I’m a big supporter of writers and journalism in general but the article pictured above from the April 2009 issue of Family Fun Magazine is pretty damn awful. Absurd as a matter of fact. Linda Ann Daffron from Ramsey, NJ offers a “magical” prank for the kids in the family to try, most likely on one of their parents, (whichever one ISN’T reading the article and explaining to them how to pull it off). Here’s the short version of the directions 1) Get a cereal bowl and squeeze a few drops of food coloring into the bowl (blue food coloring pictured) 2) Pour dry cereal into the bowl and then once the unsuspecting schmuck pours milk into the cereal bowl they’ll have a bowl full of blue milk to surprise them. Is putting food coloring in a cereal bowl really that big of a trick, oh wait sorry, a “deliciously deceptive ruse?” Family Fun Magazine clearly thinks it is.
Here’s how the prank may unfold: “OH MY GOD! MY EFFING MILK IS BLUE!!! I feel totally PUNKED right now! I hope you didn’t videotape my reaction because I would’ve literally gone into massive seizures.” Will the family member really think they entered a “Technicolor Twilight Zone?” Wow, I want to enter that zone in a bad way. I thought I actually was there for a short period of time back in the mid ’90s when every stoner was trying their best to bring back tie-dye shirts. Just a hunch, but whoever wrote this one up must not be at all familiar with Boo Berry (it’s only existed for over 35 years), and it’s also safe to assume they missed the boat on Superman Crunch. These two offerings are examples of cereals that turn your milk blue without the assistance of food coloring. It’s a much easier world we live in, one where we don’t need no stinkin’ food coloring to turn our milk blue.
C’mon Linda, give me a break, you couldn’t do any better than that? Are you even a real person? Writers occasionally like to make up names and places in order to give the impression of realism. After you read the article it seems as if FAMILY FUN is getting a half ton of reader mail (or a kajillion as I’ve been referring to it as lately). People must be clamoring like maniacs to throw in their two cents on what wacky prank should be spotlighted next month. I actually feel bad ripping the mag, but can they really expect us to believe that parents and other fully grown human beings aren’t aware of the basic concept of food coloring? It’s not like 3 year old Tyler is going to be skimming microfiche machines for old periodicals that may help him cook up his next whimsical caper.
And as for our New Jersey friend Linda, stop trying to reinvent the wheel OK? Next thing you know you’ll be telling us we could use food coloring to dye Easter eggs, now that would just be a downright insult because we all know that’s utterly impossible. Are the folks in Ramsey, NJ not being kept busy enough in their lives that they have time to send in these radtacular ideas? I hope to Zod that Linda doesn’t go around to her weekly social gatherings spewing out little tricks for the kids to do. I got news for you Linda, you’re making people’s lives completely miserable. Oh, you know I’m just kidding with you Lind, you’re awesome…you just have too much damn time on your hands.