kato Archives - Sludge Central

Green Hornet Giveaway!

Posted on March 18, 2011 by sexyarmpit

TO ENTER THE GREEN HORNET GIVEAWAY:
1) Simply email sexyarmpit@comcast.net
2) SUBJECT: HORNET
3) Name and address

Winner will be chosen at random through a number generator and announced on 4/1/11.

Winner will receive:

– The Green Hornet and Kato figures

(it must be mentioned that the paint job isn’t so hot on Kato’s mask, but hey, it’s free, so no complaining!)

– You’ll also receive the Black Beauty Key Chain

– Green Hornet Hat

Recently I ripped on Carl’s Jr. but I am striking those comments from the record. They had originally claimed to be sending me some of the Green Hornet tie-in toys they were offering in their restaurant, but they didn’t come through. I was pissed off at them and made it known through an angry post which can be r ead here. Much of the reason why I was fuming was because there are NO Carl’s Jr. restaurants on the east coast, which is why it was difficult for me to get my hands on the Hornet toys during the films premiere. I knew I could wait for them to go on ebay, but it was obvious that I’d be paying up to $10 bucks per toy or probably more.

In the end, Carl’s Jr. came through and worked everything out with me. They were nice enough to not only send me the Black Beauty key chain as well as an awesome Green Hornet mini poster. Also in the shipment was an extra set of stuff for a giveaway! Thanks so much to Carl’s Jr. and hopefully one day they’ll open one of their restaurants in Jersey!

My Green Hornet Toys from Carl’s Jr.!

Posted on January 12, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Green Hornet toys at a burger joint? What? Was I reading that correctly? I first heard the news of The Green Hornet toys at Carl’s Jr. via their Twitter account. I immediately tweeted back to them that there are no Carl’s Jr. restaurants in my vicinity for thousands of miles, (which isn’t an exaggeration) but I desperately wanted to get my hands on these toys. I’ve been a Green Hornet fan since my father introduced me to the classic radio shows on his old Philco radio when I was a kid, then by the time I saw the Batman TV series, I was already familiar with the character. Even though there have been a few toys associated with The Green Hornet, there’s just something memorable about collecting movie/fast food tie in toys.

Carl’s Jr. Green Hornet and Kato Action Figures

The Carl’s Jr. Twitter account told me to follow them and they would try to work something out. I waited a few days and heard nothing back, so I immediately wrote them off as a second rate fast food craphole that for some asinine reason only exists out west. Sorry if you swear by their food, but it must be the same type of feeling if you live in state that doesn’t have a White Castle…you poor thing! I feel for you because that truly sucks.

About to spring into action wearing Carl’s Jrs.’ Green Hornet Toy Mask

Scouring ebay for these toys at a ridiculous price would probably be my destiny, although I did have an alternate plan up my sleeve. I started to think of people I knew in states that had Carl’s Jr. restaurants to see if maybe they could hook a brother up. Meanwhile, my stealthy girlfriend, who can’t tell the difference between The Green Hornet and The Green Lantern, had a little covert operation of her own going on. She asked her cousin out in California to get me the toys and send them to Jersey. What a girl! So f*ck Carl’s Jr. for not getting back to me and not having a location in Jersey! BOO to them. And thank you to Miss Sexy Armpit and her cousin for confidentially procuring the Green Hornet toys for me!

Click HERE to read more of The Sexy Armpit’s Green Hornet related posts

Gondry – Be Kind, Don’t Ruin The Green Hornet!

Posted on February 28, 2009 by sexyarmpit

I have to admit, I wasn’t quite sold on Michel Gondry after seeing Be Kind Rewind. Certainly, that doesn’t mean I dissapprove of him being at the helm of next year’s Green Hornet film. Gondry chose to set Be Kind in New Jersey and in my world that’s like a Julius Erving baseline scoop even if the film sucks. Want proof? I spent over an hour writing about Dark Ride.

“…she couldn’t get the doors open.”

In Be Kind Rewind, the “odd couple” buddy team of Mike (Mos Def) and Jerry (Jack Black) put their heads together to figure out how to save Mr. Fletcher’s (Danny Glover) dilapidated old corner video store in Passaic, NJ from being turned into the town’s newly constructed center of commerce.

“…Look, i just want to improve the life of people in Passaic, that’s all.”

“…you must never slam the door or the building will collapse?”

Mike gets electrocuted while attempting to disable an electrical plant that’s apparently melting his brain, and then walks into the video store. His proximity to the rental tapes erases them all. In reaction, Mike and Jerry have a novel idea to record their own films and rent them out to customers. The “sweded” versions as they’re known as, inadvertantly get so popular with the customers from around town that they begin raising alot of money to save the store. Unfortunately, the amount of money raised wasn’t nearly enough to save the store.

Mike and Jerry replicate a scene from Ghostbusters as they bolt through the doors of the Passaic Public Library

Be Kind Rewind sparkled only occassionally and ultimately failed to showcase the skills where Gondry excels (see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind). The plot to Be Kind Rewind was inventive, but stock in many ways. Gondry used several typical movie conventions but I was expecting a far more cryptic affair considering Gondry’s innovative rep. Mike and Jerry could’ve been trying to save Average Joe’s Gym in Dodgeball or the South Harmon Institute of Technology (S.H.I.T) in Accepted. This scenario is overused, but otherwise the film was light, and enjoyable. It’s not one I’d watch multiple times though. Was Gondry attempting to win the mainstream? The film is not without merit, but the New Jersey backdrop is what turned me on the most.

The Green Hornet From Sony Pictures

Gondry had previously worked on a Green Hornet script around 1990. He wanted to be involved in the latest project so badly that Seth Rogen, in an interview with MTV, revealed: “To convince the studio to let him do it, he filmed a fight scene on his own.” Rogen expressed his awe of the short, action packed footage which leaves me with peace of mind. Hopefully Gondry will muster up all that avant-garde talent he’s got and use it to assemble a truly standout action film about the green cloaked vigilante. I trust that we Green Hornet fans are in good hands.

To many people, Seth Rogen seemed to be an odd choice at first. I feel like the team on this film must be inspired by the characters and the story of GH to come out with their Hornet Sting’s blazing. They are banking on a character who was popular in the golden age of radio, and during the ’60s when superhero campiness was at an all time high. Just like Evan (Michael Cera) says in Superbad: “I’m not too worried about it, really. I wouldn’t worry about it. Don’t worry about it. I’m not worried at all.” If you’re still worried after that, just keep in mind how much Rogen seems to have slimmed down for the role of Britt Reid/GH since he was announced. He looked as if he was never even a chubster at the Academy Awards last week, so perhaps he will fit through the door of Black Beauty after all!

click here for “A Memoir by the Green Hornet”

A Memoir by The Green Hornet

Posted on June 18, 2008 by sexyarmpit

To whom it may concern:

I never asked for much. I never wanted to be number one, I never asked them for anything. I didn’t have any “wonderful toys”, or crazy bionic-geo-thermal-night-gear-infrared suits. It was a hat and an overcoat, and I even got a little mask to cover part of my face. I got a neat car, no, not the Hornet-mobile, the Black Beauty. Yes, the name sounds like a horse, and it’s considered a “clunker” by today’s standards. It didn’t even talk, or cocoon itself.

Sure my sidekick Kato just happened to be Asian. I have nothing against Asians, but just because of his nationality he thought he was some martial arts “expert”. He was always trying to show off, making me look like a total incompetent tool. You might know Kato from “The Kato Show” oh no, wait…that’s what my show “The Green Hornet” was called in Hong Kong. Villains? Rogues Gallery? No such thing. It was about as exciting as a bank tellers banquet. No one with face paint, split personalities, serum injecting psychos, and especially no crazy reptiles. No, there was no Hornet-signal to light up the night sky, but I owned a newspaper, The Daily Sentinel. Excitement personified.

My great grand uncle was the Lone Ranger. Do you know how hard it was living in his shadow? The man carried silver bullets! He was a legend and they made him hang out with an angry Native American. Wow, aren’t we a stereotypical bunch! Tonto must’ve been some prick though, always poking fun at L.R calling him “Kimosabe”. I’da belted him one. That wasn’t too long before Wayne Enterprises bought the Daily Sentinel and re-named it the Gotham Globe. Publishers revolted: “Britt Reid’s not cool enough to own a newspaper.” (direct quote)

Apparently I wasn’t cool enough for DC comics, who wouldn’t even touch me with one of Penguin’s umbrellas. Marvel said let’s tell Stan about him and see what he could do with him. The next month SPIDER MAN debuted in the comics, that’s how effed up Stan is. I finally signed with now-defunct NOW comics, the publishers of the ever popular Ralph Snart, Married with Children, and Robocop titles. (among other quality books)

What about show biz? Hollywood you ask? Well, when my glory days of radio were over, my TV show wasn’t fun and exciting enough so they teamed us up with Batman and Robin. Those caped clowns were gayer-than-gay in their leotards. I was so much more of a bad-ass. You’ll notice in that episode I was such a hardcore outcast compared to the others. I got no respect. They were in talks to make a movie starring GREG KINNEAR playing myself, but it never got off the ground. Not enough “Flash and Balls” they said. I said, Eff ’em. I don’t need them. But the franchise and merchandising rights alone would’ve made me rich beyond my wildest dreams.

God knows I haven’t been in a film since they re-created a scene from the TV show for “Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story”. As of now the Green Hornet film is in limbo and the licenses and options belong to Miramax. Last I heard Seth Rogen was writing a script about me. I’ll remember him in my will since by the time he finishes the damn thing I’ll be dead. Chances are if Seth Rogen writes the script, the movie will be about how some old time pothead radio announcer, who couldn’t pronounce his “R” sound, began calling me Bwitt Weed instead of Britt Reid. One of my tag lines that shows up in the teaser trailer will probably be “They don’t call me the GREEN Hornet for nothing” as I exhale a cloud of green smoke which also doubles as a sleeping gas that I use to fight criminals. Maybe I should just write the damn thing? (sswswswswsw whispers…..WAIT WHAT? They want Seth Rogen to play ME?”) What a joke. Why don’t they just kill me on the spot and cast Jonah Hill? Whatever, f-ck it. They won’t listen to any of MY thoughts on who should play me! After all…who knows me better than me??? TED “JEFFERSON” MCGINLEY BITCHES! If we’re going to make this funny then we may as well go for the gold here.

Oh and for those who’ve been pretending to care about what I’ve been doing lately then here it goes: For the last six months I’ve been living with Big Aunt Bertha. The sad part is she’s not even my aunt. I’m not even related to her. She’s a prostitute. I couldn’t pay her, so she’s forced me to stay here with her. She’s smelly and enormous. I hate rubbing her feet. I’ve learned to try and enjoy giving her oral pleasure, and some of the other God awful things she makes me do. It wouldn’t be that bad if she didn’t have a DING-DONG down there. I do get a meal every two weeks. It’s not anything exquisite, but then again, I’m living in a rat infested shack with an enormous prostitute. I cannot keep writing, because Bertha is behind me.

But I’ll leave you with this: I wasn’t a flying squirrel, not even a cool bird or serpent, I was a bug, just a fly on the wall. But I wasn’t just a fly, I was a HORNET! A Hornet who couldn’t fly. A Hornet who’s writing this wearing the old Hornet mask and green lingerie, bent over getting “Bertha-fied”, with a gun in his mouth.

BERTHA: “Ohh my Britt…You are onnee horrrnny Hornet!”

I’ll try…to…keep one shred of …de…decency… if I could just reach my Hornet sting…

………………..Kato!!!

Ahh, Thank goodness you’re here, get this Fat Piece of Shit off my ass!