Why You Need Kevin Smith’s Zack and Miri Make a Porno on DVD & Blu-ray

Kevin Smith’s Zack and Miri Make a Porno is available today on DVD and Blu-Ray. I fought the treacherously slippery roads and 3-4 inches of snow and headed to Best Buy to pick up my copy. It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard about this film, if you read The Sexy Armpit, and even somewhat enjoy it, then I’m positive you’ll like this film. If for some insane reason you haven’t seen it and still need to be convinced, see it for these reasons:
5) Katie Morgan is nude. Very nude. Oh and Traci Lords is C3PO! (see above)
4) Craig Robinson is hysterical. “Han Solo ain’t never had no sex with Princess Leia in the Star War!”
3) Elizabeth Banks is hot. If you don’t believe me…watch Wet Hot American Summer.
2) See what happens when Brandon Routh (Superman) and Justin Long drink one too many cosmos. Together they provide one of the most classic pieces of banter out of all of Kevin Smith’s films. That’s quite a remark considering such classic quotable competition from the likes of Clerks, Mallrats, and Chasing Amy.
1) The moment depicted in the screen shot above. They plan on making a Star Wars PORN! If you’re sick and tired of the ridiculously delayed homage to Star Wars, Fanboys, then these Star Wars porn scenes will more than tide you over.

The Changing of the Geek

Can you even recall when black rimmed glasses and a pocket protector was the sole association with a geek? For me, it doesn’t seem that long ago that Eugene from the Grease films was the first person who came to mind when I heard that word. Heck, even Screech Powers from Saved by the Bell was synonymous with Nerd or Geek. Robert Carradine and Anthony Edwards stood up for all who were nerdy in the Revenge of the Nerds series and I honestly can’t see a modern day “re-imagining” of that series because the idea of Nerd or Geek has totally changed.

Is there even a clear difference between a geek and a nerd? The classic definition of a nerd/geek varies greatly from what it is today. At one time, geeks were typically guys, ultra intelligent, never seemed to know how to dress, and they definitely couldn’t talk to girls (if only they had Beauty and the Geek back then). I bet my coveted toy WWE spinner belt that you or someone you know has been called a computer nerd. Nowadays, it seems that a geek is someone who is heavily into computers, comics, gaming, sci-fi, or nostalgia. As a matter of fact, you can be a geek with just about anything if you’re THAT obsessed with it. But it doesn’t sound right when you say “I’m a music geek, or a movie nerd.” With that said, it seems those once derogatory terms can’t be used universally. For now, let’s just assume they refer to similar types of people.

Since the ’50s we’ve had the pleasure of poking fun at these smart, goofy bastards called Nerds. Back then they were mostly found in high schools or libraries getting shaken down for their lunch money or a term paper or overzealously raising their hands at each question asked by the teacher and getting every answer so right that you thought you might be missing your frontal lobe.

Geeks across the nation rallied and experienced one hell of a renaissance once the ’90s rolled around. Perhaps Family Matters’ Steve Urkel captured the title of one of the most familiar modern day geeks. How can fanboys like me, (a much better term I’d say) and say…your friend who’s into fantasy role playing games be considered the same kind of animal? It just doesn’t seem right. I always felt it was a negative comment to call someone a geek or a nerd and now it’s just as insulting, but in different way. I get called a geek all the time and I’ve just come to accept it and brand myself one before anyone can pounce on it. It’s easier to say I’m a superhero geek to make it easier for people to understand what I’m about. Have you been called a geek because you love Star Wars? Now anyone who loves Star Wars is considered a “Star Wars Geek.” Lame but true. Why should we be persecuted for what we like?

It became a whole different IQ test when bands like Weezer surprised the shit out of the music business helping to introduce the genre known as “geek rock.” While they had smart, self depreciating lyrics filled with pop references, and hard rock with memorable hooks, they were far from geeks. It may have just been a style they went for to be tongue in cheek considering one of Rivers Cuomo’s previous bands was considered a hair band.

Nerds are penetrating pop culture more than ever before. Right at this minute you can open up another browser page and look at a whole online store that sells stuff that nerds would drool over (ThinkGeek). Hell, there’s even an entire magazine dedicated to geek culture…(which at this moment i’m fantasizing about subscribing to) Geek Monthly . Even consumers who are apprehensive about buying computer and home theater equipment can call in the “Geek Squad” to save the day. Why is it that you have to be a geek to know about computers and hook up electronics?

A trendy term in the past few years “Geek Chic,” refers to everything geek becoming cool. Damn, you would need to be up on your “Geekspeak” before you could possibly know what “Cheek Chic” is. On the defunct “O.C,” Adam Brody’s Seth Cohen was a hero to the nerd kingdom. He was like Ghandi, or Abraham Lincoln bringing us one step closer to freedom. Seth had a thing for graphic novels, death cab, he drew and wrote his own comics, coined his own words, and dug The Goonies. You can’t get more geeky than that. But more recently on TV, G4’s influential Attack of the Show features Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn, two good looking non geeky hosts giving the run down on all that is geeky. They discuss the latest tech gadgets, superhero films, and report live from what is known as “geek nirvana” the Comic Con. With them leading the geek charge it’s no wonder that geeks of today are only called that for lack of a better term.

You know what geek or nerd are euphemisms for? Pathetic. I swear. You and I…and everyone else…we need to accept that and revolt. We need to take on a new moniker because we don’t have much in common with those old school, pocket protected, highwater-wearing nerds. Think about it…is everyone who wears black rimmed glasses a geek? I’m sure some of them are but not all. Why in the name of all namers couldn’t we have named this new “geek” revolution something else? Webster’s dictionary makes a big deal about adding new slang terms each year that we stopped using years ago and we couldn’t think of another word that would better describe us? Video Gameamaniacs, Comic Bookers, Nostalgaddicts, none of them will work. In America we are always concerned about being PC and calling every different ethnic group the proper name so I think it’s only fair to give us geeks the same respect. This is a stigma that I hereby vow to eradicate. IT’S TIME FOR OUR REVOLUTION, GEEKS NEED A NEW NAME!

The BEST posts of 2007

I hope you all enjoyed your holidays! I’m back from a fairly long hiatus from blogging. I can’t say it was a nice restful break either because the holidays usually stress me out. The traffic and people’s shitty attitudes really piss me off, but heck…they’re over! Now that it’s the last day of 2007, I figured I’d throw up a list of what I consider THE SEXY ARMPIT’S BEST OF 2007 as voted by Scarlett Johannson….nah shit I wish! As voted by ME! Thank you for reading and commenting. Happy New Year! There’s way more to come in ’08 and I look forward to putting up some of the most whacked out stuff yet. And now heeeere’s my top 10 posts of ’07.

10. Questionable Best Buy Ad – this is one of the “Must Read” posts from this site. Even if you don’t find it funny it really shows how ridiculous store ads sometimes are.

9. The Joe Francis Complex 

8. Night Walk – a long, but inspired account of thoughts running through my head during a walk through town at night.

7. Too Hard on the Two Coreys – in defense of the ’80s duo.

6. Knockoffs in Disguise – A sorry excuse for a Transformer.

5. CRUSH! A Sexy Armpit tribute – dedicated to the late pro wrestler Crush.

4. Illustrious Art found at Hooters? – It wasn’t a Picasso, I can tell you that much.

3. Tomes and Talismans – Turned out to be one of the most popular posts on this blog.

2. Getting High With Mr. Sketch – My love letter to scents.

1. Janine, She’s My Queen! – A risque love poem to fine ass Janine Melnitz.

Questionable Best Buy Ad

I’ve been meaning to get to this one but I’ve been so behind since the holidays rolled around. This picture was on the back cover of a Best Buy catalog a month or two before Christmas. When I first thumbed through the catalog and looked at the back, I had to squint and take a closer look. At first glance, it’s a picture of a family playing the new Playstation 3 on their flat screen TV. The father is all frustrated because of his apparent humiliating loss to his pre-historic son who just happens to be good at video games. It looked to me as if the people in the picture are actually wax statues ripped out of a museum display. What’s with the kid? It looks like he was created by Sid and Marty Krofft! Where the hell is Cha-Ka? What kid has hair like that? Who was his stylist Captain Caveman? Considering he’s from the Stone Age, how the heck did he get so damn good at video games? AND why is he wearing the boys winter wardrobe from K-Mart circa 1976? I haven’t seen a haircut like this since the Paleolithic era. The mother looks like she should be weaving a basket or gathering corn. The father looks like he just got knocked upside the head by a dinosaur fossil.
Some strange things are happening in this picture. Take a look at the kid’s right hand, he clearly cannot make a full fist. This is the direct opposite of his mother who seems to be hailing a taxi that’s passing across the living room. It’s gotta be chilly in the room as well because she’s got a scarf on. You have to wonder what’s on the kid’s mind now that the father has been rendered unconscious from the nasty blow to his head from that huge brontosaurus fossil. You can’t tell if he wants to chomp down on his mother or totally try to bang her. Maybe the kid is bowing to her and she’s the almighty ruler of the Gelflings.
I urge you to ask yourselves, is this the type of picture that makes you want to run right out and buy a Playstation 3? Personally I feel my thoughts are distracted far away from the what was supposed to be the PS3 phenom. I find myself being more concerned with knowing if the kid is related to Teen Wolf in any way. Is this ad the reason why PS3 failed to hit as big as it was supposed to? To quote SNL “Who are the Ad Wizards that came up with this one?” I think the true burning question that arises from viewing this picture is: IS THIS THE MODERN STONE AGE FAMILY?

A Very Vital Billy Idol Christmas

How the Pam Anderson/Kid Rock split is at the top of all the news updates is beyond me. At this point I’m curious to know who still cares about that storyline unless you are a hardcore Kid Rock or Pam Anderson fan. (who are you people???)

Now onto what should be at the forefront of the news, my recent purchases.

First, I was in the grocery store to get a cold beverage because I was parched. There I found the always satisfying Vitamin Water. Keep in mind that I have tasted every flavor that has existed except the one that I found on Friday. Vital-T is supposed to taste like Lemon Iced Tea, but it unfortunately tastes like Pledge, or Pine Sol. It’s really awful in comparison with the other flavors. The great part of Vitamin Water is that unlike other beverages it’s low in sugar, has vitamins, and a light feel to it. This Vital-T had a syrupy aftertaste and it just wasn’t all that refreshing. You can try it for yourself and let me know what you think.

My second purchase was the pièce de resistance. And no, it wasn’t a portable DVD player for $13 dollars. Why are they still such a hot commodity? While some people were clamoring for the sales on the big ticket items and the sought after stuff like PS3 and Wii, I’m always keeping an eye out for that little known gem of an item. One that will make my eyes glow and make me belt out Fah who for-aze! Dah who dor-aze! Welcome Christmas, Come this way! Ok well, I didn’t quite sing in the middle of Best Buy but I pretty much geeked out when my eyes locked on this cd like Maverick can lock a mig 28. The cover of the CD had a picture of a very familiar bleach blonde rocker. And no, I didn’t geek out for “Poison your Egg Nogg: A VERY Bret Michaelsy Christmas.” It was one of the most badass rockers from my childhood…BILLY IDOL! It was none other than the “Billy Idol, Happy Holidays” CD! I couldn’t believe what I saw because I usually never let stuff like that slip by my radar but for some reason I hadn’t heard about this one. I’m sure it will become a perennial favorite like his “Yellin’ at the Christmas Tree” track from Devil’s Playground. On New Year’s Eve if you listen closely you may be able to hear the faint tones of “Auld Lang Syne” coming from my Ipod sung by the one and only BILLY IDOL!