A Septic Spiel of Spooky Scares, Super Heroes, and Strange Stories from Miles Beneath the Crud of New Jersey!
Good things come to those who wait, right? Obviously, that’s not guaranteed, but judging from what I’ve witnessed, it’s often proven true. Things I’ve only dreamed of as a kid have materialized. I’ve flexed with Hulk Hogan and I live in a world where there’s a Wonder Woman feature film. Life is good. In many respects, it keeps getting better. How’s that, you ask? Read on! Continue reading Battling For Metropolis…In My Backyard!
This is only my 3rd official Comic Con which means in comic geek circles I’m an amateur. Not really though, because you only need to go to one of these boundless events to grasp how they work. I was always under the impression that Monster Mania and Chiller cons were chaotic, but they’re super tame in comparison. Comic Con literally brings in people from all over the world and packs them into the Javitz Center to the point where you can walk without getting jabbed by people’s costumes. You can’t walk through anywhere without asking people to let you get by because everyone is staring in awe at everything they pass. The amazing part is, only a fraction of these people read comics.
One of the main reservations I have about this event is that comic books and their artists haven’t been the main attraction in many years, and they obviously should be. The only reason I go to these is to meet the artists whose work I admire, and to possibly pick up some of their prints. Comic Con has become more about big time companies promoting their wares and cosplayers promoting themselves as a brand (nothing wrong with that, but some cosplayers are truly into the comics and the scene, while others just go as a chance to get pictures taken of themselves). Plus, don’t go thinking you’re going to get great deals on ANYTHING…cause you aren’t.
Smaller scale comic book conventions are great for fetching you a ton of dirt cheap comics. Comic Con has tables with comic book sellers, but those prices aren’t that much more reasonable than what you’ll see on eBay. So, going for comics isn’t the best idea. Besides, I get my comics through Comixology anyway, so that solves that.
The big comic book companies were there in full force, well, at least some of them were. Marvel was mobbed and they were doing gangbusters business. As expected, their booth was one of the most visited on the floor. Conspicuous by its absence was a DC booth. I looked all over for it, but little did I know that there was no DC booth on the con floor! I didn’t consult with the 380 page program that they handed me when I walked in, nor did I download the app in fears that I’d use up more battery power on my phone. If I did look at any of those things I’d probably know that the DC booth was tucked in a hallway far, far away. Once I finally found the limp DC booth about an hour after I arrived, I was so disappointed at what little they had to offer.
The DC booth had all the Superman movie costumes through the years displayed in glass cases. There was a DC video game station and a few other minor details, but nothing that enticed me to stay there longer than a minute or two. I didn’t see much in the way of free crap either.
Free crap is another big reason why people go to Comic Con. People love free crap. I learned my lesson from past Cons though. I used to take one of whatever was handed to me or available to grab. In the past I wound up with a giant bag of random comic con freebies that I didn’t know what to do with. I wound up trashing most of it and whatever was good enough to keep I gave away to whoever wanted it. I didn’t take one thing this time. OK, blatant lie. I DID take a Real Ghostbusters poster that FearNet was giving away. But that was it, I swear.
One obstacle with Comic Con is that you literally have to search for a way to keep your shit all together. Unless you come prepared with a giant bag or Uhaul, you might find yourself with a handful of stuff and you may find yourself in another part of the Javitz Center and you may ask yourself “where does that hallway go to?” IT GOES NOWHERE. IT GOES TO THE BATHROOMS. IT GOES NOWHERE YOU WANT IT TO GO. I REPEAT IT DOES NOT GO TO ARTIST ALLEY IF THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR. And I ended up stealing a new garbage bag off the janitor’s garbage bin in order to hold all my stuff. Couldn’t find a damn bag anywhere. If they want me to come back they need to offer me a huge bag as soon as I walk in.
Anyway, good luck finding Artist Alley. You’ll have a better chance finding it if you wore ruby slippers, clicking your heels together, and letting a twister bring you there. For me, that’s the stuff I want and they bury it all the way on the other side of the building. Even on an extremely high speed people mover it would take you 39 minutes to get there from the main entrance. Screw that!
A few of the toy booths I visited had some cool items that I was enticed by, but it turned out that the sellers weren’t at the table at the moment and they put random dudes in charge of their table. Said dudes knew nothing about pricing on anything and they weren’t authorized to make any sales themselves, so basically they were there to make sure people didn’t steal shit. That’s great for the person who was running the table because if they were in the mood for a sausage sandwich they could go grab one, but sucked for me since I stopped by the tables 6 times. I SAID I STOPPED BY THE TABLE 6 TIMES. 6 TIMES! Man I hope you get that reference. These guys were missing out on a possibly lucrative sale. Wait, what am I saying? What am I going to do with a repainted Skeletor figure that is supposedly rebranded as “art,” for $145 dollars. That’s just utterly f*cking ridiculous.
Go to take in the sights! Stay and absorb all the cosplayers hard work! But, most importantly, support the artists! The big major companies who are strategically situated on the con floor can afford it if you bypass their kiosk that’s merely serving as a sign up center for their silly e-mail list, so next time you go to Comic Con, head straight for Artist Alley and spend a good chunk of your time there. That’s where the magic happens. Literally. The con wouldn’t exist if artists and writers didn’t create the comics in the first place. Otherwise it would just be called New York Con and that’s just a dumb f*cking name.
Wawa
If you’re from Pennsylvania or New Jersey then you are most likely familiar with the greatness of Wawa. During our recent trip to Wildwood, Miss Sexy Armpit and I stopped at the Doo-Wop styled Wawa to get our favorite sweet cream cheese stuffed pretzels that they make. I’m not a big preztel guy, but this thing is so delicious. I also ordered a banana smoothie which was very simple: it’s basically made of ice, a dairy blend, and 2 bananas. It’s the best banana smoothie ever. If you are lucky enough to have a Wawa by you they also sell all kinds of coffee, subs, breakfast sandwiches, and some of the best iced tea around.
Men’s Room – House of Blues, Atlantic City
Usually going to a public bathroom isn’t too exciting unless you’re going in there for purposes other than actually using the facilities. While it’s not anything as upscale as the Borgata or Water Club, the
Fixation with 1980s Burger King
Unlike most of my friends when I was growing up I always preferred Burger King over McDonalds. My Dad used to take me to the BK at the old pre-90s Menlo Park Mall and I absolutely loved every second of it. To say I miss the old look of the exterior of BK is an understatement. I wish they’d bring back their old logo and the uncreepy version of the Burger King who did magic tricks. I still have my BK doll with the “incredible” disappearing hamburger trick.
Squinkies
I did the best I could. Actually I’m lying. I didn’t. I gave a feeble attempt at resisting Squinkies but I just couldn’t do it. It’s not an all out obsession either. I’m not even interested in the G.I Joe or Star Wars Squinkies – only the WWE series. A couple of my favorites are pictured above, heading in to get some Whoppers at my ’80s BK model. For being such minute bits of rubber they are highly detailed with comical and often flat out absurd facial expressions and likenesses of the real wrestlers. They remind me of the simple and stupid crap toys from the red nickel machines (or are they quarter machines now?) you see when exiting Toys R Us.
The recent climate in the world of toys is all about capitalizing on the older, harder to please collector. Toy companies such as Mattel and Hasbro blatantly pander to hardcore collectors. I do appreciate the recent innovations, but I don’t believe that toy aisles should be filled with such expensive, delicately crafted action figures that belong in the Smithsonian rather than a milk crate in my ’80s den. I stick to the basics and would be more apt to buy something that looks fun to own rather than a dust collector. I am interested in collectible statues and busts, but they have no place in toy aisles.
One of the prime culprits is DC Comics whose action figures really stepped up their game and their prices. Not to sound like an old fogey, but I recall days as a kid when I could literally buy 6 action figures on clearance for $2 or $3 bucks. Nowadays ONE Star Wars Clone Wars /Legacy action figure costs OVER $6 bucks! Regardless of inflation, is this tiny piece of plastic worth that kind of money? I say HELL NO, It’s a toy for fuck’s sake! If I was a kid right now and had some money saved from birthdays or allowance cash, I’d break the bank if I had to pay $7 bucks for ONE action figure. This is a shitty time for toys if you ask me. Sure us geeky dudes get all wet in the pants when we see a really cool rare character get a highly detailed treatment, but what do we actually do with it? The minority of us are actually using them to act out a storyline, and if you are, I commend you because at least you’re getting your money’s worth.
Even with my efforts of keeping up with the latest toy and collectible news, these new DCU Infinite Heroes Crisis 3- packs somehow zoomed passed my radar. I’m glad I got a hold of this set at Target this weekend. Here’s the 3-pack which includes Powergirl, Superman, and Supergirl:
It’s pretty sickening that I spent $16 bucks this set. That price breaks down to about $5 bucks per figure, which is far from a bargain especially in the dismal economic climate. What caught my eye about this set is the figure’s smaller size. Too many figures today are being made too big. My first action figure memories come from Star Wars and Super Powers figures, both small in size, and both made by Kenner. My taste in toys has been influenced by those two toy lines in a major way. This set brought me back to those days. Even though they’re small in size, they’re detailed, colorful, and seem more collectible than a 6 inch figure. In addition, buying smaller figures in 3-packs is more exciting than just buying them seperately.
My only gripe with this series is that this is the only 3-pack that I NEED to have among the ones available because Superman looks awesome and Powergirl and Supergirl look super sexy fine. In the other sets, Black Canary, Starfire, and Raven could stand to look way hotter. This is the problem with dating action figures, they don’t slut it up enough.
Even though I’m not an anal toy collector, I do keep up on the latest action figures and toy trends by reading these sites (among others) so check them out when you get a chance:
Yeah, I knew you would like that one! The illustration above shows the awe and anticipation most of us felt for the Batman movies! This piece was done by friend and fellow blogger extraordinaire Bubba Shelby. He maintains several blogs such as my personal favorite, Toyriffic! and he also displays his art at bubbashelby.blogspot.com. His sketches and illustrations are bright, fun to look at, and filled with personality. Go there and you’ll see his Supergirl/Batgirl hybrid, his take on the ’60s Batmobile, and even Zatanna! If you’re not much of a fanboy then don’t worry! His subject matter doesn’t only include superheroes, you’ll also see some of his original characters and sketches as well. In the last couple of years he’s posted so many awesome illustrations that you’ll want to go through his entire archive! So pay him a visit Sexy Armpit style! Here’s 2 of my favorites:
Skipper was the younger, more experimental sister of Barbie. She was certainly trendy but not as mature as Barbie was in terms of her chest region. Skipper was just discovering the world right along with me. Her and I had alot of chemistry. We both loved the beach and doing other cool stuff like well…going to the beach. You see, when I was 4 years old, it was much more appealing to be involved with an energetic, fresh faced, blue-eyed blonde with spunk than a twenty-something skank who’s been around the block more times than an ice cream truck. She was right up my alley because she was young, petite, and had blonde hair. She was everything I looked for in a girl. Skipper’s appearance changed numerous times throughout the years but the cute, blonde skipper is the one I remember.
Skipper seemed filled with a lust for life that Barbie seemed to have lost. The thought of Skipper being closer to me in age really grabbed me. I felt like I had more of a chance with her. Barbie was off in her Dream House with Ken biting her pillow while the vulnerable, impressionable, and parentless Skipper didn’t have much to do. I felt like even though I was younger than her I could sort of rescue her from her older sisters neglect and out of control cocaine habit. Remember, it was the ‘80s.
She wasn’t a promiscuous teenager either. She liked the chase. It wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be with her. When Barbie was babysitting Skipper, I would come and hang out with both of the hotties. And naturally, my chances were a lot better with Skipper, although if Ken was at work who knew what types of debauchery could take place in the DREAM HOUSE! OK so, nothing really badass happened like that but I did get to “explore” quite a bit.
I remember being very distressed over the fact that Skipper shared the same name as a character on Gilligan’s Island, a show I watched relentlessly as a kid. Lets face it, Skipper wasn’t really nautical in any way but who said Barbie dolls made any sense? I can’t provide a good reason as to why Skipper had numerous other ludicrous nicknames. Let’s take a look at some: Hot Stuff Skipper, Horse Loving Skipper, (that‘s just wrong, why didn‘t they just name her Bestiality Skipper?) Super Teen Skipper, (what a coincidence, something just popped up on my computer screen that said Super Teen Stripper) And finally, talk about overlap, there was Sun Lovin’ Malibu Skipper and Sunsational Malibu Skipper!
While I was very young I was attracted to Skipper but as I started to get a little older I began to appreciate the finer things in life. As a few years past, Jem and the Holograms opened new doors for me. What could I say, I liked the rock chicks with big hair. Not only in cartoons but in real life I was digging rocker chicks also. From Lita Ford to Vixen they had the spotlight when I was a kid.
So, my taste in women matured when Barbie suddenly decided she wanted to be a rock star. It was 1985 and Barbie wouldn’t let Jem and the Holograms steal her thunder: “No way bitch I’ve been around for 25 years and I could rock out too.” Hence Barbie and the Rockers were born. What 7 year old boy wasn’t at least a little turned on by Barbie and Rockers? Okay probably NONE of you. But they did have their own stage and instruments!
Chicks with multicolored hair have always been a huge turn on for me. Chances are, if you have any type of neon color running through your hair I’ll think it’s cool. I’m easily sold. Perhaps this was a residual effect from the Jem period of my youth?
This article doesn’t mean I have some kind of weird doll fetish but DAMN people have fetishes for everything nowadays. There’s porn of cartoon characters which baffles me. How anyone can get off to that is beyond me. I seriously wouldn’t doubt there’s a niche for doll erotica. This article is merely about the shock that came over me when I realized, “Holy Shit, Barbie is f’n HOT!” Old school Barbie dolls were pretty generic looking dolls. They’ve gotten more glamorous and detailed over the years but they haven’t been closer to resembling an ACTUAL HOT CHICK than they do NOW! And Supergirl? Fughetabout it! Cosplay Barbies? Wowee. Who doesn’t love a girl dressed as Supergirl, Batgirl, or Wonder Woman? All of us geeky superhero obsessed dudes would take that any day. Ahem..If she wasn’t made of plastic that is.