Jersey Shore Bobbleheads

Posted on by sexyarmpit
jersey shore,bobbleheads,mtv
MTV’s Jersey Shore Bobbleheads available at Entertainment Earth
You’ve officially made it when there’s bobbleheads being made of you. Pictured above are renderings of what the upcoming MTV’s Jersey Shore Bobbleheads will look like, and they don’t look bad, except for The Situation. I don’t think it will matter to him that his face looks a bit odd because he’s still showing off his trademark abs. I imagine that the only people who will buy The Situation’s bobblehead are his young female fans. Come to think of it, I don’t know anyone who owns or buys bobbleheads, so I’m under the impression that Bobbleheads are exclusively sold to Bobblehead collectors. More importantly, who the hell wants to watch Snooki’s head bobble around? Couldn’t they have made her a “booblehead” instead? Bouncing boobs are always a source of endless enjoyment, and it’s a surefire way to make Snooki’s bobblehead a hit unless they design her head to jerk back and forth like she’s getting punched in the mouth.
www.SexyArmpit.com

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 45: Popeye at The Jersey Shore

Posted on by sexyarmpit
new jersey,jersey shore,t-shirt
Popeye Jersey Shore T-Shirt available at 80’s Tees.com

When mashing up MTV’s Jersey Shore with a cartoon property, Popeye is not the first to pop in my head. But, this T-Shirt mash up actually brings an amusing idea to the table. Could this be a novel way to breathe new life into Popeye for a whole new generation of young viewers? A guido version of Popeye could definitely be funny and it’s not improbable to think that Adult Swim, Comedy Central, or even Fox would jump on airing it. For the next few minutes, just imagine that Popeye’s crew got shipwrecked and washed up on somewhere on the Jersey Shore.

First, we’ll need to see if we can compare the stars of MTV’s Jersey Shore to the characters in Popeye. Ronnie could pass for Bluto (or Brutus as I knew him from reruns as a kid), and for Olive Oyl you can take your pick between Snookie, JWoww, and Sammi because they are all annoying enough to fill that role. Unfortunately, there’s no debate that Vinny would have to be the hamburger eatin’ straight man, Wimpy, and finally Popeye would be The Situation, although he’s nowhere near as heroic, and instead of ripped abs, Popeye’s got killer forearms, gee, I wonder if it’s because Olive Oyl doesn’t put out enough? Oh, and as for DJ Pauly D, we’ll let him create the modern fist pounding theme song for the show.  
www.SexyArmpit.com

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 42: Jersey Girl Corona Logo

Posted on by sexyarmpit
beer,jersey girl,new jersey
The Corona Style Jersey Girl T-Shirt 
can be found at finer Shop-Rite locations throughout the Central Jersey Area
You will discover that many females indigenous to New Jersey (aka Jersey Girls) have an unabashed infatuation with alcoholic beverages. Don’t twist my words around, I don’t mean that all Jersey girls are alcoholics, I just mean that many species (i.e cougars) of Jersey Girl are just as attached to a bottle of Corona (don’t you dare forget the lime) or a cold can of Coors Light as they were to their little plush unicorn named Harriet that they held firmly by their side every night as their parents tucked them in.

Poor little Harriet was such a cute little unicorn. She had white fur and a lavender mane. Her horn sparkled pink and yellow. She was there for Jersey Girl throughout her young, vulnerable years. As time went on and Jersey Girl had her first beer, Harriet the Unicorn grew lonely and felt shunned. Jersey Girl’s world, which was once full of wonder and amazement, was now composed of 50 cent drafts and endless happy hours. Calling her a whore would be out of line, even though her mouth’s favorite pastime was chugging $2 dollar long necks. Instead of playing beauty parlor with her little girlfriends, Jersey Girl’s friends grew up to be in charge of holding her hair back when she had to make a routine trip to the vomitorium. 

When she was just a little Jersey Girl, she was unaware that when she got older, Harriet the cuddly little Unicorn would have to go into years of therapy because she was ignored by her owner. Just so you know, Unicorns can grow very depressed when they are cursed at with slurred speech. Listen up ladies, remember who brought you to the party. It wasn’t a bottle of malt beverage that you rode on in your daydreams, it wasn’t cerveza that jumped over rainbows for you. Even though Harriet the Unicorn didn’t help Jersey Girl pick up that hot, tanned, juiced up Guido at Headliner last summer, she can still inflict a major puncture wound on him with her magical horn and deflate his pump after she gets wind of how he backhands you in drunken arguments about how you don’t like his stupid dancing and full body stubble.

This parody of the classic Corona logo is odd for a few reasons. First, there is a Jersey Shore reference. Think about how the marketability of anything “Jersey Shore” related has skyrocketed ten fold thanks to the MTV reality show. I also find it odd that this tee was not created in a baby tee style for a girl, as opposed to a regular male t-shirt style. I doubt a guy would walk around wearing this, unless he does all his clothes shopping in Shop-Rite. Would you wear this?

www.SexyArmpit.com

The Fletchers – Lights Out Loud

Posted on by sexyarmpit

I could have sworn the only thing coming out of New Brunswick, NJ was the vomit shooting out of 2nd floor apartment windows like cannonballs over Hamilton Street after a night of partying, that is, up until the moment an old friend made me aware of a rock band called The Fletchers. They recently released their 2nd album Lights Out Loud, and from the moment of insertion (of the CD you scumbag!), the stereotypes of a repugnant college town cleared away like acne after being doused with Proactive. I can’t guarantee that listening to The Fletchers will work wonders on that jock itch of yours, but hey, it’s worth a shot!

Photobucket

The Fletchers’ Lights Out Loud ascends to heights that their debut album Bright Blue Lights did not. Lights Out Loud is a more focused outing and it’s accessibility makes it apparent that the mind and the voice of The Fletchers, Gary Kaplan, has created possibly the finest work of his musical career. What makes Kaplan different from the host of other songwriters and lead singers coming out of New Jersey is that he’s enjoyed success in bands before. In the ’90s (the ancient times), Kaplan was the singer and songwriter behind two indie bands, Dandelion Fire and Rotator Cuff. His former bands have opened for other big name bands, and Rotator Cuff’s video for “Alfa Romeo” scored airplay on MTV, way back when they still didn’t play music videos, except for a little show at a hideous hour called 120 Minutes.

On Light’s opening track, “Beaches,” Kaplan’s distinct voice almost seems too strong for it’s airy background vocals and breezy, top down instrumentation, but it all comes together less than a minute into the song. Unlike the secretive Coca-Cola brand, The Fletchers formula comes right out of your speakers for you to savor. It’s the juxtaposition of Kaplan’s raspy voice, resonant backing vocals, and music provided by Dan Coffey on bass, Rob Freda on guitar, and Cliff Heaton on drums that provides quite an addictive blend.

Kaplan’s wisdom from his invaluable exposure to the music business has undoubtedly helped The Fletcher’s hone in on their signature sound. Fresh indie rock radiates from Lights Out Loud. Rob Freda’s superb guitar work plays an integral role, but the tunes are also replete with fun choruses, harmonies, and other pop sensibilities. The band’s influences can surely be detected, but The Fletcher’s are not begging to be noticed by the similarities they bare to the groups they listen to on their iPods. Several reviews and critics have cited similarities ranging from Brit-Pop acts to XTC, REM, and The Kinks. A more prominent musical connection, at least to The Sexy Armpit’s ear, is to another New Jersey rock band, The Smithereens. To be clear, The Fletcher’s are definitely not a Smithereens tribute band, but if you punch “The Smithereens” into a Pandora playlist, The Fletchers may very well come up next.

Lights Out Loud was produced and engineered in Hopewell, NJ and mixed in East Brunswick, NJ.

The Sexy Armpit says Download these tracks: “Beaches,” “Maybe,” and “Wasted.” BUY the MP3 album of Lights Out Loud at CDBaby for only $7.99 or the CD for $9.99.Find out more about The Fletchers at their official site: www.thefletchersmusic.com. Friend them on Myspace: www.myspace.com/thefletchersmusic or Become a Fan on Facebook.

The Fletchers play The Loop Lounge in Passaic Park, NJ this Friday, March 5th.

www.SexyArmpit.com

Taryn Thomas is January’s Garden State Playmate!

Posted on by sexyarmpit
taryn thomas,porn star,new jersey

Porn mirrors pop culture. Porn doesn’t just provide a diversion for legions of horny people, and dictates what home video format we’ll be purchasing for the next 10 years, but also grabs its influences from what’s hot on TV and in the movies. Joining the ranks of porn parodies like Casabangca, Edward Penishands, and Muffy the Vampire Layer, is Jersey Shore XXX starring Jersey born adult film actress Taryn Thomas.

Photobucket

Taryn Thomas, the dirtiest girl in porn, will be playing Snooki in the upcoming adult version of MTV’s New Jersey based reality show. Even though it may be a departure from her role in Evil Angels Vault of Whores and The Cream Team 2, Taryn’s bountiful skills will easily make any guy she’s in a scene with rise to the occasion.

Photobucket

Seeking to have more creative control over her projects, Taryn grabbed the shaft by the balls and started her own production company called Taryn It Up Entertainment. I admire her gusto and of course…her busto. Rimshot! In addition to her extensive work in the adult film industry, Taryn has studied cosmetology, has a pharmacy technician license, and even went to real estate school! That is what I call versatile. After she bangs you six ways from Sunday she’ll do your guyliner, prescribe you some allergy meds, and then bring you to a snazzy open house. What a girl!

taryn thomas,porn star,new jersey
After discussing her Jersey roots at the eXXXotica convention in Edison, NJ

If you’re like Paul Rudd’s character, David, in 40 Year Old Virgin, and you have a compilation like Boner Jamz ’03, adding Jersey Shore XXX to Boner Jamz 2010 is a must! Check out the trailer:

Photobucket
www.SexyArmpit.com