Guns N Roses Archives - Sludge Central

Guns and Roses…Literally!

Posted on May 14, 2012 by sexyarmpit

On our drive back up the Garden State Parkway after a night in Atlantic City, Miss Sexy Armpit and I were looking to stop in a store and get some flowers to bring home for Mother’s Day.

We stopped off in Toms River which is a really large town in South Jersey. I thought there were a few places we could stop at, but as we got off the Parkway I started to realize there weren’t as many stores as I thought. Miss Sexy Armpit said “Hey, look, Guns and Roses!” “That’s an awesome name for a flower shop,” I replied to her. We really hit the jackpot because it’s located so close to exit 81 and we figured we could avoid the ridiculous weekend crowds of grocery stores and big name shopping centers.

It turns out that the shop’s name wasn’t necessarily a reference to the recent Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees of the same name. After walking in and shopping around Miss Sexy Armpit told the owners how cool we thought the name was. The woman behind the counter explained that there’s actually a gun and ammo shop in the back. If the one stop shop for all your firearm and flower arrangement needs is a becoming a thing, then Guns & Roses is the place you want to go to. The owners were super nice and our mom’s loved their flowers (which were very reasonably priced compared to most other places and online shops by the way.) They even personally thanked us for our business – something that doesn’t happen much anymore.

It’s always better to support local independent businesses, so I was glad that Miss Sexy Armpit saw the GnR sign! Next time you to need to buy flowers and a badass Smith and Wesson .45, you know where to go!

Guns and Roses
298 W. Water Street
Toms River, NJ 08753

Kip Winger Thursday: The Greatest Kip Winger Story Ever Told!!!

Posted on July 16, 2009September 5, 2018 by sexyarmpit

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Kip Winger Thursday, it’s a day that can alleviate some of the tension from the stresses of the economic crisis, the soaring unemployment rate, and other terrible atrocities. It’s a day when all we have to do is fondly recall the more carefree atmosphere of the days of ’80s hairbands. When the sunset strip was crawling with bands like Motley Crue and Guns N Roses and all was right in the world…well, my world at least. I think Stevie Rachelle said it best “When Def Leppard rocked and Skid Row Ruled,” in his song “American Hairband.” Grunge came in like a lion but it totally went out like a lamb. Nowadays who really cares about grunge anyway? Life is challenging, and depressing as it is so why would we want our music to make us even more angry and morose? Don’t you want to have fun and party?

During last week’s ’80s hard rock extravaganza aptly known as Rocklahoma, party is exactly what they did. For 4 days in Pryor, Oklahoma, fans of the genre relived the hairband glory days. It’s an opportunity to see your favorites from the era, as well as new bands who keep the scene alive like Wildstreet and Bang Camaro. Some of the classic bands that appeared this year were Anthrax, Overkill, RATT, Danger Danger, Kix, Nelson, Lizzy Borden, Skid Row, and Twisted Sister to name a few. The festival has been going on since 2007, and has been building up steam each year. The true fans show up hardcore, front and center for all 4 days! I happen to know one of those fans.

A friend of mine, Elise, wouldn’t miss Rocklahoma for the world. She takes her love of these bands to the next level.

On July 11th, 2009 at 1:04 AM, I received this text message from her:

“I just told Kip about u and KWT!!!!”

Apparently, Kip Winger was hanging out at the show and Elise had the chance to slyly slip in a mention for my ongoing Thursday meme dedicated to Kip Winger. To join in the fun, go to www.twitter.com/sexyarmpit. Kip was even in New Jersey a few weeks back and I had the opportunity to go to the show, but the idea of someone else telling Kip about Kip Winger Thursday felt so much cooler to me, especially coming from a girl who he was clearly digging! A BIG thanks from The Sexy Armpit, Elise!

Also, Bring Back Glam has an abundance of info on Rocklahoma and the reasons why it sucked this year, so head over and check out Allyson’s awesome blog.

Top 10 Reasons to Watch The Wrestler on Blu-Ray

Posted on April 25, 2009 by sexyarmpit

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I may never get to own Randy The Ram’s extremely collectible ($300) action figure that rests on his dashboard, but there are other ways I’m able to relive the movie. I merely have to crank up Accept’s “Balls to the Wall” in my car if I want to get pumped up like Randy the Ram did en route to his comeback match. But think about this…”Balls to the Wall” in BLU-RAY!!! That doesn’t necessarily mean that if you don’t experience The Wrestler on Blu-Ray you’ll have to put your Blu-balls to the wall, but you will be missing out in a HUGE way.

And now, coming down the aisle, from The Armpit of NJ, weighing in at 10 entries long, here’s the Top 10 Reasons to Watch The Wrestler on Blu-Ray!

1) You can witness Marisa Tomei’s boobs in all their blu ray glory. At 45 years old, Tomei looks way sexier than all the old, washed up, strippers who nobody buys dances from. Strip clubs throughout NJ would benefit from having employees look as good as she does in The Wrestler. What’s even cooler is that she’s a stripper who’s all into ’80s hard rock:

Cassidy: Fuckin’ 80’s man, best shit ever!

Randy: Bet your ass man, Guns N’ Roses rules.

Cassidy: Crue!

Randy: Yeah!

Cassidy: Def Lep!

Randy: Then that Cobain pussy had to come around and ruin it all.

Cassidy: Like there’s something wrong with just wanting to have a good time?

She’s a girl after my own heart.

2) If you have a good sound system at home, turn this one up to 11! The Wrestler features awesome headbanging tracks from GNR, Quiet Riot, RATT, Slaughter, Firehouse, and The Scorpions. Also, listen up for Slash’s guitar work on the musical score, and of course Bruce Springsteen’s brilliant title track. Pay a visit to Gears of Rock for more on the music featured in the film.

3) Watch Randy do the RAM JAM off the top rope right into your living room! It’s one of the coolest fictional finishing moves.

4) Find yourself in awe of genius casting. Judah Friedlander kills his role as Scott Brumberg, an indy wrestling promoter/convention organizer. The only way Aronofsky could’ve made this role more authentic is if he grabbed a real indy promoter from an east coast show and put him in the film. Go to a wrestling convention like Legends of the Ring or Signamania and you’ll see what I mean! Check out his Trenton Devils jersey! While it may seem subtle, or just an average cameo to some people, Friedlander’s performance is truly uncanny.

5) Listen closely for the roll call before the matches and you’ll hear the name of local NJ wrestler, and Sexy Armpit ally, Rob Eckos.

6) Among the bevy of independent wrestlers who appear in the film, JIM POWERS, formerly of the tag team The Young Stallions shows up! His Wikipedia entry claims he now resides in East Rutherford, NJ.

7) Soak up the gorgeous NJ locales. Here are some of the towns in NJ The Wrestler was filmed in: Elizabeth, Linden, Rahway, Roselle Park, Asbury Park, Garfield, Keansburg, Lake Hiawatha, Hasbrouck Heights, Dover, and a Bayonne supermarket.

8) The Bloody Deli Meat slicer from HELL! That thing had a mind of it’s own! “Hey lady, you want some fucking cheese? Get your own fucking cheese!” Damn straight.

9) Randy the Ram’s cocaine fueled banging of a blonde bimbo in the bathroom will be even MORE amusing this time around…

10) There’s nothing quite like watching a guy staple a $5 dollar bill into his own forehead in high definition.

Chicago’s the Last Vegas Steals the Show in Atlantic City!

Posted on March 9, 2009 by sexyarmpit

Chad Cherry, lead singer of the Last Vegas

On Friday Night March 6th, at the Borgata in Atlantic City NJ, the Last Vegas from Chicago easily upstaged Theory of a Deadman and Hinder. I could’ve left after the Last Vegas, that’s how good their performance was. I felt so revved up and satisfied; it was exactly how one should feel after seeing a kickass rock band live. The headliners, Motley Crue, were still to come! Waiting through the next two bands wasn’t easy.

Tyler Connolly, lead singer from Theory of a Deadman

With only a few above average songs, Theory of a Deadman was passable. They seem to play by the book with no shenanigans. I always considered them a much cooler version of Nickleback. No offense to the legions of Nickleback fans, but perhaps you should make the switch? You went from Starbucks to Dunkin’ Donuts, Myspace to Facebook, so how about Nickleback to Theory of a Deadman?

The climate in rock music for the past few years seems to be fueled by ’80s rock, which makes sense. Considering the rock music that was immensely popular when these newer bands moving up the ranks were growing up, they most likely were listening to stuff like Warrant and Slaughter. **Rob Mason has hopefully saved Warrant from Jani Lane’s tarnished rep. I don’t care what you say, “Down Boys” is phenomenal.

When Austin Winkler asked the audience to yell “Up All Night” I was certain that a cover of Slaughter’s “Up All Night” was to follow. I’m sure there’s 50 other songs in existence with the same title, but when I hear it, I think of Slaughter’s. Unfortunately, Hinder’s song “Up All Night,” is completely unrelated to Slaughter’s and not a quarter as good.

Hinder’s heart is in the right place, but their attempt at capturing the party rock type atmosphere of the ’80s era ultimately fails, for me at least. For fraternities around the country, Hinder’s a huge WIN. To say that I don’t like their music wouldn’t be totally accurate, since they did perform one or two songs that I thoroughly enjoyed. But judging by their lax performance, they seem to show signs that they’ve already been bestowed a “best band award.” These guys scored a hit, had Emanuele Chriqui in their video, and now they’ve feel like they’ve “made it?” Give me a break! You’re still FNG’s as far as I’m concerned. Take some pointers from the Last Vegas and Buckcherry. If I ever have kids, will they reach their 30s and be going to see opening acts who were inspired by bands like Fall Out Boy and Tokio Hotel? Oh that’s so sad.

And now for an exlusive peek into the contents of my personal letter to Austin Winkler, lead singer of Hinder:

Dear Mr. Winkler,

You’re clearly seeing the effects of the rock and roll lifestyle. Singing all those mindless songs about drinking, and getting stoned (i.e “Get Stoned”) will take it’s toll. Life imitates art as they say. Unless you’re in the gym constantly “working on your fitness,” then you’re going to get a nice big beer gut. Oh what do you know, you already have one! oops. I couldn’t stop thinking that if Peter Delouise played a washed up, drunken rock star, who sported a bob haircut in a real life biopic on the Lifetime channel, it might be about you. Put the beer down, step away from the Nascar race on your 70 inch LCD, and get your ass to the gym.

You need to work hard to connect with the audience. Humble yourself. Remember, you are opening for MOTLEY CRUE. You are eons away from ever being as big as the legendary Motley Crue. Be mindful that many of the people in the audience have no idea who you are. Plenty of fans of ’80s rock swore off listening to new music when grunge rolled around. It’s your job to win them back! Stop writing generic, ’80s style music. Show us why you’re not just a bunch of guys who “thought it would be cool to be in a band.”

Lucky for us, there’s bands out there like the Last Vegas who really “get it.” They grabbed my attention forcefully and didn’t let go their entire set. The Last Vegas was rocking our buts off way before they won the Guitar Center On Stage contest. After seeing them live it’s obvious why they’ve captured the opening spot on Crue Fest this year. The band plays energized, dirty, old school rock and roll. They’ve got some ACDC thump, and a little GNR swagger.

Guitarist Adam Arling of the Last Vegas

Frontman Chad Cherry is the real deal. He exudes rock and roll and never for a moment looks like a wannabe as he struts and jumps all over the stage. Cherry’s strong voice is the center of attention. There were moments when his voice recalled Tom Kiefer’s of Cinderella.

check them out at TheLastVegas.com

Bassist Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue

Motley seemed to be having sound problems during their performance. Nikki and Vince kept looking over to the sound guys and giving the “UP” signs. It was basically the same set as their show at PNC Bank Arts Center in the summer. You can watch 2 videos I shot from that show on The Sexy Armpit Youtube page. Motley added “Jailhouse Rock” and “White Trash Circus” into their set.

Conspicuous by it’s absence was Tommy’s Titty Cam. Instead, he handed out his bottle of Jaeger, and told everyone to take a sip and pass it back. Nice of you to share Tommy, but who the hell wants to drink out of a bottle that 10 people have already taken swigs from? That’s nasty. I don’t even drink the wine in church! The bottle got confiscated by security anyway, probably so the guard could bring the bottle home and sell it on ebay…douchebag. At that point Tommy went into how thankful he was for some stuff, and how we should all be thankful and blah blah, and then stepped back over to his kit. Where did Motley go?

There’s always a bunch of young kids in the audience at recent Crue shows. Damn Guitar Hero and Rock Band for making raunchy rock and roll a family affair. Did the people at the Borgata warn the band ahead of time that they couldn’t do the Titty cam? Most likely, but that was the least of my worries. I was more amused by Vince Neil who thinks that Crue song lyrics are interchangeable and should be sang anywhere from 1-5 seconds later than they are supposed to be. Ahh, it was still Crue, and it still rocked, so the rest doesn’t really matter now does it?

Nikki Sixx was “Baracking out”

One band, Endeverafter, would’ve been perfect for this show. They’re definitely one of my favorite rock bands so check them out if you’ve never heard of them! Endeverafter.com

Most Romantic Moments Heard on my iPod Part 2

Posted on February 14, 2009 by sexyarmpit

Valentine’s Day is one of the cheesiest days of the year. Boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives are supposed to be good to their significant others all year round, but for the past oh…let’s say 200 years, thanks to Valentine’s Day, we’re only contractually obligated to be nice once a year. I look at V-day simply as an unecessary occasion where men have to buy overpriced flowers and candy for their lady.

If you love someone, you should profess your love often, and in a variety of different ways. One way is to make a playlist on your lovers iPod or go old school and make them an actual mix CD. For hints on some of the best musical expressions of love, here’s part 2 of the most romantic songs heard on my iPod. If you are a completist and would like to read the first installment, then click here!

I want you, in a vinyl suit, I want you bad
The Offspring – I Want You Bad

I know you’re hungry I can see it in your eyes
She’s lookin at me like I’m a side of fries
I wanna take your chubby ass back to my place
And squirt my baby gravy all over your face
Steel Panther – Fat Girl

She took a lightsaber to my heart
And she picked my brain with a pocket knife
Marvelous 3 – Cold as Hell

You got a body like the devil and you smell like sex

I can tell you’re trouble but I’m still obsessed

Because you know you’re so hot, I want to get you alone

So hot, I wanna get you stoned

So hot, I don’t want to be your friend

I want to fuck you like I’m never gonna see you again

Kid Rock – So Hott

She calls and I come runnin’ back, I call, she never calls me back

What’s wrong with me I’m so addicted to you…

and you’re such a dick to me

Lit – Addicted

Don’t come hangin’ around my door

Don’t wanna see your face no more

I don’t need your war machines

I don’t need your ghetto scenes
The Guess Who – American Woman

The plaster’s gettin’ harder and my love is perfection

A token of my love for her collection

…

And my love is the plaster

And yeah, shes the collector

She wants me all the time to inject her

KISS – Plaster Caster

Put your hand in my pocket

Grab onto my rocket
KISS – Take Me

You know I thug ’em, fuck ’em, love ’em, leave ’em

Cause I don’t fuckin’ need ’em
Jay Z – Big Pimpin’

I used to love her, but I had to kill her

I knew I’d miss her

So I had to keep her

She’s buried right in my backyard

Guns N Roses – I Used To Love Her

Girls Don’t Like Boys, Girls Like Cars And Money

Boys Will Laugh At Girls When They’re Not Funny
Good Charlotte – Boys and Girls

Need your love 1,2,3
Stop starin’ at my D cup

Don’t waste time, just give it to me

C’mon baby, just feel me up

The Donnas – Take It Off

Hey! You’re a crazy bitch,

but you fuck so good I’m on top of it.

When I dream I’m doing you all night,

Scratches all down my back to keep me right on.

Buckcherry – Crazy Bitch

You say you’re cried a thousand rivers

And now you’re swimming for the shore

You left me drowning in my tears

And you won’t save me anymore

Bon Jovi – I’ll Be There For You

You let me violate you, You let me desecrate you, You let me penetrate you

…

I want to fuck you like an animal

I want to feel you from the inside

Nine Inch Nails – Closer

She dashed by me in painted on jeans

And all heads turned ’cause she was the dream

In the blink of an eye I knew her number and her name

Ah she said I was the tiger she wanted to tame

Billy Ocean – Carribbean Queen

I hope she’ll say, “Hey me and you should hit the hay!”

I asked her out she said, “No way!”

The Beastie Boys – Girls

One more thing before you go

would you please give me my records back

My Bloody Valentine, The Pixies, Cheap Trick and Back In Black

You can keep the dog we bought but you can’t go near the Standard Bar

Don’t hang around, don’t call my friends, They won’t know who you are!

American Hi-Fi – The Breakup Song

I don’t drink tea

Or white chablis

I sit around and watch tv

Don’t send flowers

Or take showers

But I’ll be there to pull your weeds

Alice Cooper – Fantasy Man

I know you’d like to thank your shit don’t stank

But lean a little bit closer

See that roses really smell like poo-oo-ooo

Yeah, roses really smell like poo-oo-ooo

Caroline! See she’s the reason for the word “bitch”

I hope she’s speeding on the way to the club

Trying to hurry up to get to some

Baller or singer or somebody like that

And try to put on her makeup in the mirror

And crash, crash, crash.. into a ditch! (Just Playing!)

Outkast – Roses

But it all was bullshit.

It was a goddam joke.

And when I think of you Linda,

I hope you fucking choke.

Adam Sandler – Somebody Kill Me Please

I try to love you but sometimes it’s just a pain in the ass

RATT – I Want a Woman

Free Dr. Pepper > Medicore GNR Album

Posted on December 16, 2008 by sexyarmpit

Yesterday, an envelope in my mailbox contained a letter from Dr. Pepper. It informed me that Dr. Pepper has kept their promise about issuing FREE Dr. Pepper for everyone if Guns N Roses released Chinese Democracy by the end of the year. After almost 15 years, Axl finally mustered up the courage to release his “meh” album last month. Instead of being gloriously serenaded by a masterful musical achievement, I’ve been inadvertantly bestowed a free delicious soft drink. Instead of suing Dr. Pepper, GNR should thank the Doc for smoothing over such an overhyped, letdown of a record. If you were one of the lucky folks who registered for the coupon at Dr. Pepper’s website in the short alloted timeframe, then you’re probably guzzling some DP right now! The letter is below and you’ll see a VOID watermark appeared upon scanning it:

This comment was posted after an interview with Axl Rose on BLABBERMOUTH:

COMMENT posted by : DeadSkin Mask12/12/2008 8:10:25 AM

CHINESE MEDIOCRITY STARTS NOW!!!!!Chinese Democracy is the musical equivalent of Waterworld & Godfather III.

Review of ROCK OF AGES: It’s RAD!

Posted on October 29, 2008 by sexyarmpit

Could it be possible? Does history really repeat itself? I never thought it could happen, but after the rollicking good time I had at ROCK OF AGES on Sunday October 26th at The New World Stages in New York City, I really think it does.

When I was a little kid, tearing through issues of Metal Edge and plastering my walls with posters of GNR, Skid Row, and Poison; I dreamed of the sinful aura of debauchery, sleaze, and mayhem that the L.A sunset strip rock scene evoked. Meanwhile, my sister, in her teens at that time, sang along to all the songs that old worn out VHS tape of Grease cranked out incessantly.

Even as a kid I knew better than to believe life actually resembled how it was depicted in Grease. Anyone who’s gone to high school knows, that compared to the film Grease, high school could be a nightmarish, bleak, and horrible place. To my surprise, I graduated high school without engaging in one group hand jive, without ever having been stranded at the drive in, and my old 4-cylinder ‘87 Chrysler LeBaron didn’t, by any means, drive like “Greased lightning.” Life’s never as “peachy keen” as it is in the movies or on stage for that matter. I never thought for a second that the explicit, raunchy rock scene that was my obsession would ever be “Grease-ified.” Grease was originally a stage musical and just as it pulled from late ‘50s high school nostalgia, Rock of Ages embodies the excess and broken dreams on the ‘80s Sunset Strip. I was petrified that the attempt of glamorizing my beloved hairband era would be catastrophic. Would the play condescend and poke fun at the age of lipstick, plastic, and paint? Could Grease’s cigarettes, cheerleaders, and black leather biker jackets be interchangeable with the ‘80s themes of drug abuse, aquanet, spandex? I would soon find out!

After I took my seat, I immediately basked in the authentic set design by Beowulf Boritt, who also worked on The Toxic Avenger Musical. The stage was created to look like the interior of the fictitious Bourbon Room, which is reminiscent of the Whiskey or the Rainbow in L.A. The walls of the theater were plastered with concert posters while billboards hung from high above. A Jack Daniels advertisement asks “I did what with my sister?” and another one points out, in case you haven’t heard, Arsenal’s new CD “I Want Your Cans” is in stores now.

Pink lights drenched the inside of the Bourbon room. Rock memorabilia adorned the walls. There was a Pink flying V, collages of rock stars, and framed pinups of Motley Crue, Guns and Roses, and Poison among others. The main focal point of the Bourbon Room was it’s small stage where a lot of bands began their rock dreams. (Stone Pony anyone?) Onstage there was a dingy bathroom that served as the butt of a few jokes, and center stage featured a revolving room that provided background for various scenes. Oh yeah, I know you’ll like this part…there was a stripper poll on each end of the stage. I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is YES! Did they get used? What kind of a question is that? A good question actually, because now’s a good time for me to mention that when I’m reincarnated in my next life, I’ve signed a definitive, definitely happening, contractually binding, legal document that professionally and law abidingly states that I will come back as one of the two brass stripper polls on the Rock of Ages stage. Triple Stamped. For the honor of Grayskull. And that’s the bottom line cause I just said so!

Right about now a message over the P.A system states there should be NO flash photography unless you’re willing to show your boobs! YEAH BABY! I won’t spoil too much for you, since the Rock of Ages marketing team utilized the “less is more” idea and it worked. All online and print ads tout the play’s great tunes. It seemed as if name dropping the bands was enough since the house was PACKED! The vague propaganda turned out to make the play an unexpected blast.

At the crux of the play there’s a love story between Drew (Constantine Maroulis) and Sherrie (Kelli Barrett). It’s the typical story of a couple of ‘80s L.A dream chasers who fall for each other. Boy works at a bar and hopes to make it big as a rock star. When boy gets noticed by a talent manager, he suggests that boy change his whole look and go on a “mall tour.” Girl dreams of being an actress but plans fizzle out and works as a waitress, then climbs ranks to become a stripper. Even though the story is simple and reminiscent of others you may have heard before, I dig the message of the play. Even if you don’t get exactly what you want on your quest, it doesn’t mean your dreams are necessarily broken, you may just find that you have better dreams.

When we’re off cloud 9 with the two lovebirds, the city government is attempting to clean up the Sunset Strip and make it more family friendly. One of the establishments that would be effected is the Bourbon Room, so it’s manager Dennis, (the skilled Adam Dannheisser) does his best to stop this insanity. Like the good natured hippie he is, he doesn’t want his bar to close or his staff to be out of jobs. Dennis comes up with the idea to call in a favor from Stacee Jaxx, a Steel Pantheresque lead singer of a wildly popular band called Arsenal. (CD just dropped) I laughed deliriously at Will Swenson’s flashy performance which reminds us of how pompous, arrogant, and egotistical many of the great ’80s hair band frontmen were. Other superior performances include the refreshing Kelli Barrett as Sherrie, the over the top hysterical Mitchell Jarvis as Lonny the narrator, and Wesley Taylor as the gay German (ok so he’s not gay just German.)

The ensemble cast featured some hot dancers who weren’t afraid to show some butt cheeks and rock skimpy lingerie. Don’t be a prude, that’s how it was in the ‘80s! The ‘80s hair band era was instrumental in providing me with a template of the ideal woman. White leather jacket, short skirt, crimped hair, high heel boots, and stockings, don’t you remember? Duh. Rock of Ages featured an immensely talented actress, dancer, and singer Angel Reed. I definitely had a crush on her like a little kid watching Dial MTV during the hair band days and seeing that girl with the white leather jacket on. Or maybe it was Club MTV, it escapes me. Either way, she was hot, and she has her own exotic dance DVD that all you women should pick up and let her teach you how to dance for your man. While you’re at it check out all of Angel’s other projects like her music and modeling gallery! You really need to experience Rock of Ages just to watch some of Angel’s moves with the aforementioned poll that I will become in my next life. Yay! I never thought I’d say it, but I can’t wait to die!

Jay and Angel Reed

I didn’t go into the play with too many expectations since I managed to avoid reading reviews of the show. Although I could imagine what’s being said, since for the past several years it seems like shitting on ‘80s bands is the trendy thing to do. But now is the time that the up and coming bands are citing bands like Guns, Motley, and Poison as major influences. (rightfully so!) It’s time that this era got some credit! If it becomes known for anything, Rock of Ages, pays tribute to the ‘80s rock era in a monumental way. The classic songs that help the play rumble on become even more transcendent. (u shut up now)

Bo Bice sucks and Constantine should’ve been runner up on Idol in ’05. Some of the notes he hit in Rock of Ages almost exploded the Bourbon Room, which would’ve sucked cause he was trying to help save it! His mastery of this style of rock truly wins the audience’s approval as his character Drew shows off his rock chops.

In Rock of Ages some of the songs you hear are taken right from the hair band era, while others are simply pop rock, but all of them work into the show’s plot. Songs from the following artists are featured in the play: Asia, Bon Jovi, David Lee Roth, Poison, Extreme, Mr. Big, Night Ranger, Quiet Riot, Twisted Sister, Warrant, Whitesnake, Foreigner, Journey, REO Speedwagon, Styx, Steve Perry, Pat Benatar, Quarterflash, and even Survivor!

Even though the music gives the show its gusto, it’s actually responsible for my only complaint. The musical is made up of storm trooping assembly of songs that only a late night CD box set infomercial with Bret Michaels could envy. The massive list of songs are finely weaved into the plot like the hairs on Bret Michaels head. Some of my favorite rock classics are featured in the show, so what’s the problem here, Jay? Some of the songs seem to be overused. I heard enough of Warrant’s “Heaven” when I sang along with it daily back in ’89. (By the way people get with the program! Jani Lane is OUT of Warrant again! That news didn’t interrupt your local affiliates broadcast of the last presidential debate? That’s weird because on my TV Riki Rachtman broke in just before McCain said “Joe the Plumber” for the 68th time and broke the news) Twisted Sister’s “I Wanna Rock,” and a few others seemed to be utilized several times at points when an original riff would feel more natural. Rock of Ages might benefit from sprinkling in a few original tunes in between the massively popular ones. How about an original Arsenel song? Arsenal, for those who don’t know, are the ‘80s rock band that is asked (blackmailed) to play at the Bourbon room to save the bar. (CD in stores now)

I’m a sucker for a T-Shirt, especially those emblazoned with a logo for a fictitious band. If the band happened to be from Jersey then I might just spontaneously combust. Whenever I go to a show or concert I look for that specific T-shirt that jumps out at me literally, and seduces me with a one liner like: “I wanna be on you…” After the show I strolled by the schwag station and almost yelped like a fat girl who can’t keep a secret and got a hand over her mouth. I then blacked out for a moment and came to. In my hands was a sparkling, magical, authentic ARSENAL concert T-shirt. Of course, the logo rips off Anthrax and Metallica but c’mon, what do you expect from a fictitious band! It was brought to my attention that if I looked at the back of the shirt, all the stops listed for their Cocked and Loaded tour are in New Jersey towns!

How RAD is that? And I don’t mean that in the Rock Against Drugs type of way. (That line I just ripped off was courtesy of Drew, Constantine’s character) Is Arsenal supposed to be from New Jersey? Perhaps that’s why Stacee Jaxx, while adorned in white spandex, unleashes a perverted, priceless rendition of Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive”? I’ll take it!

After you check out Rock of Ages, you’ll be thanking me. You too will come to appreciate the many facets of “Rusty Trombonering,” Warrant’s “Heaven,” and the atmospheric appeal of the Fogmaster 5000. Your arms will be super strong after holding up that keychain flashlight in place of a lighter during ballads. Oh, and you’ll also be thanking me because you scored points with your girlfriend. Theater tickets are a better gift idea than the run of the mill stuff, so buy her a pair of tickets for the holidays! For you ladies out there, your boyfriend will be elated that he can bring beers and adult beverages into the theater. That satisfies the alcohol lovers and those yearning for a true ‘80s sunset strip vibe.

Writer Chris D’Arienzo, Director Kristin Hanggi, and Choreogrpaher Kelly Devine are responsible for making Rock of Ages a play that feels like the kind of movie you watch a million times and remember all the dialouge. Keep in mind that you can only own a DVD for several generations, Rock of Ages the musical is off-Broadway NOW, so don’t miss out! Oh and some advice from Lonny the narrator: before you head to the show, if you’d like to make your experience more authentic you may want to set yourself up with an eight ball of crystal meth and get a sixer of Diet Shasta. Dude, it’s amazing.

ROCK OF AGES official site

Click here for tickets

Jay and Adam Dannheisser “Dennis”

Jay and Mitchell Jarvis

Batman Button Collection

Posted on July 4, 2008 by sexyarmpit

In New Jersey one of the prerequisites to living here is at one time growing up you owned a jean jacket with the sleeves cut off that was scattered with buttons of your favorite band, maybe we’ll even thrown a full patch on the back of let’s say Guns N Roses or Twisted Sister. (Is that a twisted sister pin on your uniform?!?!) I stress owned because let’s face it, something in the back of your head told you it was a bad idea to wear it. Even when those things were cool there was always a small group of people who though you were a total asshole, and they were probably right if I was going to let myself get caught wearing that shit. So in actuality, I’m merely dancing around the subject of outright telling you that I may possibly have been a person who may have owned one at one time or another but it’s not definite and I can’t confirm or deny it so don’t ask me to try and differentiate from which one is the truth and which one was fiction because you know what? at this point I don’t even remember what the fuck we were talking about.

Wow…did I just really totally spaz out like that? You know that happens every damn time I dig in my closet and put that old sleeveless jean jacket on for old time sake. Or could’ve been that I was rokken Dokken so loud that I became momentarily completely inept at deciphering what you were saying so I started making up my own questions in my head that I started replying to out loud. To get back to what I was saying..I don’t only have buttons of my favorite bands…I have ones of Batman, Tony Hawk, Vision Street Wear, and a Motley Crue patch on the back.

“What what’s that?… You like the Batman button on my jacket?… Hey right on, radical bro!”

***I’m sure this button collection pales in comparison to other people’s. I just figured what other purpose is there for these buttons other than hording them in mass quantities or pinning them to your ’80s sleeveless jean jacket that you still put on occasionally fire up the memories?

Book Review: Slash with Anthony Bozza

Posted on February 28, 2008 by sexyarmpit

For a guy like me with an undeniable case of undiagnosed A.D.D, it’s an almost unattainable task to finish reading an entire book. Comic books are fine with me because their brevity in the word department and generosity with images make it feasible for me to run through maybe 2 or even 3 at a time if I am feeling saucy.

I’m a big fan of autobiographies. Learning about my favorite celebrities or icons is interesting because it’s coming straight from the source rather than a tabloid, old myth, or Internet rumor. Having read books like Motley Crue: The Dirt, and David Lee Roth’s Crazy From the Heat, I was immediately seduced when I heard Velvet Revolver’s Slash was writing an autobiography.

Being a huge fan of Guns N Roses from their inception, I was always curious to know more about the truth behind their various controversies. MTV news barely scratched the surface at that time, releasing only punches of information. “Hello this is Kurt Loder with MTV news, while my manner of speech is inexplicably dull and boring, what happened with Axl Rose last night isn’t. He beat a fan in the audience at a concert because he was videotaping the show.” If knowing more of the legend and lore regarding the badass bunch of guys that GNR were in the ’80s then you’ll appreciate Slash’s book.

What I found most amazing in “Slash,” is that his heart and soul lie within his love of playing guitar. So many musicians get into music because they just “thought it was cool” or “wanted to get laid.” In Slash’s instance he has this snake charmer relationship with his guitar. His devotion to playing and his enthusiasm for the techniques that he has developed over the years is the most interesting revelation in the book. Of course it was fun to hear about all of the drugs and the sexual romps that went on, but finding out that Slash is way more than just a guitarist only added to his appeal as a rock icon.

In today’s musical climate, it’s been harder to see music as an art form. With bands like Fall Out Boy and Panic at the Disco, and even Daughtry who had Slash guest on his album, it’s easy to see that corporate “sure things” are what gets the push and the radio play. Playing guitar on the level that Slash does, where he almost merges with the instrument, that kind of sorcery just isn’t appreciated anymore.

Slash explains thoroughly his life from his youth and family issues, all the way to the present time with his latest band, the saviors of rock Velvet Revolver. Slash thought he was going to be a BMX racer until he fell in love with the guitar. He discusses which bands and players inspired him while he also describes the first time he heard certain legendary rock albums. That’s the type of stuff I find interesting. Some people might find those minuscule details irrelevant and they would rather skip to the part where Axl walks off the stage, but I’d rather hear the romance between Slash and his discovery of guitar.

With his persona being bigger than life, almost a caricature, it’s easy to forget that he’s one of rock’s all time best and most versatile guitarists. Learning about the process of how Appetite for Destruction was recorded, and how the band would get together and write songs was the juicy stuff for me. If you ever thought that Slash would just go in and record with the band it’s not like that at all. Slash has his own methods that are pretty damn cool and helped his signature sound stand apart from the rest especially at a time when there was no originality and you couldn’t tell Britney Fox from Nitro.

Although he’s careful not to go into detail or lambaste Axl, Slash feels that he’s one of the only people that can talk about Axl. Even though they have barely been on speaking terms for several years Slash still comes off like he has a brotherly relationship with Axl. He seems like he’s still protective of him. It was that gang type of mentality that played a huge role in their success. Slash reveals that once that dynamic started to crumble Guns was never the same. Possibly one of the more telling ideas that came up more than once was a common thread among Guns. It was their persistence in being the anti-hairband which lent a major hand in their success at the time. Something tells me that their anti-hairband attitude had a lot to do with why Slash is still popular today and enough in demand to sell a ton of copies of his own autobiography. Does Erik Turner “warrant” his own autobiography?

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“Slash” made for a most satisfying reading experience. You can tell that Slash didn’t embellish or tell sensational stories just to make the book entertaining. Sure he described crazy times but the routine moments were just as good because it’s interesting to read about Slash being in those instances and how everything is different when seen through a celebrities eyes. Certain parts of the book are damn funny, and other’s tell the story of a eccentric, drug addicted, rocker. Before you pick this one up, it helps to have or have had an interest in rock music, or Guns N Roses to enjoy “Slash.”

Live Review: Velvet Revolver at the Borgata in Atlantic City, N.J 8.25.2007

Posted on August 29, 2007 by sexyarmpit

In 2003, Velvet Revolver released Set Me Free on the Incredible Hulk Soundtrack, and since then I was completely sold. After the release of their first album Contraband, It blew my mind how a band could be exactly what I was craving for so long. Mixing Scott Weiland from STP, the former GNR guys, and Dave Kushner from Wasted Youth, it was a winning combo. Scott brought the flair while the band incorporated the straightforward rock and roll. Contraband sold tons of records and their follow up Libertad, sounds nothing like what a follow up usually does. The album was produced by Brendan O’Brien and prominently features the signature hard rock sound of the STP/GNR mash up.

Witnessing the power and musicianship of Velvet Revolver in concert was unbelievable. On Saturday August 25th, VR opened fire at the Borgata in Atlantic City with a couple of rocking new songs from Libertad including Let It Roll, and She Mine. From there, Velvet Revolver blasted through their set with some tracks from Contraband like Sucker Train Blues, Do it For The Kids, and the awesome Superhuman. Slash never loses his touch, and he proved it by shredding on She Builds Quick Machines, the first single they released from Libertad. Do any of you ever feel inadequate, sort of like the Wayne and Garth “We’re not worthy” chant? That’s how I felt when Slash played his guitar behind his head.

Recently I read an article with members of VR where they claimed they wouldn’t be doing too many GNR or STP songs on this tour. Boy was I excited when I found out they were lying! They incorporated three songs from each of their respective former bands. I flipped when they played STP’s Vasoline, Interstate Love Song, and Sex Type Thing. And I completley freaked out when I heard the intro’s to GNR’s Patience, It’s so Easy, and one of my all time favorite songs Mr. Brownstone. Regardless of the trash talking between Velvet Revolver and Axl’s present form of GNR, Scot Weiland pays a helluva tribute to Axl when they’re performing these songs. He sounds so much like him, you get the impression that he loves the music GNR created.

I could’ve done without the cover of Pink Floyd’s downer Wish You Were Here, but that would be my only complaint. As if they really needed to, Velvet Revolver yet again won over all the fans in attendance that night. They play like they have something to prove and that’s the mark of a kick-ass rock band. VR sent us home with Slither, and I went home with a horrible case of rock neck.