College Humor’s “Colonial New Jersey” Sketch

I could pretty much guess the questions that are popping into your mind as you’re watching this. I’ll take the liberty of preemptively tackling them for you:
1) Since I’m from Jersey, do I walk around with a fake tan? Nope.
2) Is my hair done in a “blowout” ?? Definitely not.
3) Do I speak as ridiculous as “deez guyz?” That’s a negative Ghostrider.
4) What are the names of your left and right bicepts? They remain unnamed. Even though I don’t kiss them or make out with them like the guy in this video, I do admire them every now and then when I’m practicing my Hulk Hogan poses in the mirror.
**Notice the folks at College Humor referred to Jersey as one of the “Armpit Colonies.”