cell phones Archives - Sludge Central

Angry Birds T-Shirts on the Wildwood Boardwalk

Have you checked yourself into an Angry Birds 12 step program yet? If not, you need to come to terms with your addiction! The widespread fixation with Angry Birds has had millions of people’s fingers attached to their touch screen smart phones as they attempt to slingshot birds into innocent swine. I’ve never even played the game, but it seems like everywhere I look at least one person is playing this damn game. According to Wikipedia, Angry Birds has been downloaded over 300 million times so far combined across all platforms. I haven’t seen this kind of fervor for a video game on a phone since Tetris or Bejeweled. Although I haven’t launched any birds from a virtual slingshot myself, I actually have had the pleasure of flinging wrestlers via the WWE Superstar Slingshot game app. That game is the same concept although instead of birds you can catapult John Cena into Randy Orton. If you’re an Angry Birds obsessed New Jerseyan, the schlocky t-shirts I spotted on the Wildwood Boardwalk are especially for you. Do these tees signal the metaphorical angry bird jumping the shark?

Ad Jerseum: So much Jersey advertising it’ll make you vomit!

I really don’t care if you can or can’t hear me now. I don’t give a crap that you think Luke Wilson got fat. Who’s the biggest, who’s the best, 4G or 35G, who has the iPhone killer; the answers to all of these questions are meaningless. If only our brain power went into important things rather than worrying about how to swindle your way out of your cell contract and bypassing termination fees so you can switch and get that phone you really wanted.

After seeing ads like the one pictured above, ATT may have convinced you to switch over to their service despite incessant complaints about it’s poor coverage. Perhaps seeing your future swayed your thinking a little bit. Millions of people drive the Garden State Parkway to head to the Jersey Shore in the summer, and God forbid you don’t have a cellphone! Do people forget the severe legal penalties that exist for talking on a cell phone while driving? I see about half of the people on the road yapping away without a care in the world. Ahh, who cares, right? In this advertisement, those cars are lined up in “full bars formation,” so as long as we have coverage to talk to our friend Melissa with the whiny Staten Island accent and the 4 foot long fingernails then all is right with the world.

Whether you’re using an iPhone, a Droid, a Blackberry, 2 tin cans with a string, or mental telepathy to communicate, it’s all B.S. The fact that I hear people on a daily basis engaging in heated debates about what cell phone carrier has the best service is complete idiocy. The bottom line is that all of the companies suck ass because they all provide mediocre service, atrocious customer service, and are ridiculously overpriced. You can buy the cheapest voice plan, but when you want a smartphone they tell you that you can’t have one unless you buy an unlimited or high priced data plan. You started out thinking you would save some cash by getting a cheap voice plan and then you wind up paying more than double thanks to the data plan and the various extra charges and fees. Who knows what those are for. At that point, you realize you’re paying $100 bucks a month so you can download one stupid ESPN app. What’s more important is the fact that many of us actually are paying over $100 bucks monthly for a single cell phone plan.

Please stop buying into all the hype. ATT vs. Verizon is like McDonald’s vs. Burger King and Pepsi vs. Coca Cola. We’ll never see the end of it, but can’t we stop with all the nonsense about coverage and if you can hear me know, and reliability, and missed calls? I personally don’t give a crap. IT’S A CELL PHONE FOR F-CKS SAKE! We’re not deciding the fate of the world here people! There are so many more important things that I’d prefer my mind get bombarded with during the duration of a day than having to listen to the public girl fighting between two ridiculously rich and greedy cell phone companies.

Wireless providers should have learned long ago that lobbing lame insults at each other only makes them look weak, and it’s NOT what I call advertising. Bitching about each other is what happens in high school. Get the f-ck over yourselves. So to all the cell phone providers out there, Verizon, ATT, T-Mobile, Sprint, etc, you all need to MAN UP and learn how to make a convincing case for your product without acting like little immature children. And obvious New Jersey puns are off limits as well.

cell phones

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 79: Angry Birds in Wildwood!

Ad Jerseum 4: AT&T on the GSP