Naturi Naughton is September’s Garden State Playmate!

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Who’s known for being naked in the movie Notorious? Naturi Naughton that’s who! The native of East Orange, NJ and former political science student at Seton Hall University has come a long way since being a member of the R&B group 3LW.

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Naughton’s role as Lil Kim in the film Notorious about the life of late rapper Notorious B.I.G included several nude scenes. Showing skin is usually the easiest way for actresses to gain attention in Hollywood and it seemed to work for Naughton. Following her portrayal as Lil Kim, roles in the remake of Fame, in which she recorded her own version of the title song, and the comedy Lottery Ticket followed.

An appearance as a Playboy Bunny on an episode of Mad Men foreshadowed her role in the new fall season on NBC. Premiering tonight, you can catch Naughton starring in NBC’s The Playboy Club as, Brenda, a bunny with aspirations of being the first African American centerfold. The show takes place in 1963 at The Playboy Club in Chicago.

Ad Jerseum 6: Playboy Great Gorge Resort and Country Club

Ad Jerseum: So much Jersey advertising it’ll make you vomit!

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This vintage ad for Playboy’s Great Gorge Resort and Country Club in McAfee, NJ 
appeared in the pages of Playboy Magazine in approximately 1976/1977
If you can read all that fine print, you might be struck odd by how frequently they egg you on to bring your kids with you on your getaway throughout this ad. C’mon, would you really want to bring your kids to the Playboy resort? Hey Hubby, you could kiss your sexy adult alone time goodbye when wifey decides to bring little Bobby and Suzy along for the trip. Talk about a buzzkill. Ahh, who cares, at least when the old ball and chain is asleep with the kids you could sneak down to the Bunny Hutch Disco! Now the party is ON! Bunnies, Beefeater, and Bush, that’s what the ’70s were all about.
Were people that hard up for good babysitters back then? Well, the Playboy Club had no problem finding babysitters, they even had their own fleet of them. I’ll tell you one thing, if I was a kid when this place was in operation I would have begged my parents to go there just to be in the same vicinity as the bunnies! In fact, I have reason to believe that the babysitters may have moonlighted as Bunnies! Shhh! Don’t tell anyone! Babysitter by day, Playboy Bunny by night! Quick, get me some financing for this production!
Even by today’s high standards of mega resorts, this place is still very impressive. Aside from all its other amenities, Great Gorge had the world’s largest whirlpool, a THREE LEVEL GAME ROOM, and The Red Rumbler Slide, whatever the hell that was it still sounds rad. Maybe the ill fated Xanadu in East Rutherford could take a cue from Great Gorge and it can become Playboy’s next monstrous indoor resort. Now I demand it. Look at how convincing this ad is, it’s 34 years old and it’s still enticing me to make reservations, I better hurry though because these prices are only effective until October 31st, 1977.
Recently I posted a fantastic postcard from Playboy’s Great Gorge Resort and Country Club: Great Gorge: Vagina Euphemism or Playboy’s Enchanting NJ Getaway?

Great Gorge: Vagina Euphemism or Playboy’s Enchanting NJ Getaway?

Believe it or not, there was a point in time when Hugh Hefner actually believed New Jersey was desirable enough to have a Playboy Resort! Back in the ’70s, as part of Playboy’s plan for world domination, they set up shop at Great Gorge in McAfee, NJ. Maybe I should start up a petition to get a Playboy Club back in New Jersey! Who’s with me? Think of the reality show that could be. New Jersey and Playboy Bunnies, it’s got E! channel and VH1 written all over it. To hold you over until that happens, I’ve scanned this vintage postcard from the now defunct Playboy Resort, and colored over the original message because some hornball just couldn’t resist sending out a stupid joke about Bunnies while on a business trip. If you know me, I never joke about The Bunnies!

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The Bunnies!
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The card is postmarked August 20th, 1975, and check out that 10 cent stamp!
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The Sexy Armpit with The Bunnies at the Playboy Club at the Palms in Las Vegas 

Chelsea Handler is November’s Garden State Playmate!

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Seriously, the last time I watched E! network was when Hal Sparks was doing his short stint on Talk Soup. Usually I’m nauseated by the E! channel and all their newfangled shows they throw on the tube to see if they stick. Hey you there…aren’t you that dumbass show that we all know is going to be cancelled after 6 episodes? A swift thumb up the ass of the channel button on my remote will make you disappear real quick. Personally, I’d rather watch Vipers starring Tara Reid, Corbin Bernsen, and a bunch of mutated snakes than anything on E! That’s how I felt until a few months ago when I first caught an episode of Chelsea Lately on E! and it was actually funny.

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When I saw the promos for Chelsea Lately before its premiere a couple of years ago, I just figured Chelsea Handler was another schmucky female TV personality like Meredith Vieira, Dayna Devon, or Mario Lopez. Yeah, you read that right. I’m not going overboard or anything, and I won’t write it in the sky, but I did find Chelsea Handler to be mildly to even moderately entertaining. Now, it’s nothing sexist, so don’t get your panties in a bunch, but statistically speaking, only a select harem of women can make me laugh. Here are a few ladies that I find particularly funny: Kristen Wiig, Ellen Degeneres, Phyllis Diller, Suzy Soro, Abby Elliot, Kerri Kenney-Silver, Anna Lefler, Jane Curtain, Rita Rudner, Michaela Watkins (…bitch please!), Nasim Pedrad, and Rachel Dratch. I’m sure there’s more, but how many of these women can say they have spent time on the NY Times Best Seller list? In March, Handler will release her third book called Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang. Damn that’s a killer title.

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To elevate her career that much more, and to make her stock soar with Google Image Search, Handler just recently showed up in Playboy Magazine. As I suspected, she didn’t have the meat curtains to take it all off. Ahh well, all that matters to me is that she’s vocal about hailing from Jersey. Yep, Chelsea Handler’s bio on her official Myspace page confirms that she is the runt of 6 kids and she was “born in Livingston, NJ, to a Jewish father and a Mormon mother.” So a big congrats to Chelsea Handler for attaining the elite distinction of being this month’s Garden State Playmate, it is a title that I don’t throw around nonchalantly. Anyone who can, at the very least, make me smirk, hang out with a mischievous little person (Chuy Bravo), and thwart me from shoving my thumb up the ass of the channel button is tops in my book.

At Least We’ve Got Good Heroin!

According to this statistical breakdown I clipped from the pages of Playboy Magazine, New Jersey has the purest heroin out of the cities listed. You know…just in case you were wondering. Come to New Jersey where you can sit in traffic, nearly vomit as you inhale the Turnpike stench, and be sure to enjoy our high quality South American smack. Our shit is not only good, but cheap too! NJ: The Heroin State!

Doritos: Late Night – For Those With The Munchies

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Blissful moments are rarities in life depending on how you look at things. To some, a blissful moment might be watching their child blow a dandelion into the wind or taking a deep breath of fresh air on a sunny day while walking around the park. For the inner couch potato such as myself, that same wonderful feeling is captured when a crunchy, seasoned, triangle of corn gets placed on my tongue like communion. This triangle of corn I speak of is more commonly referred to as the Dorito. It’s pungent odor infiltrates my nostrils and it’s taste ignites my senses. No, you’re not reading a Dorito advertisement, but this is one of life’s grand moments and it should be described with proper sentiments. Hell, I don’t mind telling the world how much I love eating Doritos and they aren’t even paying me! But what I’d rather discuss is the lack of advertising for these 2 new additions to the Dorito lineup.

I found 2 flavors from the new Doritos line, “Late Night,” at the local Target store in NJ. When I saw them on the shelf, as always, my heart skipped a beat. It was as if I was running through a meadow and the bags had arms and legs and were valiantly dashing toward me. I didn’t just see 2 bags of Doritos, no way, we found each other and we didn’t even need Plenty of Fish. I gently placed the bags into the top of my shopping cart as if they were sexy twin Playboy playmates. I’m not gonna lie, I may have caressed the bags at one point or another throughout my 3-hour Target tour. I don’t want to hear about how weird you think it is…not even for a second! You would need some attention also if you had to wait for me to wander into the toy section, the DVD aisle, and try on all the lame hats.

In an attempt to grab the attention of late night munchie maniacs, the lettering on these bags glow in neon lights. It was difficult, but I was fairly positive that I was staring at a bag of chips, not at a drive-thru like Taco Bell. Close but no Chalupa said the chiuaua. Are you one of those people who get excited at knowing Taco Bell and White Castle are open late so you can soak up all the alcohol you just downed? Then these tortilla chips may just be perfect for you.

Tacos at Midnight: I’d say the flavor accuracy is dead on in these chips. Heavily dusted, they truly give off an immediate taste of eating classic crunchy tacos. It brought me back to when I was a kid and we had taco night at my house. It was fun because my mom would set out bowls of toppings and we’d jam pack the crunchy shells. As soon as we took the first bite everything would fall out. From that moment it was only soft tacos for me. I give Doritos credit for engineering a truly genuine taco flavor, I can’t say I really enjoy them though. They didn’t taste zesty at all and lacked the punch I was hoping for. I can only consider these to be a mediocre addition to the Dorito line.

Last Call Jalapeno Popper: All I have to say is thank the LORD that these weren’t called “Last Call with Carson Daly Poppers.” That would be theeeee worst TV show tie-in in the history of the world. What the f–k kind of flavor would they give Carson Daly? Probably “ass” flavored Doritos, but if we’re lucky it would be NyQuil flavored so we’d fall asleep soundly before his show even went on! Jalapeno Poppers as an appetizer always sound great in theory, but after you have a bunch of them, you realize they weren’t such a good idea. I can handle hot food, especially Jalapenos, but there’s something about mixing them with various rich cheeses that gets me queasy after forcing down Jalapeno Popper #11. I try to stick to small doses of J.P’s, but when it comes to Doritos, as I’ve stated numerous times, I can typically eat a half bag of Doritos without even thinking. That didn’t bode so well considering that after eating a bunch of these I was left feeling really gross. With Nacho Cheese Doritos I always finish feeling like I could easily annihilate 16 more bags. If your eating something called “Last Call Jalapeno Poppers,” it’s probably because there were 3 or 4 poppers left on a baking sheet that fell on the floor in the kitchen of Bennigan’s and they figured it would be a nice gesture to bring out some FREE SNACKS! Obviously people drink more when they’ve just eaten a bunch of hot, salty balls. More beer please! Unfortunately, I can only rate the Last Call Jalapeno Popper a half a step above the Tacos at Midnight variation.

I don’t see a proclamation on their bags stating these new Doritos are for a “limited time only,” or a “special edition.” That’s usually just another way of stating, “this is just a test.” Even though they aren’t anywhere near as good as Doritos Collisions, why not exploit these bad boys?

Tammy Lynn Sytch “Sunny” is March’s Garden State Playmate!

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Boy, was I a horny little kid! Both sides of an 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of paper isn’t nearly enough space to list all the crushes I had on famous women back when my age was in the single digits. Let me see, there was Yvonne Craig aka Batgirl, She-Ra, Marcia Brady, Nicole Eggert, Alyssa Milano Stephanie Zinone (Michelle Pfeiffer in Grease 2), Victoria Principal, Madonna, The Sagal twins, Miss Elizabeth…the list would literally take up 5-7 extremely long blog posts.

Eventually Playboy models would replace the aforementioned bevy of women and fictional characters on my list. Having an affinity for a pre-boob job Pamela Anderson and a fresh faced Jenny McCarthy helped create a new, more mature me. I felt that it was time to graduate from She-Ra to women who were more tangible with a greater ability to “satisfy me” in a roundabout sort of way. During the time I discovered those fine ladies, most of my friends were unaware of the beautiful women that lived within the pages of Playboy Magazine. Even though it was only a short time that I was able to brag to my circle of friends about “discovering” these sexy women, I still felt distinguished. In my mind I was sleeking around in a smoking jacket toking on a pipe like Hef.

My cavalcade of hot crushes were in their own exclusive world. Never for a minute could I imagine they would converge into my own little far off planet of comic books, music, and pro-wrestling. To my supreme excitement, it actually happened when Pamela Anderson walked Big Daddy Cool Diesel down to the ring while Jenny McCarthy escorted The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania 11. It was a surreal moment considering it made me feel like my passion for these girls willed it to happen. It was that, or the fact that Vince McMahon has been wire tapping my phone since I was 6 years old. (The CIA refuses to entertain my suspicions despite my constant complaints.) Regardless of how it happened, these ladies weren’t marks for the business. I knew they were only appearing at Wrestlemania because of the big pay day. This large check gave them the option to enlarge or deflate their breasts at their every whim.

So…yeah…Playboy models are great but they’re so one dimensional, aren’t they? In 1995, a woman was about to enter my radar and totally obliterate all other sexy blips on it like she was the laser cannon in Space Invaders. The only difference? She wasn’t just made up of pixels, she was for real, she was from New Jersey, and she didn’t take anyone’s shit.

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She is Tammy Lynn Sytch, aka Sunny: the first true WWE Diva. After working for Smoky Mountain Wrestling, Sunny entered the WWF as an on-air anchor promoting house shows. She eventually grabbed the attention of all the WWF fans as manager of the Bodydonnas. From then on, Vince and the WWF became bent on creating female superstars referring to them as “Divas.” Unfortunately for Divas past and present, none of them can or will ever hold a candle to Sunny.
Truly “making it” in pro wrestling takes guts, personality, and some severe delusions. Sunny had a perfect melange of all these ingredients. She was unabashed on the mic, a natural at generating heat with the crowd, and simply a born entertainer. Just like Sensational Sherri before her, Sunny wouldn’t think twice about interfering in a bout, distracting the ref, or getting caught up in a melee, as long as her men won the match. The fact that she was so good at being a “WWF Superstar” made her even more sexy in my eyes as well as in the minds of the millions of other wrestling fans who relentlessly downloaded her swimsuit pics on America Online. (Keep in mind, back then it took 5 minutes to download one low quality .jpg!)

To all the negative, idiotic, and obsessive freaks out there on the Internet who give wrestling fans a bad name: Sunny paved the way for all the Divas who came after her. You know the ones – the ones with non existent mic skills, the ones who can’t deliver their lines let alone remember them, the ones who look awkward in the ring, the ones who are in it not for the love of wrestling, but because they won a friggin’ contest. Sunny “brought it” all the time with that special factor that only few had. If Sable didn’t have gigantic fake boobs and never posed for Playboy, she would scarcely be remembered at this point. Unlike Sable, Sunny wasn’t just a pretty face, she knew the business. She can take her spot right next to the Bobby Heenans, Mr. Fujis, Jim Cornettes, and all the rest of them. There’s no doubt that Miss Elizabeth will always hold a special place in my heart, but she wasn’t much more than a valet and eye candy, while Sunny served both those purposes and more. Sunny owned her star quality which catapulted her to the forefront of storylines. She single handedly made the tag team scene in the WWF infinitely more interesting.

Sunny, was a sex symbol with actual talent for the business, a rare discovery. Sunny was the girl I didn’t think existed. A hot girl with a killer bod who was also into pro wrestling at a time when it had somehow become reserved exclusively for geeks. Was she for real, or did I create her in the garage with power tools? I began to move on from the Pams and Jennys as I realized that there would soon be an epic crossover as hot women surged into pro wrestling. Thank you Sunny for uniting these two worlds, and making us feel less geeky for being pro wrestling fans.

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For other wrestling related articles check out the Classic WWE/WWF Event Cards from NJ !!!

Believe it or Not: Criss Angel, Armpit Lover?

I recall a point during my childhood when I was astonished by my Burger King doll. He wowed me every time he pulled the ol’ disappearing hamburger trick or his formidable magical scarf chicanery. Even though quite some time has passed, the same level of illusion surprisingly just doesn’t make me gasp in amazement anymore. Just a few years ago, while watching a Criss Angel marathon on A&E, I was transported into a world of new, more advanced illusions. The days of watching parlor tricks like “hey, i got your ear,” from that uncle who makes his hand look like its missing a finger were over. If I only had the nickle that was miraculously discovered behind my ear every time some salt and pepper haired guy in the family wanted to be funny. You know what? Nobody in my family actually did stuff like that but I always see it in movies and TV shows. My uncle used to blatantly slip large denominations of bills into my palm during a firm handshake. I’d say that was a helluva lot better than having to suffer through some dumb tricks and way more lucrative! Perhaps I looked to Criss Angel to fill the gaping void of hocus pocus in my life? I thought seeing his stage show Believe might do the trick.

Metuchen, NJ native David Copperfield doesn’t have Vegas making this much of a fuss over him as they do Criss Angel. Then again, Copperfield hasn’t levitated himself in the light of the Luxor pyramid like Angel has. Although Angel is unashamed to admit that he worships the antiquated ground Houdini walked on, his illusions inspire awe even in today’s skeptical world. Unlike Angel levitating above the Luxor pyramid, his stage show
Believe never seemed to rise to the grand potential it truly believes it has. It’s merely a large scale production oozing of self indulgence, satiating all of Angel’s whims. I admire that Believe was a show he began writing 15 years ago, although it seems like the show he started writing back then became a very different one than what I witnessed on stage at the Luxor in Las Vegas on January 25th, 2009.

**A steel lock box was suspended by a wire in mid air about 30 feet above the stage as we made our way into the theater.

The curtains rose and a massive picture of Criss Angel’s big head is revealed. Now, when I write “big head” make no mistake, I am not talking about his ego, I’m literally telling you that his head was probably around 50 ft by 30 ft. Obviously his ego is way bigger than that. From there, a montage of Criss Angel’s “best of” moments aired on a huge screen on the stage. The crowd was sufficiently primed and Criss Angel added a personal touch by introducing the show himself.

His huge self-lovefest was the first hint at how disjointed Believe really is. The show doesn’t know what it wants to be partly because Criss Angel feels the need to fly by the seat of his leather pants and/or ripped jeans. Watching him do a Letterman style monologue before his ass-rapingly expensive Cirque Du Soliel show did not help suspend my disbelief. If he wants us to believe the events to follow, then he’s got to ixnay on his wacky late night intro. Next thing you know he’ll be sitting at a desk in front of a cardboard Vegas backdrop throwing a pencil into the camera. As difficult as it was to watch him struggle through all the lisping, he persevered and made it blatantly clear that he (was) schtupping Playboy’s Holly Madison (they’ve since split). Simply a strange intro to what was supposed to be a somewhat artful stage production.

Now, back to the aforementioned steel lock box was suspended above the stage. “I’m going to throw this wristband out to someone in the crowd” Angel alerted us. At least for me it wasn’t like catching one of Paul Stanley’s guitar picks or one of Leaping Lanny Poffo’s poetic Frisbees, but it seemed cool anyway. If someone was to win the Academy Award for Best Actress who acts like she still reads Bop and Tiger Beat, the winner would easily be my 30 going on 15 girlfriend. It was quite a sight to watch her beg, plead, flail her arms, jump up and down, and scream bloody murder “I Want it!” “Over Here!” This coming from the same girl who waited for New Kids on the Block to play at Rockefeller Center on The Today Show during a 24 hour downpour. Can you believe what women will do for Donnie Wahlberg? Wonder where they were when Donnie D. needed some sympathy after Boomtown got cancelled?

All the ladies in the huge crowd flipped out as NKOTB shouted “New York!” about 50 times. It was easy to grow depressed at Jordan Knight’s contagious melancholy because Matt, Meredith, and even Al Roker didn’t shove the microphone in his face. All the other New Kids were in demand that day, but not Jordan. He looked like the kid who got picked last for the kickball team in gym class. He did everything but put his head down and kick his foot into the dirt. “I went from season 3 of The Surreal Life to THIS?”

Perhaps Criss Angel could’ve riffed on the New Kids in his opening monologue now that Believe has turned into “Late Night with Criss Angel.” “Hey everybody whaddya say you give me a huge round of applause for having ripped abs? Now we’ll count down tonight’s Top 10! Here we go…ways I made Jordan Knight’s career disappear. Yep, that was me! I wanted to be on page 15 of Tiger Beat so I murdered any chance of a Jordan Knight resurgence. Hey guess what I’m going to later in the show tonight? I’m going to suspend myself upside down from the rafters in a straight jacket…now that’s what I call Hangin’ Tough BOO-YA!” (rimshot)

Getting back to the lady friend, let’s just use the phrase “she was a bit overzealous” because “determined” would be an understatement. Angel threw his wristband out to the crowd and a guy a few rows away caught it. Angel obviously didn’t want to deal with a dude because it’s always more fun to have a raving female lunatic fan stand up there and ogle him than some middle aged guy with a light blue corduroy shirt from Idaho with both hands in his pockets. “OK, now I want you to throw the wristband out to someone
else in the crowd.” Angel was noticeably frustrated when yet another guy waaay in the back caught the wristband. This time, the guy was wearing a maroon button down, but seemed equally as boring and equally as MALE. “OK give it a really good throw,” Angel said. In fact, he pretty much said everything except “Please throw it to a f–ing girl, don’t you idiots get it?” If I was a super famous “illusionist” with a terrible lisp I wouldn’t beat around the bush as much as he does. At the beginning of the show I would say something more along the lines of “I need a girl to volunteer to help me.”

The old school magician cliche was in action. Was Angel just picking a female out of the crowd to be his assistant merely to cut her in half? From the moment Angel instructed the generic maroon button down guy to toss a hail Mary pass out to the crowd, the rest became a blur to me. All I could imagine was the thoughts going through my girlfriend’s head besides NKOTB, Jensen Ackles, and the next very special episode of One Tree Hill on the CW. All she could see was a black Criss Angel wristband cutting through the air in slow motion, the crowd muted as notes of “Chariots of Fire” seemed to have taken over the P.A system. Everyone’s eyes were transfixed on this very moment. Criss Angel’s eyes grew wide as he crossed his fingers in baited breath that another dude wouldn’t catch his damn wristband for a 3rd time. The milliseconds past like hours and after she had an atrial fibrillation, my girlfriend the only one standing up trying to catch the wristband, actually caught the wristband…what do ya know? All other aspects of life were unimportant by comparison. Bail outs, border scares, salmonella, and cease fires were mere nuisances when compared to a chance embrace with Criss Angel’s sweaty wristband.

“OK, come on over here,” said Criss Angel as he stood in the aisle to the right of us. After possibly having a stroke and exchanging pleasantries, my gf explained to Criss that she was “so nervous” as if she was unprepared before having to present a keynote speech explaining the diverse and evolving roles of isotopes in nuclear fission before the US Nuclear Regulatory Commission. “I need you to say a word, the first word that pops into your head, don’t think about it just say it.”
Jon Stewart pulled that on me one time when I was in the audience at the Daily Show. My answer was “Boner,” not the euphemism for hard-on but in my warped, ’80s pop culture riddled mind, Boner Stubbone. Stewart signed one of his books that I brought with me “To Jay: BONER!” I try to provide quality entertainment when called upon, even when I’m not prepared. I was proud of her, because in a similar fashion, she also attempted to provide some comic relief to an otherwise novocained crowd. I heard someone in the crowd yell “DO SOME FUCKING TRICKS SCHMUCK!” and another spectator held up a sign that said “WE CAME FOR THE MAGIC NOT THE WITTY BANTER.” OK OK, so I’m stretching the truth. At least I’m being honest about my lie and not like the elaborate one that kicks off the show. Angel gets fried to death by an electrical stunt gone bad.

“Tell me the word” Angel commands.
“Armpit!” she yells. The crowd chuckles, and maybe even a few guffaws. Either way there was way too much laughing going on for just an utterance of the word “Armpit.” Imagine how many under the breath laughs I get when I have to verbally tell people what my site is called! Even Angel got a kick out of it or so I thought, “You know, I’m not laughing because you said Armpit, I’m laughing because it reminded me of a dream I had last night.” “I was with Holly (blatant Holly Madison mention #12 and it’s only 4 minutes into the show!) and it had something to do with armpits but I won’t get into since there might be children here.” Hold on here Lispy McLisperson, I do the jokes around here…you do the magic! Strangely, Angel went on to drop the term “axillism,” which refers to the sexual attraction to armpits. Angel’s awareness of that term and his slipping it into his sentence with such ease can only mean that Angel is PITFREAK, not a Mindfreak. I’m almost positive that’s why Holly has since moved on.

Next, Angel asks one of his minions to fetch him the mysterious steel lock box for him. The box is lowered and the minions bring it over to The Great Karnak, I mean Criss Angel. He opens the box and takes out a folded piece of white paper. He unfolds the paper and holds it up for the audience to see:

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Yes, ARMPIT was scrawled on the paper in heavy black marker. It was awesome. I’ve speculated on how he could pulled this off but it can’t change the fact that the entire audience gasped when he unfolded the paper and revealed the magic word.

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Even though that was an awesome trick, the thought you’ll leave the theater with is that “those were some f’n gigantic rabbits.” Rabbits served as an underlying theme of the show. Using another cliche, that magicians pull rabbits from their hats, Angel seemed to have given the audience the illusion that they’re tripping on LSD. There were weird looking characters and oversized rabbits all over the place.


The main problem with Believe is that it lacked cohesion. The show morphs into various different styles of stage production. First, as I detailed, the odd introduction, then the audience gets swerved. After we think Angel is “dead,” we weave in and out of the dreamlike Cirque Du Soleil aspect of the show. An actual plot would serve Believe well. As it is now, Believe unfolds as if it’s a bunch of different otherworldly scenes that Angel thought would “look cool.” The visuals were accompanied by a soundtrack that could’ve been comprised of outtakes from Janet Jackson’s
Rhythm Nation album. I heard plenty of industrial sounds, and hard rock riffs but the music sounded dated. As awful as they are, Angel should’ve incorporated more of his own original hard rock songs into the soundtrack.

Believe does deserve credit for attempting at all costs to stand out from the shitpile of magic shows that make up Las Vegas. Not only does Believe give a valiant effort, but it was actually mildly entertaining. I just keep thinking how I might have been more entertained by watching Angel go around the audience guessing women’s age and weight. Perhaps a little “Late Night with Criss Angel”
IS the way to go? I would appreciate a more streamlined, straight up live illusion show from Angel. His A&E show is popular because it’s Angel showing off his illusions, not prancing around with large monsters, costumed dance troupes, and rabbits on steroids. But I suppose he refrained from putting on a typical magic show because that would make him just like the rest of the mid-card Vegas magicians.

Angel teaming with Cirque Du Soliel seemed like the logical winning formula for a show in Vegas. Rather than have his name attached to Cirque du Soliel, I think Angel would be better off using his own name and putting on a show without Cirque. I’m sure he needed the monetary backing but consider that he has such a hardcore following and many of his fans may not be into watching dancers dressed up as robotic plush bunnies. They want to see some mind blowing magic, like the kind my old Burger King doll used to do.

I was hoping that Believe would redeem Angel. After the last debacle where they cancelled previews of Believe, I was left disillusioned. This show made matters worse. At one point, the show was stopped for several minutes because a dancer got caught as she was being “spawned” by Angel. I thought they cancelled those previews in order to work out kinks like that? Even a personalized Sexy Armpit stunt didn’t make me feel fully indemnified. Word has it that Criss Angel has signed on to do the show at the Luxor for 10 years, but I don’t know if I can Believe it’s going to last that long.

Christina Milian is February’s Garden State Playmate!

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Although she moved out to Los Angeles when she was 13, Christina Milian’s still a Jersey girl at heart. Born in Jersey City, NJ, Milian has enjoyed success as a multi-faceted entertainer. 

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Milian skyrocketed from Wendy’s and Honeycomb commercials to movie credits that include American PieTorqueLove Don’t Cost a Thing, and Pulse with Kristen Bell. If you haven’t seen the remake of Pulse give it a shot, it’s pretty damn creepy. My personal favorite role of hers is 2005’s follow up to Get Shorty, Be Cool, where she plays singer Linda Moon. Also in the film, you’ll get to see Vince Vaughn’s superb role as a pimp (which he also did on Pimp Chat on SNL) and Dwayne Johnson (I still call him merely “The Rock”) as his gay bodyguard. Look out for Aerosmith, Gene Simmons, and Danny Devito along with a host of other cameos in the film! Milian has also starred in the video game Need for Speed: Undercover.

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Milian first love is making music. “Dip it Low,” and “AM to PM” are a couple of her successful singles. She’s also co-written for J-Lo, and supplied the theme song for Disney’s Kim Possible, “Call Me, Beep Me!” Milian recently signed with Myspace records and her upcoming 4th album, Dream in Color, which will be released in April of ’09. The album is said to feature Milian’s collaboration with Kanye West. “Us Against the World” is the first single from the album and in the video you can see why she was chosen to be February’s Garden State Playmate!:

The Sexy Armpit @ New York Comic Con ’09 Part 1

It’s highly possible that a fanboy could very well “totally geek out” out at Comic-Con, it’s our form of cardiac arrest except it’s more emotional, ridiculous, and involves more girlish yelps. 

This was my first official Comic Con and it was exactly as exhilarating as I expected. John Malkovich, in one of my favorite SNL sketches from this season involving a calculator, had a line that’s become an oft used quote in my repertoire: “I’m going to need freak out control.” After surviving the natural disaster that is NYC traffic, the accident that was holding up the flow for several miles at my Turnpike exit, and the aberration of forgetting my iPod, (no tunes in the car!!!) I finally made it home. I was mentally and physically drained since I spent 6 hours trying to contain my excitement and actually put my “freak out control” into effect. Then there’s the fact that I lose my patience while driving, especially when navigating around Manhattan. FYI – KITT was no help at all. Scumbag. I did a shitload of walking, probably made my way through every aisle 2 – 3 times, and I was forced to eat some fairly awful empanada from a lemonade stand that was fresh out of lemonade. What can ya do? There wasn’t much to choose from at Comic Con in the food department but there were plenty of artists, cosplayers, and a ton of geeky new stuff to check out. Read on!

Lots of Video Game Previews!

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This is Jared Carr, art director for the upcoming DC Universe Online game was much more informative and cooler than the folks at the Ghostbusters video game preview. The specific reason I wanted a PS3 was to get the DCU game and fans have been waiting quite a long time for it. “We’re not discussing dates” Jared told me. WTF man? Give me a break, honestly. Comic Con wants the masses to come and visit all the latest products and kiosks, but if the game isn’t coming out anytime soon then what’s the sense on wasting a whole booth for it? If the makers of the game are trying to avoid setting a date only to have to push it back 3 times, that’s understandable. The burning question people want an answer to is WHEN will it come out!?! 

I spent a good 20 minutes talking to Jared and despite him seeming rather irritated that I asked the release date, he was extremely easy to interact with and provided a lot of great insight into what the game is going to be like. You’ll be playing as a character YOU create and the customization is basically without limits. The landscapes and graphics in the game are beautiful and flawless. The PS3 version for instance has no noticeable difference visually to the common person even though the creators of the game naturally had more leeway in terms of power when working on the PC version. Jared told me that every map, area, street, city, and point of interest has been researched with the DC comics team which means the player will be officially emerged into the DC Universe when playing. 

The new Ghostbusters game looks awesome although they didn’t have as many of the actual makers of the game at their booth. At least when I was there they had hired hands who kept asking people only to take still shot photos and NO video. The DCU game people were OK with video AND still shots. Regardless, I’m buying both of the games for sure. You can find plenty of video and screen caps from the new Ghostbusters game all over the Internets. They actually DO have a release date (6-16-09) and the Ghostbusters Blu-ray comes out the same day!

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Legends of Wrestlemania is gearing up to serve as nostalgia to the old school WWF fans and also bring wrestling video games back to the basics. For years, wrestling video games have grown to feature complicated game play, intricate combinations, and other nonsense that the casual gamer doesn’t want to deal with. The best wrestling games were from back in the day. Games like Super Wrestlemania and Royal Rumble on Genesis and Super NES were so much fun that I’d be hanging out at a friends house playing them for hours on end. Legends of Wrestlemania is authentic since it features all the major classic WWF stars and their entrance themes. The venues to choose from have been those that have hosted Wrestlemania. The fueds and options are all based around classic Wrestlemania matchups. It’s literally a WWF/WWE fans dream come true. The American Dream Dusty Rhodes was there to sign autographs and promote the game which will be release on 3-24-09:


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THE ARTISTS

There were many artists who had other business to tend to throughout the day. Some of the artists were doing signings or interviews and had someone else sitting in for them at points throughout the day to sell their artwork. Unless you’ve sought out pictures of the actual artists you’re a fan of, or have met them before, you may not know what they look like. At several of the artists’ tables I passed, I couldn’t be sure if it was really them or not so I always made it a point to look at their professional badges around their neck.

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Even though I read his name on his tag “Dean Yeagle,” I verified “Is it really you!?!” I was so excited to meet this guy since he’s a legend in my book. I was first introduced to his art when I first saw his
Mandy character getting into mischief in the pages of Playboy magazine. His art is playful and amusing, with a dash of big-eyed Disney wonder. He signed a hardcover copy of Mandy’s Shorts that I bought. Check out his company at www.cagedbeagle.com


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Within the past year or so I really got into the pinup art of Amano Jyaku. Since I’ve never attended an official Comic-Con before, (been to a slew of conventions) I didn’t realize that I’d be running into artists and other folks who I knew solely through cyberspace. Creators and other people that I’ve become a fan of online seem to be imaginary until I actually meet them. As I strolled up and down the “Artists Alley,” I quickly glanced at a portfolio book and was immediately familiar with the pin-up style girls staring at me from inside the plastic sheets. It was Amano Jyaku, an artist I became friends with through seeing his art on various websites and on Myspace. I spoke with him and Paigey Pumphrey about how the Internet has opened so many doors for artists who, without the ‘net, might be struggling or forced to confine their skill to simply a hobby. I purchased 2 prints that he signed for me: 

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Amano’s guitar hero hottie (check out his logo on the guitar!)

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Amano’s a big fan of spiced rum, 
hence his love for sexy pirate chicks! I love that blue streak in her hair!


The magic of comic con or any convention of this type is not only the chance to meet the artists and industry people that you are familiar with or look up to, but also hopefully discover an artist or a book you haven’t heard of. Thanks to the Con, I became aware of Jamie Fay for and his awesome art for the first time. I fell totally in love with one of his Emma Frost pieces and I refused to leave without a signed print:

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Ms Emma Frost by *windriderx23 on deviantART

Another artist who I was pleased to discover was Richard P. Clark. His diverse portfolio is dramatic and mesmerizing. Clark is a truly versatile artist since he creates everthing from caricatures, and comic book characters to still life paintings. Richard was the type of guy who made me feel like I was already friends with him. He was sociable, funny, and appreciative. Clark was curious about The Sexy Armpit.com and it got a few laughs out of him. He signed an awesome Director Bones DC Comics foil card that he illustrated. www.zippystudio.com

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Almost everyone I ran into snickered when they read my badge, that in a plain black font labeled me as “The Sexy Armpit.com.” It’s become somewhat of a nickname and I always get a few chuckles or comments, which I invite or I wouldn’t have kept this name otherwise! Thanks to all those who handed me stuff for review and answered my questions. New York Comic Con isn’t as revered as the San Diego Con, but I was still thrilled by the experience and I recommend getting your ass to one of them if you can. Check back soon for Part 2 of my trip the NY Comic Con!