The Sexy Armpit’s Guide to Becoming an Official Ghostbuster

Posted on by sexyarmpit

Rumors have been swirling about another Ghostbusters film and I think it’s safe to say that the majority of us welcome the new film but have to see it to believe it. Aside from the possible new installment, we as Ghostbusters fans have a lot to look forward to. Not only is there an upcoming Ghostbusters video game, but there’s also the forthcoming DVD release of the entire run of The Real Ghostbusters animated series! In order to properly prepare yourself for all this bustin’ you’ll be engaged in, you’ll need to be put through proper training.

STEP 1: Head over to Shawn Robare’s Branded in the ’80s where last year he posted an excellent scan of The Official Ghostbusters Training Manual. I ordered this from the Troll book club back when I was in elementary school. The anticipation to get this book from the time I ordered it to the time I got it was unbearable. I still have the book in great condition but since Shawn’s entry and scans were masterfully done, there was no need for me to scan in mine as well. If you’re not already an official Ghostbuster than I recommend you go through the training. If you make it through successfully than you will receive a Certificate of Achievement stating that you are now an official Ghostbuster.

STEP 2: You got the talent, so you now need the tools! Go into your messy closet and dig out your old proton pack, PKE meter, and Ghost Trap. If you don’t have yours anymore, prepare to spend upwards of $100 at least for Kenner’s classic RGB toy on eBay. Another possibility is finding an actual replica of the pack on eBay like the one pictured to the left. Shipping on the item is $125, so you may be better off fashioning a proton pack of your own. You can consult Squidoo for an entry all about homemade proton packs!

STEP:3 You can’t catch ghosts in your Mumm-Ra t-shirt. Get your Ghostbusters His and Hers jumpsuits! Or if you’ve used the LAST of the petty cash on some magnificent feast, then go here to get a Ghostbusters uniform T-Shirt. This is reminiscent of the ever popular “tuxedo t-shirt” that we joke about but secretly would love to wear to an upscale gathering.

STEP 4: Make your Official Ghostbusters ID card. I actually still have my original Ghostbusters ID Card that came with the proton pack. I scanned in the card and deleted my name and old address which was scrawled by a 5 or 6 year old ME! It’s ready to be filled out and flashed at spooked hotel owners everywhere. All you need to do is print it, fill it out, fold it in the middle, and if you’re feeling saucy you might even want to laminate that sumbitch!


For a more professional look, head over to GBfans.com. They feature a promotion called “Create a Custom Ghostbusters ID Badge.” Their ID’s look very professional and I’m sure your card will grant you access into the firehouse with no problem. Access to the protection grid is another story!

Congratulations! Now all you need to do is wait for the call! Or hang out under Janine Melnitz’s desk!

www.SexyArmpit.com

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol. 3: Extreme Ghostbusters “The Jersey Devil Made Me Do It”

Posted on by sexyarmpit

Living without any form of Ghostbusters for the last 11 years has been difficult. Even though Extreme Ghosbusters didn’t feature the original team, it was good enough for me just to know that some variety of Ghostbusters was still being created. I used to miss the episodes though because they aired at a period of time when I was taking advantage of sleeping past 9 or 10 AM on the weekends.
The Sexy Armpit hails The Extreme Ghostbusters episode “The Jersey Devil Made Me Do It.” It’s a mystery to me why their hasn’t been a big budget horror film based off the Jersey Devil, our local legend. There’s been a few movies (Last Broadcast, 13th Child, and Satan’s Playground) based off the Jersey Devil and loads of books and documentaries but not much else. Growing up in New Jersey, and knowing this creature haunted the Pine Barrens in South Jersey for hundreds of years, pretty much scared the crap out of us all when were were kids.
In this Extreme G.B episode, the gang is on a trip to a paranormal conference in Atlantic City. The crew mentions they are in the “middle of nowhere,” which is pretty much accurate since that’s how it feels when you’re riding through the Pine Barrens on your way to A.C. They paint South Jersey to pretty much be a hicksville and that’s basically what it is. If you’re visiting parts of South Jersey that aren’t located near the shore, it feels like the in-bred mutants from the movie Wrong Turn are going to come out of nowhere and try to eat you. The town they reference in the episode, “Hanover,” is actually in North Jersey. Even though the Ghostbusters were traveling from New York, they wouldn’t head all the way to Hanover to go all the way down to A.C. They probably just used the name for the episode.
And YES, there’s more to the Jersey Devil than just “the hockey team.” According to the episode the Jersey Devil is “…Jersey’s most famous native after that Springsteen kid…” Regardless of his fame they should’ve kept his appearance under wraps for a little while longer. We get to see what he looks like right from the start of the episode. How about a shot of his tail, then later a glimpse of his wing? The Devil’s appearance was freaky but it was too large and overly demonic looking. Also, most of the legends would describe him as unable to fly well, even though many accounts said that he did have wings. It wasn’t as if he was always in flight, he did more of a jump with some occasional wing flapping. Not that I know from experience or anything! The Jersey Devil in this episode looked more like a mix of a dragon and a pig or rhinoceros.
I haven’t watched this series since it first aired in ’97 and it just made me more anxious for a Ghostbusters series. I guess I’ll just have to wait for the PS3 game! Be sure to listen for a callback to Venkman in the first Ghostbusters movie: “Nice Shooting Tex.” Oh and in case you were wondering, Janine Melnitz wasn’t as hot in the Extreme Ghostbusters series.

www.SexyArmpit.com

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.1

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Referred to in the film Mallrats as “The Dirt Mall,” the defunct US1 Flea Market was a notorious local landmark. Why is footage of a plain old indoor Flea Market such a great pop culture moment? Well, if you’re from the central part of New Jersey you’ve probably shopped there many times. Jersey boy Kevin Smith proudly or perhaps not so proudly displayed this
flea market. Now, not only New Jersey nostalgia buffs but all moviegoers can see it. Thankfully, I’ll never forget how this place looked because the US1 Flea Market in New Brunswick, New Jersey will forever be emblazoned on DVD! Thanks Silent Bob, Snootchie Bootchies! (berzerker attack)

When I was a kid in the ’80s (gosh such a long time ago! lol) it was a big treat to come shopping at the US1 Flea Market because I knew I would most likely get some sort of collectible, or “way out there” addition to my collection. It was possible to go in there with the $10 allowance money I had saved up and leave with a bag of random stuff. I remember one time I came home with a Samantha Fox poster, and a 3-D G.I Joe comic book among other cool schwag. Not too bad for a kid about 7 years old. Bless my parents for having such a libidinous, well read boy…well at least in 3-D.

Maybe Smith was making a statement about the shift in consumerism? In contrast to the beautiful sparkling malls that began to emerge in the late ’80s and early ’90s, this old flea market seems almost archaic. Better or worse, indoor malls changed shopping for all of us! No longer was I able to pick up comic books, rock music pins for my jean jacket, and KISS t-shirts all for $10 bucks or less in the same building. Since then, malls in my area have always failed to impress me. Throughout the years it’s been an uphill battle to keep a comic store in business in our local malls. It always seemed like they weren’t able to pay the high rent. Immediately, children’s clothing stores and nail salons would snatch up the empty space. What other way were we supposed to buy vintage collectibles, toys, and posters of Susanna Hoffs? What if my Real Ghostbusters pencil with the Slimer pencil topper broke and I needed a new one? Malls by us didn’t always carry obscure stuff, so without the flea market we had to look out for a garage sale or an ad in a newspaper. That was too much work! Boy am I glad the Internet decided to weasel its way into our lives!

The site of the old US1 Flea Market is now an AMC 18-plex Movie Theater that I’ve gone to frequently since it opened. I actually worked there a few times too since it owned the Menlo Park Mall theater which I worked at for several years. It’s a nice place if you could get past the corpse buried in the parking lot.

www.SexyArmpit.com

Janine, She’s My Queen! (rated R)

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Come here Janine Melnitz
i want to feel your tits
people should know you’re not a complete ditz
Ohh Janine, you’re my queen
I wanna lick you clean
F–k Louis Tully he’s a geek
he gets scared when he hears a door creak
what’s with your thing for Egon?
you put the moves on him like Danielson

you can babysit me anytime
like our ghost friend I‘ll leave you covered in Slime
Ohh Janine, you’re my queen
we’ll eat some french bread pizza and pass out
that’s what i’m talkin‘ ’bout!
hey girl, there’s no need to flirt
Come on and lift up that mini-skirt
on Myspace i’ll post your pic
you know, the one where your mouth is filled with my ….

i’ll give you extra time so you can put on your freak
The print is dead and it’s all Greek
i’ll bring you to your peak
Ohh Janine, you’re my queen
forget reading, you’re my favorite hobby
I’ll do you in a hotel or right in the firehouse lobby
you’re so unusual like Cyndi
your hair looks like you were blasted with glue when it was windy
Instead of talking dirty I want you to yell “WE GOT ONE!”
And then I’ll shoot you with my proton gun

You were once played by Annie Potts
And you made me feel it right in my stugots
It’s a tough job filling that role
And sliding up and down my pole
You know the one made of brass
When you’re at the top I stare at your ass
I’ll make my way to your clit
and I don’t have a warrant or a writ
I hope to give u a thirty-five foot long, six hundred pound orgasm
And maybe even a focused, non-terminal repeating phantasm

Trust me, I can stay puft for hours
Even longer than The Two Towers
Hey Janine, you got spunk…
…no…no, I mean literally you have spunk…on the side of your cheek
Sorry, my protection grid just sprung a leak
I know there is no Janine only Zuul
but my life is yours to rule
I’m very handy and I even play racquetball
So Janine, my queen, when you want a date…Who Ya Gonna Call?
www.SexyArmpit.com