Some folks are simple and don’t require elaborate explanations “cocked” with flowery, persuasive language. For those who DO require more, read on!
Troma Films’ Lloyd Kaufman not only directs, but also makes a cameo appearance in his latest and greatest film
Poultrygeist. If you’re the type of lame-o who doesn’t appreciate Troma films then you’re probably the one sitting like a bump on a log at parties also. If you’re going to watch Poultrygeist, first you’ll need to lighten up a bit. Did Gary and Wyatt from Weird Science have any fun wearing their jeans into the shower with Lisa? Hell no! Just like Lloyd Kaufman whipped up his wondrous special recipe when making Poultrygeist, The Sexy Armpit has it’s own special technique on how to enjoy Poultrygeist at the most optimum level.
1) Pick up Lloyd Kaufman’s gory, sexually explicit, social commentary Poultrygeist (available NOW on DVD at finer stores everywhere)
2) Head to the nearest fast food joint and order some of their cheap, gut busting, hormone infused, secret sauce swimming fare…TO GO!
3) Get comfortable, take those jeans off if you have to! Boxers are optional of course.
4) Have plenty of napkins/and or paper towels in close proximity….(cause the food will make your hands greasy, douche! what were you thinking?)
5) Think long and hard about what you’re about to do. You may want to go to confession before watching Poultrygeist. You may also want to reconsider ingesting this food. Ah, f–k it.
6) Make sure your hands aren’t greasy and then insert the Poultrygeist DVD. Before insertion, make sure the disc is in correctly to avoid it coming out too quickly.
7) Push start on the DVD player. Proceed to laugh, vomit, and spray shit from your ass like it’s coming out of a whale’s blowhole.
I’m known for my occassional overuse of the “C” word. There are even times I call my mom the “C” word. I know how it is to get angry and scream “Mama Weer All CRAZEE Now” as in the Slade/Quiet Riot song. Although, when I’m not using the word “Crazee” I use the acronym C.L.A.M, which stands for Collegiate Lesbians Against Megaconglomerates. C.L.A.M is a group of “left wing lipstick lesbos” protesting the fast food joint The American Chicken Bunker. This particular Bunker franchise in Tromaville is accused of cruelty to animals, and to make matters worse, it’s also built on an ancient Indian burial ground. Lloyd Kaufman is the only director in the world who could fry up a masterpiece with that kind of plot.
After some cemetery sex with her, Arbie, our main man, learns that his girlfriend Wendy has turned lesbian. She’s now hooking up with Micki (named for McDonald’s perhaps?) who’s the A #1 C.L.A.M. In retaliation, Arbie decides to take a job as a lowly employee at the American Chicken Bunker in order to win Wendy back from the clutches of C.L.A.M. In the meantime, there’s ooey-gooey zombie chicken eggs hatching out of people’s asses! Zombie chickens are hatching and attempting to maul anything in their path. They begin to terrorize Tromaville, and more specifically, the Chicken Bunker that resides on the ancient Tromahawk cemetery.
Poultrygeist includes more fast food references than you can shake a BK chicken fry at. In addition to Arbie and Wendy, the other employees at the American Chicken Bunker are named after fast food joints also. There’s Denny, Paco Bell, and Carl Jr, who basically shoves his dong into an uncooked chicken carcass and makes sweet love to the filthy beast. While the scene lacks the Eugene Levy-whimsy of the kitchen masturbation scene in American Pie, Carl Jr would easily rip Jason Biggs testicles right off if he knew he was banging warm apple pies instead of indulging his little piece into the wild, untamed world of cold, uncooked, chicken coitus.
I couldn’t believe I was watching the first ever musical, fast food, horror-romance unfold before my eyes. Poultrygeist is a disturbing but delicious marriage of movies like Fast Food Nation and Night of the Living Dead. SEE IT, for the sole reason that it will leave you with an indelible, unrepairable, artery clogging, strange sensation…and it may also make you want to puke. For the best in Zombie chicken orgies, over the top humor, gore, blood spurting decapitation, and disembowelment, see Poultrygeist! You’ll never look at a guy in a chicken costume in the same way again.
