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NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 110: Great Adventure’s Fright Fest

Posted on October 16, 2013 by sexyarmpit

This year’s edition of Six Flags Fright Fest T-Shirt and Hoodie offerings

Amusement Parks and Halloween always make a great combination. Thrill rides in the chilled night air, and goofing around with your friends usually leads me to feel like there’s a horror movie plot being created in there somewhere. Whether there’s a killer lurking in the park or some supernatural entity is haunting one of the attractions, the Halloween season is prime time to head to your nearest amusement park and experience the fun of the season. We’re spoiled in Jersey because every year Six Flags Great Adventure becomes infested with ghosts, zombies, crazy clowns, and vampires for their annual Fright Fest celebration. Just remember to get there early. We didn’t.

Fright Fest is an annual thing for us, but we usually wind up getting on one ride if we’re lucky. The lines are super insane during Fright Fest, and the park is probably even more packed than it would be in the middle of the summer. Difference is, that it’s nicer to wait in lines and get on rides when it’s not a sweltering 97 degrees in the shade and over one hundred percent humidity.

Weather-wise, Saturday night was perfect. I was with a bunch of great people and even though we only made it on one ride, we had a blast. I’m sure it would’ve been more fun if the lines for the actual Fright Fest attractions weren’t as long. Even the average wait time for a roller coaster was an hour. While waiting in excruciatingly long lines, it helps to cling to the hope that the ride actually doesn’t break down before you make it to the last section of the line queue.

Fortunately, the ride we did decide to wait for went smoothly. Skull Mountain didn’t take that long to get through the line, probably because it’s one of the tamer rides, so we were patient. It fit into the Fright Fest theme as well. For an older, less face melting type of ride, this one still holds up after all these years. Think of it as Six Flag’s answer to Space Mountain only with a theme on the exterior that brings to mind The Goonies, King Kong, or a pirate movie.

We were required to buy separate tickets for the haunted attractions, so we did that online at home to save a couple of bucks. Next we had to wait on another long line just to show them our print-outs to get a wristband for the haunts. This was just becoming an abysmal LINE FEST. Then we would have to wait on more laughable lines for each individual haunt. Fed up by this point, I started asking the lady a few questions about the attractions.

I was disappointed to learn that all of the attractions were walk through trails featuring live actors. I wasn’t hoping for dead actors, I was just hoping for a good old fashioned haunted house or dark ride type situation. They should mix it up and offer half walk throughs and at least one or two haunted houses that remind you of an old dark ride. I can’t tell you how many times Six Flags has sent me e-mails asking for feedback regarding my last visit to Fright Fest and I wrote them a hundred times that Fright Fest needs a good old fashioned, boardwalk style haunted house. It shouldn’t only be for Fright Fest either, it should be open year round for all of us psychos to enjoy.

We played the boardwalk and carnival games they have in the Psycho Circus area.

Miss Sexy Armpit won me a Slimer plush! Dinosaur Dracula and Freddy in Space also won

Slimers as well only Dino Drac’s is darker shade of green than this one. I opted for the brighter one since it seemed like it was glowing like the real Slimer. The vintage melted plastic pumpkin decoration has absolutely nothing to do with Six Flags Great Adventure. Slimer is petrified of him though, and he should be, since he’s creepy as hell.

In the late ’70s, Great Adventure’s Haunted Castle was the type of attraction we needed until arsonists supposedly burned it down in ’84, killing eight teenagers trapped inside. Maybe they feel like it’s a curse if they build another one? I can’t say for sure, but maybe they fell that they aren’t experts at subtly, they prefer spending millions to create the fastest, most cheek rippling coasters the world has ever seen. Nothing wrong with that. The thing is, Great Adventure is already fully stocked with thrill rides and there’s a new one on the way for next season. Another thrill ride is superfluous, again, we need a damn haunted DARK RIDE. Attention to detail is preferred.

Keeping with the resoundingly positive note I am on, the graphic on this year’s Six Flags Great Adventure Fright Fest shirts and hoodies are AWESOME. They did get this part of the celebration correct. Apparel graphics are always a big part of the experience. You must be able to properly commemorate your visit and this year Six Flags came up with a couple of really cool looking designs. I couldn’t exit the park without snapping a few shots. America loves zombies…and paying lots of money to wait on never-ending lines apparently.

The Monstrous Miniature Glowing Golf Experience in Edison, NJ

Posted on October 14, 2013 by sexyarmpit

Yup, now you know you’re in New Jersey…

Aside from New Jersey pop culture, there aren’t many things that The Sexy Armpit is an expert at, that is, except playing mini-golf in a black-lit room full of crazy incandescent murals and animatronic monsters. Monster Mini Golf is to thank for bringing us this experience and in this post we will take a look at some of the New Jersey themed murals on the walls in the Edison, NJ location.

Several years ago, when Monster Mini Golf opened in Fairfield, NJ, they were gracious enough to have us out for a round of mini-golf. They also hooked us up with a few passes for a giveaway which was very cool of them.

Hopewell Valley is a group of communities in Mercer County, NJ

I immediately fell in love with the concept of Monster Mini-Golf, since mini-golf is actually one thing I’m good at and thoroughly enjoy. I despise regular golf, so please don’t invite me on one of your ridiculously expensive “outings.”

As if Monster Mini Golf couldn’t be more up my alley, a few years ago KISS announced a partnership with the company. Located in Las Vegas, KISS Monster Mini Golf is just as awesome as the other locations, but if you’re a KISS fan it’s euphoric. Non-stop KISS music blasts as you make your way through the rounds which include giant KISS boots and a finale involving Gene’s tongue (naturally). KISS memorabilia adorns the walls and there’s even a KISS shop where you can buy all kinds of KISS stuff. I’ve been there twice and I would take up residence there if I could.

Christie Street in Edison was the first street in the world to use electric light bulbs for illumination

Since Fairfield is a little bit of drive for us, I was excited when Monster Mini Golf announced a couple of new locations close by a few years ago. After visiting the location in Edison, NJ a few times, I must commend the company for the theme running through the murals on the walls.

Monster Mini Golf pays Thomas Edison a tribute in this mural also featuring George Lucas

Monster Golf’s murals usually include their original characters, but this time they incorporated a local motif. The Fairfield location had a zombie Bruce Springsteen, but that was nothing compared to the several New Jersey references that appear on the walls in Edison, and if you’re perceptive you’ll certainly notice them.

Most prominently was the fact that the location is in Edison, NJ, a town named for Thomas Edison, “The Wizard of Menlo Park.” The impact of that probably gets lost on the youth of today, but I always find it amazing that one of the most famous inventors of all time and a pioneer of things we use in everyday life is from the local Sexy Armpit Area. People like me, voracious consumers of media, have a lot to thank Thomas Edison for. He’s responsible for the record player, the movie camera, and the practical electric light bulb.

In addition to Thomas Edison, another notable Edison native, Susan Sarandon, appears in a mural as well. With a mini Frank-n-Furter doll, this art brings to mind Sarandon’s starring role in the Rocky Horror Picture Show, one of my favorite traditions not only during October, but year round. Above catch a glimpse of a green version of October 2010’s Garden State Playmate.

The Night He Came Home…to South Jersey

Posted on October 11, 2013 by sexyarmpit

It would be preposterous for me to go around posting sensational claims like “every state has an Empire State Building,” or “every state has a St. Louis Arch,” but it’s totally NOT out of the question to say that “Every town has an Elm Street,” because so many towns actually do. Freddy Krueger made that claim in his sixth film, but I can’t seem to recall Michael Myers ever boasting that “All states have a Haddonfield,” and even if he did, it would be completely unfounded.

Haddonfield is a well known town amongst the horror community for being the serene suburb of Illinois where Michael Myers went on a murderous rampage. Although the movie was filmed in California and set in Illinois, the real Haddonfield is in New Jersey, and it served as the inspiration for the town’s name.

Haddonfield would probably be relatively unknown town to the rest of the nation if it weren’t for the film’s co-writer and co-producer, the late Debra Hill, who was born there. Hill and John Carpenter worked on several films together including the first 3 Halloween movies. Hill, who at one time was romantically linked to Carpenter, grew up a mere 10 minutes away in Philadelphia, PA.

If you’ve been to the Monster Mania Convention in Cherry Hill, you’ve probably seen the signs in that area for the real Haddonfield. If you were second guessing yourself by saying “Nah, Halloween was in Illinois…” then technically you are correct, but just keep in mind that Illinois is about 700 some odd miles away from the real Haddonfield! That said, New Jersey doesn’t have sour grapes about the film being set in another state because Haddonfield is already known for another monster, the Hadrosaurus Foulkii. Haddy was the first in-tact dinosaur skeleton ever found and put on display, which is friggin’ cool. What town wouldn’t want their own dinosaur?

Dinosaurs aside, off the top of my head, New Jersey can lay claim to Jason Voorhees, The Toxic Avenger, Vera Farmiga (Norma Bates FTW!) and the inspiration for the setting of Halloween. Knowing that so much of the basis of many classic horror films are rooted in New Jersey is pretty incredible. I think trivia like this is awesome because of how obscure it is. If you’re not a big fan of the Halloween franchise, you might have been unaware of the fact that Debra Hill infused a little bit of South Jersey into Halloween.

In honor of its 35th anniversary, you can catch the original Halloween as it returns to theaters for special screenings around the country. In addition, both Halloween 4 and 5 will also be screened. Check ScreenVision.com for a full list of screenings in your area.

Other sites of interest:

Fictional Entry for Haddonfield on Horror Movies Wiki: http://horror-movies.wikia.com/wiki/Haddonfield,_Illinois

Coldwell Banker mentions the Halloween connection to NJ from a real estate perspective:

http://blog.coldwellbanker.com/the-original-halloween-home-of-michael-myers/

Official Site of the Hadrosaurus Foulkii: http://hadrosaurus.com

Official Haddonfield Website: http://www.haddonfieldnj.org/

Abbott and Costello Meet Jason Voorhees?!!

Posted on October 7, 2013 by sexyarmpit

photo abbotcostellojason_zps863962a2.jpg

Abbott and Costello Meet Jason! by Primo Cardinalli

painted in the style of the classic Abbott and Costello theater one-sheets
Check him out at a future Monster Mania Con!

1948’s Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein is my earliest and most memorable experience watching a horror comedy. In many ways, this film was an economical choice for me to watch as a young horror-loving kid because it combined the classic band of Universal Monsters (save for Gill-Man) and a comedy team who I watched in other exploits with my Dad who introduced me to them.

In Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, the legendary comedy duo from New Jersey found themselves face to face with Dracula, the Wolfman, and Frankenstein, in what is considered the last hurrah for Universal’s Monsters. It was silly and spine tingling at the same time. It’s been a wish of mine for many years that Abbott and Costello could come alive in some way and run into some of my favorite modern horror icons. As you can see in the painting above, it’s not just a pipe dream of mine, but also of artist Primo Cardinalli who envisioned Abbott and Costello Meeting Jason at Camp Crystal Lake. With the original Camp Crystal Lake located in NJ, this would be the ultimate Garden State horror mash-up and it desperately NEEDS to be made! But how is it possible? It IS…read on!

In reading more about the film on its Wikipedia page, I never realized that this film was considered the culmination of a long run of monster movies for Universal. Fortunately though, popularity of the film revived the public’s interest in monster movies and prompted Universal to produce a new wave of monster films throughout the ’50s. Abbott and Costello’s meeting with Frankenstein collected $3.2 million dollars at the box office in 1948. You better believe that this kind of box office magic would still work today.

The idea of seeing Abbott and Costello trapped in today’s horror landscape excites me to no end.

It’s obvious that Hollywood just can’t seem to get horror comedies right and it’s a shame because there’s a place for them as long as they’re respectful to the genre. There’s been a slew of films that have incorporated classic movie monsters in a comedic way that have worked like Monster Squad and Hotel Transylvania amongst others.

Instead of poking fun at the Universal Monsters, Abbott and Costello’s adventures always paid them the ultimate tribute by presenting them properly and without compromising the monster’s scare factor. Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein wasn’t exactly chilling, but the monsters maintain their imposing nature. Interestingly, Boris Karloff supposedly refused to be a part of the production because he felt it would be insulting to mix slapstick and horror.

As the Scary Movie franchise and this year’s A Haunted House have proven, poking fun at horror isn’t making any friends in the horror community, nor does the formula produce hit movies which is why it’s time for to get a little retro. A Haunted House 2 is coming next year, but what for? Nobody wants that and it’s time to go back to the basics. At first, old fashioned spooky fun may seem far fetched, but I believe that there’s still hope left to one day experience this type of throwback.

Scoot Cooper's Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein photo scottcooperaacmf1.jpg

art by Nickelodeon storyboard artist Scott Cooper

I always thought it would be such an awesome idea to pit Abbott and Costello vs. Jason Voorhees. You may be thinking that I’m totally off my rocker for trying to cast two dead comedians to appear in a new movie, but bear with me. If I had it my way, this movie wouldn’t be some weird CGI movie where real footage from other Abbott and Costello films was culled together to create a whole new one because that’s silly Hollywood crap reserved for Super Bowl commercials. My thinking is that the best presentation of a film like this would be in a lush, 1940’s style 2-D animation. The voices can be provided by Abbott and Costello impersonators or any number of the best voice over guys in the business could do it. Bud and Lou would have to be skewed a little but younger, but I can totally see the duo being revived in cartoon form for a modern kids audience. Just take a look at Scott Cooper’s art above and you’ll see what I mean.

Who would Abbott and Costello run into in this movie? Jason Voorhees is easily my top choice for his own feature, but if there were an ensemble cast of monsters like in Meets Frankenstein, I’d love to see them have run-ins with Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers, Leatherface, Chucky, and maybe even an appearance by Jigsaw and Billy the Puppet? You can use your imagination, because with 2-D animation the sky is the limit. We already know who’s going to paint the poster and the bluray box, thanks Mr. Cardinalli!

Real Ghostbusters Ride Into A Ghost Town…in NEW JERSEY!

Posted on October 3, 2013 by sexyarmpit

New York and Chicago are home to many of history’s “mainstream” mobsters. The fact is though, the mafia has always been heavily attached to New Jersey culture as well. Even if you weren’t aware of that, The Sopranos helped further cement it (cement shoes style) into public consciousness. More recently, HBO was yet again responsible for directing everyone’s attention to Jersey’s criminal affiliations. This time it was Nucky Thompson, a politician and organized crime boss in Boardwalk Empire which is set in Atlantic City during the prohibition era. Sure, you’ve become familiar with Tony and Nucky, but there was also an animated TV crime lord that you may not remember. His name was Boss Poso. Chances are, if you never crossed the streams and drank your Ecto Cooler every morning like a good little kid, you probably remember this big fat tub of purple ectoplasm.

Growing up in Jersey, I knew of so many people who were said to be “connected.” I can’t imagine that there’s heavy mob activity in North Dakota or Mississippi, so, living here in the Tri-State Area comes with the added bonus of real life exposure to organized crime. It was even in the shows I watched as a kid.

Like a lot of you I was religious about watching The Real Ghostbusters. It was one of my favorite cartoons growing up. Seeing that my state was mentioned frequently throughout the series always amused me. I saw both Ghostbusters films in the theater when they were originally released and I obviously realized that they were filmed and set in New York City, but as a kid, New York City seemed like a totally different world. As I got a little older, I realized that New York City was right through the tunnel, or what we used to call “the straw.”

My queen Janine Melnitz in Poso’s Clutches – very similar to Leia and Jabba in ROTJ

With our close proximity to Manhattan, it was almost a given for New Jersey to get some air time once in a while. Even with all five boroughs for writers to play around with, they still found reasons to send the Ghostbusters over to Jersey. Not much has changed because the Garden State was still the brunt of jokes back in October of 1989 when the episode of Slimer and The Real Ghostbusters “Partners in Slime” first aired.

In the episode, Poso, a Jabba the Hutt inspired ghost, involved in organized crime, wants to become the godfather of all the ghosts and maintain control over them. He figures that the easiest way to go about this is to take over the Ghostbusters operation. To accomplish this, his minions (who resemble 1930s gangsters) pluck Janine and Louis Tully out of a mall (enjoying our minimally lower sales tax while shopping on Janine’s birthday) by trapping them Tower of Terror style in an elevator. Poso then takes them for ransom and won’t let them go until the Ghostbusters fork over their headquarters and their ‘busting equipment to him.

Shifter points out Ghost Town, NJ but his finger is NOWHERE NEAR NEW JERSEY!

Slimer apprises the guys of the situation. The rest of the episode involves the Ghostbusters orchestrating a pretty elaborate plan to rescue Janine and Louis. The guys release a ghost, Shifter, who used to be Poso’s sidekick. He’s instrumental in their *SPOILER* eventual nabbing of Boss Poso, whose lair is located in Ghost Town, NJ. When hearing the term “Ghost Town,” it might bring to mind a desolate town out west or down south with tumbleweeds rolling across the dirt. Nah, it’s in Jersey and on the Ghostbusters Wiki it’s described as “a run down town in New Jersey.” Gee thanks, not another one! These episodes were only 22 minutes long, so for the sake of time, the Ghostbusters only had to make the trek over the Hudson river to Jersey in a spooky little “ferry” similar to the one Charon paddles around in the original Clash of the Titans.

Four other great things about this episode:

An Undead Hooker
Mood Slime returns!
Cameos by the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and Samhain
A Vigo The Carpathian Shout-Out

The fact that The Real Ghostbusters wasn’t just a knockoff of the feature film was an element that didn’t bother me. I remember some friends in school not liking the show just because it “wasn’t like the movie.” I doubt the people responsible for the show back then expected 6 year old kids to have such discerning taste. After a really good run of several seasons, the show morphed into Slimer and The Real Ghostbusters. The plots began to feature more of the exploits of Slimer and Janine Melnitz. Each episode became a slightly more goofy and child friendly in nature. Not necessarily worse than previous seasons, just infusing more Slimer. The ghosts weren’t as nightmare inducing, and the major villains weren’t as formidable. But you already know that. Maybe Boss Poso shouldn’t have been lumped in with the likes of Tony Soprano and Nucky Thompson after all!

*Read about The Real Ghostbusters and The New Jersey Parallelogram and be sure to Take a look at some animation cels from this episode with Shawn from Branded in the ’80s

“Hey Fun-Ghoul, I’m Sexy Armpit!”

Posted on October 1, 2013 by sexyarmpit

In my last post I recapped the NJ KISS Expo, but that wasn’t the extent of our adventure that day, nope, not by a long shot! It was a gorgeous Saturday and there was much more to do. Next on the agenda was a place that falls right in line with the Halloween Countdown!

Not often will one of my posts feature a title inspired by one of Rizzo’s lines in the movie Grease. If there are any Pink Ladies out there, savor it while you can. I’m always a sucker for a cheap double entendre, but I’m also a sucker for a good old fashioned, brilliantly named costume shop, and for 26 years the Fun-Ghoul Costume Shop in Rutherford, NJ has been all that. Checking this place out has been on my agenda for a very long time, but over the weekend we finally took a trip there.

I had no idea what to expect from this place before going in. As I mentioned, I’ve heard of the place, but it wasn’t like anyone ever recommended it to me. I’ve seen ads a long time ago in Weird NJ (at least I think I did!), but other than that I was going in blind. All I knew is that they sell costumes. Judging by my Apple maps, I didn’t even think the place existed anymore since it kept bringing us to the same address in the next town over. For a good 10 minutes I was absolutely convinced that this place had become a chiropractor’s office. The Fun-Ghoul Shop is located at 155 Park Ave in Rutherford, but we kept getting directed to 155 Park Ave in Lyndhurst which is exactly a mile away. It was frustrating, but by the time I became officially fed up, we’d finally found it!

While walking up to storefront, My friend L.C and I agreed that it felt like we might have been headed into the Magic Shop in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. Upon entering we were greeted by an employee who offered his help if we needed anything. Things weren’t incredibly organized, but the place definitely had personality. I saw a few animated Dracula statues, mannequins, and some random masks and wigs around the store, and it was pretty cool, but I had this feeling that there had to be more. The shop had a healthy stock of costumes, but it wasn’t anywhere near as vast as a Spirit Halloween store. It’s unfortunate, but the Spirit stores are like the Wal-Mart and Targets of costume shops and they don’t give local businesses much of a shot. In Fun-Ghoul’s case, they’ve survived because they diversified and they’re open all year long.

See, it’s not just a costume shop, the Fun-Ghoul footprint spans 3 connecting storefronts on Park Avenue. I knew there was more to this place! The tall gentleman who greeted us began chatting with us about what kind of costumes we were looking for and I explained that for a long time I’ve wanted to stop in to see what their place was all about. Then I asked him what was in the other adjacent shops.

I didn’t think it would be anything too offbeat like a taxidermist or shrunken head supply store, but I admit the possibility of that was there. Once I probed a little bit, the guy told me that he was asked to work the 3 shops all day. I sympathized with him and said “So that means you have to walk back and forth to the stores and lock up after you leave each one?” He verified that was precisely what he had to do. Knowing that info, you’d think I would leave the guy alone and not make him go crazy, but I was so curious to see what was in the other shops. “Can you take us into the other stores?” Yes, I was that annoying guy who’s bothering this dude on a beautiful Saturday.

It was early afternoon and neither the town, nor its stores seemed to have many people around. Fun-Ghoul was empty when we got there, so it gave us ample time to walk around and snap photos, something I may or may not have been allowed to do. Thanks to our Times Scare fiasco, I now have an irrational fear of using a camera. Plus, I didn’t feel as bad basically asking for a store tour.

“Before we ask you to lock up and take us in to the other shop, what do the other stores sell anyway?” He explained to me that they have the costume shop, the costume rental shop, and…a PROP shop. My ears must’ve perked up as if I was a dog because the idea of a prop store piqued my interest.

“Oooh can you take us into the prop store?” I was like a little kid. He locked up and brought us over into the other store. Upon entering I thought to myself “this is exactly what we came for.” Picturing this place in your mind isn’t difficult. Think of your neighbors half finished basement filled to the brim with the most random and elaborate Halloween decorations ever. That is this store, and it was glorious.

The first thing I noticed were the two humongous Oscar statues. Not everything was Halloweeny, but the majority of it was pretty macabre as you can gather from the photos. Everything was for sale. I didn’t ask for pricing on anything because I just unloaded a wad of cash earlier at the KISS Expo and I knew the day wasn’t over. As I stood in awe snapping 650,000 photos, I noticed our store employee was nowhere to be found. Our friend L.C said “Hm, what’s back here?” and I looked toward the back of the shop where I saw an open doorway that let a dim light peek out. L.C started to walk toward it.

Still unaware of where our shop employee vanished to, I cautiously shouted “Is it alright if we go back there?” And I heard him say “Yes, come back here.” It was time for a Shaggy and Scooby-style GULP. His voice sounded like it was coming from the back room which indicated to me that he was just waiting for our curiosity to lead us there.

Fearlessly, I walked toward the doorway. Once inside, it all made sense. I knew a place like this must have had a secret room or something. It was right out of a movie. The room was like a dark ride without the boat ride. It’s like a mini-haunted walk through that must be seen to be believed! I don’t know if I’m just not hanging out with the right circle of friends or what, but I’ve lived in Jersey my whole life and never once heard about this. I guess it’s just something you need to stumble on yourself, but if I hadn’t asked the nice guy at the store if we could check out the other shops, we would’ve left having seen only a costume shop.

I didn’t even ask to go into the costume rental part of their store because I felt I reached the pinnacle of what they had to offer. Besides, there were Smurf heads, Easter Bunny, and Frosty the Snowman heads with their respective full body costumes neatly organized for people to rent. It’s kind of creepy when you walk by the storefront and see the heads staring back at you through the window. Totally different experience when someone is wearing one and taking pictures with children.

I didn’t make a purchase at Fun-Ghoul, but it was well worth the confusion of getting there. If I ever need a sarcophagus or a squishy, life-size alien body for a staged autopsy, I know where to go. More stores need employees that lure you into secret rooms that spontaneously transform into haunted attractions after switching on a black light.

The Fun-Ghoul Costume Co.
155 Park Avenue
Rutherford, NJ 07070

NJ KISS Expo 2013 Recap

Posted on October 1, 2013 by sexyarmpit

This weekend was packed with stuff that I want to tell you about. The first of these adventures was the New Jersey KISS Expo at the NJ Convention & Expo Center in Edison, NJ.

Oh, you know there’s an old adage that my great great great Aunt Florence used to say and that was “If you’ve been to one KISS convention, you’ve been to them all.” That might be true, but after going to a shit ton of them in my life, I can’t say there’s ever a moment when I’m at one that I’m ever NOT amused every second. Of course, if you’re not down with KISS, which many people aren’t, then you might not enjoy one of these, but there’s also a chance that if you aren’t a fan, you might be leaving as a newly inducted member of the KISS Army. That’s usually what happens.

KISS cons and expos have a way of seducing non-fans. An outsider might see the mystique and aura that surrounds the band, especially if they know nothing about them. That’s the best part of KISS. Walking around the expo center in Edison on Saturday, was no different than the other KISS expos I’ve been to, but it’s just a good time and a chance to not only buy KISS stuff, but also mingle with fellow KISS Army members. It was a total geek-out for us.

One time a friend once asked me, “What do you do at a KISS convention?” I always thought that was a silly question, but it really isn’t because not everyone knows what KISS is all about. For many fans, including myself, it’s about the music foremost, but there’s a large part of it that’s about collecting cool KISS crap. So yeah, buy some KISS stuff, look at some KISS stuff, listen to a KISS tribute band, can you see the underlying theme here?

Sometimes though, it’s almost like you MUST buy something just to justify why you go to KISS cons. My only minor complaint about the NJ KISS expo is that attendees pay anywhere from $10-$20 dollars admission, but the show is relatively small. There are 2 large dealer rooms and that’s about it. Unless you purchase a ticket to a V.I.P signing, such as Tommy Thayer (or last year was Peter Criss I believe) that’s the extent of the show. I was hoping this year would be bigger, but it was pretty much the same as previous years. Also featured was KISSNation, a KISS Tribute band, but next year they need to get the larger space in the building and make the event a bigger deal. They can open up their dealer rooms to not only KISS dealers, but also toy and pop culture dealers as well.

You want me to stop with all the jibber jabber and cut to the point where I tell you what I bought? Actually, I will do that because if I don’t, I’ll literally continue writing about KISS until 6 a.m tomorrow morning. Luckily, for brevity’s sake, I only picked up 2 things. Well, it was ALMOST four.

The only reason why I decided against the above pictured jacket was because it probably wouldn’t have fit me. Otherwise, why wouldn’t I want a ridiculously colorful KISS jacket that looked like it was made out of a kid’s plastic kite from Toys R Us in 1991? I still have my KISS rain slicker made out of a yellow Slip ‘n Slide material from ’86 that I never wear. In retrospect, cooler heads prevailed here, and by cooler I mean I wasn’t swayed by my emotions. A cooler head would obviously be wearing this insane KISS jacket while writing this.

That jacket would really go well with a silver $20 dollar FUCK ring. Just to explain that one…it’s a Twent-ttty-doll-har ringgg that has the word F-U-C-K on it. Who would ever need a wedding band or an engagement ring when you can have a FUCK ring?

For realz though, my first real acquisition was a KISS poster. the poster was affectionately labeled “Pink Creatures Poster.” I would’ve bought it on best name principle alone. KISS fans know what this means, even the casual ones. It’s a whimsical title, but it’s not a secret code, it’s just stating that the background is pink and the album it was made in promotion of was Creatures of the Night, and poster means it’s a big ass photograph printed on a quite large piece of paper. Keep in mind that this is a 30 year old poster, not one you could find all over Spencer’s in the mall in 1999. The poster features the late Eric Carr, my favorite drummer, and it caught my eye because its pink background stood out. I admit that was part of why I bought it. It’s always cool to see KISS in front of a background that’s not black or gray. KISS did pose for a lot pictures in front of brightly colored canvases in the late ’70s as well as through the ’80s, and this was one of the cooler ones.

Let me make it abundantly clear that I DO NOT need any more posters. I own so many damn posters that I could probably wallpaper the entire interior of the New Jersey Expo Center. At this point, I have two framed posters waiting patiently to be put up on my wall and this new one’s probably waited 30 some odd years to get put up and now it won’t see the light of day until, I don’t know, 2023? Sorry pink creatures poster 🙁 you’ll always be posted right here on my blog.

Next up was an old metal magazine. Typically I wouldn’t buy just a random old rock or metal magazine, but I found the cover to be pretty funny and appropriate. As if you hadn’t noticed, my favorite rock band of all time is KISS while Miss Sexy Armpit’s favorite “rock” band is Bon Jovi. I loved Bon Jovi in the ’80s and even in the ’90s, but basically all of their modern stuff has been totally weak. They lose even more points for alienating Richie Sambora and then firing him! If you know Richie, he’s a genuinely kickass guy and deserves much better treatment than that. So screw you Jon Bon Jovi!

KISS vs Bon Jovi? NO F*CKING CONTEST. Just blast a few of the hardest KISS tracks like “Parasite,” “Deuce,” “War Machine,” “I Stole Your Love,” and “Unholy” and you’ll know in a second who’s the better band. Even performing their weakest tracks in a concert 600 miles away from New Jersey, KISS would still blow Bon Jovi into the Atlantic Ocean. I’m pretty sure this was one of the easiest ways to sell a magazine in January of 1988. Motley Crue vs. Skid Row! ROUND 2 – FIGHT!

The Demon of Mountainside and the KISS/Wrestling Crossover

Posted on September 25, 2013 by sexyarmpit

One my friends used to always pose a theory to me that he formulated about the crossover appeal of KISS and professional wrestling. He used to swear that every KISS fan was also a pro-wrestling fan and vice versa. I’d have to agree with him, but it’s not an absolute. Of course, they have many elements in common such as theatrics, both properties put on an entertaining spectacle, they both have legions of loyal fans, they both feature people in costumes, as well as incorporate colorful lights, loud music, and pyro. But, unbeknownst to him, only a couple of years before he hypothesized about KISS and wrestling fans, the two worlds merged for a brief moment in time.

When Gene Simmons from KISS struck a deal with then head of WCW, Eric Bischoff, to create a KISS inspired wrestler, it seemed like a such a logical mash-up at the time. For the crossover KISS/wrestling fans, this was literally a dream come true. After all, KISS was a band of four larger than life characters that translated seamlessly into comic books, but putting them in the squared circle was uncharted territory. It sounded good on paper.

It also sounded great to the crossover fans. In fact, just thinking back to when The Demon wrestled in WCW, as much as I didn’t enjoy WCW’s product, it was pretty thrilling for me to see a Gene Simmons gimmick in my other favorite universe, the world of professional wrestling. With all the lame gimmicks in wrestling through the years including a garbage man, a plumber, and a rooster, having a KISS Demon was actually far from lame. To those who weren’t familiar with KISS at the time, they probably thought the Demon was supposed to be some Satan worshipping fiend from beyond the gates of hell. Both are appealing in their own way.

Meanwhile, the Mountainside, NJ-born Dale Torborg’s wrestling career began after meeting Hulk Hogan and Macho Man Randy Savage on a flight to L.A. Early on, Torborg wrestled as the MVP (Most Violent Player) gimmick in the AWF, WWE and WCW. He played an evil baseball player inspired by the film The Warriors that also tied into his own baseball experience (his father Jeff managed several MLB teams and Dale’s own minor league baseball career ended with a fastball to the face.) Then, in 1999, during the first couple of Demon appearances in WCW, Brian Adams a.k.a Crush played the character, but he never actually wrestled as the gimmick. Soon Torborg was chosen to become the Demon character because Gene Simmons thought he looked most like him.

Visually, The Demon was badass. Torborg portrayed Gene Simmons in a more authentic way than Brian Adams. Torborg was such a KISS fanatic that he knew how to mimic all of Gene’s stage mannerisms. “I don’t think there was a Halloween that I didn’t dress up as one of the members of KISS” said Torborg in an interview with ESPN. For any member of the KISS Army, it had to be a real kick to be playing one of his rock and roll superheroes. Torborg mentioned that his choice to take on the Demon character wasn’t popular a one with his mother who “…hates two things, wrestling and KISS, and I’m doing both” he told ESPN. Regardless of what his mom thought, Torborg loved being The Demon .

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMx8lHUaeek]

The concept could’ve went far, but it was just the wrong time in the wrestling business. To help debut the Demon wrestler, KISS performed live on WCW Nitro . According to various wrestling sites and Wikipedia, the performance turned out to be a very low rated segment, which dispels my friends theory about the KISS/wrestling crossover. Fans of WCW, especially at the time, were bombarded by WWE Raw and WCW Nitro, and they wanted wrestling, not Mr. Simmons’ Wild Ride so to speak. WWE was coming very close to buying out WCW. Eric Bischoff lost his job and The Demon kept getting buried and losing most of his matches. WCW was contractually obligated to feature The Demon from then on, but they weren’t required to make him soar to new heights within the company though, so he wound up blacklisted.

From a personal standpoint, I really loved Torborg as The Demon. It was a cringe inducing moment for many wrestling fans at the time, but just the idea of two of my favorite things colliding nearly melted my brain, in a good way. Younger wrestling fans may not have been familiar with KISS at the time, but The Demon was still so imposing that it didn’t really matter if they knew KISS as a band or not.

Dale Torborg was a perfect choice to play The Demon. I appreciated how he was a lifelong fan of KISS. As far as wrestling ability goes, he’s a big athletic guy at 6’7″, had a good physique, and was better in the ring that many of the guys on the WCW roster at that time. My only complaint was his finishing move (Cobra Cluth Slam a.k.a The Love Gun) didn’t capture his power or match his look.

Torborg is proud of his days as The Demon as he told WWE.com in their column Where Are They Now? posted on August 3rd, 2011. After WWE bought out WCW, Dale Torborg went to work in the MLB. Since 2004, Torborg has worked as the conditioning coordinator for the Chicago White Sox, and he dabbled in wrestling again, making appearances in TNA for a couple of years starting in 2005.

Not every wrestling fan was as pleased with this KISS/Wrestling combo. Prorasslin.com took the stance of the non-KISS fan-wrestling fan by stating that “This gimmick was bad” and that Torborg was “rightfully condemned to jobbing for the rest of his professional career” in their column Ghastly Gimmicks. It’s unfortunate that The Demon gets lumped into the pile of failed gimmick wrestlers. Naturally, I question why he was written to face the guys that he did and lose. If he was around after the WWE takeover, it would’ve been cool to see him in feuds with guys like Goldust or Kane, both would make memorable programs for sure.

It would probably never happen, but if Gene Simmons were to allow his likeness to be used again, any number of up and coming wrestlers could take on The Demon gimmick. Vince McMahon would never bring him back though because he couldn’t make any money off a character that he didn’t own the rights to. It would have to be changed to something like The Shemon and she’d squash all the ladies in the Divas division.

*Dale’s father Jeff was born in Plainfield, NJ and went to Westfield High School, played baseball there, and then went on to play at Rutgers.

Pete and Pete, Pumpkin Eaters, and Pictures

Posted on September 24, 2013 by sexyarmpit

Captures from the The Adventures of Pete and Pete Season 2 episode “Halloweenie”

A good way to measure how much older you are than someone you meet is to calculate how many years ago the debut of Nickelodeon is from the year they were born. I grew up with the golden age of Nick and so many of my younger friends have a difficult time relating to that era because they weren’t born until later. They started watching Nick in the mid to late ’90s. Nowadays you can just dial up any show old or new on the Internet, but looking back at some ancient Pinwheel episode doesn’t do it justice. Comparing it to shows today is unfair. I’m not exaggerating when I say this, but when shows like Pinwheel and You Can’t Do That On Television were popular they were mind blowing to kids, and especially to stoned adults. I would never say Nick’s lineup throughout the ’90s was any less great, but it’s in a different way because times were a-changin’.

One of the many beloved shows that aired on Nick in the ’90s was The Adventures of Pete and Pete which premiered on Nick in November of 1993. I’d say by 1992 I was pretty much phased out of Nickelodeon for the sole reason that I stopped watching TV so often and getting more into activities that required actual movement rather than vegetating on the couch. Although the ’90s were definitely not my Nick time, I really wish I hadn’t missed out on The Adventures of Pete and Pete, a show that was set in Wellsville, NY, but predominantly filmed in New Jersey.

Recently I asked my friend Steve, resident Pete and Pete expert, if there was ever a Pete and Pete Halloween episode, and he rapidly replied “YES.” I was pretty excited to hear this because I was looking forward to checking out the old Nick show that I never got a chance to watch when I was younger. I recently got a hold of it and my first reaction to the episode “Halloweenie,” which aired in October 1994, was jackpot. Here’s the synopsis taken from Nickipedia:

“Younger Pete decides to enter the annals of history by breaking the record for most houses visited on Halloween and tries to enlist the help of Older Pete. Older Pete is torn between his loyalty to his brother and the coming of age and abandonment of the childhood ritual of Trick-Or-Treating. He must decide whether to face the ridicule of his peers and go Trick-Or-Treating or to join the notorious “Pumpkin Eaters”, a group of vandals who terrorize neighborhood “Halloweenies.”

I’m a kid at heart so little Pete’s love for Halloween and desire to break the trick or treating record appeals to me, but I can totally relate to big Pete’s fear of becoming a Halloweenie. As a fellow suburban kid, there was a definitive point where I stopped trick or treating because I felt that the ritual needed to be reserved exclusively for the kids and I never went back, but I remain a mega-fan of Halloween.

The amount of nostalgic Halloween images contained in this episode was an unexpected surprise. The story was fun, albeit not as horrific as I was hoping for, but it was on Nickelodeon after all. The Pumpkin Eaters looked cool, but they weren’t very formidable, they just made a mess of everything. The episode evokes an awesome Halloween vibe and as the credits rolled I sat wishing it lasted another half hour.

“Halloweenie” Facts:

*Production of the show was moved to Cranford after the show made such a mess of the town during the filming of “Halloweenie.” They did make quite a mess. There’s hundreds of smashed pumpkins and streamers, etc. It looked like a thousand kids who mainlined Ghoul-Aid were let loose on mischief night.

*Iggy Pop appears as, Mr. Mecklenberg, a recurring character who is little Pete’s best friend Nona’s (Michelle Trachtenberg) father. In this episode Iggy Pop calls someone a “Stooge.”

The Misfits: Horror Punk Masters or Matinee Idols?

Posted on September 19, 2013 by sexyarmpit

The Misfits have been the main entity of the horror punk netherworld for 36 years. Like many of you reading this, I play the Misfits all year round, not just during Halloween, and it’s always a requisite for me to bring them up at least a couple of times during each Halloween countdown. In this post we’ll be showing you an aspect of their career that you may not have known about.

There’s always been some crossover between the icons of rock, punk, and metal into Hollywood. Lots of musicians and lead singers have appeared in multiple TV shows and films. Here’s a few rock stars who have dabbled in acting (and some who still do): Alice Cooper, Mick Jagger, David Bowie, Debbie Harry, Meatloaf, Henry Rollins, Courtney Love, you get the picture. The Misfits probably didn’t even come to your mind as I was rattling off that list. Well, I take that back. It probably did because it’s the subject of this whole post as indicated by the title and the introduction.

There may be no Golden Globe awards in their future, but that was never their mission. Once the mid-’90s rolled around, the public and Hollywood were realizing the impact that Misfits have had on music and pop culture. Their logo was everywhere, even nearly twenty years later at that point. Not only did their music still sound hard edged and haunting, but they were such a visual band that it just made sense to get them into films. It was about time to exploit them to the next generation of kids with their brand new, young lead singer Michale Graves. Their first appearance right around that time in 1995 was in the movie, Animal Room, about a former drug user (Nail Patrick Harris) in a drug rehab program at his high school gets tormented by a bully (Matthew Lillard).

Animal Room was the debut film of NJ-born and raised writer and director Craig Singer. If you’re a long time Sexy Armpit reader, you might remember when we talked about one of his later films, Dark Ride which, as I look back at it, I was probably way too harsh on that movie. Perhaps I’ll go back and watch it this Halloween season. Back to Animal Room – it was billed as a drama and science fiction film and according to Wikipedia, it was a “modernized version of A Clockwork Orange.” The movie was filmed in Asbury Park and Glen Rock, NJ. Here’s a pretty badass scene from Animal Room starring The Misfits which also winds up being surprisingly grisly:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqVjZSTx-_k?rel=0]

Next up for The Misfits was a quick scene in the Insane Clown Posse movie, Big Money Hustlas in 2000. It’s a pretty whimsical scene and not one you’d expect to see the ghoulish Misfits show up in, but that makes it even more surreal and memorable. The movie stars Harland Williams who appears in this scene which takes place in a Donut Hut, a diner situation whose logo combines Pizza Hut and Dunkin’ Donuts. Here The Misfits are seen enjoying a few cups of Joe and chucking a donut at a cop. Punk cred still in tact.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNXoHL-6rFk?rel=0]

In, Bruiser, the 2000 DVD thriller directed by George A. Romero, a man always getting shit on by people awakens on day to find that his face is now a blank, white mask. Note that the bullying theme was also present in the previously mentioned, Animal Room. Maybe we need to call WWE and let their Be A Star campaign Superstars talk to these bullies.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60bL8921szw?rel=0]

The last film is one that I’ve had waiting patiently in my collection for me to discuss during a Halloween Countdown. It may very well have been one of the first DVD’s that I planned on featuring for a countdown, but for reasons such as occasional lack of motivation and then the inverse, when sometimes idea overload sets in and boggles my mind. 2001’s Campfire Tales will eventually get discussed in more depth, but for right now, let’s take a look at The Misfits appearance in the film. The performance footage used in the movie was shot at the legendary Gingerbread Castle in Hamburg, NJ, a fairly tale castle which was once like the Disney Cinderella Castle of northern New Jersey. For a while, the Castle turned into a night club in order to maintain some kind of cash flow. Jamie Lynn Sigler stars in Campfire Tales and in his first film role you’ll notice Always Sunny’s Charlie Day.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBTi407H8z0?rel=0]

The Misfits were always known for being punk outcasts, but I have no objections to seeing them sneakily appear in a few movie cameos. None of these were big movies by any stretch, so you can’t accuse them of selling out to do these films. If they appeared in Soul Plane, we might all think a little differently about their career decisions, wouldn’t we?

The Misfits’ history of kicking ass has far surpassed any punk grading system that people might hold them to, and their brand has risen above the divisive fan base including those who are Danzig loyalists and the true Fiend Club members who still appreciate the band today still as macabre looking and monster movie loving as ever.