Scarfin’ It With The Armpit 4: Hoboken Restaurants and Fruity Pebbles

3Forty Grill 1
Slow Roasted Beet and Crispy Warm Goat Cheese Salad at 3Forty Grill in Hoboken

As a belated birthday trip Miss Sexy Armpit and I stayed at the ultra swank W Hotel in Hoboken and also ate at a couple of excellent restaurants. Dinner at the 3Forty Grill was fantastic and breakfast (brunch as they refer to it) at Bin 14.

3Forty Grill 2
Char Grilled 10 oz. Filet Mignon 

3Forty Grill’s menu is packed with creative dishes. We decided to go crazy and share a salad and an appetizer before our entree. We chose the slow roasted beet and crispy warm goat cheese salad which, thanks to their online menu, featured “frisee, candied walnuts, caramelized apples, and sherry viniagrette.” For the appetizer we went with the ridiculously tasty creamy truffle mac n’ cheese fritters which also contained “black forest ham, sriracha aioli.” I’m not really a steak guy but I had a good feeling about the Char Grilled 10 oz. Filet Mignon which is described on their menu as follows: “topped with applewood smoked bacon, blue cheese and glazed shallots, sour cream and chive whipped potatoes, almond french beans, steak sauce butter.” Everything was outstanding. As you can see in the picture, their presentation is equally as good as their food.

If you feel like splurging a little, give the 3Forty Grill a shot. I suggest waiting until it gets dark because the lighting inside the dining area combined with the waterfront view of Manhattan creates a modern, romantic ambiance.

Trying to get into one of Hoboken’s notable pancake houses, Stacks, on a Sunday morning was a gigantic pain in the ass. The line was almost out the door. I’m not one to wait on long lines, especially considering that I don’t even really like pancakes all that much. I just wanted some damn breakfast! Then we discovered there was an hour wait at The Turning Point, so we walked over to Washington Street and waltzed into Bin 14 after seeing their “brunch” sign. To me, brunch is such an absurd word. Do they really think I’m going to tell my readers that I had “brunch?”

Bin 14 is primarily known as a wine bar, but it also has a delicious brunch breakfast. We ordered eggs any style with bacon and potatoes and it was freaking awesome. Something was different about this order of bacon and eggs. You can get that stuff anywhere, but this was not like getting it from a diner. This was one of the best breakfasts I’ve ever had. The best part was, I didn’t feel 40 pounds heavier after eating it either, much like I do when I leave a diner or Perkins.

fruity pebbles treats
Next up is my latest snackquisition. Yes I just coined that word! Use it and mention The Sexy Armpit! What kind of a wild goose chase would it be if these babies weren’t the end result? Ever since I saw the commercial for these Fruity Pebbles Treats I’ve wanted them so bad. Finally, after infiltrating every grocery store in New Jersey, I was able to get my hands on both the original and Cocoa versions, and they were so worth it. Think Rice Krispie treats only substitute Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles.

The Atlantic City Food & Wine Festival

Atlantic City Food & Wine Festival 2009

Do you enjoy watching Guy Fieri, Tom Colicchio, and Ingrid Hoffman? Then you should have been at the Atlantic City Food and Wine Festival that took place all weekend at Harrah’s, Bally’s, Showboat, and Caesar’s. If you couldn’t make it, The Sexy Armpit was there to experience it for you. Oh and some guy named Emeril Lagasse was there too. Now, I’m no Tommy Salami (he’s my Guy Fieri), but allow me to recount the trip, from breakfast through dinner.

Our attempt at a nights sleep at Harrah’s was interrupted by some maniac screaming at his girlfriend in a nearby room at 2 a.m and trying to break a door down, while we were also graced by having a troop of guidos staying in the connecting room who never learned how to speak at normal decibel levels. By some miracle, my girlfriend and I did manage to get some rest in between all the Riff Raff. If only Riff Raff was in an adjacent room maybe we’d actually be invited to get up in the middle of the night to do the time warp with him again.

I was opposed to eating breakfast because I knew we’d be in for a day of engorging ourselves with a variety of different kinds of food and liquor. My girlfriend convinced me that we would need some breakfast because we wouldn’t be eating for a while. I caved in. We went downstairs to the Sack O’ Subs in Harrah’s and placed our order for breakfast. I was excited to find out that they offer wheat wraps as an alternative to regular sub rolls. It’s become a standing joke with my friends at work that I ask if they have “wheat wraps,” everywhere we go, as in “Yo, you got wheat wraps?” in my best, albeit unintentional, Nick Moore from Family Ties impression. “Ay, yo Mallory, you got some wheat wraps?” Roasted peppers and eggs on a wheat wrap was my breakfast of choice and damn it was delicious. It was cooked up perfectly, and I dabbed on what tasted like hot pepper relish that was in little clear containers stacked by the pickup counter. Sack O’Subs’ lineage can be traced back to the legendary White House Sub Shop in A.C which opened in 1947.

It was on to Bally’s where Sunday’s chapter of the Food and Wine Festival was happening. The line to get in was intimidating at first, but it went quickly. Before we knew it we had our wristbands and wine glasses and we were about to wreck house. An interesting tidbit about me is that when I go into these trade show type events, I tend to pretend that I’m in a first person shooter. I want to annihilate each table and leave dust in my path. I have no time for dilly dallying. If mofos want to linger around and ask silly questions then I’m taking my sample and moving on! To make the whole event go quicker, why don’t they just sit me down somewhere and bring me all the samples? That would be a cool overload, which is rare.

From Pinot Noir samples to Magic Hat brews, I downed it. I don’t even drink that much, but we were there and it was free. As I walked through the aisles I wondered how it was possible that people weren’t aware of some of these brands. For instance, does Blue Moon beer really need to advertise and give out free samples? It doesn’t seem like they’re hurting considering every girl and every girly man I know LOVES sipping it. To me, I don’t care if your drinking gourmet beer, strawberry flavored beer, milk stout, or Mr. Fancy Pants Oatmeal Brew…it’s still f–king beer. Beer’s been around for an eon without having all these exotic additives, so let’s cut the crap OK? Of course, I’m joking if you love Blue Moon, you’re NOT a girly man, but on the other hand, I may very well be. Perhaps the best drink I tasted all day was a Pina Colada from Bally’s Bikini Beach bar which was graciously served to me by a young girl in a teenie weenie bikini. Those are the best kind. It was possibly the greatest Pina Colada I’ve ever had.


As for the actual food, there were only a few products that left a big impression on me. All you need to do to get my attention is put “Jersey” in your ad or sign and I’ll stop in my tracks and squint my eyes like Batman does in the intro to Batman the Animated Series after targeting some thugs. And coincidentally, “weed” is also a grabber, so when I saw the sign that said “Get Your WEED at the Jersey Shore” I naturally stopped in my tracks for a taste test of southern style Jeremiah Weed’s Flavored Iced Tea Vodka on the rocks (nothin’ to do with the pigtailed cowgirl with the bare midriff, of course). The flavor I tasted combined two of my favorite drinks, Iced Tea and Bourbon. Scarily easy to drink, it’ll probably sneak up on you and make you sick without even realizing it because it tastes so good. Go easy on it!


The award for best chili ever goes to Pistol Pete’s Steakhouse and Saloon in Pleasantville, NJ. I gulped down a sample cup of chili that the guys at the their table handed to me, and I was immediately sold. Just by that tiny portion I was able to savor the chunkiness and intense flavors their Chili had. Literally amazing. The next time I’m in A.C, that’s where I’m going for dinner.


Unfortunately we weren’t able to get into the show Guy Fieri was running, but we were able to sit in on Aaron Song’s demo. I’m like a 5 year old, aside from cartoons and pro wrestling, I actually don’t watch much TV, so I had no idea who “The Asian Guy” from Hell’s Kitchen was. Sweating profusely, Song was entertaining as he cooked, when he wasn’t being buried by fellow chef Guy Mitchell who was clearly trying to live out his dreams of being the next David Letterman. Regardless of his culinary accomplishments, Mitchell had no business with a microphone, especially considering the extremely racist Chinese and Japanese jabs he continuously took at Song (he didn’t even know the difference between Chinese and Japanese). Damn Emeril for making these cooks think they’re all entertaining! This wacky chef routine is getting old! Next thing you know we’ll be heading to the Stress Factory where they feature Stand-Up Chefs. Instead of one liners, he’ll throw appetizers at you. In between his shtick, Song whipped up macadamia encrusted scallops drizzled with wasabi verblanc sauce and asparagus rolled in Italian pancetta. Champagne was also handed out like it was gatorade on the sidelines of a New York Giants game.


Ketchup has always been my favorite condiment, even to the extent of finding it in my stocking on Christmas morning, but barbecue sauce is in my top 3. You can’t really lose when it comes to barbecue sauce because they all have strong points. There aren’t many BAD barbecue sauces out there, some are serviceable and do the trick, while others bowl your mouth over and make you want to jump into the bottle and bathe in the sauce. Upon sampling two pieces of meat dunked in the sweet and spicy versions of Funni Bonz barbecue sauce, it made me want to grab a basting brush and start lathering myself up with it. The only thing that comes close to comparing the feeling I got when I came in contact with this sauce is when Saul first introduces Dale to the Pineapple Express weed in Pineapple Express. Saul hands Dale the bag of bud and tells him to smell it:

DALE: Ohhhhh!
SAUL: what do you want to bathe in it?
DALE: I just want to live in here
SAUL: Yes, you want to BE it?
DALE: Oh my God! I just want to shove it up my nose and have that smell all day! That’s amazing…
SAUL: Shove it anywhere you’d like.

Later, after trudging through torrential downpours on our drive home, we dunked some delicious breaded chicken in both the spicy and sweet sauces that I bought. I was literally licking the spoon as if we had just made chocolate chip cookies. Do your damndest to get your hands on several jars of Funni Bonz BBQ sauce! The company was founded by 2 best friends from New Jersey. For more visit or

I left this event with one complaint. If you’re an exhibitor or salesman for a company at this festival, you need to step up your game. When it comes to food and alcohol, you need to be smooth. People want free stuff when they go to these events, not to be given the hard sell. When they get samples and free swag, they’re more apt to recommend your product to friends. So if I hear you utter the phrase “You want to buy some?” it’s probable that I won’t. I want to hear information as to why I want your product in or around my mouth. Fill my ear with the subtle nuances that make your product better than its competitors. Does it have natural ingredients? Damn, do I have to do your jobs for ya?

The Atlantic City Food and Wine Festival has been going on since 2007, and judging by this years expansive event, it will only get bigger. If you find yourself watching Food Network constantly and you have an appreciation for fine cuisine and liquor, then make it a point to be a part of it next year!

Orange Cream Pop Tarts Limited Edition


Reviewing every odd flavor of Pop Tarts takes its toll. When my girlfriend picked up this box of Orange Cream Pop Tarts for me I was stricken with dejavu. Not a fatal condition by any means, but damn, after having too many obscure Pop Tart flavors infiltrate my body, they all seem to flow together. I’m now referring to my blood as “filling” and telling people that I’m not in the mood for their mouth because I haven’t been “toasted” yet. Fortunately, I’ve had the foresight not to let the “frosted” part come into play, especially on my hair.

If you’re a long time reader of the Armpit, you know that Orange Cream is a flavor that excites me. My hopes remain high for Orange Cream, even though many times they are shat on miserably. Sometimes you get a lemon, right? Not this time. These limited run Pop-Tarts basically scored an uppercut and said “AIN’T NO F’N LEMONS HERE!” They are a triumph for the orange cream genre. If there were an Orange Cream Emmy Awards show, these suckers would clean up big time.


If you’re a fan of the flavor you’ll enjoy the nice, mellow balance of orange and cream. Too often companies release some zany in your face limited edition flavor, whether it’s a soda or Fruit by the Foot, and it tastes terrible. Usually to blame for a bad tasting orange cream flavored snack or drink is its lack of flavor balance. If you’re bowled over by the offensive amount of orange in your first bite or sip, then you know it’s not going to be an orange cream dream. Subtlety is key.


The packaging is a bit curious. Would it make me happier to see a typical graphic depicting oranges and vanilla ice cream in a ’50s motif? Not really, since that’s been done to death already. I suppose I can live with the bizarre dragonflys, frogs, and birds, even though they have absolutely nothing to do with Orange Cream flavoring at all. Maybe Kellog’s is trying to say that these suckers are so delicious that they’ll make you feel like you’re floating around above some grassy meadow that has a garden that grow creamsicles? The packages intention was most likely designed so the super special flavor will greet you during those spring and summer mornings when you just can’t look at another bowl of Fiber One.

Orange Cream Pop Tarts obliterate the trendy/wacky flavors like Dulce Du Leche and Guava Mango (wha?). Regardless of their status as greatest limited edition Pop Tart flavor ever, to me, they are still just a “once in a while” treat. Even though they’re nearly perfect, they won’t be ones I’ll crave constantly which is probably why they were banished to the limited edition abyss. Frosted Cherry and Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon remain the pillars of the Pop-Tart fleet.

Blue Milk & The Technicolor Twilight Zone


I’m a big supporter of writers and journalism in general but the article pictured above from the April 2009 issue of Family Fun Magazine is pretty damn awful. Absurd as a matter of fact. Linda Ann Daffron from Ramsey, NJ offers a “magical” prank for the kids in the family to try, most likely on one of their parents, (whichever one ISN’T reading the article and explaining to them how to pull it off). Here’s the short version of the directions 1) Get a cereal bowl and squeeze a few drops of food coloring into the bowl (blue food coloring pictured) 2) Pour dry cereal into the bowl and then once the unsuspecting schmuck pours milk into the cereal bowl they’ll have a bowl full of blue milk to surprise them. Is putting food coloring in a cereal bowl really that big of a trick, oh wait sorry, a “deliciously deceptive ruse?” Family Fun Magazine clearly thinks it is.

Here’s how the prank may unfold: “OH MY GOD! MY EFFING MILK IS BLUE!!! I feel totally PUNKED right now! I hope you didn’t videotape my reaction because I would’ve literally gone into massive seizures.” Will the family member really think they entered a “Technicolor Twilight Zone?” Wow, I want to enter that zone in a bad way. I thought I actually was there for a short period of time back in the mid ’90s when every stoner was trying their best to bring back tie-dye shirts. Just a hunch, but whoever wrote this one up must not be at all familiar with Boo Berry (it’s only existed for over 35 years), and it’s also safe to assume they missed the boat on Superman Crunch. These two offerings are examples of cereals that turn your milk blue without the assistance of food coloring. It’s a much easier world we live in, one where we don’t need no stinkin’ food coloring to turn our milk blue.

C’mon Linda, give me a break, you couldn’t do any better than that? Are you even a real person? Writers occasionally like to make up names and places in order to give the impression of realism. After you read the article it seems as if FAMILY FUN is getting a half ton of reader mail (or a kajillion as I’ve been referring to it as lately). People must be clamoring like maniacs to throw in their two cents on what wacky prank should be spotlighted next month. I actually feel bad ripping the mag, but can they really expect us to believe that parents and other fully grown human beings aren’t aware of the basic concept of food coloring? It’s not like 3 year old Tyler is going to be skimming microfiche machines for old periodicals that may help him cook up his next whimsical caper.

And as for our New Jersey friend Linda, stop trying to reinvent the wheel OK? Next thing you know you’ll be telling us we could use food coloring to dye Easter eggs, now that would just be a downright insult because we all know that’s utterly impossible. Are the folks in Ramsey, NJ not being kept busy enough in their lives that they have time to send in these radtacular ideas? I hope to Zod that Linda doesn’t go around to her weekly social gatherings spewing out little tricks for the kids to do. I got news for you Linda, you’re making people’s lives completely miserable. Oh, you know I’m just kidding with you Lind, you’re awesome…you just have too much damn time on your hands.

A Closer Look:

As you can see, the wacky multicolored font used in the word PRANKS, and the white “A” and exclamation mark, seem to signify that things are a little off kilter. There’s that little rambunctious kid in the circle (possibly a neighbor who we think has no family), not sure if its a boy or a girl, but does it really matter? Whatever their sex is, they are clearly rascally and live for getting into trouble and hijinks (one can assume this thanks to the obligatory head nod/eye wink combo…believe me, you don’t want to be on the receiving end of one of these or you may have flashbacks to films like Problem Child or Home Alone). Even “Gotcha!” is spelled out as if the wicked head nod/eye wink combo didn’t overly explain that one enough. On a completely unrelated note, why did they decide that the traditionally white speech balloon should now be orange? Is it just because they’re all about color coordination with silly Billy’s polo shirt he’s rocking? Maybe that was a prank too! Uh-oh, here comes Linda with her good ol’ Photoshop pranks! Prank #1: How to turn your speech bubble ORANGE!

To all the dairy companies out there: End this Magic Milk Bowl bullshit once and for all. Skip the middle man (food coloring) and finally market Blue Milk or Blue Skim Milk (for those of us in Jedi training). It seems like a no brainer to me. Hey George Lucas, could you pass up a mutually beneficial partnership with a dairy company to sell a nutritious drink for all us Star Wars nerds to gulp down? Tuscan Dairy, and Parmalat are you listening?

Pop Tarts: Vanilla Milkshake


Boy, am I relieved that Kellogs has infused CALCIUM into their morning toaster pastries. Never before has eating a Pop Tart been this exciting! Even before adding their new ingredient, Pop Tarts weren’t the worst choice for a fast breakfast. With the latest info that calcium may ward off colon cancer, you have the perfect excuse to eat these babies 3-4 times a day at a minimum. When you see what all the people at my job are eating at the cafeteria in the morning, these Pop Tarts don’t seem all that bad in comparison.

I’ve always been a fan of Pop Tarts, but more specifically, untoasted Frosted Cherry or Frosted Brown Sugar Pop Tarts. I feel ancient when I stroll through the aisle at the grocery store and see all these crazy variations of Pop Tarts considering I remember the days when Kellogs only offered about 4 different flavors. Now you name it, they offer it. I wouldn’t be surprised if they release Creme Brule Pop Tarts, or even Tiramisu. (I was just kidding but I found out they actually make Dulce De Leche) Clearly, Kellogs is taking this a little overboard, but the big push for exotic varieties in toaster pastries really makes the brand name Pop Tarts stand out on the shelves.


As a cousin to their Strawberry Milkshake version, Kellogs has released Vanilla Milkshake Pop Tarts. Whenever I go to White Castle, I have to order a vanilla milkshake. I’m not sure why but it’s just something about their shakes. I enjoy vanilla milkshakes so I was banking on these Tarts being pretty damn awesome. As soon as I got home, I poured a highball of ice cold milk, grabbed a paper plate, and ripped open the foil wrapping. Colored sprinkles were sparse, but the fact that they were there made me happy. I cut the first tart in two pieces and noticed the filling was pretty gooey and moist which was an immediate difference from the other varieties. The fruit filling is usually more of a paste-like consistency.

The flavor was dead-on-balls accurate! These things taste just like a vanilla milkshake! The milkshake flavor is authentic and the sweetness isn’t overpowering. I recommend them if you are a fan of vanilla milkshakes. Next I’m hoping to try Orange Cream, whole grain, and their Fiberrific versions.

What NOT to EAT for Breakfast at ANY time especially when you’re at WORK!!!

Yesterday at work we clearly established that there is one food that you should NEVER eat for breakfast. It’s gone unsaid until now, but it’s a food that is not considered a breakfast food by any means. There’s never been Fish flavored Pop-Tarts, Fish flavored breakfast cereals, or Fish Frosty’s. Perhaps there may have been Fish danishes, I’m not sure. But to my knowledge no one eats it for breakfast nor has anyone ever attempted it, until now of course. As I sat checking my e-mail I noticed a peculiar odor wafting my way. Other people smelled it as well. Eventually our financial analyst, who was sitting in the back of the room, (almost as if she didn’t want anyone realizing what she was doing) admitted to eating leftover fish that she brought in for breakfast in a little tupperware. That’s where today’s story ends.

Please don’t eat fish for breakfast.