I’m a big supporter of writers and journalism in general but the article pictured above from the April 2009 issue of Family Fun Magazine is pretty damn awful. Absurd as a matter of fact. Linda Ann Daffron from Ramsey, NJ offers a “magical” prank for the kids in the family to try, most likely on one of their parents, (whichever one ISN’T reading the article and explaining to them how to pull it off). Here’s the short version of the directions 1) Get a cereal bowl and squeeze a few drops of food coloring into the bowl (blue food coloring pictured) 2) Pour dry cereal into the bowl and then once the unsuspecting schmuck pours milk into the cereal bowl they’ll have a bowl full of blue milk to surprise them. Is putting food coloring in a cereal bowl really that big of a trick, oh wait sorry, a “deliciously deceptive ruse?” Family Fun Magazine clearly thinks it is.
Here’s how the prank may unfold: “OH MY GOD! MY EFFING MILK IS BLUE!!! I feel totally PUNKED right now! I hope you didn’t videotape my reaction because I would’ve literally gone into massive seizures.” Will the family member really think they entered a “Technicolor Twilight Zone?” Wow, I want to enter that zone in a bad way. I thought I actually was there for a short period of time back in the mid ’90s when every stoner was trying their best to bring back tie-dye shirts. Just a hunch, but whoever wrote this one up must not be at all familiar with Boo Berry (it’s only existed for over 35 years), and it’s also safe to assume they missed the boat on Superman Crunch. These two offerings are examples of cereals that turn your milk blue without the assistance of food coloring. It’s a much easier world we live in, one where we don’t need no stinkin’ food coloring to turn our milk blue.
C’mon Linda, give me a break, you couldn’t do any better than that? Are you even a real person? Writers occasionally like to make up names and places in order to give the impression of realism. After you read the article it seems as if FAMILY FUN is getting a half ton of reader mail (or a kajillion as I’ve been referring to it as lately). People must be clamoring like maniacs to throw in their two cents on what wacky prank should be spotlighted next month. I actually feel bad ripping the mag, but can they really expect us to believe that parents and other fully grown human beings aren’t aware of the basic concept of food coloring? It’s not like 3 year old Tyler is going to be skimming microfiche machines for old periodicals that may help him cook up his next whimsical caper.
And as for our New Jersey friend Linda, stop trying to reinvent the wheel OK? Next thing you know you’ll be telling us we could use food coloring to dye Easter eggs, now that would just be a downright insult because we all know that’s utterly impossible. Are the folks in Ramsey, NJ not being kept busy enough in their lives that they have time to send in these radtacular ideas? I hope to Zod that Linda doesn’t go around to her weekly social gatherings spewing out little tricks for the kids to do. I got news for you Linda, you’re making people’s lives completely miserable. Oh, you know I’m just kidding with you Lind, you’re awesome…you just have too much damn time on your hands.
Turning to more 80’s news…
Most of the local people have been to The Breakfast Club. It’s an 80’s club where the music that pumps usually leans toward the 90’s for some reason. I figured out a way to make this place way cooler – 1) Stop playing shit like the Counting Crows and Dave Matthews Band and 2) Make the dance floor tiles light up like in the Billie Jean video. Then the place would rock. You know what? If you really want to live in the 80’s for a few hours, skip the BC altogether and just watch American Psycho.
And now turning to the “I don’t care that I’m in my mid twenties and still watch professional wrestling…and if you ain’t down with that…I got 2 words for ya…SUCK IT” news
Finally the WWE is bringing back their original WWE magazine. I was damn sick of the seperate RAW, and Smackdown versions of the publication. Streamlining makes me happy. I don’t give a rats ass that Vince McMahon made up the word “ashel.” I personally think it’s one of the best words ever invented. In fact I’ve actually had 4 or 5 ashels already since I heard the word.
The latest in Jay’s morning Breakfast cereal news…
I’ve purchased EGGO waffle cereal…mainly because I could get the cool Pirates of the Caribbean SKULL STROBE. That sounds so badass. I think I gave my girlfriend the SKULL STROBE the other night. Anyway – the cereal is kind of disappointing. Not as Eggo waffley as I thought. Kinda reminds me of Honey Comb but with a maple syrup flava. I would stick to the Superman Crunch this month.
I have to append my spelling of “Ashel”….Steve has just informed me that it would be spelled “Asscial” instead. I really don’t give a rat’s ass what he thinks but he’s probably right.