool localized ad campaign. The only thing that could make it feel more real is if it said Nucky Johnson!

Ad Jerseum 12: More McDonald’s Billboards

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Michelle Obama recently hailed McDonald’s efforts to make Happy Meals healthier. The Sexy Armpit has also hailed McD’s recently for it’s regional “Toast Your Town” marketing campaign. Although the last McDonald’s billboard I spotted was a bit convoluted (read this link), the two latest McDonald’s Toast Your Town billboards I found are pretty damn cool.

New Jersey’s coastline stretches for nearly 130 miles, but The Garden State is far from tropical. It’s safe to say that any palm tree you see is either of the cheesy fiber optic variety, a blow up pool decoration, or imported from a warmer state. Considering that we constantly get pummeled with blizzards in the winter, the idea of a drink that can make us feel more tropical or exotic here in NJ is welcome. All I have to do to feel tropical is buy a fruity drink from McDonalds? Will the Mango Pineapple Fruit Smoothie automatically transport me to an exotic island? Obviously a mere smoothie won’t whisk you away on a $10,000 dollar getaway to Hawaii, but perhaps Long Beach Island will be in your future? I bet they also recommend the tanning salon for the full effect.
I have to hand it to the McDonald’s marketing team for utilizing the localized ad concept. It’s an effective way to reach groups of people in specific regions. Most of the nationwide McDonalds ads are fairly generic and aren’t very impressive, so these are at least more entertaining. They must be, especially since I felt they were worth a follow up blog post.

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The “pumping fists not gas” line has previously appeared on t-shirts and bumper stickers.

 A large iced coffee at McDonalds probably would make me want to pump my fists, but not because I want to be mistaken for a guido, more because I would be insanely hopped up on caffeine.

If you read the last installment of Ad Jerseum, you will probably agree that despite whatever controversy exists between New York and New Jersey, The Statue of Liberty is simply not a symbol of New Jersey. People associate Lady Liberty with New York and naturally, the entire United States. I would say more people think of guidos when they hear “New Jersey” mentioned. It’s unfortunate that thanks to MTV’s hard-on for guidos, New Jersey may never overcome that association. Regardless of it being a negative association or not, I’ll admit that the second I saw the words “fist pump” the ad had my attention. I can’t believe fist pumping is as part of New Jersey as plastic surgery is to California. Yay stereotypes!

Ad Jerseum 11: McDonald’s Toast To Jersey Girls

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McDonald’s Billboard after exit 12 on 287 North in NJ


“Toast Your Town” hardly sounds like a slogan to promote Big Macs. That’s because this time, Mcdonald’s isn’t pushing their burgers and fries. They are promoting their various “McCafe” specialty drinks and shakes via an ad campaign popping up throughout the Tri-State area. I’ve seen billboards from this campaign on major highways in New Jersey while there are also other local minded “Toast Your Town” ads around New York and New Jersey.

I pulled over and snapped a picture of this ad with the iPhone while driving on 287 Northbound. The billboard ad shows a hand holding a Frozen Strawberry Lemonade and toasting to “The Original Jersey Girl.” Perhaps I’m reading to deeply into it, but it seems to be attempting to appeal to the girls who lived in Jersey with big hair and listened to Bon Jovi and Skid Row in the ’80s. Oh wait, that was all of them. What I mean is, McDonald’s knows that many Jerseyans are fed up with shows like Jersey Shore featuring a couple of cast members who aren’t even from Jersey. How authentic! Now, if McD’s wanted to be really authentic they would start offering a Lime Rickey, a drink that’s become synonymous with Wildwood, NJ.

With a closer look you’ll notice there is a faint picture of the Statue of Liberty who is apparently the original Jersey Girl they are alluding to. Unfortunately, I have to put the kabosh on this whole idea because even after the hullabaloo that the island she sits on belongs to New Jersey, Miss Liberty is still technically a New Yorker.

As we learn in Anchorman, milk is a bad choice to drink on a hot summer day, so I’m sure the Frozen Strawberry Lemonade that McD’s is touting in the billboard pictured above, is slightly better. It’s not my drink of choice, but it may be yours, so keep in mind that it packs in 250 calories and 65 grams of sugar, but also offers a whopping 154 mgs of Vitamin C.

What do you think? Are advertisements geared to your own home state or city more effective than those that aren’t? Does this make you want to rush out and buy a drink at McDonald’s?

Ad Jerseum 10: Six Flags Great Adventure’s Fright Fest

Ad Jerseum: So much Jersey advertising it’ll make you vomit!

Six Flags Great Adventure Fright Fest 2010
Here’s Six Flags Great Adventure’s latest online advertisement for their yearly Halloween celebration running through the end of October. The graphic really gets me in the Halloween spirit while the colors and outline of the coaster in the background truly captures the atmosphere of the season. 
There’s nothing better than riding roller coasters on a crisp Fall night. That’s exactly what I did on Saturday October 9th, 2010 at Six Flags Great Adventure in Jackson, NJFright Fest kicks off at Six Flags every October and it’s always my favorite time to visit the park. I’ve been going there since I was a kid and I always try to make it part of my Halloween festivities.
There are Halloween themed shows going on while ghouls and zombies roam around scaring people. If you can get passed the crowds taking pictures of the creepy costumed stalkers, you might be able to get to an actual ride. We only had time to ride one coaster but that was enough for me. The line for Nitro stretched beyond the typical line and into the park itself, but we decided to tough it out. Nitro is the smoothest coaster in the park and gives you the most thrills of any coaster I’ve ever been on.
The other reason we wanted to go on such a busy Saturday night was that the Dirty Jersey Rock and Rollers Scarlet Carson would be performing at the Loud and Local stage (renamed Dead and Local for Fright Fest). It didn’t get any better than this! A perfectly spooky night at Fright Fest, my favorite roller coaster, and a concert from the best rockers from Jersey Scarlet Carson! The band also provided a song for Fright Fest’s Ghoulmaster’s Ghosts show which should be available on iTunes very soon. So, despite the throngs of people and the crazy amount of traffic getting out of there, it was an awesome night. Make sure you get out to Six Flags Great Adventure for Fright Fest if you’re in the area!