Santa Brought Me Some Cool Shit

KISS + The Beatles = The Beats T-Shirt and Batman lounge pants and Bat-Beer Koozie

Coal is some HOT shit. Instead, I got some cool shit for Christmas. Every year I’m very appreciative of the gifts people give me, the time and effort they put into choosing, buying, and wrapping them, and this year is no different. As usual, the holidays passed by so fast, and now I finally have the chance to look back at some of my gifts.

Usually it’s hard to even think of ideas to tell the people in my life who aren’t sure what to get me for Christmas. But it should actually be pretty easy come to think of it. I’ve liked comics, Batman, WWE/WWF, music, movies, KISS, SNL, Disney, and horror movies since I was a little kid so there’s a wide range of stuff to choose from right there. You can’t go wrong with a person who has a lot of interests.

Oh, and of course there’s my little obsession with the toxic sludge flooded state I call home. As highlighted here on The Sexy Armpit, pretty much anything Jersey related will also do the trick. To avoid having to do the previous rundown every time someone asks me for ideas, I usually just ask for some Tinker Toys…and iTunes and Amazon gift cards. The ‘Pit Crew picked out some really great ones this year. Let’s take a look at some of them:

Disney Traditions Hitchhiking Ghosts Statue by artist Jim Shore

I’m a foolish mortal, and a HUGE Haunted Mansion fan. Last time I was in Disney World, I drooled over this baby in every store we shopped in. Thanks to Ms. Sexy Armpit for this badass surprise!
Funky Chunks Soaps!

When you’re done reading this, click over to and pick up some of their creatively handmade 100% Vegan soaps. Their soaps smell amazing and lather up nicely. After you’re done perusing, read about Michele Rosta, the former punk rocker from Cleveland turned New Jersey soap maker. I was happy to receive The Jersey Devil soap (pictured above) with an order I placed for Christmas. This gray, concrete looking bar of soap smells awesome and has a masculine sensibility, while their Jersey Girl soap (below) is more of a chick soap.

For you non-Jersey maniacs out there, don’t worry, they also offer soaps that aren’t Jersey related such as Frosted Pumpkin, Bewitched, Secret Sin, and Lavender Lemonade to name a few. Trust me, if your mom is going to put soap in your mouth for dropping an F-bomb, you better pray it’s Funky Chunks!

Ghosts of Central New Jersey and Hot Wheels FrankenBerry Van

My sister picked me up The Ghosts of Central Jersey by Richard J. Kimmel which is right up my alley, but I must confess, I bought the Franken Berry van for myself at Pathmark of all places. 

Rescued Marshmallows Swim to Freedom

If last weekend’s kitchen disaster was any indication, I can’t imagine what’s going to happen this weekend. Let’s recap. Saturday morning I was still on a high from seeing Halloween, and the sun was shining. I woke up and took a few half full cereal boxes out to see if I could make some room. I broke out some Crunchberries and a box of Franken Berry.

I really despise Frankenberry. I know, I know, its sacrilegious. It’s just one of those cereals that always enticed me in the store and when I actually bring them home and start eating them I wonder why I keep buying them every year. The same thing happens with Boo Berry except with a deeper level of abhorrence. I’m just mesmerized by the packaging and the art on the box. The characters from that particular General Mills line of cereals are the best but the taste of Count Chocula is the only one that actually lives up to it’s reputation.

Right now I’m just thinking of how cool it is that we have a classic line of cereal that’s based on monsters. I’m very character oriented and I appreciate silly advertising mascots such as the Burger King, Noid, and of course Mrs. Butterworth’s especially when she’s coming alive informing me of how thick she is and telling me that I should pour her on my waffles. Breakfast food mascots have always rocked and they were a major part of my childhood. But all praise aside I need to get back to bashing the awful Frankeberry. How can a cereal that looks so cool taste so horrible? I suppose it’s a bit suspect that even as a child I was attracted to a cereal that was pink. That can’t be the reason for it sucking so much because Strawberry Shortcake Cereal was undeniably the greatest cereal ever invented and it was awarded the medal of honor for cereals by God. After he tasted it he personally spat in Purple Pie Man’s face and said to him that if he didn’t rebut Strawberry Shortcake’s cereal supremacy with a grape version of his own then his Pie Tin Palace would be foreclosed on and the land would be used as a golf course. But that’s just particulars, I heard it was messy trial – Pie EVERYWHERE.

To conclude this bumper car crash of an entry, I wound up rummaging through the box of Frankeberry extracting every luscious dried marshmallow that was left in the box and dropping them into my happy bowl of Crunchberries. It was a sensational breakfast event for me. I broke all breakfast rules and had my awesome little marshmallows swim to freedom. This moment would only be trumped if I saw the return of one of the following:

1) Strawberry Shortcake Cereal
2) Oops! All Berries
2) Smurfberry Crunch
3) C3Po’s
4) E.T cereal
5) Pac-Man Cereal
6) Rocky Road Cereal

Apparently this site sells boxes of Cereal Marshmallows only…not Cereal with Marshmallows…just the cereal-style marshmallows in a box. That’s pretty awesome. Hmm…tomorrow’s pay day. Just Got Paid…Friday Night…Marshmallow Huntin‘…Feelin‘ Right.