Jersey Boy Makes Good…Porn!


And now…get lubed up for The Sexy Armpit’s “long” and amusing Interview with Mike Zute!

ARMPIT: You’ve heard of the old cliché “Jack of all trades” right? Well meet the “Jackhammer of all trades” Mike Zute. ( He’s a music writer, producer, and performer who also somehow has time to make adult films and run a XXX site. So Mike, you head up a successful N.J band, you write songs, you photograph women, and produce your own porn films for sale at ( How the hell do you juggle all those jugs…uhh..I mean jobs?

ZUTE: Jugs, Grapefruits, Melons, Knockers… I don’t even know what the hell I’m doing half the time! Seriously, It’s a true test of organization. And my theory of “If I want to do something then I will do it”… Instead of sitting around wondering what it would be like to have a rock band and a porn site; I spend every spare minute planning and executing my next actions in those said endeavors… Working a day job adds some stress, but the added income eases the stress in the finances needed for these ZUTE projects.

ARMPIT: Mike, are you a lifelong New Jersey native? Some visitors to this site think that my blog is called The Sexy Armpit because I’m into some wacky fetish, but that’s not the case. It’s all about defending the Garden State from all it’s detractors. Quick… off the top of your head…(not that head!) tell us 3 things you love about Jersey. OK, I know it’s hard since there’s so much negative crap so I’ll cut you slack. Give me 2 and then if you can think of 3 I’ll give you an extra website plug lol.

ZUTE: Yes, I was born, raised, and dropped on my head a few times in Jersey! 3 things: #1- The Jersey Shore. I go there a few times every summer. I love to body surf the waves, check out the hot chicks on the beach, and try not to get sunburn. #2- The New York Giants, who play in E. Rutherford, NJ. #3- Great Italian Restaurants and Pizzerias, even though I can’t eat too much cheese because it’s bad for my singing voice!

ARMPIT: Ding Ding Ding…We have a WINNER! An erotic convention was supposed to take place in Secaucus NJ recently but the town voted to keep it out of the Meadowlands convention center. Now, it’s slated to take place in Edison NJ. Can you elaborate to the readers of The Sexy Armpit about how ridiculous this is especially because 25 miles away over in Manhattan it wouldn’t be a problem.

ZUTE: An unfortunate failure with Jersey is that a lot of our state’s people are socially retarded and behind the times. Some people still think criminals and child molesters run the porn industry. It’s so the opposite. I basically self taught myself the legalese in this biz, and it was like I put myself through a Law School class. The adult biz is so regulated now, that if you are not an honest, intelligent producer with organized records, the Feds will close down your site / business in no time. Back to the question, The expo can’t offend anyone because it is closed to the general public. You have to pay an admission and “want to be offended” in order to enter. The City of Secaucus loses out on the income they would have made.

ARMPIT: You recently were hanging with Ron Jeremy at an “adult film” convention. Do you feel like you really made it after experiencing that?

ZUTE: I don’t feel as if I’ve “made it” big in the Porn world. I’m just glad I’m good enough (at producing, acting, editing, and promoting) to still be involved in it. A similar feeling drives me to keep it up with my rock band. Ha ha ha, I said “keep it up”!

ARMPIT: Did you always want to get into making porn films or is this something that you just stumbled onto?

ZUTE: Wow, I could go on forever w/ this one. Somewhere around the middle 90’s I started considering it. After the Tommy Lee / Pam Anderson film came out in the later 90’s, I became seriously interested. Seeing how a popular musician and actress boosted their publicity (& income) with a simple amateur sex tape was very inspiring. By the time I had enough funds saved, learned the legal biz factors, and researched potential models, it was 2003. I started making films that year. This was before I even knew how to edit films or how to design a website… (I do have an engineering degree from NJIT, so when I kick myself in the ass, I can really learn and accomplish things.) Anyhow, I also was busy preparing the first lineup of the ZUTE band to play out, so I was stressed to the max. My guitarist at the time kept asking me to let him see some of my porn films… I planned to eventually release this stuff, and I unfortunately trusted him with a copy. He quit the band soon afterward in Summer 2004. He owned the band website domain, so he wanted me to pay him $3000 for the domain name… When I said no way, he published a clip of me getting a blow job (from Isabel) on that site, and he posted all these ridiculous defamatory lies on the screen. Word gets around quick that I’m in an adult film. When I threatened to get the Feds after him for U.S.C. 2257 violations he took the site down. Seeing the hits the site got, I was more upset that I got no income from this! Instead of suing him, I put all my efforts into getting my ZuteGirl Models plan in action. (With the web design help of my new guitarist, Cory) I posted the semi nude Strip down pics of the ZuteGirls on the new band website ( in early 2005. The goal was to keep the semi nude pics on the ZUTE band site and then put a link to the adult site once I finished designing it. But, too many female fans of the band complained about semi nude pics of chicks on the band’s website. I even put comical semi nude pics of myself on there to draw more attention. The focus was taken away from the music, so I agreed w/ my band members to remove the semi nude pictures, and just keep the “nice” (clothed) Zute Girl pictures on the Band website. I immediately posted some of the semi nude chicks on… Finally, a few months later in 2005 went live. I put a link to it from the “Nice” ZuteGirls pics page on the band website, which also has its own domain Simple answer, eh?

ARMPIT: I’ve seen some of your work and I appreciate the unorthodox way you direct your films. You put the girls in little sketches and talk to them in a laid back interview atmosphere. I dig it. Have all the girls said “your command is my wish” or has there been instances where they gave you a hard time about not wanting to do something you asked?

ZUTE: Good Questions. A lot of girls were surprised by the respectful laid back interview. More than once a girl has said to me: “Ok, is this an interview where I’m supposed to say I’m 18, I’ve never been filmed before, I’m a whore and all I ever want to do is suck cock?” Once I tell a girl “No, it’s a real interview and you can say whatever the hell you want,” then she is usually more into the rest of the session because I treated her like a human being. She is now at ease. Once we get to the sex, she is more comfortable with me and performs much more naturally… In terms of the skits, some girls have added input on changing their lines… I am open minded, so if I like her idea, then I let her roll with it…. As far as sex, I’ve had complete cooperation thus far. I haven’t made any girls do any painful positions. So, I’m not sure how they’d react if I was very adamant about an uncomfortable position…

ARMPIT: Before her death last year you featured Haley Paige in one of your films, can you tell us a little about your experience working with her, and how did you feel after hearing of her death?

ZUTE: The stories about her personality are no lie. She really was a sweetheart. She actually showed up late to the session for “Lost Cell Phones Ep #5,” but was very apologetic. She was very easy to work with, and didn’t give me any attitude problems whatsoever. She was calm and collective with a positive attitude throughout the shoot. She liked working the camera on Harmony & I, and she looked forward to directing films in the future. I was very shocked upon hearing about her death. Mostly because she seemed like a girl who was in control of her life. She did not show signs of someone with a drug problem…. How did she end up with that loser who ultimately ended up killing her? (Or if he didn’t directly kill her, he influenced her to get involved with the junk… Wang Dang Dong or whatever the fuck his name is?) I don’t understand…

ARMPIT: You feature some really hot chicks on your site My favorite happens to be Pamela. Have you ever caught feelings for any of the actresses your working with?

ZUTE: Yeah, Madison Bijou James stands out a lot… She was just so down to earth and took great interest in my original concept, which was to combine modeling and porn in a fun atmosphere… She even sent me a “Thank you for the fuck film” card a few days after that shoot in 11/2004. She has since stopped doing porn and recently had her 2nd kid. She lives in Colorado. Naudia Rio, was really sweet also. Most girls were really cool. Pamela was a little stuck up, because she knew her popularity was growing. There was a different Canadian Chick named Ocean who was a real bitch… Other than her, all the ZuteGirls are really cool.

ARMPIT: Are all your friends and bandmates jealous of you that you get to be with all these hot chicks?

ZUTE: Well first off, I will say that the ex guitarist (who hijacked the first Zute Band website) thought he would destroy both my music and porn careers by posting slanderous crap. He probably did that out of jealousy: The ZUTE band was doing much better without him, and he is way too unattractive to do porn. My success is the best form of revenge against him and other various detractors. Otherwise, my current band mates and male friends have been very cool about my Zute Girl endeavors. If anything, they just joke around about it. I try not to talk about my porn experiences, unless someone specifically asks… On another tangent of this question, I am dating a girl who is very jealous of the ZuteGirl models and wants me to stop doing porn. (Even though she knew I did this before we got sexually involved.)… So, I don’t know what else to say!

ARMPIT: JAY + LACIE HEART = Can you make it happen? Christmas is coming up you know!

ZUTE: If it were only that easy! And she is smokin’ hot! Seriously, I’m only making about 4 films / year, so I’m not consistently working with any one model or modeling agent… Only the huge porn companies have that kind of wealth and power… I’m still the “little guy”, right now. When I get aroused it becomes a slightly bigger little guy…

ARMPIT: If one decides against purchasing the Video On Demand through the site and opts for an old school DVD, Are there Easter eggs on the DVDs? Any cool mysterious hidden crap on there?

ZUTE: I put Original ZUTE band demos in the first few I sold… But then it became tedious and time consuming with the whole process… But now I’ve seen less of DVD sales and much more VOD / (pay per minute) sales… That is definitely the future of the industry.

ARMPIT: Have you developed a trademark sex move or saying? Any crazy upside down shit or anything (i.e. the zute shuffle or the zutinator?)

ZUTE: No trademark move yet, but you’ve got the ideas flowing! In terms of sayings, I’ve been over using the word “indeed” for years… Also, I think at some point in the sex scene of every film I end up saying “You’re such a Naughty Zute Girl.” It seems cliché, but it does fit at the time…. (Of course in my upper head, during sex, I’m often calculating batting averages, trying to remember song lyrics, and mentally reciting the Greek alphabet. Those are my favorite ways to prevent cumming too early!)

ARMPIT: I’ll have to keep those in mind. Or I’ll think of Man-At-Arms banging Oprah Winfrey. The following definitions are taken directly from Urban Dictionary. com. Just as they ask visitors to give a thumbs up and thumbs down to rate the accuracy of each definition can you provide your expert opinion as to the accuracy of these?

1) Another name for a marijuana joint. When its contents are purely cannabis (without any tobacco to pad it out)
ZUTE: maybe

2) marijuana which is grinded so it is thinner so it is easier to smoke. orr half or that zute mate! ZUTE: maybe

3) To be beyond retarded while intoxicated or high
ZUTE: the closest indeed!

ZUTE: I always felt the slang definition of “Zuted” was to be high in good style. Number 3 is a bit extreme on the definition, but hey, if it works for the general public, then fine. Also, I’ve heard that a marijuana joint laced w/ PCP in the 1970’s was referred to as a “Zootie.” Actually, there are other factors that go into why I use the name ZUTE. It sounds a little bit like my last name… Also, in Monty Python, there was a funny scene with the “bad Zute girl.”

ARMPIT: And finally, can you give us any insight to what’s in store for the future of your films? Any spoilers you could give us?

ZUTE: The first anal penetration I’ve performed on film was on Trina Michaels in a threesome film along with Mindy Main. That will be released by late this year or early next year. Also, I’ve produced films of girls doing solo masturbation w/ dildo. I might eventually add another person to work the camera, aside from the girls, the tripod, and me… As far as plots, I already have a different story line from “Lost Cell Phones”, but I won’t count out new Episodes of that series from “popping up” once in while.
Thanks for talking to The Sexy Armpit, Mike! Go check out Mike’s various endeavors, they’re Zutarific! Be sure to visit the adult site at: . See Zute the Band playing gigs all over New Jersey! Head over to and for more info!

If Things Never Got Cold

The summer is approaching and the weather is heating up. Man, I can’t describe how much I take my central air for granted as I sit in an 83 degree condo. We already know what happens when it gets hot since we’ve heard it in a ton of songs. Gonna Make You Sweat, Hot in Herre, Hotter Than Hell, Feelin’ Hot, Hot, Hot. Even the poor misunderstood Paris said “That’s hot.” But what happens if things didn’t ever get cold? Those iconic songs and quotes will seem like a Nostradamus prophecy.

For Van Winkle’s sake we wouldn’t have Ice Ice Baby
And the nipples wouldn’t get hard on your lady
There would be no cubes to drop in her drink
After you slip those roofies to get to into her pink
How would hockey players skate in the rink?
Want to go see the rollerblade capades? It’s fun, I swear!
Kids wouldn’t get to savor snow days, it wouldn’t be fair!
Freeky Freezies would be well…um…just plain freaky
But I’d still have the hots for Emmanuelle Chriqui
Jack Torrance wouldn’t have been frozen in the maze
Too Cold, Too Cold…it’s the phrase that pays
and that badass will lose his ice cold gaze
Say hello to your new chief of staff Johnny Blaze
It’s a cream truck now since it lost it’s “Ice”
it’s the worst occurrence since Bo B… (oops! no “ice”)
You’ll never have to break the ice or pretend to be nice
You wouldn’t be “iced out” so there’d be no name for jewelry in hip hop
although shorts would still be acceptable on that hot cop
Think about it…Icee’s would turn into Meltees
and you’d have no use for cold eeze.
IMDB wouldn’t acknowledge Arnold’s turn as Mr. Freeze
Unfortunately not much would change with Ree-Yees
What would I do in suburbia without iced tea?
Could we still play We Ski for the Wii?
No icebergs, so the Titanic wouldn’t sink
it’s a scorcher out there, so have yourself a warm drink
Fughetabout Fla-vor-ice you freaks
And NO ICE in 9 1/2 weeks 🙁
Hey look what’s not freezing…the stream of piss as you’re taking a leak. Goodbye to that Hoth planet. Take more clothes off! Dammit Janet! Freeze tag reverts back to the plain old tag, and you’ll never need de-icer on the windshield of your brand new jag. David Blaine ain’t living in a block of ice in New York, and the Yeti has gone into hiding and feels like a total dork. Your pillow is never cold when you lay down your head and the toilet seat is never cold when you sit your ass on the head. To think i can’t even call Lacie Heart HOT anymore but at least we’ll still have our memories of the cold war. Cool ice sculptures would become no more than a spill on the floor.

In the middle of the 3rd period there was a big hit on center puddle and on the football field you won’t see the players breath in the huddle. If you’re desperately wishing for a blizzard, you’ll have to go see the wizard. He’ll also give you a melting klondike bar, figure out what you want to do with it. Maybe you’ll eat it with Iceman Tom Kazansky, you know he can chomp down on that shit. From Chily Willy to Frosty the Snowman and Cookie Puss to Fudgie the Whale it’s all over for them, hammer their coffin with a nail. Icy Hot is still in business no surprise. What the heck are Eskimo pies? Freezing over? What’s with all those lies?
Tourism to Hell is on the rise. Global Warming can suck my d–k, how about 2 nice big snow balls to lick?

We’d experience hot season never “cold season.” Your assets would never get frozen. You’re girl would never complain that it was too cold to take her clothes off. Not only during the holidays would our hearts be warm. Paula Abdul would be missing a hit “Cold Hearted Snake.” And kids wouldn’t fall through a half frozen lake. Never again would a Wendy’s frosty touch your lips, or a 7-11 Slurpee tingle your tongue.

The cliché a cold day in hell would become obsolete. The cryogenic chamber scene in Austin Powers would be edited out of the film. Erased from existence…much like Marty might have been. “What is it hot?“ no cold…damn cold. Not anymore. Leftovers such as Meatloaf would spoil, even if it’s in a deep freeze and riding a motorcycle. You’d now have more of a reason to cover up the fact that Snow Job was your favorite G.I Joe character. Al Snow..well…you can call him “Al”…you must. Skiing and snowboarding would be pretty asinine. The popular pastime of Snowballing…well that would still happen since temperature isn’t really involved. But I would imagine it’s fairly warm.

Tone Loc still can’t remember how her made his medina cold. Wanna kill someone? Damn sure it won’t be in cold blood. Everyone would want to perform in front of large crowds cause they’ll never get cold feet. The band Hot Hot Heat record an updated version of the national anthem. The people of Alaska and and the Arctic polar bears would have year long yub-yub type celebrations. This just in: Steve Austin brings back “Stunning” moniker. Bruce Springsteen will get hit with a 10th avenue melt out. Oh, and about that new horror film that came out this week…if it was a few years ago…critics would’ve hailed it as “Chilling.” You’d always be able to find shit that people have hidden on you. Guess where your birthday gift is? You’re warm…you’re geting hot…you’re burning up…you’re on frickin’ fire! Wow, this is easy! Maybe sitting in this 83 degree condo isn’t so bad after all.