Captain Lou Albano Archives

The Headbangers: Lazer Tag Champions!

Posted on November 15, 2009 by sexyarmpit

This late night WWE program aired from 1997-1999

Unlike today, WWE had quite an array of tag teams in the late ’90s. One of those teams hailed from New Jersey and comprised Glen Ruth (Thrasher) of Camden and Charles Warrington (Mosh) of Cherry Hill. Before they were heavy metal punks, The Headbangers (Mosh and Thrasher) were first introduced as “The Flying Nuns” on WWE Shotgun Saturday Night. They lacked the cuteness of Sally Field so naturally that gimmick didn’t last.

Nowadays, for some reason, the WWE tries to pretend the former tag team champions never existed. I don’t see why. Maybe it was because they wore kilts and sports bras over their shirts? The Headbangers weren’t on par with say…The Hart Foundation in the ring or anything, but they had a great deal of presence and a cool gimmick in my book. It was good to see a couple of guys whose entire shtick was tailored to the fact that they were into metal and punk music. Whether they actually listened to Wayne Newton or Pantera on their own time was their business.

If you were a WWF/WWE fan up until that point you’d know that the company barely acknowledged any type of outside entertainment unless it was an artist or band that was appearing to sing the national anthem at Wrestlemania. It seemed to me as a young kid that the WWE writers took us all for shut in morons who didn’t know what was going on in the world around us. They came a long way from the Rock N Wrestling connection that was ushered in by Hulk Hogan, Cyndi Lauper, and Captain Lou. Thankfully, WWE realized their mistake and now uses music to their full advantage in advertising and in the wrestlers theme songs.

It just seemed like The Headbangers didn’t get a fair shake. If their gimmick was tweaked a bit they may have been taken more seriously. At least they’ll always have this kick ass Lazer Tag advertisement they starred in to hang on the wall in their dining room forever.

Doritos Collisions: Cheesy Enchilada & Sour Cream

Posted on September 2, 2009 by sexyarmpit

I got the chance to inhale a bag of these suckers today!

These may be old news to you, but the appearance of a different variety of Doritos Collisions at the nearest Hess Express store got me all pumped up. Obviously, Captain Lou Albano didn’t have to put me in an arm ringer to get me to try a new Doritos offering. After completing my bag rip/savor smell technique, I enjoyed this new flavor mash-up immensely, even though they don’t beat the original Nacho Cheese flavor.

Flavor accuracy on these Doritos are mediocre at best, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t phenomenal. Not many artificially flavored foods successfully replicate the taste of Enchiladas and Sour Cream, but if we needed at least one to meet a quota, that’s where these Collisions come in.

How does the Cheesy Enchilada and Sour Cream combination fare against the competition? They have easily edged out the frat fav. Hot Wings/Blue Cheese variety and they manage to tie it up with Zesty Nacho/Chipotle Ranch. The Enchilada flavored chips have a really nice kick to them, and the Sour Cream provides a creamier balance, so in that respect they are similar to the Hot Wings/Blue Cheese Collisions.

The title of best Collisions flavor still belongs to the Pizza Cravers/Ranch, but I’ve yet to test out the Habanero/Guacamole. Have you tried them? If so, let me know how they rate! You might as well weep for The Last Call Jalapeno Popper and Tacos at Midnight because they’d never be asked to appear in a shameless product placement moment in the upcoming, imaginary Wayne’s World 3.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol. 4: WWF’s Land of a Thousand Dances

Posted on September 1, 2008 by sexyarmpit

Sometimes I sit and wonder why I feel like I haven’t reached my full potential in life. Moments later it occurs to me that I could recite all the banter from “The Wrestling Album.”

Back when WWE was called The World Wrestling Federation, 1985 to be exact, not only was I pretending to dodge bullets from the Libyans’ van, but I was also playing the shit out of this album cut by all the WWF wrestlers. In between songs, Vince McMahon, Mean Gene, and Jesse “The Body” Ventura provided color commentary which made the album quite original. I used to pose in the mirror to “Real American” ( Hulkster’s theme but originally for the U.S Express’ Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham) dance around like a maniac to JYD’s “Grab Them Cakes,” and pretend I knew how to line dance when “Don’t Go Messin’ with a Country Boy” by Hillbilly Jim kicked in. And sure, I’ll admit that I used to listen to Jimmy Hart’s “Eat Your Heart Out Rick Springfield,” and Rowdy Roddy Piper’s catchy tune “For Everybody” incessantly.

So what, maybe I have a few of these songs on my iPod. I’m sure you have some incriminating shit on yours too. Some TMNT “Pizza Power” anyone? I’ll forgive that because at least mutated super hero turtles were involved. But Ini Kamoze’s Hotstepper and Right Said Fred? C’mon, it looks like you need some higher quality embarrassment so you better start downloading The Wrestling Album. You see, I don’t really care if someone’s in my car and my iPod starts to play the WWF wrestler’s version of Land of a Thousand Dances. You’d be surprised at what a blast it is. I used to stare at the album cover and pick out who was singing each line.

You’ll never see anything like this again. All the wrestlers were together, singing and clapping in tandem. It was like the WWF version of We Are the World only not for charity and the opposite of touching. So how does this tie in to New Jersey? Well, Piper goes off on The Goonies, The Iron Shiek spits, Bundy threatens to squash us with his Avalanche, and perhaps the greatest manager of all time Bobby “The Brain” Heenan brilliantly warns: “I’m gonna stretch ya from here to New Jersay!” (3:18) Look out for cameos by Meatloaf and Mona Flambe aka Cyndi Lauper! As Jesse “The Body” Ventura said: “I’m gonna crush ya and ill see you lata!”

Jay’s Top 5 Christmas Gifts of 2006

Posted on December 26, 2006 by sexyarmpit

Merry Christmas To All!
This Christmas has come to an end but while I still have a couple of hours left let me give you the rundown of the top 5 gifts that I received this Christmas. Money and gift certificates were plentiful this year but allow me to tell you about the gifts that were a bit more interesting. There’s no doubt that I got a ton of awesome gifts, but these are just the most worthy of writing about.
Harvey Walden Exercise Video – What better way to get motivated to lose weight than from the guy who kicks people’s ass in Celebrity Fit club?
20 Questions Pop/Rock game – This is a handheld electronic game that tries to guess the artist, song, or album that you are thinking of by asking 20 questions. I beat it on the first try because I was thinking of Butch Walker. Apparently they forgot to add in the lead singer of “Freak of the Week.” Who are the programmers of this thing? Their answer was Jeff Tweedy, and to that we exclaimed “WHO THE HELL IS JEFF TWEEDY???!!!” I don’t know but I guess someone thinks he’s more popular than Butch. Fuck them!
Kiss Trivia Game – It comes in a cool Kiss collector tin. You know with a collector tin you can’t go wrong because even if the game sucks I can get rid of the game and keep shit in the tin.
DX window cling – Now my car can be adorned with the same DX logo that HBK and Triple H sprayed onto Titan Tower.
Captain Lou Albano Shirt – Yeah, I said it…a Captain Lou Albano Shirt. The original was impossible to find unless you want to spend over $100 on eBay. My girlfriend got her artistic sister to draw the sketch of the shirt and then had a t-shirt made of it. It was definitely the best, most creative gift I got this year. Who in all of Whoville got a Captain Lou Albano shirt for Christmas this year? That’s right – no one, and I’m sure it would’ve been easier for my gf to get me a box of rubber bands to tape to my cheek, but she had to go and get all creative!

Honorable mention goes to Raw Vs. Smack down ‘07 and Marvel Ultimate Alliance, this would be a tie because I’m equally as pumped for both. I competed against my girlfriend in Raw vs. Smackdown earlier this evening. I havent played any wrestling games for play station since about 2001and let me say that they’ve come a long way! The game play is easier and the graphics are amazing. (I wound up losing the match because I couldn’t figure out how to get back in the ring!)

I also wanted to take the opportunity to mention James Brown. I don’t know anyone who wasn’t a fan of the Godfather of Soul. He was performing all the way to the end. I got to see him last year when he was invited out to perform with the Black Eyed Peas at Madison Square Garden. The Garden went wild for him, and he turned in a kick-ass cameo. To say he will be missed by all is an understatement, R.I.P James Brown.