cherry hill Archives - Sludge Central

From Mallrats to Miracle World: Monster Mania Adventure Part 3

Posted on April 3, 2015 by sexyarmpit

Enhancing the ambiance of our departure from Monster Mania was the gray skies, rain, and my fogged up windshield. I couldn’t have asked for a more picturesque day. The sun is nice once in a while, but for this type of weekend, I prefer it to be a horror movie outside. If you’ve been reading along you know there’s a few more stops to make before heading home. Where we’re going we don’t need Google Maps…actually, wait, yes we do. Shit, why did you throw the GPS out the window? Pull over.

It may sound pretty generic, but my first stop was the Cherry Hill Mall. The mall was only a few minutes from Monster Mania so it would’ve been a crime not to stop there. Shannon from Mallrats ™ wouldn’t have any reason to criticize me because I actually did have a very specific shopping agenda. I wasn’t going to buy men’s slacks, nor was I looking to get some junk jewelry and scrunchies from Easy Pickins. Nope, I was there for refreshment of the liquid type. Matt and Ms. X had no clue what the hell I was up to.

I must’ve driven around the entire mall 12 times before I finally settled on a entrance tucked away in a corner. Naturally, this entrance couldn’t have been further from our eventual destination within this “monument of consumerism” (Mallrats ™.) I can’t help myself with the Mallrats references, I’m already getting excited for the sequel.

For the last several months, I’d been overcome with an insane craving for an Orange Julius. The problem was that there’s no Orange Julius places near me. There’s a Dairy Queen nearby, the company that owns them now, but I really wanted an Orange Julius from a standalone Orange Julius store, is that too much to ask? Getting an Orange Julius from a shop that’s solely a Dairy Queen is like getting a Dole Whip any place that’s not Disney World.

The mall by me had and Orange Julius for as long as I can remember, but it closed down several years back and millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror. This was devastating and I haven’t been able to indulge in one in a long time. I remember my mallrat days and there wasn’t a mall visit that went by when I didn’t have either an Orange Julius or an ICEE in hand.

Man, things have changed. It seems like all the good shit has to be 5 thousand miles away nowadays (we took quite a trip just to get Ghostbusters donuts the morning they came out), so incorporating the satisfaction of my craving into the MM weekend worked like a charm. And now, behold, the greatest photo you will ever see of an Orange Julius sitting on top of a trash receptacle in Cherry Hill Mall. Its a very specific genre of avant garde photography. I’m presently teaching a lab course on this at The Learning Annex.

After my tastebuds took part in a delightfully euphoric makeout sesh with that creamy orange goodness, it was onto the next stop, all while obnoxiously sipping an empty cup thinking some extra Julius would magically get sucked up through the straw. It wouldn’t be right if we didn’t make our way to at least one flea market on this trip. After the sad news about The Columbus Flea Market, which we visited last time, I felt that we should drop into another popular Jersey flea market.

I wonder if Ivannah with the 3rd nipple was doing the psychic readings in that room back there?

Surprisingly, I’ve lived in New Jersey my entire life and had never been to the Collingwood flea market. History was about to change. With the rain, we didn’t get to experience the outdoor vendors, although the inside had old school superhero murals on the wall that had clearly been neglected and covered up over the years. They might have been the most intriguing thing about this place for me.

We also stopped into a comic shop within the market which sort of reminded me of the vibe of a comic store I used to go to at the old US1 Flea Market.

From what I saw, the Collingwood market isn’t as eclectic as Englishtown, nor as amazing as Columbus was, yet still a worthwhile stop if you happen to be in the area. #Undertak

Have you had enough? You can’t tap out just yet, there’s one more detour to make before we get home: Zapp Comics in Manalapan. This was my first time at this shop and it was awesome to see that they offered such a wide selection of new comics, back issues, action figures and collectibles. It’s where Matt picked up Odious Ogre from Dungeons and Dragons. There’s something awesome about a store who has tons of used action figures in plastic Ziploc bags neatly stocking the pegs. Makes them feel brand new, even though they are not MOC or MIP. They are OPP, but not BBD.

After all this blousing, I mean browsing, we were starving. Turns out that an Orange Julius won’t carry you through all day, so it was time to eat.

But, hell, why not cram in one more thing before we finally shoved food in our bellies. It was my birthday a few days prior and I still had a present to open from Matt. I may have been secretly waiting to open it to extend my birthday weekend that much longer. It wouldn’t be a gift from Dinosaur Dracula unless it was awesomely nostalgic and this took me back to when I was a kid playing Sega Master System on my mini wooden rocking chair.

Behold, ALEX KIDD in Miracle World. One of my favorite Master System games of all time and Sega’s answer to Super Mario well before Sonic the Hedgehog became synonymous with Sega. Thanks to Matt for the trip down memory lane. Once I’m through posting this I’m going to punch the shit out of rocks with my hysterically giant fist.

Eventually, we decided to eat at a Mexican place called Salsarita’s in Old Bridge. At the time, I had no idea that this was a huge chain. Ordinarily, I make every effort to go to Mom and Pop restaurants because they are usually the hidden gems, but it didn’t matter because I inhaled the food anyway. We were only halfway through our meals and it looked like someone bombed our table with exploding tacos, rice and beans and salsa and chips. It was delicious. The food at this place edges out Chipotle and they also get points for embracing the Mexican cantina atmosphere in contrast with the very basic look of the interior of Chipotle. If you’d like to discuss this in more detail, pick up my new informational pamphlet all about my thoughts on Interior Design in fresh Mexican food chains, it’s called LET’S TALK ABOUT MEX BABY!

You’ve finally made it to the end of our Monster Mania extravaganza. It was quite an elongated account of what really only amounted to the span of Friday night into Saturday afternoon, but reliving it through this post extended the fun even more! Thanks for reading.

Zombie Pinups and Boneless Chicken Wings

Posted on March 28, 2015 by sexyarmpit

Monster Mania Con
Crowne Plaza: Cherry Hill, NJ
3/13/15

Still in awe of The House of Fun, we arrived at our destination.

As soon as we we entered the lobby, we ran into Chad from Horror Movie BBQ. If you don’t know Chad, he’s a towering, jovial dude, who, if I remember correctly, took a small private plane and landed in Lumberton airfield and backpacked about 13 miles to get to Monster Mania. Ok that may be a slight embellishment, but the story of how he traveled there was quite intricate, and seemed a lot more complicated than my mind was able to process at the moment he was explaining it to me. We’d run into Chad again later in the evening, but by that point, my brain was like oatmeal, and my stomach was full of mediocre fries and moderately enjoyable boneless chicken wings.

When I was a kid I would go to every surrounding video store searching for certain elusive WWF Supertapes. Now they are all on bootleg DVDs. Isn’t life grand?

We also met The Trash Man from Pop, Pop! It’s Trash Culture who told me about his MM scores in the dealer room. Speaking of dealer rooms, it was time to blow through them. As a collector of useless crap, I am driven by the ongoing search for that one golden item. I never know specifically what I’m looking for, but I’ll know when it calls out to me like how Beastmaster hears his ferrets bitch about being hungry.

Before heading into the depths of the con, we stopped outside for some fresh air. With my t-shirt radar always ON, I noticed a guy behind me with an awesome Patrick Bateman American Psycho tee. I asked him if it was ok if I snapped a pic. He was cool with it. Thanks Dale!

As suspected, nothing was jumping out at me. Then, toward the end of my tour around the con, I ran into the Gorgeous and Gory table. Jess Rajs and our friends at G&G have always been a staple at MM and Chiller as well as all the various horror and zombie events throughout the state. It’s always great to see them. Aside from their renowned zombie pinup calendar, this time around they had copies of their compilation book Gorgeous and Gory: The Zombie Pinup Collection. This book is now on my coffee table and it is every bit as incredibly beautiful as the cover dictates. To think of all the blood, sweat, and tears that went into this book is mind boggling. From the location scouting and makeup to the graphic design and actual printing of the book, this is truly the most Gorgeous, undead art you will ever see.

Impress your house guests with this swank coffee table book that’ll have them asking about your zombie fetish, and then your other fetishes while they’re on the subject. With this book they’ll loosen up right away once they realize that the hot models they’re drooling over within the pages are actually brain eating zombies from beyond the grave. Pick it up at their website or at Wizard World Philly in May!

The next day, we woke up shockingly not feeling like total ass. I didn’t have that nagging guilt that I spent too much money either. We were refreshed and ready to head to the next point of interest on my list. It was surprisingly warm, gray, and pouring rain outside, just the way I like it. This moody weather set the perfect stage. Come back soon to read about our next Monster Mania detour!

Call Me The Clark Griswold of New Jersey Geekery

Posted on March 27, 2015 by sexyarmpit

Sometimes the appetizers and the dessert are more enticing than the main course. The main course being the Monster Mania Con in Cherry Hill, NJ. In the same vein, sometimes the photos that appear in a blog post are actually way better than the post itself. Enjoy!

After being to so many Monster Mania cons, my agenda diminishes with each installment. I remember MMs when I would leave abruptly and head directly home because I ran out of money from buying so much cool stuff. It was like I lost a ton of money in Atlantic City and I was ruined, but I relished in every nostalgic second of it.

The other saving grace, the chance to meet horror actors at Monster Mania, has largely lost its luster after noticing that some of the prices they charge at conventions like this have gone completely off the charts. Makes me wonder how some fans take photos seemingly with every guest. Ironically, the focal point of MM for many of us has really become a way for online horror fanatics to meet up with each other in person. Yes, the non-famous people get the chance to interact, not behind figurative vibranium shields, computer screens, and giant smart phones, but actually face to face.

*SPOILER: NONE OF THE PHOTOS IN THIS POST ARE FROM MONSTER MANIA*

In hopes of compensating for my lack of interest in the actual con, I usually try to engineer some elaborate schemes for the rest of the weekend. I didn’t have to twist Matt’s arm into coming with me to these top secret spots either. By now, he knows I’m not going to drop him off at the Wicker Emporium and leave him for dead. Maybe the Wicket Emporium though. Isn’t it amazing how changing one little letter makes the store into a glorious wonderland of furry little creatures from Endor?

While my mind lingers on the possibilities of a full-on Ewok department store, let’s get you back to the action.

Sure, Monster Mania was the catalyst for our trip, but I figured, why not do what I do best and make this excursion way more elaborate? These little offshoot adventures have quickly become the highlight of our Monster Mania trips. This time around, in addition to MM, I picked out 4 points of interest that I had mapped out in my head and in my phone ahead of time, and if the timing was right, we’d be making several detours throughout the weekend. Clark Griswold, eat your heart out!

As we rapidly approached the Cherry Hill exit on the Turnpike, I alluded to my need to make a pitstop before we hit the hotel. The last thing we all wanted to do was make an unnecessary stop that would prolong us from eating since we were all starving at that point. One of the necessary evils was picking up some liquor for the room, because it seems like the ghost of Crowne Plaza always LOVES to drink all of our Tequila.

We stopped at Froggie’s liquor store. Can someone explain to me why it seemed like everything is named Froggie’s in Cherry Hill? It may have only been a deli and a cafe, but it seemed like we passed so many different Froggie’s establishments in the matter of a mile that it made it seem like every damn business down there was named Froggie’s. Excluding the defunct Crystal Lake Diner of course, which was completely gutted, making it appropriately more scary. It would make total sense to show you an eerie photo of this place, but instead, here’s Koo Koo from Cops ‘N Crooks.

I didn’t let any details of this place out of the bag, so it was a total mystery as to where we were headed. Erroneously turning off onto the wrong side road only added to the suspense.

Ahh there it was, The House of Fun! With a name like that, this shop had a lot to live up to. This place is incredible. I can easily say that no toy/collectible shop near me is anywhere near this caliber of cool. What’s most impressive is the mint in box vintage stuff that stocked the shelves, which evokes the feeling that you’re at a downtown toy shop anywhere from 20 or 30 years ago. Another aspect of the store that I appreciated was the mix of old and new. This is particularly apparent in the side room, which is pretty wild. We entered into that sanctum and were greeted by a life size Han in Carbonite, a slew of Godzillas, old plush toys, Star Wars stuff hanging from the ceiling, vintage video games, board games, and a host of other crap you might only find on eBay.

https://thehouseoffun.com – 517 White Horse Pike, Oaklyn, NJ 08107

Next time you’re in the area, definitely check this store out. We want to get back there real soon! Thanks for reading and come back tomorrow for the next installment of our Monster Mania trip to see the other detours I had up my sleeve. Now I leave you with the Crystal Lake Diner from back when it was in all of it’s operational glory! I say open it back up and give it the old Jason Voorhees treatment. It would be a boon to the business.

A Very Jason Xmas

Posted on December 22, 2014 by sexyarmpit

Christmas gifts don’t only arrive on December 25th, they can appear all month long. I’m alluding to the bevy of Friday the 13th related stuff that’s coming down the pike. It’s an exciting time for us Friday the 13th Fans! Let’s take a look at what’s popping up from the depths of Crystal Lake…

First, the 9-part fan film series, Jason Xmas, has been released in installments on YouTube for the past several months over at Scared Stiff TV. As we rapidly approach Christmas, the final parts will start to appear. Although many fans won’t be able to stomach Jason as a pseudo-Santa, it’s still a lot of fun to watch, and it gives those of us in the Christmas spirit more material to enjoy during the holiday season. Parts of the series were actually filmed in Blairstown, NJ the town where much of the original film was shot.

Also over on Scared Stiff TV you can check out Jason Voorhees vs Santa Claus in a ridiculously awesome “wrestling” attraction match from the HWF (The Horror Wrestling Federation). I would have never expected to see Jason face off against that jolly old elf! I have to hand it to the people over at Scared Stiff for putting out some creative stuff. This video mixes Jason Voorhees, Christmas, and Pro-Wrestling all into one spectacle. Jason’s miraculously knows his way around the ring and Santa seems to have slimmed down quite a bit to get into shape for this big match.

NECA’s 8-bit style Glowing Jason mask has been released! This baby is actually wearable and I bet it will get snatched up quickly by collectors. You can read more about it at NECAs site.

2015 has three Friday the 13ths and one of them is in March which also means MONSTER MANIA TIME! The gang from the original F13 will be there to celebrate the 35th birthday of the beloved film. It happens the weekend of March 13th – 15th at the Crowne Plaza in Cherry Hill, NJ.

Ultimately, we F13 fans await the brand new Friday the 13th film in 2016 which is insanely exciting for me as it’s my favorite horror franchise of all time. Many fans weren’t overly fond of the 2009 version, but I thought it was serviceable. Hopefully the rumor is true that the new one takes place in the ’80s!

The 10 Best Pics of Rowdy Roddy Piper and Jay From Monster Mania Con 28!

Posted on August 20, 2014 by sexyarmpit

With the summer installment of Monster Mania in the history books, the countdown to Halloween is fast-approaching. Although it’s a horror convention, my mind never associates it with the onset of the Halloween season. Not sure why, but when you think about it, in merely a matter of days, Dinosaur Dracula will be signaling to all that the countdown is on. Halloween is right around the corner, yet this is still a summer event, one that’s ripe for escorting the sweltering season directly out the door without passing go. Good riddance to you summer, I say. Oh, I suppose you want to know more about Monster Mania? OK, I’ll give you all I can remember.

Let me get this out from the get-go: we didn’t get drunk with the Joker and Freddy Krueger like we did that other time, but once again, the forces of Dinosaur Dracula, Freddy in Space, and The Sexy Armpit came together and had quite an interesting time to say the least. It’s a scene not for the faint of heart. You’d probably like to know all about our sordid Monster Mania tales from this time around, but we’ve got to keep some decorum here, plus, details are fuzzy. Put it this way, there was a lot of liquor and VHS tapes involved. And Tom Bryce’s pretzels. It was a veritable Shit Pretzel Fest.

As I mentioned, it’s a little foggy, but the bits of this event that I do remember include buying a Princess Bride poster AND more monumentally, meeting Rowdy Roddy Piper. With the Hot Rod in New Jersey, how could I miss the chance to meet one of my favorite WWE Legends of all time?

I think I must’ve gained a lifetime membership to the club. You know that club, Those Who’ve Met Hulk Hogan and Rowdy Roddy Piper Within a Matter of Days From Each Other Club. It’s not the kind of braggable anecdote as say, being in the mile high club, but it’s a tidbit that’ll most certainly be engraved in my headstone.

While waiting on line I noticed Piper was smiling and taking his time to talk with every one of his fans. Fortunately, Matt (@DinosaurDracula) arrived, grabbed my phone and snapped over 20 photos to make damn sure we commemorated this historic meeting of the minds. It was a nearly impossible task to narrow it down, but here are the top 10 best photos of Hot Rod and I from our impromptu photo shoot. Some of the shots are different, yet so completely the same.

As they were swiping through these photos on my phone, a few of my friends and family members asked what I talked to Piper about. Seeing 20+ photos of he and I prompted one of my friends to ask “how long was he talking to you for?” No joke, it had to be at least 35 minutes. There were “BULLSHIT” chants coming from the people in line behind me. To be clear, we didn’t talk wrestling, we didn’t talk They Live, and we damn sure didn’t talk politics. But he did offer me a recipe. It’s just like good old Hot Rod, recipes are so typical of him. You can see how good he is with a blender in that episode of Legends House. Piper vs. The Blender, a feud that can only be rivaled by Hogan/Piper.

The blur was actually present in the room. It eventually dissipated, but, at first, it was like The Mist.

JAY:

“Hey Hot Rod! How exciting it is to meet you!”

HOT ROD:

“Hey, thank you man, what’s your name?”

JAY

“I’m Jay.”

HOT ROD:

“Jay, I love that shirt!”

(I’m wearing the Panther shirt that Roddy wore to the ring in the early ’80s.)

JAY:

“It’s classic! I’m about 6 tequilas in, so excuse me if I sound like it.”

HOT ROD:

“Ohhhohoo, so you want to be a big shot don’t ya?”

JAY:

“Well, not really, I just wanted to get drunk with my friends.”

HOT ROD:

“Now that you mention it, you are lookin’ a little bit under the weather, You know what, I know exactly what you need. It’s what I used to make when I was oh, knee high to a grasshopper.”

JAY:

“Specifically, what kind of concoction are you going to supply me with the recipe for, Roddy? Not that raw egg in the blender gimmick that Hulk gave Mean Gene I hope!”

(Just when he thought he had all the answers, I obviously changed the questions.)

HOT ROD:

“Now, don’t insult me kid or I’ll crack your head with a coconut, trust me you’ll want to listen to the information I’m about to lay out for you.”

JAY:

“I’m all ears, Hot Rod.”

HOT ROD:

“Do you remember once upon a time when that little meatball Rachel Ray’s cooking show was a hot commodity? Well it can’t touch Mixology with Rowdy Roddy!“

JAY:

“I’m confused, are you saying you’re changing the name of Piper’s Pit?”

HOT ROD:

“Listen up, stop your lips from yapping for one minute. If you want to be big time, you’re gonna have one of these with me”

Piper proceeds to instruct me on how to concoct a Hot Roddy.

HOT ROD:

“Ever hear your grandmother talk about drinking a Hot Toddy when she was sick? Well, this is what I call a Hot Roddy.”

JAY:

“I assume it can cure what ails ya…or ails me. After all the drinking and partying at Monster Mania so far, this is just what I needed. Some kind of an elixir to rejuvenate me.”

HOT ROD:

“You’re damn right, and remember Jay, this drink ain’t FOR EVERYBODY, but if you want a banana have a banana, us, we gonna have ourselves a Hot Roddy.”

HOT ROD

Oh no…

JAY:

Oh no, what?

HOT ROD:

Oh no…who is that taking our picture? Please don’t tell me it’s that damn motherf*ckin’ Dino Drac, that sonofabitch! OK, OK, that’s enough pictures, you know where you can stick those VHS tapes! This is the last picture and then get that photographer the hell out of here!

I have come here to show you at least 10 photos and kick ass, and I’m all out of photos.

Monster Mania 27 Recap

Posted on March 11, 2014 by sexyarmpit

Freddy Krueger was in town over the weekend. The mere thought of this may have struck an incredible amount of fear into you back in the mid ’80s, but nowadays it’s not as scary as it is cool. At some point in the future, we’ll look back and marvel at how monumental of a thing this was. FREDDY F’N KRUEGER himself meets and greets his fans, quite often I might add, in New Jersey of all places. This is the type of thing that happens all the time at the Cherry Hill chapter of Monster Mania.

Negating all that build-up, I wasn’t actually there to meet Robert Englund. Nope, my mission for Monster Mania 27 was merely to cruise around the dealer rooms and hang out with friends. While not as monumental as the 26th Monster Mania, #27 did have its charms.

Homemade Horror Chocolates!

As we stared down several stories to the ground floor from our newly renovated room at Crown Plaza in Cherry Hill, we gazed at the Englund line. His drawing power is tremendous every time. The line to meet him is usually wrapped at least halfway around Crowne Plaza.

When I see the Englund line, I wonder to myself, are these all people who have met him before and want to meet him again, or is this line sprinkled with a whole new generation of fans? I imagine it’s a bit of both which is a really cool thing. The crowd is usually very diverse. It’s not just a bunch of middle aged people going to meet equally as old if not older celebrity guests. Appropriately, there’s constantly new blood. I witnessed it first hand when a young kid/horror fan who couldn’t have been more than 12, ran up to John “Freddy in Space” Squires and his wife Jen to say hello. It was one of those cool moments that reinforced the fact that the horror community is tight knit and comes out in full force to local horror cons such as this.

This Guy…

One of the cool things about the March installment of Monster Mania is that it usually falls near my birthday on the calendar. That was pretty awesome for a long time, but with each passing year the novelty has began to wear off. Any time I’m at Monster Mania I feel like there aren’t many other places I’d rather be…probably only Disney World. It must be that all the nostalgia makes me feel like a kid again. I feel very at home and at ease at the cons because they’re a chance to tune out the world and get transported to an alternate reality. I love being able to talk to people with the same interests as me as well as doing some horror-themed shopping.

Something in my mind tells me that I’ll get more out of the experience if I don’t go to a con merely just to buy stuff. Is it a fuller experience if I meet some of the celebrity guests as well as shop for stuff on my macabre mental checklist? This time around I was a clean slate. I was going for no other reason than just to be there and enjoy the experience. Usually, that’s the precise time when the coolest stuff pops out at me. Plus, it’s more fun to be taken off guard by an item you didn’t even realize you wanted.

Once we arrived we wasted no time swinging through all the dealer rooms a few times. This is the first time that I don’t think I bought anything except food and drinks. I’m proud of myself. I didn’t even buy a t-shirt, but that’s because I have..all of them. Matt found a few toys that he discussed in his Monster Mania post and later he surprised me with an insanely awesome Slimer night light! Thanks Matt! See a picture of it at my Instagram (instagram.com/sexyarmpit.)

We purposely thought it best not to intentionally try to recapture the over the top nature of the August installment of Monster Mania, so we just hung out for the rest of the night and had a few drinks. The kitchen at the hotel bar was backed up. This wait resulted in John, Matt, and myself debating about our favorite Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th films. I feel like we talk about this same topic each time we are in each others presence, but it always seems like we accomplish something in the conversation. Sometimes I get looked at like an elitist film snob for my taste in NMOES movies. As a kid I swore Dream Warriors was my favorite, and it may be one of my favorites, but ultimately, the original is without a doubt my favorite and it’s the installment I can watch anytime without having to be in the mood for it. As far Friday the 13th goes, I’m pretty sure we all agreed (but I’m only officially quoting myself) that 1984’s Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter is our favorite of the F13th series.

After we finally ate and had a few beers we ran into Tom Bryce from Shit Movie Fest – a guy who I swear I’ve most likely brushed shoulders with at previous Monster Manias but didn’t realize it. It was great to meet him since he’s one of the nicest dudes from our online world. I also saw our friend Jess Rajs from Gorgeous and Gory and a few other horror-fiend friends of mine.

“Someone saw a clown up on 12…”

Later, we all decided it was time to head to the room rather than being loud and obnoxious in the lobby which had pretty much cleared out for the night. We hopped on the elevator and ran into a creepy clown guy in the elevator. I wish this was going to lead into some sort of horror movie scenario, but it doesn’t. This guy’s got to get to his room to get some sleep just like everyone else does.

The following paragraph contains situations of a graphic and violent nature, reader discretion is advised.

I’m not sure how it began, but I’m pretty sure I instigated it.

The epic hotel room match between John Squires and myself included tons of back and forth, reverse knife edge chops, and even some painful scientific holds, but ultimately I took home the win. Now you know Johnny wouldn’t let me off that easy. We couldn’t take away his heat like that either. Smart booking dictates that he needed to pull some real #heel type shit.

As I was reeling from the win, I heard Dinosaur Dracula announce me as the winner (just before he passed out for the night grasping his new Boglin) and at that point it really felt like I was in the ring getting cheered and jeered by a packed house at Boardwalk Hall in Atlantic City, home of Wrestlemania 4 and 5 (at least that’s what was going through my mind.) Distressed, John’s wife Jen looked with a tear streaming down her face, she ran into the ring/bed area and tried to console a stunned John. I hobbled over to take a swig of beer for the working man from my can before I could throw it in the trash and…BAM!!!

John spears me into the wall.

The whole room shook.

Can you blame us? We were a mere 8 miles away from the ECW Arena. Extreme vibes were running wild. This is how the commentators would’ve called it, when you read these, hear them in your mind as they would sound:

JIM ROSS

“SPEARED INTO THE WALL! SPEAR! SPEAR! WHAT A DASTARDLY ATTACK! THE WALL HAS CAVED IN! BUSINESS HAS JUST PICKED UP!”

GORILLA MONSOON

“WHAT A PEARL HARBOR JOB ON THE PART OF SQUIRES…THIS IS DESPICABLE.” – Gorilla Monsoon

BOBBY HEENAN

“AT LEAST JAY GOT TO HAVE THAT LAST SIP OF HIS BEER, WOULDN’T WANT TO SEE IT GO TO WASTE. NOW SOMEONE GIVE THIS MAN A HARVEY WALLBANGER.”

JESSE “THE BODY” VENTURA

“HE WAS JUST CRACKING HIS BACK FOR HIM McMAHON!”

MICHAEL COLE

“VINTAGE SQUIRES”

Bless the people in the adjacent hotel room. They were saints for not calling in a noise complaint. I feel even worse for the newly renovated hotel room itself since it surely felt the wrath of two of the most powerful and destructive bloggers and writers on the face of the planet. Don’t worry, if the earth is ever in some sort of diabolical peril, the two of us will join forces as a tag team and doggy paddle everyone who fell into the Atlantic Ocean to safety. You’re welcome.

It was pretty embarrassing when we ran into our nice neighbors as we both checked out at the same time the next morning. They told us that they thought the mirror was going to fall off the wall in their room. A big thanks to them for being such good sports.

Mother F’N Monster Mania Recap August 2013

Posted on August 18, 2013 by sexyarmpit

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The 3 Ts of Monster Mania. sTop buying more shiT you money wasTer.

I don’t need anymore fucking t-shirts. Seriously. I have about 450 damn t-shirts. I’ve written about t-shirts over a hundred times at this blog. I wear one every single day. But did I really need to buy 3 more of them? Read on my friends as I answer that burning question as well as give you a quick recap of the Monster Mania convention that went on in Cherry Hill, NJ this weekend.

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Friday the 13th Blood-splattered Lunchbox

Many people who go to conventions like Monster Mania go with an objective. Within the last couple of years they’ve become very routine to me and I’ve been heading there just to browse and meet up with friends to shoot the shit for a while. Usually there’s at least one thing that I’d like to pick up. Sometimes it’s a DVD and rarely there’s a lower tier celebrity appearing who I have a very specific question for. This past weekend became a ridiculous impromptu party with Dino Drac, Freddy in Space, and myself, but I’ll let Dinosaur Dracula do what he does best as he explains that one right here at this link.

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Random sculpture of Hollywood Hulk Hogan’s skeleton still putting himself over in the afterlife

Anyway, what do I always wind up buying? T-shirts. Always t-shirts. My life is consumed by them. It’s a love/hate relationship. This time around I came home with 3. What’s even more insane is that I was flirting with the idea of buying 2 others! That would’ve been 5 shirts in one Monster Mania con.

The first shirt was devised by Shit Movie Fest and Curious Goods, with art by London 1888 and I picked it up for a reason. “Where’s the Fucking Bourbon” is a line from Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3 and it never fails to amuse me. I read last year that the aforementioned crew was making this tee and I thought it was an awesome idea, but par for the course, I forgot all about it. Luckily, they had some left when I stopped by their setup this weekend.

Next up is the incredible tee from Electric Zombie. Lots of old school WWF inspiration over there. Check out their awesome horror related art. This tee called “Camper” has a hottie backpacking through the woods near Camp Crystal Lake. Notice the Jason mask hanging off the backpack. This is just a sampling of the kick ass creations they were offering. I really wanted to buy more, but I had to stop myself.

And finally, I supported our monstrous friends, The Ghouligans with their logo shirt. They have new episodes on the way so stop by their official site.

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Killer Workout from VHSPS

In the DVD department, I stopped by the VHSPS store and picked up the ridiculous cheese-fest known as Killer Workout a.k.a Aerobicide which was recommended to me by @thedarkhours from KillerReviews.com. This tweet of mine made him aware that this sort of thing IS my bag baby. By the way…this movie is so fucking AWFUL.

This installment of Monster Mania exceeded my expectations for reasons other than the crap that I brought home with me. Like I said – check out Dinosaur Dracula’s run down of all the insanity that went on there.

Monster Mania 21 In Cherry Hill, NJ

Posted on March 13, 2012 by sexyarmpit

I really thought it might have been different this time. For some reason I thought Monster Mania ironed out some of its kinks. In some respects they did, but others remain the same. This report should be short and sweet considering I spent less than 3 hours there this time around.

Some friends of mine expressed the fact the MM con is so damn expensive, even for children. That sucks because if you want to take your whole family you can spend a lot money just on the entrance fee. Then factor in all the cool stuff that you see when walking around that you didn’t even bank on buying, but “needed” to have.

Take the above photo for instance. Ever since the first time I saw The Shining when I was a kid, I always said I wanted the photo from the end of the film, but never knew how to get it. Before the days of the Internet, finding rare prints like this was nearly impossible. Within the past few years I was able to get a few large jpegs of the image, but nothing suitable enough for framing or hanging. Now, I finally have it, and for a mere $15 bucks. To me, that’s affordable for a picture I’ve basically dreamed of owning for years.

I was intent on not going overboard buying crap this time. I had more festivities planned for the rest of the weekend for my birthday so I tried to be conservative. That didn’t mean there would be no impulse buys though. I talked for a while to Neil Meschino, the filmmaker behind the indy horror movie Mold! (moldthemovie.com). I had a very informative chat with him about his experience making the film. Lots of props to him and I can’t wait to watch it! Another purchase was for a good cause – I donated $20 bucks to Scares That Care and in return I got their cool T-shirt. Also, I couldn’t pass up the Friday the 13th art print shown below by Scuuum Inc. from their Slasher Babes series. That was pretty much it as far as “stuff” goes, and now onto the celebs!

Back in an earlier preview post for Monster Mania, I was pumped to read the news that Robert Englund and the cast of the original Blair Witch Project would be appearing. Ultimately though, I wasn’t super set on paying to meet all these people because I had limited funds this time around. Perhaps the cast of BW2 may have twisted my arm though! My main reason for being there was to get a pic/autograph from Anthony Michael Hall since I have been a life long fan of his films, even some of the shitty ones. Luckily, since I got there fairly early I was able to get a good spot on line, and by the time he actually arrived (a little over and hour late), he had a legion of people waiting for him.

Anthony Michael Hall was really cool even though I didn’t really have a chance to say much to him. AMH is on a higher level of fame than some of the other stars that usually appear at the con. One of the benefits of meeting one of the lower tier celebs at these cons is that you can more than likely have time to shoot the shit with them about things you always wanted to ask them, but when the person has 100 people waiting for them, it makes it more of a challenge. Either way – Anthony Michael Hall was a good guy and happy to meet his fans. It was also cool to run into my friend Jessica Rajs – creator of the Gorgeous and Gory Zombie Pinup Calendar. If you missed her at the con you can pick one up at their official website. Hot Zombie Pinup Girls, what more can you ask for?!!

Even with so many drawbacks, I still can’t stay away from these cons. The entrance fee is high and the parking still is ridiculously atrocious. I wish I could refrain from going sometimes, but I feel like it’s a place to buy cool stuff, meet and talk to like minded people, and of course get some cool autographs. It also doesn’t hurt that the spring installment of Monster Mania usually falls on my birthday weekend so it’s a good way to celebrate. Did you go to Monster Mania 21? What are your thoughts on the various horror/pop-culture conventions?

Monster Mania Con 2012

Posted on February 28, 2012 by sexyarmpit

I must be a glutton for punishment. Another year brings a new set of Monster Mania Cons to the New Jersey/Philadelphia area and regardless of all my usual complaints I already ordered a ticket for myself. Something in the back of my head always says parking will get better and lines for autographs will miraculously be shorter, but it doesn’t matter because I’m ultimately going to wind up right in the thick of things anyway.

Once again this year’s Monster Mania Con features another damn good lineup including Robert Englund, a Blair Witch cast reunion, Alex Winter, Anthony Michael Hall, a Walking Dead reunion, and many more guests! Check out the promo video posted below put together by Rob Dimension who will also be at the show! If you plan on going to the con let us know via Twitter @sexyarmpit !

Monster Mania Con takes place March 9th-11th 2012 at the Crown Plaza in Cherry Hill, NJ

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubtU3Q5Neww?rel=0]

Missing Monster Mania :(

Posted on August 19, 2011 by sexyarmpit

I’m going to miss Monster Mania Con this weekend

Hopefully another one will be right around the bend

But if you plan on being there in Cherry Hill

There are plenty of guests on the bill!

Cary Elwes, and a reunion of the Walking Dead!

and William Ragsdale from Herman’s Head!?!

Danielle Harris that little hottie…

and I think Casper Van Dien, but my memory is spotty

Winston Zeddemore and Walter Peck?

And I won’t be there? WHAT THE HECK?!?!

Can’t forget the creator of Troma, my man Lloyd

but remember, get there early because it’s the parking that you’ll want to avoid!

Monster Mania Con is today through Sunday at Crowne Plaza in Cherry Hill, New Jersey!

Go to their official site for more info!