eBay Has Your NJ Zombie Hunting Permits

 photo NJzombiepermit02a_zps4bc2131f.jpg
You all better have your zombie hunting permits ready. It’s only a matter of weeks before literally all of New Jersey is taken over by zombies. I’m not kidding. In October we’re gonna have zombies down south in Atlantic City, and zombies up the Parkway in Asbury Park. Even though they are slow, they will begin to permeate neighborhoods. Considering the Guinness World Record for zombies will be broken this year, you better have your shit together. I listed the seller names of each one of these so you can look them up on eBay if you’re are so inclined.

If you’re seriously considering staying in Jersey when zombies roam the state, you might want to start getting prepared now. I’ve got you covered and did all the research for your ass. You’d think a local gun shop or even a town hall might be registering people for zombie hunting licenses, right? Actually no, in a surprising twist, eBay is your one stop shop for New Jersey zombie hunting permits. Once in a great while eBay does come through for something. I can’t guarantee they’re legit, but I can guarantee that you’ll seem either ever so slightly more skilled at killing zombies, or you’ll just look like a total dork with bullets whizzing passed your head. Who cares if they’re counterfeit anyway? What you really need is a badass gun, or enough guns to necessitate a rack if you catch my meaning.

 photo NJzombiepermit01_zpsd83db10d.jpg

 photo NJzombiepermit03_zps3c6c6320.jpg

If you want to seem more official to the oncoming zombies, then you might want to opt for the “State of New Jersey Certified Zombie Hunter embroidered patch.” From at least several feet away this one will make you look like you’re a decorated soldier or P.O.W (Probably Obsessed w/ Walking Dead.) Good luck out there. In the end, the zombies don’t give a crap what kind of patches or permits you have on.

 photo NJzombiepatch_zps55089153.jpg

GREAT GEEK GORGE #8: Eating Katy Perry, Chiller Theatre, and 12″ Action Dolls!

Welcome to the long winded 8th edition of Great Geek Gorge. This where I spew about some of the crap I bought or consumed recently and throw it all into one very random post. Today we’ll look at a new snack, some giant action figures, and some hot zombie mermaids.
 photo katyperrypopchips_zpsed522727.jpg
Katy Perry’s Kettle Corn Pop Chips
The thought of eating Katy Perry’s…chips…appeals to me. Like many of you, I also easily fall prey to product tie-ins. If Katy Perry was on the carton of Eggland’s Best, or growing her own line of organic watermelons (Katy’s watermelon’s…), or even a Campbell’s soup tie-in (Katy’s Clam Chowder), I’d be on line at the store as soon as they are released. You can see how it makes food more appealing. When I was a kid and went grocery shopping with my mom, anytime I saw Batman or Superman on the label of a peanut butter container, I nearly went into convulsions. Had to have it. Not much has changed.
Normally, I enjoy Pop Chips. They are a lighter alternative to other types of chips, but I can’t say I buy them often though because they seem pricey for a bag filled with air and just a few chips at the bottom. Hands down my favorite flavor is Barbecue – I could polish off a regular sized bag in no time. So when I saw a display of Katy Perry in Quick Check advertising her new Pop Chips flavor, it was obvious I went into my usual “buy two” mode. After tasting them I was disappointed that the Kettle Corn flavor wasn’t prominent enough. I don’t know if that means they weren’t sweet enough or what, but I will tell you that I don’t think it was necessary to make chips in the flavor of kettle corn when you can just buy a bag of actual kettle corn and bypass any possible disappointment. It’s like ordering steak-flavored chicken at a steakhouse. Katy should’ve just created her own candy line instead.
 photo lilyandjess_zpsd6a0c3e8.jpg
Chiller Theater Expo – April 26th, 2013
Usually I find a few cool things at the Chiller Theater Expo here in N.J to share with you and the Spring 2013 installment yielded a couple of worthy items. A few weeks back, the pop culture and toy convention took over the castle themed Sheraton in Parsippany, NJ. Sure, the guest signings are great, but my favorite part is always the dealer rooms. Even though the rooms get a bit cramped, they are chock full of stuff that you can’t find anywhere else.

First I ran into my buddy Jessica Rajs from Gorgeous and Gory. Each year, Jess and her crew create a fantastic calendar featuring zombified pinup models. This year’s theme is mermaids. The photography and effects are incredible and the makeup is superb, so head over to Gorgeous and Gory to get one for yourself!

Cookie’s art. kicks. ass. Cookie’s own brand of art is inspired by punk rock and horror and is aptly named Rock and Roll Art School. I wasn’t familiar with Cookie before the last Chiller, but that’s the beauty of the event. I was walking around the dealer room and anytime I see neon colors or Lily Munster I stop right in my tracks. I’m easily distracted so this brightly colored painting of Lily was screaming for me to buy it, and I replied out loud immediately, “You don’t have to scream at me neaon Lily, you had me at “Ohhh Herman.” Check out Cookie’s collection of vibrant monster and tattoo art for sale at his Etsy shop! http://www.etsy.com/shop/RockNRollArtSchool
batman photo batmanwb12inchfigure_zpse21e74f1.jpg

WB Store 12″ DC Super Heroes Batman Figure – now with BONUS extraneous backstory!

Lately I’ve been on a kick of larger sized action figures – which are actually more like dolls. Obviously many male collectors don’t want to admit that they own dolls, and I will only admit it if it seriously reminds me of a freaking doll. If it’s 6″ inches tall or smaller and is made of plastic, it’s an action figure. Any bigger than that then the figure/doll war rages on.
Growing up, I had no use for any figure larger than my Kenner Super Powers or Star Wars figures. They were perfectly sized and very easy to collect. I came to the party a little late for the ’70s Mego phase, so the larger sized action-doll type figures (satisfying everyone, see?) with changeable clothes never appealed to me, and they really still don’t. I’m talking about these 12″-14″ monstrous sized plastic and vinyl figures. I always used to wonder why these giant collectibles were even getting made and I also wondered who was actually buying them since they seemed to sit on the shelves forever when I was a kid. For some reason though, within the past year or so, I’ve been having these urges to own several key figures of this size. If you ask me what my inspiration is, I can’t even tell you because I have absolutely no clue what brought this on. I only recently found out about the re-release of the 12″ Star Wars figures, but I am not going to let myself fall into that Sarlaac Pit of collecting. Maybe the culprit was when I picked up those 10″ Dark Knight Rises Batman and Bane figures? Now just stop it Jay. We can’t keep this going or I’m going to have to buy another place just for my toys.
Let me take you back to when I could care less about figures of this size. When the mall was the place to be, before eBay and Amazon became one of my favorite past times, I actually used to go to the mall with my friends. Yes, we physically ventured out of the house and into a place where you could put one foot in front of the other and transport yourself from store to store. Novel idea right? Many times we walked to the two nearby malls, (ahh we used to have so much ambition, right?) other times we got dropped off by our parents. Much like Shannon in Mallrats, I too used to have a shopping agenda, and much like Brody in Mallrats, I was there for comics.

The two malls in my vicinity no longer even have comic book shops, but back in the day there were a couple that I frequented like Heroes World and Comic Attitudes, among others. In addition to the comic shops, I always had to stop at music stores like Record Town and Sam Goody, and eventually I’d start browsing videos at Suncoast Motion Picture Company. There was also the Warner Brothers Studio Store which usually came through with some cool DC Super Hero swag that you couldn’t find anywhere else.

That was a long journey just to tell you that I found a badass black 12″ Batman figure at Chiller. This particular figure/doll is one I hadn’t seen since my days of actually walking around the mall. I was able to knock the price down enough and brought it home. I felt like this was a good score since this specific line is pretty scarce, even on eBay. And now I find myself on a quest for a few of his peeps so he has someone to hang out with. The funny part about this line of DC Superheroes is that when they were on the shelves it was like they didn’t exist to me. I hated every aspect of oversized figures. Now, I’m obsessed with the idea. Funny how things change in some respects, but I’m still such an easy target for slapping Katy Perry on a bag of chips as if I was a 7 year old girl.

New Jersey Runs On Dunkin’!

D&D’s Limited Edition New Jersey DDestinations Collection Mug
The weather was so beautiful yesterday that I decided to take the back roads home from work. I even got really crazy and opened the sunroof. Something was missing though.

I felt like getting a pumpkin iced coffee from D&D. As it turns out, there’s no shortage of Dunkin’ Donuts locations in New Jersey, but what that actually means is that there’s one every 400 feet. I was near the Fanwood, NJ location so I pulled in. Whoa, long line! Usually the line is long for the breakfast rush, but at 5pm? Something told me not to jump in line right away.
Before I staked my claim on line behind the teenage girls that just got out of dance class, and the three stoner kids pooling their change together to buy vanilla bean Coolattas, I happened to notice a shelf with mugs to the right of the cash register, so I waltzed over to browse. As I got closer, I saw a bunch of ceramic mugs that said “New Jersey” on them. At first, I was in disbelief that D&D would offer a state branded mug, but it was real and it was begging me to bring it home.


The packaging that housed the mug clued me in that it’s part of D&D’s limited edition “DDestinations” mug collection. $5.99 was a fair price considering it’s a gigantic mug, well let me rephrase that, it’s actually more of a VAT. I won’t have to go back for refills with this one, especially since I also use mugs for other random beverages. The graphics on the ceramic mug are FAR from mind blowing, but the idea is still pretty neat. The colors are in line with D&D branding and the graphics feel like they are straight out of the ’70s or ’80s. These mugs are already popping up on eBay for $20 bucks, so if this kind of memorabilia appeals to you, then grab your state’s mug in-store while you can.
Most of the locations and points of interest depicted on the mug were easily identifiable, but I had a hell of a time attempting to figure out what the tall building was in the photo posted on the top right. After a lot of Google image searching and help from a friend we determined it’s a really poor interpretation of Goldman Sachs Tower in Jersey City, NJ.
In addition to Goldman Sachs Tower, the other points of interest were easy to figure out. You can see Ellis Island Immigration Station, Absecon Light House, Lucy The Elephant, a few acres of farmland, Atlantic City, and possibly Branchbrook Park in Newark which is known for the largest collection of Cherry Blossom trees in the U.S. I can’t officially say that’s what those trees are intended to represent, but I’m relatively certain. Can’t wait to fill this up with some D&D pumpkin or toasted almond coffee.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 99: Summerslam ’89


Vintage wrestling t-shirts ain’t no joke! For my entire life I’ve always heard that wrestling is “corny” and “cheesy.” The same people who used to criticize me for watching such “garbage” are the same ones who are secretly scouring eBay for an original Don “The Rock” Muraco t-shirt. Good luck paying anything less than $100 bucks for that one! Wrestling tees used to mean a lot more to the fans since the superstars weren’t given a new t-shirt to promote every month like they are now. Back in the ’70s and ’80s the guys were known to make their entrance with the same style shirt for years.

Hulk Hogan had “Hulkamania,” Rowdy Roddy Piper had “Hot Rod,” and many years later Steve Austin was known for his “Austin 3:16” shirt. Even a fairly short lived tag team like The Powers of Pain had their own shirt that can be found on eBay for a pretty penny. How much is a pretty penny you ask? Oh say about $150 bucks!


Collectors and sellers know that you can’t roll down to your local Target store and buy an original, vintage wrestling tee which is why they hike up the prices. No wonder eBay has got the corner on the market. It’s more about nostalgia nowadays and even pro-wrestling naysayers just want a piece of these shirts to be hip and old school. Well screw those people, they don’t deserve to be near a shirt as great as this. But back to the matter at hand, one store specifically, dirt_road_trading, offers an original 1989 Summerslam t-shirt.

The WWF’s summer extravaganza was only in it’s 2nd year and emanated from the Meadowlands Arena in East Rutherford, NJ. There’s no better time to discuss this shirt than now since WWE is presenting their next installment of Summerslam this Sunday and it’s being billed as the 25th anniversary of the event.

I remember back in the day, getting a t-shirt that was specially produced for a Pay-Per-View event was a big deal since it usually had the main event and some matches printed on the back of it. A commemorative t-shirt meant the event was huge! During that time the WWF put a little more effort and quality into their products by offering more than just a tee with a Summerslam logo on the front. I bet the tee was about $15 bucks back then, $20 at most if it was an adult size. Now it’s going for $100 dollars so that’s quite a jump. Be careful though, if you buy it and put it on, it might turn to dust!

This shirt kicked ass, and it was probably better than the event itself! Wait a second…the event was August 28th, 1989? The event was on a Monday night! What a downer! It’s hard enough to get through the work day coming off a weekend let alone the anticipation of seeing one of the top events in the wrestling industry adding to it! Although Summerslam ’89 didn’t quite live up to the previous year’s event, it still had a few strong points. You can read my synopsis of the ’89 Summerslam HERE and it’s program/event card HERE.

Green Hornet Giveaway!


1) Simply email sexyarmpit@comcast.net
3) Name and address

Winner will be chosen at random through a number generator and announced on 4/1/11.

Winner will receive:

– The Green Hornet and Kato figures 
(it must be mentioned that the paint job isn’t so hot on Kato’s mask, but hey, it’s free, so no complaining!) 
– You’ll also receive the Black Beauty Key Chain
– Green Hornet Hat  

Recently I ripped on Carl’s Jr. but I am striking those comments from the record. They had originally claimed to be sending me some of the Green Hornet tie-in toys they were offering in their restaurant, but they didn’t come through. I was pissed off at them and made it known through an angry post which can be read here. Much of the reason why I was fuming was because there are NO Carl’s Jr. restaurants on the east coast, which is why it was difficult for me to get my hands on the Hornet toys during the films premiere. I knew I could wait for them to go on ebay, but it was obvious that I’d be paying up to $10 bucks per toy or probably more.

In the end, Carl’s Jr. came through and worked everything out with me. They were nice enough to not only send me the Black Beauty key chain as well as an awesome Green Hornet mini poster. Also in the shipment was an extra set of stuff for a giveaway! Thanks so much to Carl’s Jr. and hopefully one day they’ll open one of their restaurants in Jersey!

My Green Hornet Toys from Carl’s Jr.!

Green Hornet Toys

Green Hornet toys at a burger joint? What? Was I reading that correctly? I first heard the news of The Green Hornet toys at Carl’s Jr. via their Twitter account. I immediately tweeted back to them that there are no Carl’s Jr. restaurants in my vicinity for thousands of miles, (which isn’t an exaggeration) but I desperately wanted to get my hands on these toys. I’ve been a Green Hornet fan since my father introduced me to the classic radio shows on his old Philco radio when I was a kid, then by the time I saw the Batman TV series, I was already familiar with the character. Even though there have been a few toys associated with The Green Hornet, there’s just something memorable about collecting movie/fast food tie in toys.

Green Hornet Toys
Carl’s Jr. Green Hornet and Kato Action Figures

The Carl’s Jr. Twitter account told me to follow them and they would try to work something out. I waited a few days and heard nothing back, so I immediately wrote them off as a second rate fast food craphole that for some asinine reason only exists out west. Sorry if you swear by their food, but it must be the same type of feeling if you live in state that doesn’t have a White Castle…you poor thing! I feel for you because that truly sucks.

Green Hornet - Jay
About to spring into action wearing Carl’s Jrs.’ Green Hornet Toy Mask

Scouring ebay for these toys at a ridiculous price would probably be my destiny, although I did have an alternate plan up my sleeve. I started to think of people I knew in states that had Carl’s Jr. restaurants to see if maybe they could hook a brother up. Meanwhile, my stealthy girlfriend, who can’t tell the difference between The Green Hornet and The Green Lantern, had a little covert operation of her own going on. She asked her cousin out in California to get me the toys and send them to Jersey. What a girl! So f*ck Carl’s Jr. for not getting back to me and not having a location in Jersey! BOO to them. And thank you to Miss Sexy Armpit and her cousin for confidentially procuring the Green Hornet toys for me!

Click HERE to read more of The Sexy Armpit’s Green Hornet related posts

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 48: Bon Jovi “They’re Back!”

bon jovi,t-shirt
Vintage Bon Jovi “New Jersey” T-Shirt from 1988

What a coincidence! This vintage Bon Jovi New Jersey T-shirt from 1988 is going for a whopping $150 bucks on eBay and an average ticket for Bon Jovi’s string of upcoming shows at the New Meadowlands Arena in May just so happens to be the same price! What a RIP! Of course, that’s not as bad as some of the other Jovi shirts I have seen on various sites which are going for upwards of $300 dollars! You are f-cking out of your mind if you pay that kind of money for a ratty, old t-shirt that’s more than 20 years old! I’d rather go experience an overpriced concert while simultaneously bypassing the $35 dollar beer/hot dog combo meal than buy a ridiculously priced, USED t-shirt.


On the front of this shirt the band continues the Italian “mobster” stereotype that’s associated with New Jersey. Although, the guy on this shirt looks a lot like Lips Manlis from Dick Tracy.
bon jovi,t-shirt

And what’s with the back of this shirt? Who the hell did Jovi think they were back then, DOKKEN? This “They’re Back!” business belongs on the back of an Alice Cooper or W.A.S.P t-shirt, NOT family friendly heartthrobs Bon Jovi! I’m getting scared just reading the back of this shirt, it’s scarier than David Bryan’s horrific hair.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 39: Six Flags Great Adventure

new jersey,great adventure
This old school Six Flags Great Adventure shirt 

Have you ever actually bought an old, used, smelly, stained t-shirt on eBay? Personally, I can’t say that I have, but there must be enough people out there who do because there sure are a ton of eBay stores that specialize in what they call “vintage” t-shirts. In this case, vintage is a word that makes old and worn out sound somewhat desirable. These t-shirts aren’t the trendy, distressed, logo tees that you see at Target labeled Large but only seem to fit boys in 3rd grade, rather they are from whatever year YOU were in the 3rd grade. In many households the next step for these tees is either the trash, or the nearest good will clothing bin. The Sexy Armpit would probably throw the better quality ones in the good will bin, while the shittiest one would be used to dust off old electronics. We are in America after all, a country where so many people out there think, “why can’t we make a buck off of these ancient rags rather than donate them to people who are less fortunate.” What complete douchebags.

new jersey,great adventure
The male model for Smith and Pooter Vintage, is apparently 6 feet tall and weighs 150 lbs. I’ll refrain from making assumptions about this guy’s character, but I will say that he has stupid hair. He definitely needs to start throwing back more White Castles or something because he looks emaciated. Of course, this shirt was originally a men’s large and now fits like a girls small, so this scrawny guy was a perfect choice to model this piece of shit shirt. Whoever you are, why do you buy this crap?
jackson,nj great adventure
Armpit stains (even the best detergent can’t eradicate evil Armpit stains!), holes, more stains
Just remember folks, as bad as this economy has been, YOU DO NOT have to lower yourself to buy used t-shirts, nor do you ever have to accept a job creeping everyone out while modeling stinky old t-shirts on eBay. You should however, still have fun, and more flags=more fun, SIX FLAGS! Oh man, they should be paying me for that.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 34: The Situation from MTV’s Jersey Shore

The Situation MTV Jersey Shore

Unfortunately, The Whereabouts just doesn’t have the same ring as The Situation. I’m absolutely furious that Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino has tarnished one of the best words in the English language forever. All the hipsters who actually enjoy watching MTV will now associate the word SITUATION with a former male stripper from Staten Island. In fact, this guy helped make Jersey Shore the pop culture phenomenon that it is, and the m-therfucker is from Staten Island?!?! He’s what true Jersey Shore folks call a Benny! Or as you may remember in a scene from Star Wars: A New Hope “We don’t serve their kind here!”

When I was but a young whippersnapper, the word SITUATION was well respected. It was an esteemed word that didn’t come to mind when sweaty, fist pumping, ‘roided out, guidos were mentioned. The real situation is the puddles going on in their armpits! (That is not Sexy). Can you remember a simpler time not so long ago? Take a moment to think back to a period of your life when the mere mention of the word situation elicited such cool and recognizable song lyrics such as “OK, here’s the SITUATION my parents went away on a weeks vacation…” I’m going to make a safe wager that Will Smith doesn’t even care that whenever I hear one of his legendary rhymes, a Staten Island guido will completely cloud my mind and impair me from enjoying the rest of DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince’s classic “Parents Just Don’t Understand.” Every time I hear the word situation, it feels like I’m having a little heart attack.

I used to chant along wild and passionate with Motley Crue’s frontman Vince Neil, and shout “It’s the saaame ol’, saaame ol’ SITUAAATION!” and now thank goodness I have a medical alert button around my neck or someone would literally have to kickstart my heart. This guy is frigging everywhere! I can’t think of a more appropriate time to say WTF? Have you ever been sitting around quietly reflecting on the events of the day and suddenly began to think to yourself…”What the hell happened to Yaz?” Well, coincidentally, that happens to me quite often and even when I looked them up and found out that they reunited in 2008, it still slips my mind what the hell happened to Yaz. So, in order to recall Yaz’s glory days of British synth pop stardom, I have to crank up the iPod and spin the click wheel to one of their biggest hits, yep, you f-cking guessed it…SITUATION!!! What a word killing bastard! I’m getting a class action lawsuit against this guy for ruining one of my favorite words ever!

To protect my heart from failure, I’ll be refraining from using the word S——-N from now on. Since Mike Sorrentino rose to fame thanks to MTV’s Jersey Shore, it was merely a week until I started seeing “I Love The S——-N” T-shirts.


Can’t we be a little more creative here people? At the very least I would have expected some illustrated abdominal muscles on the front or “Lift up my shirt to see The S——-N!” Dammit, I should be this assholes PR guy. They could’ve had a shirt that would give the tuxedo t-shirt a run for its money! (This eBay store should be ashamed of themselves for creating the most uninspired S——-N shirt ever.)
Shitty t-shirts aside, one of these days, The Sexy Armpit will inform The S——-N all about how he’s permanently massacred one of the finest words in our vernacular. Hopefully by that time I’ll have ruined the words SEXY and ARMPIT for him!

I’ll leave you with a quote from one of the most influential idols in my life, George Carlin:

“…Newspeople like to say ‘police have responded to an emergency situation,’ no they haven’t, they’ve responded to an EMERGENCY, we know it’s a situation…everything is a situation!”

Where to  find these shirts:
Garden State Parkway Inspired Tee designed by Skeezoid on CafePress.com

“I Love the…” at the official Jersey Shore store at Zazzle.com, and yes…they even have t-shirts for your dog.

Mike’s Quote Tee from mdunphy89 found in her Sweet T’s store at Zazzle.com

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 15: Mickey Mouse Chillin’ in Jersey

Unfortunately, this isn’t another practical joke, Mickey won’t actually be chillin’ in Jersey anytime soon. Even if he was, he’d need the proper attire. Here he’s looking more like he was auditioning to be an extra in a McDonaldland commercial. Mick would have looked more appropriate rocking a pair of stone washed jeans and a wife beater, but he got the sunglasses right though! If the folks at Disney animation weren’t so uptight about their squeaky clean image, maybe we’d get an animated short called Mickey’s Sopranos attached to the beginning of The Princess and the Frog? If I was Mickey, I think I’d pick Jiminy Cricket as my consigliere.
If we had it our way here in Jersey, we would’ve had a nice gigantic Disney Theme Park in place of Xanadu, the debacle that’s presently taking up space in the Meadowlands complex. Until then, we can fantasize about how cool it would be to see racks at the gift shops filled with these t-shirts at Disney World: New Jersey.

Recently, eBay Seller VintageCandee1 featured this ’80s Disney T-Shirt with Mickey on the front leaning against the words “New Jersey.” At the bottom of the graphic, the fine print reads “The Walt Disney Company by Velva Sheen.”