A Septic Spiel of Spooky Scares, Super Heroes, and Strange Stories from Miles Beneath the Crud of New Jersey!
I try to refrain from posting so much about MTV’s Jersey Shore. The Internet is flooded with it, but I couldn’t help posting these Star Wars/Jersey Shore Mash Up Trading Cards. Thanks to my friend Steve who found them on Buzzfeed today via Starcasm.net. I couldn’t resist…these are genius, although they snubbed the REAL Jersey girl Sammi Sweetheart, as well as J-Wow for that matter.
Unfortunately, The Whereabouts just doesn’t have the same ring as The Situation. I’m absolutely furious that Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino has tarnished one of the best words in the English language forever. All the hipsters who actually enjoy watching MTV will now associate the word SITUATION with a former male stripper from Staten Island. In fact, this guy helped make Jersey Shore the pop culture phenomenon that it is, and the m-therfucker is from Staten Island?!?! He’s what true Jersey Shore folks call a Benny! Or as you may remember in a scene from Star Wars: A New Hope “We don’t serve their kind here!”
When I was but a young whippersnapper, the word SITUATION was well respected. It was an esteemed word that didn’t come to mind when sweaty, fist pumping, ‘roided out, guidos were mentioned. The real situation is the puddles going on in their armpits! (That is not Sexy). Can you remember a simpler time not so long ago? Take a moment to think back to a period of your life when the mere mention of the word situation elicited such cool and recognizable song lyrics such as “OK, here’s the SITUATION my parents went away on a weeks vacation…” I’m going to make a safe wager that Will Smith doesn’t even care that whenever I hear one of his legendary rhymes, a Staten Island guido will completely cloud my mind and impair me from enjoying the rest of DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince’s classic “Parents Just Don’t Understand.” Every time I hear the word situation, it feels like I’m having a little heart attack.
I used to chant along wild and passionate with Motley Crue’s frontman Vince Neil, and shout “It’s the saaame ol’, saaame ol’ SITUAAATION!” and now thank goodness I have a medical alert button around my neck or someone would literally have to kickstart my heart. This guy is frigging everywhere! I can’t think of a more appropriate time to say WTF? Have you ever been sitting around quietly reflecting on the events of the day and suddenly began to think to yourself…”What the hell happened to Yaz?” Well, coincidentally, that happens to me quite often and even when I looked them up and found out that they reunited in 2008, it still slips my mind what the hell happened to Yaz. So, in order to recall Yaz’s glory days of British synth pop stardom, I have to crank up the iPod and spin the click wheel to one of their biggest hits, yep, you f-cking guessed it…SITUATION!!! What a word killing bastard! I’m getting a class action lawsuit against this guy for ruining one of my favorite words ever!
To protect my heart from failure, I’ll be refraining from using the word S——-N from now on. Since Mike Sorrentino rose to fame thanks to MTV’s Jersey Shore, it was merely a week until I started seeing “I Love The S——-N” T-shirts.
Can’t we be a little more creative here people? At the very least I would have expected some illustrated abdominal muscles on the front or “Lift up my shirt to see The S——-N!” Dammit, I should be this assholes PR guy. They could’ve had a shirt that would give the tuxedo t-shirt a run for its money! (This eBay store should be ashamed of themselves for creating the most uninspired S——-N shirt ever.)
Shitty t-shirts aside, one of these days, The Sexy Armpit will inform The S——-N all about how he’s permanently massacred one of the finest words in our vernacular. Hopefully by that time I’ll have ruined the words SEXY and ARMPIT for him!
I’ll leave you with a quote from one of the most influential idols in my life, George Carlin:
“…Newspeople like to say ‘police have responded to an emergency situation,’ no they haven’t, they’ve responded to an EMERGENCY, we know it’s a situation…everything is a situation!”
Where to find these shirts:
Garden State Parkway Inspired Tee designed by Skeezoid on CafePress.com
“I Love the…” at the official Jersey Shore store at Zazzle.com, and yes…they even have t-shirts for your dog.
Mike’s Quote Tee from mdunphy89 found in her Sweet T’s store at Zazzle.com
In the first season of The State, former Hillsborough, NJ resident Michael Ian Black provides us with valuable insight on how to get laid at a Youth Conference in the sketch “On-Air Personality”:
Sure, horror punk icons are awesome, but they’re even more awesome when they’re from Jersey! It’s insane that so many younger people out there are only familiar with Glenn Danzig because of MTV’s heavy rotation of the video for his track “Mother” in 1993. You should be chained to a wall if you weren’t aware that Danzig is the founder and former lead singer of Lodi, NJ’s legendary Misfits. Presently, Danzig is working on a new album and also runs his own record label called Evilive, and the 18 & over comic book company Verotik.
– In 2002, our favorite fast food freaks from the Jersey Shore paid Danzig the ultimate pop culture tribute when he appeared in the Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode, Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future.
We’ve all heard Monster Magnet’s “Space Lord” a million times, so today let’s change it up and check out the video for “Unbroken (Hotel Baby),” a track they scored a minor hit with from their 2004 album Monolithic Baby. The video’s over the top style and debauchery reminds me of how classic hard rock videos used to be. When I was a kid, I’d fall asleep on the couch at 12:30 a.m on Friday night and wake up later on captivated by the depraved revelry on the screen. I used to WANT MY MTV, where the hell did it go? We need more videos like this! Watch:
http://d.yimg.com/m/up/fop/embedflv/swf/fop.swf
See Monster Magnet w/ Bang Camaro at The Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, NJ this Saturday night 5/16!
Could it be possible? Does history really repeat itself? I never thought it could happen, but after the rollicking good time I had at ROCK OF AGES on Sunday October 26th at The New World Stages in New York City, I really think it does.
When I was a little kid, tearing through issues of Metal Edge and plastering my walls with posters of GNR, Skid Row, and Poison; I dreamed of the sinful aura of debauchery, sleaze, and mayhem that the L.A sunset strip rock scene evoked. Meanwhile, my sister, in her teens at that time, sang along to all the songs that old worn out VHS tape of Grease cranked out incessantly.
Even as a kid I knew better than to believe life actually resembled how it was depicted in Grease. Anyone who’s gone to high school knows, that compared to the film Grease, high school could be a nightmarish, bleak, and horrible place. To my surprise, I graduated high school without engaging in one group hand jive, without ever having been stranded at the drive in, and my old 4-cylinder ‘87 Chrysler LeBaron didn’t, by any means, drive like “Greased lightning.” Life’s never as “peachy keen” as it is in the movies or on stage for that matter. I never thought for a second that the explicit, raunchy rock scene that was my obsession would ever be “Grease-ified.” Grease was originally a stage musical and just as it pulled from late ‘50s high school nostalgia, Rock of Ages embodies the excess and broken dreams on the ‘80s Sunset Strip. I was petrified that the attempt of glamorizing my beloved hairband era would be catastrophic. Would the play condescend and poke fun at the age of lipstick, plastic, and paint? Could Grease’s cigarettes, cheerleaders, and black leather biker jackets be interchangeable with the ‘80s themes of drug abuse, aquanet, spandex? I would soon find out!
After I took my seat, I immediately basked in the authentic set design by Beowulf Boritt, who also worked on The Toxic Avenger Musical. The stage was created to look like the interior of the fictitious Bourbon Room, which is reminiscent of the Whiskey or the Rainbow in L.A. The walls of the theater were plastered with concert posters while billboards hung from high above. A Jack Daniels advertisement asks “I did what with my sister?” and another one points out, in case you haven’t heard, Arsenal’s new CD “I Want Your Cans” is in stores now.
Pink lights drenched the inside of the Bourbon room. Rock memorabilia adorned the walls. There was a Pink flying V, collages of rock stars, and framed pinups of Motley Crue, Guns and Roses, and Poison among others. The main focal point of the Bourbon Room was it’s small stage where a lot of bands began their rock dreams. (Stone Pony anyone?) Onstage there was a dingy bathroom that served as the butt of a few jokes, and center stage featured a revolving room that provided background for various scenes. Oh yeah, I know you’ll like this part…there was a stripper poll on each end of the stage. I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is YES! Did they get used? What kind of a question is that? A good question actually, because now’s a good time for me to mention that when I’m reincarnated in my next life, I’ve signed a definitive, definitely happening, contractually binding, legal document that professionally and law abidingly states that I will come back as one of the two brass stripper polls on the Rock of Ages stage. Triple Stamped. For the honor of Grayskull. And that’s the bottom line cause I just said so!
Right about now a message over the P.A system states there should be NO flash photography unless you’re willing to show your boobs! YEAH BABY! I won’t spoil too much for you, since the Rock of Ages marketing team utilized the “less is more” idea and it worked. All online and print ads tout the play’s great tunes. It seemed as if name dropping the bands was enough since the house was PACKED! The vague propaganda turned out to make the play an unexpected blast.
At the crux of the play there’s a love story between Drew (Constantine Maroulis) and Sherrie (Kelli Barrett). It’s the typical story of a couple of ‘80s L.A dream chasers who fall for each other. Boy works at a bar and hopes to make it big as a rock star. When boy gets noticed by a talent manager, he suggests that boy change his whole look and go on a “mall tour.” Girl dreams of being an actress but plans fizzle out and works as a waitress, then climbs ranks to become a stripper. Even though the story is simple and reminiscent of others you may have heard before, I dig the message of the play. Even if you don’t get exactly what you want on your quest, it doesn’t mean your dreams are necessarily broken, you may just find that you have better dreams.
When we’re off cloud 9 with the two lovebirds, the city government is attempting to clean up the Sunset Strip and make it more family friendly. One of the establishments that would be effected is the Bourbon Room, so it’s manager Dennis, (the skilled Adam Dannheisser) does his best to stop this insanity. Like the good natured hippie he is, he doesn’t want his bar to close or his staff to be out of jobs. Dennis comes up with the idea to call in a favor from Stacee Jaxx, a Steel Pantheresque lead singer of a wildly popular band called Arsenal. (CD just dropped) I laughed deliriously at Will Swenson’s flashy performance which reminds us of how pompous, arrogant, and egotistical many of the great ’80s hair band frontmen were. Other superior performances include the refreshing Kelli Barrett as Sherrie, the over the top hysterical Mitchell Jarvis as Lonny the narrator, and Wesley Taylor as the gay German (ok so he’s not gay just German.)
The ensemble cast featured some hot dancers who weren’t afraid to show some butt cheeks and rock skimpy lingerie. Don’t be a prude, that’s how it was in the ‘80s! The ‘80s hair band era was instrumental in providing me with a template of the ideal woman. White leather jacket, short skirt, crimped hair, high heel boots, and stockings, don’t you remember? Duh. Rock of Ages featured an immensely talented actress, dancer, and singer Angel Reed. I definitely had a crush on her like a little kid watching Dial MTV during the hair band days and seeing that girl with the white leather jacket on. Or maybe it was Club MTV, it escapes me. Either way, she was hot, and she has her own exotic dance DVD that all you women should pick up and let her teach you how to dance for your man. While you’re at it check out all of Angel’s other projects like her music and modeling gallery! You really need to experience Rock of Ages just to watch some of Angel’s moves with the aforementioned poll that I will become in my next life. Yay! I never thought I’d say it, but I can’t wait to die!
I didn’t go into the play with too many expectations since I managed to avoid reading reviews of the show. Although I could imagine what’s being said, since for the past several years it seems like shitting on ‘80s bands is the trendy thing to do. But now is the time that the up and coming bands are citing bands like Guns, Motley, and Poison as major influences. (rightfully so!) It’s time that this era got some credit! If it becomes known for anything, Rock of Ages, pays tribute to the ‘80s rock era in a monumental way. The classic songs that help the play rumble on become even more transcendent. (u shut up now)
Bo Bice sucks and Constantine should’ve been runner up on Idol in ’05. Some of the notes he hit in Rock of Ages almost exploded the Bourbon Room, which would’ve sucked cause he was trying to help save it! His mastery of this style of rock truly wins the audience’s approval as his character Drew shows off his rock chops.
In Rock of Ages some of the songs you hear are taken right from the hair band era, while others are simply pop rock, but all of them work into the show’s plot. Songs from the following artists are featured in the play: Asia, Bon Jovi, David Lee Roth, Poison, Extreme, Mr. Big, Night Ranger, Quiet Riot, Twisted Sister, Warrant, Whitesnake, Foreigner, Journey, REO Speedwagon, Styx, Steve Perry, Pat Benatar, Quarterflash, and even Survivor!
Even though the music gives the show its gusto, it’s actually responsible for my only complaint. The musical is made up of storm trooping assembly of songs that only a late night CD box set infomercial with Bret Michaels could envy. The massive list of songs are finely weaved into the plot like the hairs on Bret Michaels head. Some of my favorite rock classics are featured in the show, so what’s the problem here, Jay? Some of the songs seem to be overused. I heard enough of Warrant’s “Heaven” when I sang along with it daily back in ’89. (By the way people get with the program! Jani Lane is OUT of Warrant again! That news didn’t interrupt your local affiliates broadcast of the last presidential debate? That’s weird because on my TV Riki Rachtman broke in just before McCain said “Joe the Plumber” for the 68th time and broke the news) Twisted Sister’s “I Wanna Rock,” and a few others seemed to be utilized several times at points when an original riff would feel more natural. Rock of Ages might benefit from sprinkling in a few original tunes in between the massively popular ones. How about an original Arsenel song? Arsenal, for those who don’t know, are the ‘80s rock band that is asked (blackmailed) to play at the Bourbon room to save the bar. (CD in stores now)
I’m a sucker for a T-Shirt, especially those emblazoned with a logo for a fictitious band. If the band happened to be from Jersey then I might just spontaneously combust. Whenever I go to a show or concert I look for that specific T-shirt that jumps out at me literally, and seduces me with a one liner like: “I wanna be on you…” After the show I strolled by the schwag station and almost yelped like a fat girl who can’t keep a secret and got a hand over her mouth. I then blacked out for a moment and came to. In my hands was a sparkling, magical, authentic ARSENAL concert T-shirt. Of course, the logo rips off Anthrax and Metallica but c’mon, what do you expect from a fictitious band! It was brought to my attention that if I looked at the back of the shirt, all the stops listed for their Cocked and Loaded tour are in New Jersey towns!
How RAD is that? And I don’t mean that in the Rock Against Drugs type of way. (That line I just ripped off was courtesy of Drew, Constantine’s character) Is Arsenal supposed to be from New Jersey? Perhaps that’s why Stacee Jaxx, while adorned in white spandex, unleashes a perverted, priceless rendition of Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive”? I’ll take it!
After you check out Rock of Ages, you’ll be thanking me. You too will come to appreciate the many facets of “Rusty Trombonering,” Warrant’s “Heaven,” and the atmospheric appeal of the Fogmaster 5000. Your arms will be super strong after holding up that keychain flashlight in place of a lighter during ballads. Oh, and you’ll also be thanking me because you scored points with your girlfriend. Theater tickets are a better gift idea than the run of the mill stuff, so buy her a pair of tickets for the holidays! For you ladies out there, your boyfriend will be elated that he can bring beers and adult beverages into the theater. That satisfies the alcohol lovers and those yearning for a true ‘80s sunset strip vibe.
Writer Chris D’Arienzo, Director Kristin Hanggi, and Choreogrpaher Kelly Devine are responsible for making Rock of Ages a play that feels like the kind of movie you watch a million times and remember all the dialouge. Keep in mind that you can only own a DVD for several generations, Rock of Ages the musical is off-Broadway NOW, so don’t miss out! Oh and some advice from Lonny the narrator: before you head to the show, if you’d like to make your experience more authentic you may want to set yourself up with an eight ball of crystal meth and get a sixer of Diet Shasta. Dude, it’s amazing.
Our KISS saga continues here at The Sexy Armpit.
KISS maintained their polished glam metal musical style with 1984’s Animalize. Although it stood as their highest selling album since ALIVE II and it contains several great tracks, 24 years later this album isn’t their most memorable. What I can’t believe is the fact that at the time it outsold both Creatures and Lick It Up, which are 2 of the very BEST albums that Kiss ever released. The late Mark St. John came into the band replacing Vinnie Vincent. During this time KISS held their own against most of the other dime a dozen “hairbands” out there, even though the KISS Army knew that their favorite band was colossal and shouldn’t be referred to as a “hairband.” It was still a solid effort but my favorite thing about this album wasn’t the music, it was the totally ’80s animal print on the cover. BEST TRACKS: Thrills in the Night, Heaven’s On Fire, Under The Gun, Get All You Can Take
To replace Mark St. John, Kiss welcomed Bruce Kulick to the band. In 1985 Kiss released Asylum which features 2 of the best songs of the “non makeup” era (Tears Are Falling, and Who Wants to Be Lonely) BEST TRACKS: Tears Are Falling, Who Wants To Be Lonely, Uh All Night!, King of The Mountain
With a sugary pop rock title track, Crazy Nights was a huge album for KISS. They continued with their lineup featuring Bruce and Eric, perhaps their strongest lineup musically. As KISS opted to lose their dark, raw, rock roots MTV embraced their videos and Kiss still enjoyed big success 13 years later. Crazy Nights was KISS in full on ’80s pop metal mode. BEST TRACKS: Crazy Crazy Nights, Reason To Live, Turn on the Night
Smashes, Thrashes, and Hits, a “best of” compilation released in ‘88, featured 2 new tracks that I’ve always enjoyed. For some reason they get torn apart by critics and fans on the Internet though. Who cares? Eric Carr also sings vocals on “Beth” on the album. BEST TRACKS: Let’s Put the X in Sex, You Make Me Rock Hard
If you remember anything about Hot in The Shade it could be the Sphinx wearing sunglasses on the cover. Or it could be the fact that Paul Stanley co-wrote the album’s biggest hit, Forever, with Michael Bolton. Even though it’s a little sappy, and it might have been your wedding song, it’s undeniably good. It’s sad to think that it was Eric Carr’s last KISS album when he and Bruce helped unify the band in so many ways. Judging by the maturity of the actual musical compositions and the sound, perhaps not the lyrics, KISS was still fully capable of crafting some excellent rock songs. BEST TRACKS: Hide Your Heart, Rise To It, Forever
It’s possible that the pinnacle of KISS’ career came in ’92 with the release of Revenge. Kiss came full circle as they recaptured their sound but they lost the charismatic and irreplaceable drummer Eric Carr. I miss Eric Carr ’til this day but Eric Singer was and still is a worthy successor. Bob Ezrin returned to co-write and produce and Vinnie Vincent was also on board to co-write a few songs. The music rocked in a serious way. Sure there was a lot of blatant KISS trademark sexuality, but there was also Gene’s return to his “demon” roots with “Unholy.” I always wondered what KISS’ next album would sound like since Revenge seemed to have helped them come to the realization that they were a legendary and still relevant band. From being featured in Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey all the way to one of the bands best ballads, Revenge is a diverse KISS effort and definitely a CLASSIC! BEST TRACKS: Unholy, God Gave Rock ‘n’ Roll To You, Domino, Heart of Chrome, I Just Wanna, Every time I Look At You
I’ll quietly tiptoe over ALIVE III since there’s no new material there unless we count their performance of The Star Spangled Banner. We’ll skip right over to KISS UNPLUGGED, which was the CD released after their acoustic MTV special. This intimate, bare bones KISS show was very meaningful to the band and the fans. We got to see Ace and Peter return to play with the band and at one point Gene, Paul, Bruce, Ace, Peter, and Eric are all up performing on the same stage at the same time. Without rambling too much about how awesome this album is, pick it up for yourself. Kiss Unplugged is as worthy of being called great as ALIVE! is. Even though the songs are performed acoustically, each one sounds perfect. It’s also such a different experience to hear these iconic songs in a stripped down style. If any album of KISS is going to prove their chops it’ll overwhelmingly be this one. BEST TRACKS: I can’t pick just one since they all sound so damn good!
Although it was recorded between 1995 and 1996, Carnival of Souls was finally released in 1997. Let me now defend the incessantly derided COS. It’s late release truly pissed me off but I was lucky enough to have a bootleg for over a year before it was actually released. When I first heard the tracks on the bootleg I almost pissed myself! It featured a dark, grungy, otherworldly hard rock sound that showed KISS venturing into new territory. Even early concept art for the cover of the album seemed fitting and a step forward from the typical KISS cover art. The album had some introspective moments, some hints of sadness, and even requisite anger. Kiss didn’t trust their intuition and held off on releasing the album. Perhaps the record company didn’t think they could compete with the bands of the day like Alice in Chains? When COS was circulating as a bootleg is when it should’ve been released. It was their answer to the shoe-staring grunge era music that ruled the day. The entire band sounds tighter, edgier, and more mature than ever. The lyrics are actually thought provoking, especially on “Childhood’s End,” which was co-written by present day Space Ace, Tommy Thayer. If only this album was released as a follow up to Revenge rather than an afterthought. BEST TRACKS: Hate, Rain, Master and Slave, The Jungle, It Never Goes Away, In the Mirror
The reunion of the original KISS members spawned an album of new material called Psycho Circus in 1998. IT was great seeing “the band get back together” but at this point being a KISS fan was getting tedious. Just as we were getting used to Eric Carr, he passes away. Bruce Kulick was one of the most talented and longest tenured members of KISS. And now that we have Eric Singer truly making his mark on the band we might as well let both of those guys go to get Ace and Peter back. What a disaster! Psycho Circus was one of the most anticipated comeback albums in rock history and it didn’t live up to it’s potential at all. Of course we have the strong title track and the whole “psycho carnival” theme but there’s not much else going on here. “You Wanted The Best” while a guilty pleasure, is for die hards only since it’s cheesiness is incomparable. The song deals with all of the strife among the original members of the band. Rather than re-inventing the original KISS lineup as a formidable rock gang like they originally intended to be, they opted to ride the “reunion” railroad but they never passed go. They blew the opportunity to build on the creepy vibes given off in the title track. I give more credit to the Bruce/Eric/Eric lineup since for 13 years they were plugging away releasing music that continually improved upon the previous. BEST TRACKS: Psycho Circus, Within, Into the Void, I Pledge Allegiance To The State of Rock & Roll
Thank you for reading and I hope one day KISS will quit releasing “best of” compilations. I wish that Paul Stanley stops saying that fans don’t want to hear “New” KISS music because that’s not true at all. Hey Paul, maybe it’s that you guys are too lazy to make it? Shit, I would be too if I breathed the fumes of thousands of dollar bills all day. KISS needs to return to making the hard rocking tunes they were always known for.
Even though it was a cold, bitter Saturday night, my girl and I were up for going out. We agreed on going to see “The Hitcher.” She had some passes to a theater chain that I’ve only been to once but we figured we’d give it a shot. We hopped on 287 to South Plainfield and drove into the parking lot of the theater. I immediately saw a line forming at the box office which was situated OUTSIDE the theater. How many thousands of years ago was this place built that you need Eskimo gear to actually purchase tickets? After declaring this as definite CRAP, my girlfriend decided to nonchalantly drop in the fact that they DIDN’T have stadium seating! This was an afterthought to her because she doesn’t understand that my viewing experience is paramount to me actually venturing outside my domain to go see a movie. The surrounding must be pretty damn good for me to go see a new movie considering it’ll probably be on cable in a matter of months. Add all of that to the fact that there wasn’t a parking spot in sight because the lot only had 43 spots. Needless to say I vetoed the movie theater idea as fast as you can say “What a shitty remake!”
The lady was hungry so Bennigan’s it was. I swear nowadays you cannot go in there without thinking of the movie Waiting. As we pushed through the entrance doors we were greeted by the Bennigan’s guy and he informed us that “they’re running about a 15-20 minute wait.” I though this was completely insane because there couldn’t have been more than 20 people in the entire establishment at that moment. We opted to sit at the bar and tough it out there. As we hung out with our drinks served by the bald, scary, stare a hole through you, pierced, bartender I tried to listen to the nostalgic tunes on coming out of the ceiling speakers.
The variety of music was mostly from the ’90s. There were some memory jogging songs that came on, but it was one in particular that blew my mind. I immediately recognized the first few seconds but I brushed it off as my mind playing tricks on me. As a few more seconds passed, a familiar voice raps “Im back and Im ringin‘ the bell rockin on the mic while the fly girls yell…” It was none other than Vanilla Ice’s “Play that Funky Music White Boy.” Dumbfounded is a word that doesn’t properly describe my feeling at the time. I never thought I would hear this song again since the days of Vanilla Ice on MTV. Perhaps there’s a renewed interest in Rob Van Winkle since he keeps showing up on VH1. Whatever it may be, I’m proud of Bennigan’s for not just playing typical crap. It’s official, the only two places that you can hear Vanilla Ice: Bennigan’s and my iPod.
I don’t really have any mind blowing plans for ‘07. I’m not gonna be like all the trendy people and say “world domination” is on my list of things to do. I never aim that high.
I thought about writing some really off the wall stuff describing my plans for ’07 but in all honesty I never think of a new year as any different than a few days from now. Let’s be honest how much do things really change? We get older, more cranky. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna keep doing the same things I’ve been doing.
New Jersey will still be known as a shithole. I bet I’ll still watch lame Nicole Eggert movies, usually starring Corey Haim as well. Most likely Gwen Stefani will still be on my iPod. I’ll still be reading comics, eating eggplant parm., and being claustrophobic. WWE, 30 Rock, and Heroes will still be on the top of my list of shows to watch. The wait time for the next Batman movie will dwindle down to 1 year. As you can see, things won’t drastically change. I do wish for MTV to become as cool as they were when I was a kid, minus the reality crap.
Other than the previously stated items, I’ve been having quite a hard time pronouncing the word “brewery.” I don’t know that I have much of a necessity to say “brewery” all that often but I’ll need to get better at saying it anyway.
There’s also no doubt that I’ll keep berating all of you with my blog because I have such a good time doing it. Even if the new year doesn’t bring much change I’m still looking forward it. Happy New Year everyone!
A friend of mine, Steve, once said that everything in my life ties back to Hair Bands. While my hair is the furthest thing from being “hair band” status, the hair band flavor runs deep within my soul. I don’t have much of a choice either because it’s something I grew up with. Hair Metal was all over MTV and on the radio when I was a kid. It just seemed like the culmination of pop and metal was a perfect mix. It was only an added bonus when they threw in the spandex, leather tassels, HUGE hair, and the uncomfortable closeups of the guys in the band creepily smiling at you through the television.
After years of being glued to MTV watching videos for hours, I’ve come to despise videos that have been made within the last ten years. The hair band video mentality was that of a party and the escapist themes sucked you right into the plot. Was Tawny Kitaen dancing for us? As far as I knew she was. Who cares if she was porking Coverdale. Was Bret Michaels a complete woman in the “I Want Action” video? Hell yes, but the guys weren’t paying attention to that because we actually rocked out to it. The women ate it up because for some reason women seem to be attracted to guys that look like women. Alas, it was a great time for music videos.
Nowadays I’d be hard pressed to find you a video that I actually enjoy unless its some wacky homage to the hair band era. The ones that are actually cool aren’t even shown on TV. If you have VH1 Classics you can catch alot of these bands, but I don’t have the time to watch for 18 hours to see the new Quiet Riot video. Luckily with the existence of official band websites, we can now enjoy great Hair Band videos online including the ones that are made TODAY!
If you like to dabble in the hair band scene, you must check out “Oh Come Oh ye Faithful,” the latest video from Twisted Sister which appears on their Christmas album. It hearkens back to the golden days of Hair Metal videos when no one gave a shit about anything but having a good time and checking out some hot ass. Whether you love the genre or not, the videos are completely over the top and much more entertaining than the majority of videos made in recent times.