menlo park mall Archives - Page 2 of 2

Mallrats Wedding Proposal

Posted on July 16, 2010 by sexyarmpit

Mallrats (1995)

It’s not blasphemous that I like Mallrats more than Clerks. I draw a lot of heat for that amongst friends and Kevin Smith fans. Ever since I first saw Mallrats at the local theater I connected with it more than Clerks. Possibly because it’s a bigger, more comical film and it featured many elements that had already become Smith’s calling card. Most of all, it hits home because we have so many malls in New Jersey and when you’re young and a comic book reading movie geek who’s done reading that week’s comics and brought all his videos back, there’s not much to do besides go and walk around the mall. Personally, I grew up sandwiched in between 2 of the most notorious “monuments to consumerism” as Brodie (Jason Lee) refers to them.

In the scene pictured above, TS relays to his comic hoarding friend Brodie that if his trip to Florida with his girlfriend Brandi didn’t get squashed, he was planning on proposing to her.

TS: “I was gonna propose to her.”

BRODIE: “Where?”

TS: “On the Universal tour.”

BRODIE: “You’re kidding, what part?”

TS: “When Jaws pops out of the water”

BRODIE: “That’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard”

TS: “Yeah, well too bad I’m not trying to marry you.”

I wonder how many people actually proposed on the Jaws ride in honor of that quote? I wouldn’t be surprised if tons of lightbulbs simultaneously went off in many hardcore Kevin Smith fans’ heads when they heard that one, as they turned and gazed diabolically at their significant others. To take it to the next level, I bet there are even fans out there who got engaged as they visited the Easter Bunny at the Menlo Park Mall, ya know, cause the US1 Flea Market closed ages ago.

Anyone have a good proposal story inspired by a Kevin Smith film? Ha! Hey, it doesn’t hurt to ask!

Whoa, I Wasn’t Searching For All That!

Posted on May 10, 2010 by sexyarmpit

I was simply on a search for some nostalgia on the old Menlo Park Cinema in Edison, New Jersey when a completely unrelated and unexpected result appeared. This wasn’t really what I had in mind:

google,edison,new jersey,menlo park,cinema

I can’t think of anything I’d like to see LESS than erotic photos of Thomas Alva Edison, especially on such a credible site such as “Platinum-Celebs.com.”

“May 1983,” written in English Class, 11th grade

Posted on September 10, 2009 by sexyarmpit

The hysteria for George Lucas’ 3rd installment of his Star Wars epic was to hit screens on Friday May 25th. Many days passed as I joyfully played with my Star Wars action figures, as if Lucas was Santa and watching my every move. Figures were spread all over the floor of my rec room where many galactic battles took place. I begged my older sister to play, after all, I needed a Princess Leia. It was a time when she actually came in handy, but a little brother would have done a better job at playing with action figures.

After waiting anxiously, Friday finally came. “We’re going to see Return of the Jedi!!” my dad announced to me with great enthusiasm. He seemed just as excited as I was. Before jumping around uncontrollably like Mr. Peepers, I froze for a second, puzzled. Did he mean that we were going to see the real thing and go up in a space ship and watch the rebellion get revenge over the dark forces of the evil Empire? I was perplexed. I actually wasn’t sure what was going to happen. You see, this was the first Star Wars film I would be experiencing in the theater.

When we pulled up at the old Menlo Park General Cinema, it all came together. As we walked through the glass doors, I was immediately consumed at the sight of the huge, lush lobby complete with video games and adorned with posters. The aroma of popcorn filled the air and invaded my nostrils. Naturally, it was imperative what came next, “Mommy, I want popcorn!” My dad bought the tickets and as we slowly made our way to the theater I took in every last detail of my surroundings.

My sister held my tiny hand and directed me to look at the Return of the Jedi poster on the wall. I became mesmerized. It was a beautiful collage with Luke Skywalker looking heroic, grasping his trusty lightsaber, Han Solo pointing his blaster at me, the beautiful Princess Leia, cuddly Ewoks, and lurking in the background, the sinister Darth Vader. Just as any other normal kid at the time, I was petrified of the Dark Lord of the Sith. The bottom of the poster, sealed in silver, read RETURN OF THE JEDI.

We made our way through the doors and down the aisle of the theater. It was very dark except for the glow of the previews which projected onto the enormous screen. I didn’t care what was on the screen, it was all a blur. I was in awe of the cavernous room filled with what looked to be a thousand seats. There were so many people, it was packed to the rafters. I stood in the aisle staring upward, mouth open, marveling at how high the ceiling was. Finally, I focused on the screen and remembered what I wanted to do. I jetted in light speed to the front row. The entire row was empty and thinking I hit the jackpot, I plopped myself down in the center seat. With popcorn in lap and feet crossed dangling off the seat, I was ready, but I realized I was missing something. MY FAMILY was a few rows back filing into a patch of 4 seats. My sister must’ve alerted my parents to the fact that I was nowhere to be found. As I looked back I saw my dad waving me back to sit with them. In classic stubborn child mode, I swung my head back and forth in an “absolutely not” fashion. They realized that I would not be giving up my seat.

I won out and my parents and my sister left their seats and sat with me in the first row. That wouldn’t have flown in any other instance, but since it was Return of the Jedi and they were there so I could see the movie, they gave in. Within minutes, the screen went black and John Williams’ score blasted like an ion cannon throughout the theater while the scroll brought us up to speed. Episode VI: Return of the Jedi:

This experience left a lasting impression on me because it made me a lifelong Star Wars fan, and it began my obsession with movies. At that point in time, going to the movies was still a big deal. Sure there are “event” movies, but not many of them can come close to the magic that the original Star Wars trilogy brought to the screen. More and more younger kids are becoming Star Wars fans and I’m lucky to be able to tell them that I saw my favorite installment of the trilogy in its original theatrical release.

Cineplex Odeon Memories: The Night I Was Ghostface

Posted on October 23, 2008 by sexyarmpit

In addition to donning the bat costume earlier that year for the premiere of Batman and Robin, I was also tapped to play Ghostface from the Scream series in honor of the premiere of Scream 2 in December ’97 when I worked at the local Cineplex Odeon Theater at the Menlo Park Mall. My coworkers were aware that I was a huge horror fan as well as completely obsessed with the first Scream film. Electing me to stalk the popcorn gorging, giant soda drinking filmgoers while threatening that that I’d “gut them like a fish,” was a given.

Compared to spending 6-8 hours shaking hands and sweating in the hot, awkward bat costume, I took much pleasure running around in the free flowing, comfortable Ghostface costume. Stalking theatergoers with a fake knife and sneaking up on unsuspecting girls coming out of the bathroom became my pastime for the evening. The most memorable part of being Ghostface happened during each presentation of the film. Right after the moment Jada Pinkett has her excessively dramatic death scene in the film within a film STAB, the Scream title slashes onto the screen. During the short fade to black, a theater usher slammed through the emergency exit door and up the aisle in the dark theater as if he was being chased. Seconds later, wielding a knife high above my head, I barreled through the door and sprinted up the aisle after him. When I reached the door to the lobby I blasted through it and had a laugh with my fellow employee, Victor. In the fleeting seconds that the stunt took place, I remember feeling quite a rush as I heard almost the entire crowd scream and gasp in shock and fear.

What made the occurence even that much more clever was the fact that that part of the movie featured a “film within a film,” which blurred the lines of fiction and reality. I like to believe that my performance magnified that idea and added a little more thrill to the atmosphere.

Would you expect something like that to happen when you’ve spent nearly 10 minutes immersed in a film that you payed $8 bucks (at the time) to see? Nowadays anything that can be classified as an “interruption” would start a line of 12 people complaining in attempts for free passes. As I noted in “The Day I Got To Be Batman” I give credit to the Cineplex Odeon theater staff for taking liberties and being creative as film exhibitors.

It’s not everyday you walk into a movie theater and see a cavernous homemade Batcave erected or a knife wielding killer from a horror film chasing innocent ushers through the theater at high speed. I would’ve liked to have been one of the people watching Scream on that Friday night. It was almost a throwback to gimicks like “smell-o-vision.” I would love movies to become more of an event, like when I go to see an film in IMAX. Do you think witnessing the killer chasing someone through the theater would intensify your viewing experience? Maybe if it doesn’t succeed at creeping you out, it would definitely make for a memorable bit of conversation!

The Day I Got To Be Batman

Posted on July 10, 2008 by sexyarmpit

This whole Dark Knight countdown is becoming a huge obnoxious competition against myself to find out who is the bigger Batman fan, ME or ME? Either way, it’s on like KONG! (the article above appeared in the Cineplex Odeon newsletter called “The Biz” in ’97)

When I was 16 I applied to work at the local Cineplex Odeon Cinema at the Menlo Park Mall. (Cineplex Odeon is now AMC Theaters) I knew it would be the perfect job for me especially since I was in high school and didn’t want a job where I had to be too serious or have too much responsibility. Without even realizing how fast the time went I wound up working there for about 5 or 6 years! I met so many awesome people throughout that time and saw a ton of movies. Sometimes on a Thursday night we would have screenings of the big films that were coming out the next day. I remember getting sneaks of all the cool movies especially for all the Star Wars re-issues and The Phantom Menace. I have some great memories of that place.

For the first 2 or 3 years I worked there the management was very supportive and excellent to work for. One busy night at the theater in 1997, Bob, the house manager, pulled me aside. I got a bit nervous. Bob was easy to get along with but he was nothing but business. He wasn’t smiling so I thought something was wrong.

JAY: “Did I do something wrong, Bob?” I always ask that of all my bosses…I just like the sound of it.
BOB: “No of course not, as always you’re doing a great job! I just have something I want to ask you…”
JAY: “Oh Ok sure”
BOB: “How would you like to be Batman for us at our premiere of Batman and Robin?”

Speechless….

JAY: “Are you serious? Holy Crap, of course!!!”

F–k Jean-Paul Valley! What an opportunity for me since I used to pretend I was Batman for the first 16 years of my life and now I could actually be him in front of people. I definitely felt like I was a shoe-in for the job because everyone there knew I was the resident Batmaniac. When I put on the cowl and cape, such a familiar feeling came over me as if I had put on a cape and cowl every day of my life. I did my best impression of Michael Keaton when he became Batman. Screw Kilmer and Clooney, I was still a Keaton mark! Not only did they get one of the more professional looking bat costumes for me to wear but they also had a few members of the management team create an overhang above the ticket ripper that made you feel like you were entering the Batcave!

To make the premiere even more of an event they had one of the girls who worked at the concession stand, Jen, play Poison Ivy. Like me, she really ate it up. She waltzed in like she spent months taking lessons from Uma Thurman! The kids and adults loved it! I shook so many hands that day, was asked to be in a ton of pictures, and I was also asked for autographs which was bizarre but I had prepared for it just in case. I remembered that back when I was a kid I met a Batman impersonator at the Wildwood boardwalk back in ’89. I took a picture with him and he signed the Polaroid. I dug it up and took a look at how he signed it and I sort of lifted his technique. I know, I know…you all want to ask the burning question: Did I stuff my codpiece with socks? Don’t you know that Batman never reveals his secrets? Let’s just say, the ladies seemed to be quite aroused! Come to think of it, they were probably more distracted by my huge batarang. (pictured below: Batman/Me trying to resist Poison Ivy’s pheromones)

Getting High with Mr. Sketch

Posted on November 27, 2007 by sexyarmpit

Earlier, I was taking a shower and the air creeping over the curtain and down into my nostrils smelt like Woolworth’s in Menlo Park mall circa ’84. Sometimes I get the whiff of Cheese Nips, other times it’s the scent of hotel pools or convenience stores. I’m a scent connoisseur. Usually I perceive and recognize smells extremely fast. I may not be able to run a 7 minute mile, but I can definitely tell if the odor that’s wafting our way reminds me of Bugles. Bugles might not even be in the vicinity but there’s a definite Bugle-esque bouquet in the air. Through the years several factors have helped shape my keen ability to identify the spectrum of scents.
I don’t think I would’ve grown up to be as well adjusted as I am if it wasn’t for spending my youth sniffing the purple pie man. Strawberry Shortcake action figures were known for luring young girls in the toy aisle using their enchanting aroma. If I was over a friends house that happened to be a girl, I would sneak sniffs of the purple pie man like it was an asthma inhaler. He made such an impression on me that I’ve made “Sniffing the purple pie man” into an everyday phrase. Sometimes you need to stop and sniff the purple pie man. It’ll relax you when you’re stressed and it brings you back to the fun times when all you had to do was play with toys.
My childhood also wouldn’t have been the same if Stinkor and Moss Man didn’t smell the way they did. It’s similar to hearing a story from a senior citizen about how simple life was when they were young. Life was easier and there wasn’t much technology to keep you working at home on your laptop and getting calls and emails on your blackberry 47 times when you’re tyring to relax. Sure, we had technology and stress, but we also had smelly action figures to counteract it all. Every once in a while after a really stressful day you might catch my dad digging through my Masters of the Universe action figure box to snatch up Moss Man for just 5 seconds to nervously inhale his calming mossy aroma. No one forgets Moss Man and Stinkor, while guys like f—ing Clamp Champ are all but forgotten (except here). I bet you can still smell them if you think a little bit. People who weren’t even alive at the time remember Stinkor and Moss Man, EVERYONE knows them. I’m pretty sure Moss Man is now the President of Timor–Leste.

Remember how much fun it was to come across scratch and sniff stickers in your sticker album? Even if you could barely see the freakin‘ banana because it was scratched 865 times, you still scratched it to bring out the last faint sigh of it’s banana breath. Many times, the artificial scents on the stickers smelled way better than the real thing. Imagine if the real thing started to smell as good as the artificial version? Imagine if virgin vagina’s actually smelled like cherries? What if Grape Nuts actually smelled like grapes? That would’ve been a surefire way to get me to eat loads of them as a kid.

Not only do I have a keen sniffer but I can think up some smelly new products. Life would be grand if everything that existed had fun scents. For instance, if you walked up to your car in the morning as its glistening with morning dew and you carefully move your nose close to the paint job and your forest green Jetta smells faintly like a pine tree. As you fall asleep at night embracing your warm blue comforter you become totally relaxed and the subtle smell of blueberry muffins wafts up your nose.

I know you’ve heard of Pot stickers. The thing is that they aren’t actual stickers. They are a kind of Chinese dumpling. But while eating one in Buddakan in A.C, I came up with a great idea. A scratch and sniff sticker of a marijuana bud that smells like pot. Also, why doesn’t Yankee Candle produce a candle that smells like the dead of summer and the hot pavement just got soaked by a sprinkler. That would be a hot seller. I’d pay 29.95 for that. It would be fantastic if they had a vintage Bowling Alley scent vintage ’83. Or even Library ’78.

Awaiting you at the top of Mount Smellanai is a whiff of possibly the greatest scent ever created. The scent of a Mr. Sketch marker. How come no one has come up with Aromatherapy with Mr.Sketch? To me, this would be the pinnacle of Holistic healing since their scents arouse those warm fuzzy feeling inside. It reminds me of when I first used them in school as a kid. Everyone would argue over which scent was the best or which one was their favorite. If Oxygen bars exist, then why not Mr. Sketch bars? With “fragrances” such as Wild Cherry (always my favorite) and Mint, there’s no end to the variety of scents you can take in.

Smells and memories go hand in hand. I had this Darth Vader eraser that smelled phenomenal. I kept it my entire childhood and never used it, I just sat there and sniffed it all the time. There’s also that wondrous smell that you detect anytime you used to walk in the house and your mom was cooking up a delicious meal. Think of all of the scents that jog your memory like bubble gum, or a newly painted room. The plastic scent that invades your nostrils every time you open up a brand new action figure. How about the tickling scent that comes at you after you unscrew a bottle of Pepsi? Maybe you have fond memories of your uncle who smelt like English Leather, or my old hallway closet that smelled like mothballs. So whatever it is you enjoy smelling, relax, sniff, and enjoy. Let your fragrant fantasies run wild and you’ll be climbing the peak of nostril enjoyment.

Oh yeah, if you need some conversation pieces or a stocking stuffer this year I found this whacked out website that sells sells weird perfume. This is for those of you who want to smell like Egg Nogg, Gin and Tonics, Play-Doh, and Crayola Crayons. Where’s the Pepsi perfume, or Cabbage Patch Kids Perfume?