GREAT GEEK GORGE #6: Christmas 2012 Edition

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A few friends have asked me what kind of cool stuff I got for Christmas. I told them that in due time they’ll be able to read all about it at The Sexy Armpit. See, that’s the beauty of having a blog. I avoid having to rattle off the same list of things at different times to handfuls of people. I decided to incorporate a run-down of some of the awesome 2012 Christmas gifts I got into one of my favorite columns here, the Great Geek Gorge.

I can’t say that I actually had anything specific that I wanted for Christmas this year, but I did indeed drop a few hints at some items that were bouncing around in my brain.

Christmas 2012

It’s hard for my family and Miss Sexy Armpit’s family to buy me any kind of media. Buying me a DVD or a CD will usually be futile since I have thousands of them and it will most likely be a duplicate. I’m maturing a bit though. Or should I say I’ve been practicing restraint? I waited on buying The Dark Knight Rises and the WWE’s C.M Punk documentary on Bluray because I knew Christmas was coming up, so I threw that idea out there to Miss Sexy Armpit and her mom got them for me! It was like magic.

Miss Sexy Armpit did a great job picking up cool gifts for me as always. She got me a Batman plush “pillow” and throw blanket. I don’t see how the plush doll is a pillow but maybe since it’s geared toward boys they didn’t want to explicitly describe it as a doll or plush toy. Either way, it’s pretty awesome and I had a similar Superman doll like that but from the Knickerbocker company when I was a kid.

Before I get to the big crowd-pleasers there were a few things that I didn’t ask for, but I was still very happy to receive. First I got an awesome black cross with a diamond in it on a chain as well as a pair of work out pants. There was also an awesome K’nex KISS set, a USB salt rock lamp for my desk, and a knit hat with ear buds built in. Then, there aren’t many other ways to describe it but here it goes – a Coach “man purse,” It’s more like a mini backpack, but really there’s no other way around it. At the end of the day it’s still going to be referred to as a man purse. It’s pretty swank though. It’s a step up from my old TV Guide duffel bag that they sent me for free. I can understand not wanting to be seen in public with a guy carrying that around, especially while on vacation.

For those who know me or follow me on Twitter (@sexyarmpit) I’ve been obsessed with A&E’s Storage Wars for the last few months. I’m not into the other variations on the show, just the original incarnation. My favorite is Barry Weiss – that guy cracks me up. He always puts on these black skeleton gloves before he picks stuff out of lockers and I wanted a pair of my own.

The gloves and the next item you’ll read about were the only items I actually threw out as ideas for Christmas. I was a little sad that I didn’t get the gloves after my girlfriend and I exchanged gifts, but then, soon after, I was ecstatic when Miss Sexy Armpit’s mom got them for me!

Jay and 24-inch Gene SimmonsOne KISS collectible that I always wanted but never got my hands on was a limited edition 24-inch Gene Simmons statue by a budding (at the time) New York toy company called Art Asylum. The statue was part of the full band collection and created in the comic book style of the Destroyer album cover art. When pushed in, the statue’s base plays “God of Thunder.” The 24 inch line was sold at Spencer Gifts in 1999 and they each retailed for about $150.00. Back then it was too pricey for me. Nowadays a full set mint in box would probably go for close to $1,000. although I’m no Toy Hunter. Jordan Hembrough would probably ask $1300!

Around the time their big comeback record Psycho Circus, the KISS craze was on again worldwide. Toys, t-shirts, and comics filled stores like Spencer’s and KISS fans were going nuts buying everything in sight. The 24 inchers were the highest quality figures at the time, but with KISS fans you have to pick and choose what to spend money on, especially back then. There were concert tickets to be purchased, and plenty of other items that I lusted after, so I tried to ignore the most ultimate Gene Simmons figure I’d ever seen. Then, years later, at KISS cons and on eBay, the prices increased a bit.

Aside from my KISS fountain that spews blood out of Gene’s mouth, dubbed “The Gene Simmons Vomitizer” by Sebastian Bach on an episode of MTV Cribs (which coincidentally Miss Sexy Armpit ALSO got for me for Christmas one year), this giant limited edition figure is the Holy Grail of Gene Simmons collectibles in my opinion. It was hot on my mind and I figured I’d tell Santa, Miss Sexy Armpit, or anyone who would listen that I wanted this giant Gene for Christmas. So what if I was 14 years late on the mark?

Miss Sexy Armpit came through and continued to feed my KISS habit! She also came up with the idea to customize a pair of Sexy Armpit sunglasses for me. These are very cool pilot style sunglasses made by a company called Vaunt – check them out! The Sexy Armpit logo and name are etched into the lenses! The company can put anything you want on the lenses so it’s a cool gift idea!

Thank you to everyone who made this Christmas kick ass for The Sexy Armpit!

Ad Jerseum 3: Corona “This Island Jersey”

“Bundle up!” not cheery. pissed. have to walk outside in 19 degree weather. shovel. scoop. toss. shovel. brush snow off car. get into car. residual snow falls onto seat. sit down, ass gets wet. turn car on. crank up defroster. get out of car. scrape ice off windshield. spray de-icer on windshield. begin to drive even though glass still fogged up. “Can’t be late for work!” obviously not smiling. roll down window. more snow falls into car. stick head out so I can see where I’m going. wonder why I don’t live here:

NJ,corona,beer,ad,billboard

Believe it or not, I’ve been trying to track down a picture of this awesome billboard for a long time, but to no avail, until now. A few years back while on a train ride to New York City, I saw the same billboard as pictured above in Newark and thought it was one of the coolest beer ads ever. Corona ads have always taken a different approach from other beer brands. I praise Corona’s ad campaigns for making abundantly clear that they are a different breed than your average brew. This is cerveza. Sure, it’s easy to sell beer to frat boys. Bud, Miller Lite and Coors Light ads, all seem to say “I’m a masculine guy who loves sports and sexy women who love sports, now let’s get wasted!” Listen up, I’m not giving Corona props just because they were brazen enough to feature the Garden State in one of their ads, but they actually do present themselves in a more sophisticated light.

The regional aspect of this billboard accomplished more than what an average ad could. Back on that train ride, I took a glimpse of the billboard for a fleeting second but the image stuck with me. Momentarily, my mind was whisked away to the alluring, mysterious, and deserted island of New Jersey where beer runs from bathroom faucets and the warm ocean water is blue and the sand is soft and white. This visual only works for a few seconds until I abruptly flashback to what I actually have to deal with on a daily basis. In the winter, I wait about a minute and a half for my faucet water to become luke warm, so let me verify that no beer comes out. Then of course, our ocean water is usually frigid, which is more scary than refreshing even on sweltering days, and it’s dirty, nay, probably contaminated. The sand? Fuggedaboutit. Broken shells, cigarette butts, garbage, mashed up jellyfish, crab carcasses, used condoms; It’s all displayed for you like an unexpected putrid potpourri. You thought a vacation at the Jersey Shore was supposed to be all fried Oreos and Snookie? Ha. It’s a tough call but I’m going to say that Corona’s imaginary Jersey Island is intensely more appealing. I can envision myself right now relaxing on the beach, with my feet massaged into the soft white sand and the only thing I might have to defog is my sunglasses.
*A big thanks goes out to Michael William Sullivan for taking this perfect shot of the Corona Billboard. I’ve gone to several lengths to get a hold of this ad directly from Corona and the ad agency who created it, but neither were helpful.  It would seem that presenting an ad on a blog could only mean free advertising for the product, right? Maybe next time when The Sexy Armpit knocks on their door they’ll give up the goods. Check out all of Michael William Sullivan’s excellent photography here at his Deviant Art page.

Sunglass

The following is something that has been bothering me for a long time. When I decide to buy a pair of sunglasses I go to “Sunglass Hut” in the mall. I’m always perplexed by the name of that store. Why is it called “Sunglass Hut?” It’s my belief that many pairs of any type of glasses including that of sunglasses would have an “es” on the end. In sum, I RE-NAME the store “SUNGLASSES HUT” in order to serve my grammatical needs. If they carried “Sunglass“, I highly doubt I would even think to shop there for a pair of sunglasses. For all I know, “Sunglass” could be something completely different from “Sunglasses.” They should go F themselves for having such a stupid name.

WORD OF THE DAY THAT SHOULD BE USED WAY MORE OFTEN: Rigamarole
Confused, rambling, or incoherent discourse; nonsense.
A complicated, petty set of procedures.