Ad Jerseum 7: Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman Shill for Palisades Park!

Posted on by sexyarmpit
Ad Jerseum: So much Jersey advertising it’ll make you vomit!

new jersey,amusement park,palisades park,batman,superman

In the old days, Super Heroes were known to teach kids to do the right thing. But, when they weren’t telling kids to get the proper nutrition, exercise, and obey the law, they were also scheduling their weekends for them. Here’s a pretty accurate dramatization of how it probably went down after a kid saw the above ad in the comic book they were reading: “Mom please! Palisades Park! Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman gave me coupons! Please, please!! I need to go!” Long before amusement parks were commonplace, Palisades Park was the equivalent to Six Flags. The only difference was that it stood out as one of the most extravagant amusement parks in the country. If I was a kid back when these ads were popping up in comic books and magazines I would have begged my parents to take me there for sure.

Notice Wonder Woman shoved down into the right side of the ad while Batman and Superman are cockily posing in the top left with shit eating grins on their faces. You don’t even have to wonder what’s going on behind that FREE coupon. It’s no secret that The World’s Finest team often had their differences, but one thing they both always fully agreed on was Palisades M-therf-cking Park. That’s how they referred to it too. The following is from an actual phone conversation between Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne…

BRUCE: “Hey Clark! Are you ready for the uproarious fun we’re about to partake in at Palisades M-therf-cking Park, Clark? Get it? Let’s go to the Park, Clark! I’m like Paul Simon tonight! 50 Ways to leave for the Amusement Park, sing it with me!
CLARK: I’m sorry Bruce, I can’t, I’m actually pretty busy working on an article for The Daily Planet.
BRUCE: Yeah sure you are, and Man-Bat might fly out of my butt! Here, I have a fantastic idea, you do your flying thing, and I’ll take the Whirly-Bat and we’ll see who makes it there first. This will kick so much ass, it will be better than the time I “accidentally” saw Catwoman in her lavender neglige. I rocked that pussy…uh…CAT that night. So, I bet you see a ton of hot ass with that sweet X-Ray vision of yours. Damn you Clark! Lucky bastard!
CLARK: Bruce, I’m sorry I really can’t…hey…wait one second…
(Jimmy Olsen sprints over to Clark’s desk)
CLARK: What is it Jimmy?
JIMMY OLSEN: (out of breath) You’ve got to hurry! Lois and several others are stuck on a roller coaster at Palisade’s Park in New Jersey!
BRUCE: JACKPOT! Perfect time to look up that champagne colored skirt she has on today! If you don’t mind, I’d like to take a stroll down to her lane if you catch my drift!
CLARK: Bruce, I’ve really got to go!
BRUCE: No wait! How about you take the Justice Jogger and I’ll take a bat-run through the emergency underground Bat-Tunnel and I bet I’ll still beat you there. That Justice Jogger, what a useless piece of shit! I think you’ll still lose though, mostly due to the fact that you waste too much time standing around with your fists on your hips and your cape blowing in the wind before you spring into action. By the time you get to the park I’ll have already finished riding The Cyclone, The Wild Mouse, and of course MY RIDE ahem…The Batman Slide and will have saved Lois and taken her into The Arabian Nights Tunnel of Love with extra time to spare for some brooding atop The German Fun House! Don’t worry though, I’ll wait for your slow ass at the salt water wave pool, OK Clark? Uhhh…Clark?
CLARK:…(dial tone) (cue subtle hints of John William’s Superman theme)
BRUCE: Fine! I’ll just see if old blue balls himself Dr. Manhattan feels up to going there! Who needs you anyway?

www.palisadespark.com

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New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.8: Batman and New Guernsey Purrrfect Together!

Posted on by sexyarmpit
Before Gotham City set up shop in Chicago in The Dark Knight, it was always widely thought to be inspired by New York City. Even though never explicitly defined, Gotham was similar to New York City and Metropolis seemed to be a mirror of Chicago. No matter where these imaginary cities are actually intended to be is up to the imagination of the comic book writers and their readers. The same goes for superhero adventures on the big screen and in this case, full color Television!

The ’60s live action Batman TV series frequently threw in parodies on names of real people and places. To the west of Gotham City was “New Guernsey,” which served as the New Jersey of the Batman dimension. New Guernsey is shown on a street sign in the episode “Scat, Darn Catwoman,” which aired in January of 1967.

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Julie Newmar can sit on her golden cat throne forever because she’s the sexiest, most seductive, and sly Catwoman to ever play the role. How could we allow such feline failures in the past? Was there any reason for the Lee Meriwether’s, Eartha Kitt’s, and Halle Berry’s when we could’ve just reused old footage of Julie Newmar? If it wasn’t for Tim Burton resurrecting Selina Kyle as some kind of Cat-Zombie, Pfeiffer would be on the exact same level as Newmar. What can I say, I’m traditional, I don’t enjoy my women as much after they get eaten by cats.

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I’m sure millions of simultaneous wet dreams ensued in 1967 as all the pubescent boys watched Catwoman as she was running and climbing stairs all over this episode. As you know, running leads to bouncing, and climbing leads to great ass shots. Thanks for everything Julie Newmar!

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At the end of the episode we get to see Batman and Catwoman having one of their classic heart to hearts:

Batman: I’ll do everything I can to rehabilitate you…
Catwoman: Marry me
Batman: Everything except that, a wife no matter how beauteous or affectionate would severely impair my crime fighting!
Catwoman: But I can help you in your work…as a former criminal I’d be invaluable. I could reform honestly I can!
Batman: What about Robin?
Catwoman: Robin? Oh I’ve got it, we’ll kill him!

Was Catwoman possibly clairvoyant?
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My Batman Geek Cred

Posted on by sexyarmpit

I’m not going to sit and pretend to be too cool for school. I know what a meme is, I’m just a little foggy on the details. I’ve never taken part in a meme before since it seems like some elitist blogger thing! Just joking…calm down you! Actually, I was under the impression that much like a Vampire comes into your home, I thought I had to be invited to do a meme. Heck, even if I wasn’t invited…I’m CRASHING! Meanwhile, over at Eclectorama’s blog, Chunky B wanted to show off just how geeky he was with certain pieces from his Batman collection. Toyriffic and others have joined the meme (gee, I don’t know what’s geekier, the stuff I’m about to show you or the fact that I keep referencing the word “meme” in this paragraph. I LOVE BEING A FREAKIN‘ NERD! MEME MEME MEME. It’s been my dream to do a meme.

Several blogs out there have mentioned that even though we’ve had such a high dosage of Batman within the past few months, we still can’t get enough. I never get tired of looking at other people’s Bat-collectibles and memorabilia. And now from my personal Batman collection I unveil to you items that would most classify me as a total geek.

Solely by definition alone, this piece of my Batman collection is solidified as the most technically geeky. I’ve had this Batman bookmark since I was a little punk like Jason Todd. The manufacturer is One Stop Posters 1987.

Here we have 2 sets of bat cuffs which I HAVEN’T used in a sexual manner…YET. I’m always waiting to pull these out of my utility belt along with a latex prophylactic. In this little scenario that’s going on in my mind right now, I smirk at the camera, then I proceed to get out of my bat suit, leaving the cape and cowl on of course. Women love the mystique! Then we’re doing the Batusi all night, OHH! Seriously though, it’s a sin to know that they aren’t being put to proper use. I’d much rather see them clutching the wrists of a frisky Selina Kyle or a playful Barbara Gordon. As for Nocturna well…she can put me in the damn things, lose the key, and have her way with me.
One of the headliners in my collection that I consider special is my limited edition Batman Lighted sculpture by Headlites. It’s been in my room since ’92 and it’s even followed me to my bedroom in my own condo. Even though I’m not a kid anymore, Batman is still a major part of my life and always will be. When I was young my dad used to ask me “Jay, do you think you’ll still like Batman when you get older?” I’d rebut the question with a resoundingly positive response as if he put me on trial. Once you’re a Batman fan then you’re one for life! How’s that for geek cred, huh?

In this corner, the geekiest of geeks…ME! When I was 15 years old I came up with the ridiculous idea of writing my own Gotham Globe newspaper. I typed it up on one of my earliest computers and I gave it out to my friends who were Bat-fans. At the time, they thought I did a great job although they still said I was friggin’ nuts! It doesn’t get more geeky than writing a fantasy newspaper for a fictitious city and then blogging an entry touting my high level geek status. Presented here for your perusal are the only 2 known issues ever to be printed. Click them to get a closer look!

Believe it or not, there’s so much more random Batman stuff to be brought into the spotlight here at The Sexy Armpit. I’m not going to blow it all out right now though. Remember, we’ve got The Dark Knight DVD release that will surely bring more Batman posts your way! For now please take a look at these other Bat-related posts that are just as super geeky:

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