Tasty cereal is like a great song. It can be enjoyed again and again. Although, just recently, a great song came to mind after eating an atrocious cereal. In the 1991 dance pop song “Temptation,” Corina sang the lyrics “Temptation is a part of life, it doesn’t matter if it’s wrong or right.” Back then its classic club beats brought many people onto dance floors, but if there was a dance club in my mouth, Pebbles Boulders turned my taste buds into wallflowers.
In the summer, on my friend Greg’s site Half Assed Productions, I saw that Fruity Pebbles released yet another spin-off cereal. This came a long time after the release of 2010’s disappointing Marshmallow Pebbles. Those would’ve been better if they were Marshmallow FRUITY Pebbles, but instead they failed because they offered a weird tasting vanilla/graham flavor pebble.
Giving into temptation is what the song is about and it’s exactly what I did when I was at Shop-Rite the other night. I bought a box of Pebbles Boulders. Why, Why, Why did I do this? Why is it that I continuously fall for limited release food gimmicks? Slap “For a Limited Time” or “Limited edition” and my curiosity gets the better of me. Most times I think to myself “This flavor is probably so incredible that they would sell out of it so fast so they could only produce limited quantities…NEED TO BUY.” We all know that limited edition cereals are rarely as good as their original counterparts, but somehow I fall for them anyway knowing they will most likely SUCK!
With a flavor such as stone age caramel apple, I thought it sounded original enough that it could be good. I thought about how many cereals have been apple flavored aside from Apple Jacks and Apple Cinnamon Cheerios, and there hasn’t been too many, at least on my local store shelves. In the end, I brought home the Boulders and tried a bowl. It’s hard to believe just how heinous the flavor is. They taste like ass, ketchup, and caramel apples all smashed up in a dirty gym sock. Apologies to the food flavor innovator who formulated this one. It’s too bad because Boulders is a great name for a spin-off Fruity Pebbles. And Fred Flintstone looked so convincing of their deliciousness on the front of the box.
On a side note, ever since I was a kid I have been continually disappointed by cereals, especially limited editions. I know many of you remember the Batman cereal that came out after the 1989 Batman movie. That was just Captain Crunch in bat-shapes! Then the Ghostbusters and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cereals both failed to impress me, but with further forced consumption I grew more fond of them. Not having that instant love affair with a certain cereal meant that they really weren’t that impressive. Gone are the days of my favorite cereals ever: Strawberry Shortcake (yes I’m a dude), Smurfberry Crunch, E.T, and C3P0’s. Cereal companies would make a TON of people happy if they dug up the recipes for these and re-released them. Permanently.
I guess me and iPhone were not meant to be, at least for now.
On Friday I was feeling a little wacky, perhaps impulsive. I was overcome with an urge to get an iPhone. When the original iPhone came out I didn’t feel like being my usual pretentious “early adopter” self. I exhibited restraint, took a deep breath, and calmed my impatience. I told myself to wait it out, especially since the prices were extremely high. Another reason why I held off was because I had just taken advantage of my upgrade offer from AT&T and purchased the Samsung Blackjack. I wasn’t too fond of it, but to me it was the best of the worst. That Blackjack has since bit the dust and now resides in the great cell site in the sky. Actually, I jumped in the pool at Harrah’s Atlantic City, forgetting that I had it in my pocket! That really sucked. Considering I had to replace it for close to $300 bucks!
Traditionally, I hate all phones that are released from every company. Bitter is a nice way of describing my feelings toward all cell phones in existence so I was hoping that the iPhone would finally be the Christmas spirit to my Skeletor. I could list 500 reasons why all cell phones suck but that would get repetitive and just plain silly toward the end. The hope, the light at the end of the tunnel for me will be the iPhone. If not, I’ll be doomed to have shitty phones for the rest of my life and I’ll continue to hate on all cell phone manufacturers for distributing such crap.
Friday was going to be my day. I was pumped. I knew I wasn’t eligible for an upgrade until November 1st but after spending a lifetime on the phone with ATT customer service, I swindled an early upgrade. Once I got to the store they said “Sorry sir, your early upgrade doesn’t qualify for the iPhone.” Well gee I wish they would’ve freakin’ told me that while I was waiting on hold for an eternity to get a customer service rep to grant me an early upgrade. They basically cockblocked me. How does it make sense for AT&T NOT to sell me the iPhone? My upgrade date was modified so it was actually NOW and they wouldn’t sell me the iPhone!
Here’s how their stupidity breaks down: My plan right now is $39.99 and once all the taxes, and extra charges for text messaging factor in, my bill is about $60 – $65 dollars a month.
If I got the iPhone the plans for phone and text messaging and internet would run me at the very least $100 a month. That’s 40 extra dollars a month that I’d be giving to AT&T! $480 in a year is way more than I’d even spend on any phone. They were going to let me upgrade to a different phone which could’ve been as expensive as the iphone such as a Blackberry or another top of the line smartphone. Don’t you think that they should just sell me the iPhone at $200 instead of plain flat out letting me walk out of the store without shelling out any money?
They really wanted me to buy the iPhone at regular price which is still in my opinion too expensive. No, scratch that…the iPhone is probably worth spending all that money. But all the times I paid full price for shitty phones cancels out my desire for shelling out loads of cash for phones in the future. Let’s hope they don’t give me any shit in November when I’m “officially” eligible for an upgrade. If not, someone’s gonna get upgraded to a nice, sleek, punch in the face.