Amazon Will Charge Sales Tax in New Jersey in 2013


It’s a sad day in New Jersey. For years we’ve enjoyed tax free shopping through online retail giant, but in July 2013 that will all change.

When I first started shopping on Amazon, the site was still in it’s infancy. People were buying mostly books off Amazon back then, but I was pretty much looking for good deals on movies and CD’s. As time went on, Amazon started gaining popularity. It wasn’t quite the standard it is today, but it was emerging as a force. I relied on Amazon for Christmas shopping and I still buy the majority of gifts through the site. The free shipping is a tremendous savings in addition to the savings they already provide to customers, but that wasn’t the real grabber. The BONUS for shopping on Amazon was that they did not charge tax in many states, New Jersey being one of them.

New Jersey’s 7% sales tax, while not the highest in the nation, is still pretty damn high. Through the nearly 18 years of Amazon’s existence, they have offered their customers lots of savings, especially to me. I don’t mean to sound like a commercial, but in there is a glaring difference between shopping on Amazon and going to  an actual store. If I bought a $200 dollar item from a local retailer in New Jersey I’d pay about $14.00 tax. If I visited and merely clicked a few virtual buttons, I’d have to pay…NO TAX!!!

I’ve read about Amazon’s plans to build a facility in New Jersey in the past year or so, but nothing was official. There will be an Amazon warehouse facility built in NJ and because of that they have to start charging sales tax. Unfortunately, this article from made the official announcement.

I really feel like Hulking up and getting angry right now, but I’m trying to contain myself. I’ll probably still deal through Amazon since shopping in New Jersey is a total nightmare, especially during the holidays. I am always a huge supporter of local shops and restaurants, but keeping Amazon from saving me a few extra bucks is only going to fill the pockets of crooked, embezzling New Jersey politicians. Screw the state senators for effing us again! 

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.50: Miracle on 34th Street

MACY: “Well, we can cover the country too. Notify our stores in San Francisco, Atlanta, Toledo, and Newark to get going right away.”
This scene in 1947’s Miracle on 34th Street shows R.H Macy rattling off several store locations from his empire. In retaliation against Gimbel’s, Macy instructs a couple of his employees to expand the new referral policy that Kris Kringle started because it created so much customer loyalty and positive publicity for them.   
When I watch movies like Miracle on 34th Street and A Christmas Story every Christmas season, I find myself in awe of the department store scenes. Shopping in department stores back in the 1940’s seemed like such a larger than life experience in comparison to the horrific battles encountered at Targets and Wal-Marts around the country. If you were a kid back then, the wondrous store front displays were of utmost importance because they provided the chance to scope out all the toys that you might put on your Christmas list. Macy’s in New York still attracts huge lines to view their store window spectacle during the holidays, but there isn’t really anything that grand in New Jersey. 

In the above scene, the Newark location Macy mentions is actually a Bamberger’s, which was one of the premiere department stores in New Jersey. It was founded way back in 1893 and their flagship store was built in Newark in 1912. In 1929, Macy’s bought Bamberger’s, but it wasn’t until 1986 that they were officially rebranded as Macy’s. In addition to malls across The Garden State, Bamberger’s operated stores in Morristown, Plainfield, and Princeton as well as in New York, Pennsylvania, Delaware, and Maryland. An anonymous comment posted at The Department Store Museum blog summarizes exactly what Bamberger’s was: “Jersey’s version of Macy’s…”

Check out the Bamberger’s post at The Department Store Museum which offers pictures and info on many of their New Jersey locations. Also, several facts in this post were taken from the Bamberger’s Wikipedia entry.

Doritos: Late Night – For Those With The Munchies


Blissful moments are rarities in life depending on how you look at things. To some, a blissful moment might be watching their child blow a dandelion into the wind or taking a deep breath of fresh air on a sunny day while walking around the park. For the inner couch potato such as myself, that same wonderful feeling is captured when a crunchy, seasoned, triangle of corn gets placed on my tongue like communion. This triangle of corn I speak of is more commonly referred to as the Dorito. It’s pungent odor infiltrates my nostrils and it’s taste ignites my senses. No, you’re not reading a Dorito advertisement, but this is one of life’s grand moments and it should be described with proper sentiments. Hell, I don’t mind telling the world how much I love eating Doritos and they aren’t even paying me! But what I’d rather discuss is the lack of advertising for these 2 new additions to the Dorito lineup.

I found 2 flavors from the new Doritos line, “Late Night,” at the local Target store in NJ. When I saw them on the shelf, as always, my heart skipped a beat. It was as if I was running through a meadow and the bags had arms and legs and were valiantly dashing toward me. I didn’t just see 2 bags of Doritos, no way, we found each other and we didn’t even need Plenty of Fish. I gently placed the bags into the top of my shopping cart as if they were sexy twin Playboy playmates. I’m not gonna lie, I may have caressed the bags at one point or another throughout my 3-hour Target tour. I don’t want to hear about how weird you think it is…not even for a second! You would need some attention also if you had to wait for me to wander into the toy section, the DVD aisle, and try on all the lame hats.

In an attempt to grab the attention of late night munchie maniacs, the lettering on these bags glow in neon lights. It was difficult, but I was fairly positive that I was staring at a bag of chips, not at a drive-thru like Taco Bell. Close but no Chalupa said the chiuaua. Are you one of those people who get excited at knowing Taco Bell and White Castle are open late so you can soak up all the alcohol you just downed? Then these tortilla chips may just be perfect for you.

Tacos at Midnight: I’d say the flavor accuracy is dead on in these chips. Heavily dusted, they truly give off an immediate taste of eating classic crunchy tacos. It brought me back to when I was a kid and we had taco night at my house. It was fun because my mom would set out bowls of toppings and we’d jam pack the crunchy shells. As soon as we took the first bite everything would fall out. From that moment it was only soft tacos for me. I give Doritos credit for engineering a truly genuine taco flavor, I can’t say I really enjoy them though. They didn’t taste zesty at all and lacked the punch I was hoping for. I can only consider these to be a mediocre addition to the Dorito line.

Last Call Jalapeno Popper: All I have to say is thank the LORD that these weren’t called “Last Call with Carson Daly Poppers.” That would be theeeee worst TV show tie-in in the history of the world. What the f–k kind of flavor would they give Carson Daly? Probably “ass” flavored Doritos, but if we’re lucky it would be NyQuil flavored so we’d fall asleep soundly before his show even went on! Jalapeno Poppers as an appetizer always sound great in theory, but after you have a bunch of them, you realize they weren’t such a good idea. I can handle hot food, especially Jalapenos, but there’s something about mixing them with various rich cheeses that gets me queasy after forcing down Jalapeno Popper #11. I try to stick to small doses of J.P’s, but when it comes to Doritos, as I’ve stated numerous times, I can typically eat a half bag of Doritos without even thinking. That didn’t bode so well considering that after eating a bunch of these I was left feeling really gross. With Nacho Cheese Doritos I always finish feeling like I could easily annihilate 16 more bags. If your eating something called “Last Call Jalapeno Poppers,” it’s probably because there were 3 or 4 poppers left on a baking sheet that fell on the floor in the kitchen of Bennigan’s and they figured it would be a nice gesture to bring out some FREE SNACKS! Obviously people drink more when they’ve just eaten a bunch of hot, salty balls. More beer please! Unfortunately, I can only rate the Last Call Jalapeno Popper a half a step above the Tacos at Midnight variation.

I don’t see a proclamation on their bags stating these new Doritos are for a “limited time only,” or a “special edition.” That’s usually just another way of stating, “this is just a test.” Even though they aren’t anywhere near as good as Doritos Collisions, why not exploit these bad boys?

The Muthaf—ing Marshmallow Pals Are Back!


Right now it’s a marshmallow world in New Jersey thanks to the mild winter storm that passed through over the last couple of days. Not too long ago, during Halloween, my world was filled with actual marshmallows. I made a few new friends who called themselves Marshmallow pals. These pals were a freaky gang of mooshy ghouls including the likes of Dracula, Frankenstein, a pumpkin, and a witch. Recently while cruising the aisles of Toys R Us I gained a few more pals, but this time they came straight from the North Pole.


This set of Frankford Marshmallow Pals features Santa, Mrs. Claus, Frosty, and Santa’s Elf.

I don’t consider myself a full fledged grinch, but I did what needed to be done to things that are so sickeningly cute and festive.


I commited mass marshmallow murder.

I love how a gnarled hunk of Mrs. Claus’ remaining head remains atop her neck. That’s what she gets for offering me home made gingerbread cookies. bitch.

Merry Christmas!

“New Pepsi Logo is an Atrocity!” says The Sexy

Last night, I had the genius plan of going to Walmart. Going there is like getting ass from a girl who you know you really don’t want ass from but you convince yourself that you need it and it might not be that bad. Then the minute you leave her house you realize it was a huuuge mistake and the whole ordeal took much longer than it should have. The only good thing that comes out of the situation is that you realize you didn’t catch anything, HOORAY! Even though I probably would’ve rather caught something than waited on the check out line for 45 minutes to buy a can of soda.

As my silly “not based on real life” analogy comes to an abrupt halt, take a gander to the left and peep out this cool retro Pepsi can I found at Walmart last night. Out of all the cool cans that are part of Pepsi’s aluminum retro collection, this is closest to the one I grew up with. “Take the Pepsi Challenge” appears on a banner at the bottom. It brought back memories, especially considering the atrocity that is the latest Pepsi logo…if you can call it a logo. Why is it in this country we constantly feel the need to unnecessarily change things?

Finding this can at the bottom of the shelf in the soda aisle reminded me that I took some pictures of vintage soda art when I was in Las Vegas recently. In the waiting area of the New York, New York Roller Coaster, the walls feature some awesome murals of retro soft drinks. I was easily more enthralled by this artwork than I was the actual roller coaster, which completely sucked ass. It wasn’t a fun time at all and the wait time didn’t justify how shitty the ride was. Perhaps I’m just spoiled living right up the NJ Turnpike from Six Flags Great Adventure.

These murals are from the “soft drink renaissance” of art history. You may recall studying that period in college. Upon careful scrutiny, do you notice anything strange about this one? The messed up thing is that the Mountain Dew cup has the modern day logo rather than it’s retro look.

This mural features the Pepsi challenger race car and 3 classic soft drinks that have been lost to the ages: Pepsi Free, Pepsi Light, and Slice!

When The Sexy Armpit opens “The Soft Drink Hall of Fame,” these 2 pieces will surely be prime exhibits!

Would YOU Let Santa Claus Drive Your Corvette?

I’m surprised and excited to see how many houses have been decorated for Christmas this year. On my way home from work every day, I pass through so many towns and as Paul Stanley says “They’re lit up like a damn Christmas Tree!” It seems like there’s more Christmas spirit in New Jersey this year than ever before. Whatever the reason is, it’s an excellent feeling! People’s displays have grown more elaborate and creative. In fact, while riding through Fair Haven, NJ last weekend we saw this Corvette parked on someone’s lawn:

Take a closer look and you’ll see Santa behind the wheel about to take the ‘vette out for a spin:
That’s a pretty awesome lawn decoration if you ask me. I don’t think you’ll be able to pick that one up at Wal-Mart! 
For all the good that Santa’s done throughout time, I still don’t think that’s enough to make me let him borrow my Corvette to deliver presents. We have no idea what kind of driving record he has. They could drive like assholes up in the North Pole. If the elves get licenses then I’ll give a definitive “NO” on that one. Besides, isn’t St. Nick all tanked up on spiked Egg Nogg he drinks at houses all over the world? Isn’t that what makes him so jolly in the first place? We wouldn’t want him getting a DWI, so let’s have him stick to flying around in his sleigh. 

JAY: You’re not getting my keys, Santa! 
SANTA CLAUS: Ho, Ho, Ho, we’ll see about that! How bad do you want that PS3 for Christmas?!?! Ho, Ho, Ho!
JAY: I’ll forget about the PS3 for now, just as long as you don’t crash my beautiful Corvette and turn it into a red and white yuletide mess. Oh, and toll prices just went up so it’ll be cheaper if you hop in you’re sleigh.
SANTA CLAUS: Ho, Ho, Ho! Jay, I’m going through a mid-life crisis times 3. Can’t I just take the ‘vette for a few minutes? Mrs. Claus never lets me have ANY fun. She took away my copy of Transformers on DVD because she said I was staring a hole in Megan Fox. I’m not even allowed to go to Hooters up in the North Pole. And if you haven’t noticed, all of Santa’s helpers are all gay males. I lead a sad, boring life. C’mon, help a brutha out.
JAY: OK, OK, but you’re going to owe me BIG time if you crash it!
SANTA CLAUS: Yeah right, after I got you everything you asked for every Christmas? Batman, He-Man, WWF, Star Wars, Thundercats, I gave it all to you! You weren’t that good this year anyway! So I owe you nothing bub! 
JAY: You know what Santa, you can f—ing walk!
Friends don’t let Santa Claus drive drunk.
A Public Service Announcement from the Ad Council and Mrs. Claus.

Man on a Marshmallow Mission: Pumpkins and Pals Beware!

When you hear the term “Man on a Mission,” I’m 99.9% sure that the former WWF trio of Mabel, Oscar, and Mo doesn’t spring immediately to your mind. A man on a mission is ME when I’m in the grocery store, or any store for that matter.


“I have no respect for people with no shopping agenda”
Shannon Hamilton (Ben Affleck) “The Asshole from Fashionable Male” – Mallrats

I’d hate to fall into the category of a person who is respected by Shannon from Mallrats, but, yes I usually have a shopping agenda. I don’t quite live in a bustling city like Manhattan, but the traffic and headaches here are sometimes just as easy to come by. Going to some of the grocery stores and superstores like Target and Wal-Mart drives me nuts. It’s rarely a pleasant experience even though I’d like it to be. On one occasion, I drove to Wal-Mart for a poster frame and then realized there’s no good parking spots, carts are banging into cars, and when I finally got a spot, someone tried starting shit with me saying it was their spot. This isn’t even the holidays!

Once in the store, I become the Terminator and set my infrared sights to pinpoint exactly what I came to get. Oh, who am I kidding? I get sidetracked so easily. Seeing Batman Underoos stops me in my tracks. I think if I had the money I’d just buy anything with my favorite characters on it. After spending an hour and probably somewhere in the range of $100, I realize I need to get the fuck out or suffer more monetary and mental damage. I’m sure I also had some irreparable damage to my ear drums considering it’s so damn loud in these stores with all of the screaming, crying, whiny kids. I love kids, truthfully, but they go ballistic if you don’t tell them you’ll buy them every thing in the store.

Even when I’m at a higher level store like Wegmans, difficulties still hinder me from shopping with ease. When the hell are grocery stores going to hire a traffic cop and build shopping cart highways? So many people have no idea how to handle a shopping cart. Some folks are actual adults and senior citizens believe it or not! You’d think they’d be experts at handling themselves in a store after shopping for 40 some odd years. People don’t move when they see others trying to get through, and certain people think that NO ONE IS EVER BEHIND THEM! Go a little bit faster people! You don’t have to run the New York City Marathon or anything, but damn, not everyone is retired and taking leisurely strolls through stores “just to see what pops out at them.” Remember, get out of my way…I’m on a mission!

When I actually made my way through all the congestion and literally cursed my way through the fresh baked bread line, I finally attempted check out. This part is the biggest joke ever. Not only have I actually seen a person almost get kicked out of the store because they went to the 10 items or less line with well over 10 items, but a middle aged angry woman cut in front of me in line and then yelled at me saying “I was next…you can’t cut in front of me!” Just get me out of this hellish place! These people are out of their minds. I just need to buy my Marshmallow Monsters, and a couple of friggin’ chocolate pumpkins and get my ass out of here!


A few days ago I finally decided to try Hershey’s milk chocolate covered marshmallow pumpkin. I think I had a brainfart because when I got home I realized I thought I bought the Reese’s pumpkins, but I was happy I didn’t…at least my health was. These Hershey’s pumpkins aren’t that bad for you so you won’t feel too guilty indulging. Even us “adults” need to relish in some Halloween candy once in a while. I haven’t trick or treated in about 16 years so this will have to suffice. Making it through the store excursions alive was scary enough.



I tore open the package to see a hunk of chocolate that did not resemble a pumpkin, more like a half a fig covered in chocolate. It didn’t matter though, because once my teeth ripped into the soft marshmallow center I was sold. The pumpkin was tasty, I must say. The marshmallow filling was actually quite smooth and more on the creamy side. It wasn’t that styrofoamy type of marshmallow you get in a Moon Pie or Scooter Pie, this had substance. The texture and taste was pretty close to that of Fluff.


If you are the type of person who watches what they eat, then I highly recommend the Hershey’s marshmallow pumpkin as treat for Halloween. I didn’t see a dark chocolate version in the store, which I would’ve rather had but with 3.5 grams of fat and NO cholesterol, you won’t feel too guilty.


Hand made Marshmallow Pals are my new best friends! I don’t remember seeing a package of “hand made” candy in a long time. I picked these up at a $5 Below store, who always seem to have tons of candy. As it turns out, there was several different varieties of “hand made” candy in the store but the Marshmallow Pals really caught my eye. They had that special something. At first glance I knew these were going to be mine. Inside the individually wrapped packages were Frankenstein, Dracula, The Witch, and we’ll call him Mr. Pumpkin. They were all happy to finally get a breath of fresh air after spending so much time wrapped in their cellophane.


They looked so appetizing, especially Dracula and Frankenstein for some reason. I was impressed by the details like the semi-hard icing that made up the hair on the witch and Drac, Frankie’s bolts, and the pumpkin’s vine. Admiring those details didn’t last very long since I beheaded all of them! The Marshmallow Pals basically tasted like Peeps but these seemed a bit sweeter, possibly from the aforementioned hard icing.


Sorry I ate you my little mavericky Marshmallow Pals! And now that I can’t hear, I have no money, and my eyes are crossing thanks to all the bright lights and cool shit…it’s finally time to go home and enjoy the rest of my booty.

Grocery Store Gluttony

I often go on “kicks.” Occasionally it’s a Dorito kick, other times its a certain energy drink. Whatever the ingestable item is, it’s usually way overloaded with carbs and calories and it isn’t vital to maintaining my body’s daily functions. But what’s life without it’s little treats, right? I really just think I have a “Hi My Name is Sucker” sticker tattooed above my left pectoral. I feel myself blowing up into a fat blubbery mess rapidly as I write this post; the calories are even making the words gain weight. Remember how Audrey engorged herself in National Lampoon’s European Vacation? Well, call me Audrey Griswold and today I’ll show you what I’ve been stuffing my face with.


After my recent flight to Vegas, I immediately found myself a new early morning obsession. And NO…it’s not New Multi-Grain Masturbate-O’s so get that out of your head! Airplane food is supposed to suck, but on this trip a breakfast epiphany came in the shape of a neat travel sized package of Honey Nut Chex. It was one of those plastic packages where I peeled back the plastic covering, poured the milk right in and I was ready to go. The only time I ever eat Chex is when I’m at a family gathering and my aunt has Chex mix in a bowl. These Honey Nut Chex were a whole different facet of the Chex experience. They made my morning and from that moment I knew had to go on one of my obsession bent shopping sprees to obtain as many varieties of Chex as I could. Since then, my mouth has been enjoying my morning mistress named Honey Nut Chex. Where have they been all my life? Screw Multi-Grain Masturbate-O’s I hear they make you go blind!


Pringles are highly addictive. It’s my theory that their texture has much to do with their popularity. They are crunchy, yet soft at the same time. The variety of flavors offered by Pringles is also another one of their strong points. You might walk into your chip aisle in the store and find up to 6 versions of Pringles. Just the fact that I have that type of choice turns me on. I could hate their product but I would still be completely in love with the idea that I could choose from Chili Cheese, Jalepeno, or Loaded Baked Potato. I don’t fuck with any of those even though they’re no doubt luscious.

While in Vegas I spent $10 for a side of guacamole with my tortilla chips at The Border Grill at Mandalay Bay. Upon my return to the armpit I bought a whole canister of pringles that combined chips and the flavor of guacamole all for around 2 bucks. These chips are a light green color and taste just like guacamole. So forget about having your wallet raped at some Mexican restaraunt when you can go to the store and buy a can of Pringles. I should go back and mention this to them when they offer me guacamole and don’t bother to tell me that they’re going to charge me $10 bucks for it! Rat bastards.


The Soda Wars are an eternal discussion between my friends, family, and I. I don’t know what it is but Soda always incites such a debate. People feel so passionate about their bubbly beverages that they’ll fight to the deaths for them! You’d think Coca-Cola was some sort of messiah. Don’t fuck with fervent fans of Coke and Pepsi because the argument will get you nowhere. For some reason people just get confused when you tell them you’re favorite soda is Dr. Pepper. The DP has always been my favorite soda, even though I did commit a few adulteries with Mountain Dew when I couldn’t stay up studying for those exams back in college. I remember when I was very young and I first had my taste of Soda, Coca-Cola was the only brand I knew of. Naturally that was the only one I asked for until I was finally able to taste Dr. Pepper. As I got older and started shying away from such sugary, syrupy concoctions, I began to prefer Pepsi over Coke if I was forced to make the decision.

Nowadays I try not to drink soda unless it’s the only thing available, Pepsi has released a soda that may very well be exactly what I needed in a soft drink. I’ve tried to end my reliance on energy drinks, and I feel guilty downing regular soda so Diet Pepsi Max has filled the void. It’s taste is so close to real Pepsi that I couldn’t believe it! The fact that the drink also features a jolt of caffeine and ginseng is just an added bonus. If the prescenece of caffeine doesn’t bother you then consider that Diet Pepsi Max is the way Diet Pepsi should taste. As for the jolt of energy, and even with all of the double shots of Amp and Monster that I’ve gulped down, Diet Pepsi Max leaves you off with a slight euphoric feeling. I’m not saying you’re going to run around hugging people, but there’s a definite nice low key buzz without the jitters.


Fuze has a refreshing line of beverages including my preference the Green Tea with honey and ginseng. Somehow it contains 2 servings of vegetables the all important yerba mate. I’ve never heard of yerba mate but it seems to be the latest in trendy foreign plants that may yeild possible health benefits such as stress relief and colon cleansing. Fuze Green Tea also all throws in all that fancy stuff like polyphenols, antioxidants, folic acid, and a plethora of vitamins which may or may not have any effect on me but sound important. In another amazin feat, Fuze also markets versions that claim to help you lose weight, give you energy, refresh your sorry ass, balance your check book, and help you win at poker.


Recently, I was on an Ice Breakers Lemon Iced Tea kick, and I still am, although I found a new variety (pictured above) that are also enjoyable. Watermelon was the grabber for me in this variety pack but I also enjoy the Pink Lemonade flavor. These Ice Breakers turn sour in your mouth so if you’re into that kind of thing then give them a try.


The act of stealing food from a child may be called despicable, but swiping a child’s Scooby Snacks is just plain wrong. I’m kidding, I didn’t steal them, I was bestowed an entire box of individual packages of Scooby Snacks! My mom bought them for my niece and nephew and they didn’t like them so I hit the jackpot. I’ve always been a big fan of Scooby and graham crackers so baking them in the shape of a dog bone and selling them as Scooby snacks is a smooth move on Keebler’s part. There’s been a few different versions of Scooby Snacks on the market but these are the best.

If there’s any other items you’d think I should add to my grocery shopping list please let me know in the comments!

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.1

Referred to in the film Mallrats as “The Dirt Mall,” the defunct US1 Flea Market was a notorious local landmark. Why is footage of a plain old indoor Flea Market such a great pop culture moment? Well, if you’re from the central part of New Jersey you’ve probably shopped there many times. Jersey boy Kevin Smith proudly or perhaps not so proudly displayed this
flea market. Now, not only New Jersey nostalgia buffs but all moviegoers can see it. Thankfully, I’ll never forget how this place looked because the US1 Flea Market in New Brunswick, New Jersey will forever be emblazoned on DVD! Thanks Silent Bob, Snootchie Bootchies! (berzerker attack)

When I was a kid in the ’80s (gosh such a long time ago! lol) it was a big treat to come shopping at the US1 Flea Market because I knew I would most likely get some sort of collectible, or “way out there” addition to my collection. It was possible to go in there with the $10 allowance money I had saved up and leave with a bag of random stuff. I remember one time I came home with a Samantha Fox poster, and a 3-D G.I Joe comic book among other cool schwag. Not too bad for a kid about 7 years old. Bless my parents for having such a libidinous, well read boy…well at least in 3-D.

Maybe Smith was making a statement about the shift in consumerism? In contrast to the beautiful sparkling malls that began to emerge in the late ’80s and early ’90s, this old flea market seems almost archaic. Better or worse, indoor malls changed shopping for all of us! No longer was I able to pick up comic books, rock music pins for my jean jacket, and KISS t-shirts all for $10 bucks or less in the same building. Since then, malls in my area have always failed to impress me. Throughout the years it’s been an uphill battle to keep a comic store in business in our local malls. It always seemed like they weren’t able to pay the high rent. Immediately, children’s clothing stores and nail salons would snatch up the empty space. What other way were we supposed to buy vintage collectibles, toys, and posters of Susanna Hoffs? What if my Real Ghostbusters pencil with the Slimer pencil topper broke and I needed a new one? Malls by us didn’t always carry obscure stuff, so without the flea market we had to look out for a garage sale or an ad in a newspaper. That was too much work! Boy am I glad the Internet decided to weasel its way into our lives!

The site of the old US1 Flea Market is now an AMC 18-plex Movie Theater that I’ve gone to frequently since it opened. I actually worked there a few times too since it owned the Menlo Park Mall theater which I worked at for several years. It’s a nice place if you could get past the corpse buried in the parking lot.

Black Friday Parking Lot Brawl

Black Friday was completely insane. If you never gone out to shop on Black Friday, everything you’ve ever heard about the shopping blitz is true. There’s the sales, the lines forming at 2am, and the crowds rushing into the stores at 5am, but you rarely hear about the battles for parking spaces. I walked over to Woodbridge Center just for shits and giggles and I made my way through the parking lot of Dick’s Sporting Goods. As I weaved through the cars, I overheard what could have become an all out parking lot brawl just a few feet to my left.

GUY #1: “I can’t believe you just cut right in front of me!”
GUY #2: “Oh go fuck yourself!”

No joke, I started to laugh at these two guys because of the preposterous situation that they were in. The Woodbridge Center Mall has about 3,500 EXTRA parking spaces that never get used unless it’s Black Friday. Any other day these two guys would have had their choice but because everyone decides to rush out all at once so they could get their hands on a heavily discounted cutlery set at Macy’s they get into a fight because of a parking spot. This is so lame. I am the first guy to admit that I have a short fuse but America has to check itself into this new 12-step program called CALM THE FUCK DOWN. Really, I attribute my short temper to the fact that we all need one as a defense mechanism nowadays. You never know when someone around you will snap and go ballistic. These two guys need to take a deep breath, step out of the situation and realize that they’ll probably be in the ground in no time if they keep getting so up in arms about stupid shit like shopping. But nothing ever changes during the Holidays, which is the exact time of year that people are supposed to be nice to one another. Isn’t that ironic? I’m going to make it a point to start calming down so I don’t contribute to the ticking time bomb that is our country. It is interesting to note that they both were in their cars. The way I see it, cars and driving give this world a lot of unnecessary stress.

On the stress free side of this Thanksgiving weekend, I managed to make a couple of purchases that were worth noting. More on that next time…