Sweet Fix’s GOLDEN AGE Revitalizes Rock

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Review of Sweet Fix’s latest album Golden Age. 
Sweet Fix is comprised of Tommy Walker/Lead vocals, Ivan Anderson/Guitars, Marco Santini/Drums, Bill Sapanaro/Bass, and Jeff Manian/Keys, Synth, backing vocals, 


Sweet Fix’s latest album is in my possession, and it’s apparent that the party is officially on. Although, for me, it’s a party of one. Yeah, just me sitting at my desk wearing my Sony headphones that I used every night when I was on the air as a rock radio DJ. That was before I became an astronaut and after I was a sanitation engineer. One major problem though, the disk drive on my computer is out of commission, I have no way of listening to the CD in the background as I write this. I don’t own a CD player. You’d think with all this professional experience that I’d figure out how to listen to rig something up with lasers Real Genius style to get it to play, but, shit, if it’s not in my iTunes I almost forgot what to do with it.

The Yoda in my life isn’t, well, Yoda, it’s Clark Griswold, and as he once so eloquently stated in 1983’s National Lampoon’s Vacation, “Nothing worthwhile is easy, Ellen, we know that.” As such, getting to actually listen to Sweet Fix’s Golden Age wasn’t as simple as you would think.

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With the disc in my hands I felt like the ape in 2001: A Space Odyssey discovering bones from a rotted carcass for the first time. Before completely losing all brain functionality and smashing the disc into my desk numerous times, I was overcome with a brilliant idea.

About an hour ago the thought came to me that I think I might still have my old Discman. This was the same Discman that I had to connect in my car during high school because I’m so old that I owned a car that didn’t have a CD player, let alone Sirius or an iPod connection (Neither Sirius or iPods existed back then, so shush). I was going through old electronics and cell phones I had in my closet the other night to put on Instagram for shits and I could’ve sworn I saw my trusty old Discman. There may actually be people young enough reading this who legitimately don’t know what that is, so for them, it’s a portable CD player that is a little bit bigger than the size of an actual CD. It’s hard to believe that CDs are feeling as ancient as records are, and if anything, records have actually risen again to be more relevant than CDs, at least in my geeky circles. I don’t buy CDs often, unless they’re impulse purchases at Wal-Mart like The Jackson Five’s Five Greatest Hits. I don’t think that exists, but it probably will soon if it doesn’t already.

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YES! I found it, I repeat, I found it! It’s the Discman! Damn thing still works! I’m popping in the CD right now, but before I hit play, let me ramble on a bit more.
One thing is for sure, the Golden Age of music had nothing to do with CDs. Regardless, the title, Golden Age, is still appropriate. It’s obvious that the band arrived at this name for a reason. Dictionary.com states that Golden Age refers to “the most flourishing period…” in the bands case, it’s their most immense sounding and most passionate effort yet.
Golden age means different things to different people. Does it change and update as years pass? For instance, lots of people consider the ’80s Hulkamania era the Golden Age of professional wrestling, but what about the Bruno Sammartino era? Generally, there are widely agreed upon Golden Ages. Was the MEGO craze in the ’70s more impactful than Kenner’s Star Wars Toys of the late ’70s and throughout the ’80s? This is a lame journalistic thing to write, but it’s required: Golden Age is Sweet Fix’s Golden Age.
Rooted in New York and Northern New Jersey, I first heard about Sweet Fix four or five years ago.
I checked them out live and was impressed with a couple of EPs they released, but my main gripe was that they barely ever played in Jersey. Reason for that is, there’s basically no music scene here in New Jersey, let alone a rock scene. Since we are the sports bar capital of the world, how could there be? We have a couple of clubs here and there that feature bands, and we have the Starland Ballroom, but there’s no actual scene. Fortunately this is where the Internet comes in. Sweet Fix has all their music available on iTunes and for sale on their website and you can watch their performances on YouTube. Golden Age of the Internet perhaps? Ever since their inception, they’ve been moving full speed ahead, sculpting their sound and their look throughout, but it wasn’t until I saw their live show that I got the full effect of their unique approach.

Sweet Fix, photo by Janine Cheng
If you’re not familiar with Sweet Fix, their sound incorporates a lot of familiar influences. Upon first listen, you’ll notice their retro sounding hard rock with power pop sheen. My ears also make out inspiration and elements from bands like Queen, The Cars, The Killers, Marvelous 3, ELO, Van Halen, Weezer, The Darkness, all drizzled with a sweet electronic New Wave topping and a hairband flair for the dramatics. I suggest you give them a few listens and you’ll begin to discover all these subtle nuances like I did.
Let me take you on a track by track tour of Golden Age:
1. The album kicks into overdrive with “Showtime,” which builds into a BIG arena rock song. It’s best experienced by closing your eyes and imagining a packed club in New York City. I can almost feel the heat from the spotlights above the stage. The hypnotizing beat and crunchy guitar intro ascends at the command of singer Tommy Walker’s fluid vocals into a colossal Queen style chorus. Once kicked in, we’re riding a wild mouse roller coaster, taking bumps into the harsh turns, but just before banging into a corner, the sound softens and I feel like my cart is made of memory foam. Meanwhile, the layered guitar sounds in the background become a lost frequency desperately trying to get tuned in.
2. “I Think You Love Me” casts doubt on a girl who is trying to play it off like she’s no longer interested in the guy, but the dude is confident and knows differently. There’s an excitement knowing that it’s not over between them – there’s still feelings there as much as she denies it. Sporting an energetic, driving beat, Beach Boys-style background harmonies, and lyrics pouring with refined cockiness, this one is totally ripe for a music video (think Golden Age of MTV). I could see some hottie playing hard to get with Tommy Walker belting the lyrics at a rooftop party in New York City while the rest of the band is rocking out somewhere on the Hudson River just before night falls. Keep an ear out for an awesome dueling guitar shred, one guitar is swirling and full of effect while the other is a killer ’80s style rock solo.
3. “Do You Want It?” yes indeed, power pop and retro rock fans will certainly want it. This is some intricately crafted pop saturated with a delicious glaze of space age sounds and topped with a funky rock beat. Is that a theremin I hear? This track gets me all charged up. You can see the band perform it live at Six Flags Great Adventure here in New Jersey from back in 2012 below.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSsLrWJNvhA?rel=0]

4. “Sometimes It’s All Too Much” highlights the immense production of the album. Sunny ’70s pop rock morphs into an arena rock anthem. This track will most likely prompt a few lighters to ignite in the crowd. The electronic elements from Jeff Manian are a special ingredient.
5. Next up is “True True Love” written by guitarist Ivan Anderson. Love songs are never my thing, but this is hands down the greatest song on the album. No exaggeration, it’s a superbly formulated throwback to the latter day crooner style of love songs. Feels like Elvis’ “Can’t Help Falling in Love” had a one night stand with Extreme’s “More Than Words,” while the Beatles listened and nodded in approval. Lush harmonies and calm beautiful guitar work make this a standout. In the end, it floats back into space, or as I like to refer to it, the “Moving in Stereo Effect.”
6. Picking up the pace is “Bad 4 U.” The early Sambora-style intro sets the stage for this infectious head bopping rocker. “Now that I’ve got your attention, you’re my main attraction” sings Tommy Walker. That lyric makes total sense following the previous heartfelt love song. This is Tommy Walker’s best vocal performance since his range is on display as well as his Butch Walker influence. This is straight up hard melodic rock at its best, complete with Ivan’s sick guitar solo. This is Sweet Fix’s “You Give Love a Bad Name.”
7. Marco leads us in with a “Living after Midnight” style drum intro on “The Last Night of Our Lives” This tremendously chilled out rocker is Chicago on Ecstasy in Space. Puts me in a good mood which is probably exactly what they intended it to do. Possibly my favorite track, but I haven’t officially made up my mind yet.
8. Fitting that “This Aint Over” ushers this mammoth CD into the home stretch. The pulsing beat makes me feel like I was playing Super Mario Brothers and Mario jumped down a pipe into a secret Jimmy Eat World stage. The freaking vocal harmonies! I’ll say it right now, no matter how much I despise the show Glee, they need to do an entire episode with songs from this album. As Billy Joe from Green Day said in This is 40: “You got a song on Glee? That’s killer, man. That’s so much money, that’s good for all of us.” Not sure if they used a keytar here, but it sure sounds like it, and more of those awesome Beach Boys style background vocals are always welcome.
9. Yes, I’m really about to write this, and I’m actually not drunk or wasted in any way shape or form: The quintessential celestial instrumental that sends it all home is “Golden Age.” It sounds like guitarist Ivan Anderson birthed this while on his last vacation…on Saturn. The ethereal mood transported me into the another galaxy as I float amongst the stars. The sounds created sparkles and moved back and forth through my brain on a conveyor belt. It was either that or KITT’s red LCD display is trying to tell me something telepathically.

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Sweet Fix’s badass logo – Skull Pez!

As with many independent bands there’s often a distinct improvement from their early EPs and albums, but in this case, their previous efforts Sparks in the Dark, and FM Radio/Make a Move sound just as solid, but Golden Age is sprinkled with a dash of pop rocks and more synth, creating a hybrid that Ivan the guitarist refers to as “Cyber Rock.”
What I appreciate most about Sweet Fix is that they pull from various different genres and generations of music. Ironically, their own sweet fix isn’t for candy, it’s for the diverse cross section of tunes that help to create their musical mutation which resides far off in Candy Land where the band plays on top of the Gumdrop Mountain. It sounds preposterous, but they’ve somehow combined pop, new wave, glam, modern and classic rock into one concise album. Clocking in at under 30 minutes, it’s fast paced, memorable, and pretty f*cking epic thanks to the bands creativity and the outstanding production from Geoff Stanfield.
It’s been a while since the days when fun party rock reigned. I miss the days of over the top antics, colorful clothes, hot girls on stage, and David Lee Roth doing splits in the air.  Mainstream music is a bore. If you can recall the days blasting music in the car with your friends singing at the top of your lungs and when air guitaring at a friends house made you feel awesome and want to get a little crazy, then you know it’s high time to rock out like that again. Golden Age will help you do just that. Find your old disc man, get your headphones, and escape to a higher plane of existence, and listen to Sweet Fix revitalize rock music.
With their enhanced sound, SWEET FIX is a band to catch in concert. Their bombastic and flashy live show is a spectacle and it’s worth your time to check them out. See them at The Studio in Webster Hall in NYC tonight (2/1/14) for their first show of the year with more shows to be announced soon!
You can pick up Golden Age on iTunes and BandCamp

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 85: The Misfits Mystic Fiend

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The brand new Misfits album “The Devil’s Rain,” is in stores today. Since the horror punks from Lodi, NJ always offer ghoulish graphics on their t-shirts, let’s take a look at one of the tees offered at The Misfits online store. The first tee has Arthur Suydam’s artwork from the new album The Devil’s Rain and on the right is the “Mystic Fiend” shirt. The Misfits play their annual Halloween show at The Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, NJ on 10/28/11.

See Sweet Fix Perform!

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Sweet Fix is Tommy Walker, Ivan Anderson, Marco Santini, Wil Sapanaro

Sweet Fix is performing their infectious brand of pop infused rock tonight at Irving Plaza in NYC at 7:30 PM. They will be giving out FREE copies of their latest single “FM RADIO/Make a Move.” Originally formed in Bergen County, NJ, and now based out of NYC, Sweet Fix’s songs have a fun energy that will make you want to jump around and sing along with their memorable choruses. If their upcoming CD is anywhere near as good as their previously released EP “Sparks in the Dark,” then we’re in for a hell of a treat. Merely listening to their songs doesn’t do them justice, you have to experience their ultra sugarbuzzed live performance. But, if you can’t make tonight’s show, make it a point to check them out on iTunes, Amazon, or CDBaby!

www.SweetFixMusic.com
http://www.reverbnation.com/thesweetfix
Twitter.com/sweetfix

SIXX A.M “This Is Gonna Hurt” Review

PhotobucketNikki Sixx seems to be more passionate about creating new music with SIXX A.M rather than with Motley Crue. After reading Sixx’s latest book also titled This Is Gonna Hurt, it’s obvious that lead singer James Michael is a conduit for Sixx’s musical ideas. There’s a ton of creative energy between the two of them and SIXX A.M’s accompanying album “This is Gonna Hurt” is like a Lazy Susan waiting for you to spin it around and savor all of it’s treats.

The reason why you can take my opinion about the newest SIXX A.M album seriously is because I was a fan of Motley growing up in the ’80s and I always gave it my best shot to get into all of Nikki’s side projects. Usually they weren’t very memorable. I actually enjoyed Brides of Destruction when they first formed but listening back after all these years, their tunes don’t hold up that well. When SIXX A.M hit with The Heroin Diaries not only was I blown away, but the world of rock music was pretty stoked as well. Here was a truly inspired album with feelings behind the music, all conveyed through a group of extremely talented musicians and a kick ass lead singer.

Truthfully though, a lot of the songs on Heroin Diaries were a little too dark for my taste. The more upbeat “Life is Beautiful” and “Pray For Me” are two outstanding tracks and I had my doubts that they would be able to surpass the success of those singles on their next effort. Man was I wrong! If there’s ever been a list of bands who have released a second album that eclipsed their first, let SIXX AM be in the top 5. This is Gonna Hurt has it all. Every track is a discovery and worth putting on your iPod.

This is Gonna Hurt shows that the band has expanded creatively and musically. It seems they went in a more mainstream direction this time, but the nature of the music is brighter and hopeful. The music that went along with The Heroin Diaries was appropriately darker in tone, but I think that’s what hindered it from being an outstanding album as a whole. This is Gonna Hurt succeeds because it’s one of those albums for me where I don’t need to skip any tracks. So, there’s no Sophomore slump for SIXX A.M. And although I’m already waiting to see what they cook up for us next, I’ll share with you some of the highlights of this killer summer album.

The title track “This is Gonna Hurt” is a straight ahead fast paced head bopping and fist pumping rocker. Then, on “Lies Of The Beautiful People” James Michael’s voice ascends to Myles Kennedy heights. “Live Forever” is epic and radio friendly with a little bit of My Chemical Romance sprinkled in. It also features a Slash level guitar solo by DJ Ashba. “Sure Feels Right” is one of the best tracks on the album and it’s not even a hard rocker. It reminds me of Tommy Lee and Butch Walker’s “Good Times” and it’s just as good of a time. It has a breezy quality that’s perfect for driving around on a sunny day with the windows down. “Smile” is a sweet love ballad that will make Train shit their pants in fear, but it’s still OK for dudes to listen to. The “doo do doos” in “Help Is On The Way” has hints of Marvelous 3 and helps make for another strong, rocking track. “Oh My God” mixes Springsteen caliber storytelling with a vast U2 style musical atmosphere and a guitar solo reminiscent of Richie Sambora’s on Bon Jovi’s “Never Say Goodbye.” You also won’t be disappointed in the infectious and colossal “Goodbye My Friends,” which is what I’m saying to you right now!

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DC Comics Digital Subscriptions

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I can only imagine what the Disney/Marvel juggernaut will be unleashing on us within the next few years as their alliance grows stronger. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for my personal favorite, DC Comics. Why did it take blockbuster movies like The Dark Knight and Iron Man to make the two big comic book companies finally nut up and begin to truly exploit some of their other heroes? DC has a responsibility to it’s readers to provide them with the best adventures of our favorite characters in the various mediums available. The DCU animated movies are a step in the right direction, but first, innovation needs to be applied to the source material.

I was never a hardcore Green Lantern fan, but I can imagine how ridiculously pumped true GL fans will be in June of 2011 when the film hits theaters. Did it really take 23 years for a theatrical version of Watchmen to hit the silver screen? Shit, the rights to make a definitive Batman film were purchased from DC in 1979 and after enough scripts to fold up an entire origami model of Wayne Manor, the movie was finally produced and released 10 years later. Anticipation counts for something, but totally frustrating the shit out of your fans is a completely different story. I don’t mind waiting a couple of years for another Batman sequel, but if I have to wait 4 or 5 years I’ll be having flashbacks to the 8 year span of time that it took for WB and DC to grow enough cajones to release Batman Begins. They clearly wanted to be sure that the public had pretty much came to terms with 1997’s farce Batman and Robin. Finally, this brings me to my point, why the hell is DC Comics taking their sweet old time in rolling out a digital subscription plan?

Rather than living in the past and pandering to the old school of fans, DC desperately needs to commit itself to using the most cutting edge technology at all times. If there are so many readers out there who only want to buy print versions of their favorite comics, then why not produce both the hard copies as well as the digitally scanned issues? I’ve read some bullshit on the Internet that DC reps claim that they haven’t found the right method of presenting a comic book via the Internet. That’s funny considering you can find almost any popular comic available for download somewhere on the Internet. Collectors are nice enough to scan them in for archival purposes rather than alternatively finding an issue on eBay and paying a ridiculous $15 or $20 bucks for a comic with yellow pages.

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Based in New Jersey, Galusha’s Zuda Webcomic “The Meadowlands” is awesome,
but still not exactly a digital subscription of my favorite DC comic books

What better way to reintroduce lesser known characters and bring superheroes to the forefront than by revolutionizing the way we read comics books? Making the comic book relevant again should be of paramount importance to the newfangled DC Entertainment. For the past few years, DC’s Zuda imprint has been their only foray into webcomics. The only problem with it is that the comics Zuda features are all original works, none of our favorite characters from say…Justice League or The Outsiders. It’s also a competition which provides independent artists and writers the opportunity to showcase their material. Think of it as the American Idol of DC Comics.

A true comic book fan merely wants an escape. They want to experience stories of their favorite heroes while being immersed in spectacular comic art. Personally, I could care less if I have the actual issue in my hand or not. It’s even better if I don’t because I have enough crap in my bedroom and I don’t need even more stacks of comics. My large screen computer monitor is a perfect way to enjoy a comic book, and it would sure make storing and organizing your collection a breeze. Many of us have learned to let go of albums, definitely shitcanned VHS and cassette tapes, and we’re even forgetting about CD’s, so why can’t we forego comic books? The best way of making a superhero eternal is to immortalize them on the Internet, or in a more modern fashion, make them available through an easy one click purchase on iTunes. As far as I’m concerned the fact that Marvel does offer digital subscriptions is a huge win for them. If DC Entertainment wants to compete on the same level as Disney/Marvel, they need to get in the game.

Scarlet Carson’s “Burn It All” Scorches – Review by Jay Amabile

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Order Scarlet Carson’s “Burn It All” at this link for $10 bucks

Does rock music still exist? Aside from a few newer bands out there, rock music, albeit the good kind, seems to be nearly extinct. Truthfully, the suckyness of new rock music is one of the reasons why I stopped listening to radio almost 6 years ago. Think about how many rock stations folded or changed formats since that time. My main source for new music are blogs, iTunes, Pandora, MySpace, and any other bands space junk that’s floating around the Internet. What’s amazing is that even a routine task such as checking the Starland Ballroom’s concert schedule on their website lead me to discover a surprisingly awesome band, Scarlet Carson, who recently released their 2nd album Burn It All (available here). My curiosity was piqued, but I figured it was probably too good to be true. I gave the album a few in depth listens and in this review I’ll tell you whether Scarlet Carson is another flash in the pan or a force powerful enough to restore my faith in rock music.
While listening to Scarlet Carson’s fearless brand of rock and roll, I couldn’t believe these guys are from New Jersey. Labeling their type of sound as “Dirty Jersey Rock and Roll,” is brave since they are the first ones to step out of the shadow of “The Jersey Sound” i.e (Sinatra, Springsteen, The Rascals, The Jukes, Bon Jovi etc) and play what they want, not just what people think Jersey bands are supposed to sound like. Coming out of Jersey has only helped intensify their mighty ambitions. It’s not like they grew up around the corner from The Viper Room or The Whiskey, so lumping them into the same category as other rock bands is unfair. But, if you need some examples of what other bands Scarlet Carson might share the bill with at a rock festival, it would probably be Saliva, Papa Roach (who they are opening for at Starland on 4/18), and Pop Evil,  They have already played at CrueFest, so one thing is for sure, they are in NO WAY Nickelbacky. Lead singer and lyricist Santino Campanelli has more in common with Californians such as M.Shadows of Avenged Sevenfold and Jacoby Shaddix of Papa Roach than he does with any famous singer to ever come out of Jersey.
Their second release, Burn it All, is a superior rock album. In the first track, Overture, a transistor radio has lost its signal, similar to my search for good rock music, but soon the faint sounds grow clearer. Intense driving guitar chords and primal drum beats establish the scene. Finally we’ve got ourselves some rock and I’m sure as hell ready for it. The adrenalized title track features a ballistic guitar solo that will literally melt your brain and make your eyes go crossed. The song rises to a huge climatic finale and trails off with a soft reprise of the songs guitar riff. It’s a cool little reinforcement trick because it got stuck in my head and I wanted to hear it again already. But, with my senses elevated I couldn’t wait to hear the rest of the album.
All of a sudden, a car engine ignites and screeches off as the headbanger “Gone Baby Gone” erupted from my speakers. It’s all about getting away from a chick who is total trouble. Like most of the tracks here, this modern rocker features another blazing guitar solo and sounds like it should be in the trailer for the next Fast and the Furious film. And, whether intentional or not, “Cherry’s On Top” has a riff that’s reminiscent of Aerosmith’s “Love in an Elevator.” The dilemma in this song is that there is some fine looking chick who is so super sexy. Hitting notes like crazy, frontman Santino wants to cover her “in whip cream cherry on top, I’m gonna lick it all off in all the right spots.” This track reflects the libidinous aspect of rock and is definitely not serious, depressing, or emo. Scarlet Carson shows that they are here to party and admire the finer things in life, like ’80s style red lipstick.
Up next is a resounding build up to what could be Scarlet Carson’s signature crowd interaction song. These guys aren’t only talking shit about “Sex Drugs and Rock N Roll,” they are living it. Their lyrics, liner notes, and full throttle commitment to making their rock star dreams a reality, shows there’s a genuine connection to many iconic bands who have lived this tawdry lifestyle before them. The difference? These guys are the first ones from Jersey to do it. Yeah sure we’ve had Bon Jovi and Trixter, but they were less concerned about the rock star lifestyle. Bon Jovi didn’t want to be associated with bands like GNR and Motley Crue because they feared that women and children wouldn’t come to their concerts. It was more socially acceptable to buy a Bon Jovi record or go to a Bon Jovi concert than it was Motley or even KISS. No matter what they tell you, parents feared bands like that because they heard news reports of sex, satanism, nudity, blood and all the other cool shit that is part of their aura. So I commend Scarlet Carson for being themselves from jump street. They better stay true to themselves though. I wouldn’t want to see them sell out and become Justin Bieber’s touring band or some crap like that. Even worse…don’t make a country album. Hey Scarlet – you’ve been warned!
Next, I used my keen deductive skills to determine that a drink pouring sound effect can mean only one thing: a drinking song, even more precisely “The Drinkin’ Song.” Following in the footsteps of distinguished predecessors such as KISS’ “Cold Gin,” AC/DC’s “Have a Drink on Me,” and Guns N Roses’ “Nightrain,””The Drinkin’ Song,” picks up where those anthems left off. Santino’s voice skyrockets into Myles Kennedy octaves here as he shouts, “Let’s get wasted tonight!”. It’s another standout track with layered vocals in the chorus, fist pumping “hey” chants, and a mesmerizing drum breakdown. Scarlet Carson is here to tell you that when you’re literally feeling like a gigantic heap of dung, a few drinks with your crew can help you “forget your worries, forget your problems…” I’m sure fans will be holding their drinks up during this one at the next concert – just don’t spill beer on me.
Whip out your iPhone, swipe your Zippo lighter app on, and bring down the pace a little bit “For Her Sake,” a surefire addition to Monster Ballads 2010. The low key mood doesn’t last that long because these guys aren’t done pummeling you. Get ready for the supercharged, punked out “P.L.A.D” (paid, laid, and die) that chronicles the nights when you wind up out drinking until 6am and waking up with random girls in random motels. Scarlet Carson’s lifestyle is fast paced, indulgent and in the moment, just like their tunes. Listen for the brass section in this track which proves to be a superb feature of its production.
Now we go from rock and roll revelry and drinking binges, into mind probing. What would a Scarlet Carson song sound like if they actually recorded a song inside their own heads? “My Own Head,” stands out from the rest because it’s methodical, reflective, and dark, but maintains harmonic accents. The remarkable production has helped create a very different mood in contrast to the rest of the album. I appreciate that they were brave enough to challenge themselves into creating a track with such a different vibe, and it worked. “My Own Head,” would make for an intriguing music video. If Tim Burton and Rivers Cuomo were hanging out tripping on acid and had a nightmare, this would be a perfect song to accompany it. Zach Braff will direct, I have it all planned out.
Growing up in Jersey, almost every kid dreams of living in California. The west coast seems so much more desirable and warm, and if the Beach Boys and David Lee Roth were telling us the truth, then the girls were wondrous. Don’t forget the ’80s hair band scene, replete with sexy strippers, liquor, and debauchery. What’s not to fantasize about? POOF! Back to reality and the mundane suburban rat race that defines many parts of the Garden State. It’s fitting that I listened to “West Coast Dreamer” when I was sitting in rush hour traffic on 287. This track provides a unique perspective that I haven’t heard thus far. It’s the story of a band from the east coast, dreaming of rock star status on the west coast. It’s almost as if Jersey is a c-ck blocker. It’s not easy trying to exist as a rock star or an aspiring rock star in NJ. For some reason, whether it’s an unwritten law of nature or whatever, NJ just stacks all the cards against you. Whereas you can head out to L.A and catch great rock bands almost every night of the week, all in a 2 mile vicinity. Come to Jersey and you’ll get a few good beer specials but you’ll be bombarded with tons of cover bands who perform rock versions of whatever songs are popular that weekend.
Just a warning, Scarlet Carson’s songs WILL make you instinctually play air guitar, headbang, and jump around like a madman. It might be a good idea not to listen in a place where you might look like a complete idiot. In the midst of your rock-out session, you might be wondering where Scarlet Carson’s monstrous sound comes from? The band is comprised of Santino’s clean scream, Stone’s slash-like guitar solos, Tommy Licore’s surging riffs on rhythm guitar, Mike O Mayhem’s crushing bass work, and Raab who pulverizes the drums.
Above all, the best attribute of Scarlet Carson’s “Burn It All” is its honesty. Santino writes his lyrics about being a loner focused on the bands dreams, and doing some hardcore partying in the meantime. They aren’t creating songs to market to the NFL or MLB like Bon Jovi, and they’re not formulating the next big wedding song, even though it sure would mean more cash, they are simply doing what they want to do. One of the reasons why rock music has been on the road to extinction is because bands don’t have the balls to highjack the reigns of rock. Scarlet Carson does, and they do it in style as they prove on “Burn It All.” In the immortal words of The Marvelous 3, Scarlet Carson has indeed “…brought back the rock.” www.scarletcarson.com

Upcoming shows
4/17/10 at the Stone Pony for The Break Contest
4/18/10 w/Papa Roach at The Starland Ballroom
4/23/10 at The Wonder Bar in Asbury Park
4/27/10 w/Saliva at The Highline Ballroom in NYC

The Fletchers – Lights Out Loud

I could have sworn the only thing coming out of New Brunswick, NJ was the vomit shooting out of 2nd floor apartment windows like cannonballs over Hamilton Street after a night of partying, that is, up until the moment an old friend made me aware of a rock band called The Fletchers. They recently released their 2nd album Lights Out Loud, and from the moment of insertion (of the CD you scumbag!), the stereotypes of a repugnant college town cleared away like acne after being doused with Proactive. I can’t guarantee that listening to The Fletchers will work wonders on that jock itch of yours, but hey, it’s worth a shot!

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The Fletchers’ Lights Out Loud ascends to heights that their debut album Bright Blue Lights did not. Lights Out Loud is a more focused outing and it’s accessibility makes it apparent that the mind and the voice of The Fletchers, Gary Kaplan, has created possibly the finest work of his musical career. What makes Kaplan different from the host of other songwriters and lead singers coming out of New Jersey is that he’s enjoyed success in bands before. In the ’90s (the ancient times), Kaplan was the singer and songwriter behind two indie bands, Dandelion Fire and Rotator Cuff. His former bands have opened for other big name bands, and Rotator Cuff’s video for “Alfa Romeo” scored airplay on MTV, way back when they still didn’t play music videos, except for a little show at a hideous hour called 120 Minutes.

On Light’s opening track, “Beaches,” Kaplan’s distinct voice almost seems too strong for it’s airy background vocals and breezy, top down instrumentation, but it all comes together less than a minute into the song. Unlike the secretive Coca-Cola brand, The Fletchers formula comes right out of your speakers for you to savor. It’s the juxtaposition of Kaplan’s raspy voice, resonant backing vocals, and music provided by Dan Coffey on bass, Rob Freda on guitar, and Cliff Heaton on drums that provides quite an addictive blend.

Kaplan’s wisdom from his invaluable exposure to the music business has undoubtedly helped The Fletcher’s hone in on their signature sound. Fresh indie rock radiates from Lights Out Loud. Rob Freda’s superb guitar work plays an integral role, but the tunes are also replete with fun choruses, harmonies, and other pop sensibilities. The band’s influences can surely be detected, but The Fletcher’s are not begging to be noticed by the similarities they bare to the groups they listen to on their iPods. Several reviews and critics have cited similarities ranging from Brit-Pop acts to XTC, REM, and The Kinks. A more prominent musical connection, at least to The Sexy Armpit’s ear, is to another New Jersey rock band, The Smithereens. To be clear, The Fletcher’s are definitely not a Smithereens tribute band, but if you punch “The Smithereens” into a Pandora playlist, The Fletchers may very well come up next.

Lights Out Loud was produced and engineered in Hopewell, NJ and mixed in East Brunswick, NJ.

The Sexy Armpit says Download these tracks: “Beaches,” “Maybe,” and “Wasted.” BUY the MP3 album of Lights Out Loud at CDBaby for only $7.99 or the CD for $9.99.Find out more about The Fletchers at their official site: www.thefletchersmusic.com. Friend them on Myspace: www.myspace.com/thefletchersmusic or Become a Fan on Facebook.

The Fletchers play The Loop Lounge in Passaic Park, NJ this Friday, March 5th.

15 Bon Jovi Songs That Won’t Turn You Into a Pussy

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When We Were Beautiful sounds like a coffee table book featuring photographs comparing and contrasting female senior citizens with glamorous photos of them from 50 years earlier. When I first heard that Phil Griffin ‘s Bon Jovi documentary, that recently premiered at the Tribeca film festival, and the upcoming book with the same name (slated for Fall ’09 through Harper Collins), was to be called “When We Were Beautiful,” I seriously almost puked.

In case the folks at Harper Collins read this, here are a few of my top choices for new titles for the book:

1) When We Were Ballsier
2) Back When We Had Some Degree of BALLS!
3) When We Were a Band Who Wouldn’t Ever in a Million Years Think of Releasing a Book With a Name as Ghey as “When We Were Beautiful”
4) This Left Never Felt Right in Any Way Shape or Form, You Know What, As a Matter of Fact, Just Stop Making Turns Altogether!

Combining such a weak book title with albums like Lost Highway, Bon Jovi has certified that the band they were in the ’80s has officially been put to rest. I’m constantly hoping, secretly of course, that Bon Jovi will finally return to their rock roots and unleash an album for guys. Songs like “Wanted Dead or Alive” and “You Give Love a Bad Name” are songs that guys could rock out to because they’re bold and written from a guys point of view.

Age 4 through age 9, I prided myself on being a Bon Jovi fan, along with other rock bands like KISS, Motley, GNR and Poison. It was OK to like Bon Jovi even if you were a guy, in fact, being from Jersey even gave you street cred by association. For the past 15 years or so, that hasn’t been the case, even though Bon Jovi has enjoyed continued success from hit singles to blockbuster tours. Unfortunately, now, all they do is coddle their 40-something female fans dying to jump some Jovi ass. Sometime around 1992, every guy who liked Bon Jovi started to get persecuted for being a fan. Some blame the onslaught of Grunge, but after years of contemplation, I could tell you that Jon Bon Jovi is to blame for the whole problem.

If Jon Bon Jovi was born just a little bit uglier, oh say…more Lemmy looking, we MALE Jovi fans would have our freakin’ Jersey ROCK back. Once JBJ realized that the key to his goldmine was singing songs to wives, fiances, daughters, and girlfriends all around the world, his musical mission became melting hearts and not our faces. Dude’s 47 and women still have coronaries when he hits the stage. Dude does spirit fingers and women go into cardiac arrest. Important tip for guys: don’t do spirit fingers…ever…it won’t work for you. Unless you’ve sold 120 million albums worldwide and have appeared on Oprah, girls will not like it if you do spirit fingers. Dude kisses random women in the audience while their husbands stand beside them, faces glowing with a shit-eating grin. How many guys’ wives can you go up to, grasp their arms, and plant a nice big kiss on without their psycho hubby’s attempting manslaughter on you? Jon Bon Jovi can do that kind of shit.

Picture it: The summer is here. You’re cruising around town in your newly washed car. The light turns red, you have to stop. Your music is blasting, but wait! Oh shit! Your windows are down! You can’t let anyone hear what’s playing on your stereo! Don’t get nervous, you need not worry. Just load this playlist onto your iPod and you’ll be fine. While I can’t guarantee you won’t get made fun of for listening to Bon Jovi, you’ll definitely have less of a chance of being accused of having a vagina by the guy in the monster truck blasting Slayer’s “Angel of Death.” Don’t be afraid to crank up your car stereo because listening to Bon Jovi does not have to be an emasculating experience. – The Sexy Armpit: Helping to Keep the Jovi schmaltz to a minimum.

Click here to check out this playlist on iTunes!

15) King of the Mountain, 7800 Fahrenheit (1985) – This chest pounder will make you feel like you’re on top of the world. “Boss man says, ‘Hey boy, you’ll never be no good’…Tonight’s the night they can’t put you down, no one could.”

14) Hook Me Up, Bounce (2002) – It’s ridiculous that I’m writing a post about Bon Jovi veering too far away from their hard rock roots while critics ravaged Jovi’s half-hearted hard rock comeback album, Bounce. “Hook Me Up” opens with the line “Hello, is there anybody out there?” Not only is this similar to the line that kicks off “We Got It Goin’ On,” from Lost Highway, “Is there anybody out there looking for a party,” but also reminiscent of when Bruce Springsteen begs the question of his listeners “This is Radio Nowhere, is there anybody alive out there?” in the first track of his ’07 album, Magic. The underrated “Hook Me Up,” has a bleak, foreboding quality rarely heard in Jovi songs.

13) Blood on Blood, New Jersey (1988) – By far this is the “Bruciest” Bon Jovi song ever. In the vein of Springsteen and other Jovi songs, “Blood on Blood” tells a story using names and places: “Danny knew this white trash girl, we each threw in a ten, she took us to this cheap motel, and turned us into men.”

12) We Rule the Night, 100,000 Bon Jovi Fans Can’t Be Wrong (2004) – Thanks to it’s menacing swirl of rising and falling guitar sounds and trancelike drum beats, this reject from ’85 is easily one of the coolest finds on Bon Jovi’s box set of unreleased material, demos, and alternate cuts. The lyrics make the song sound like it could have been on the soundtrack to The Lost Boys or The Warriors: “No one can save you, there’s nothing to say, Deception’s the name of the game” The “Whoa-Oh’s” sound like the precursor to those in “Livin’ On a Prayer.”

11) I Believe, Keep The Faith, (1992) Bon Jovi used to incorporate this song into their concert set lists but has rarely been performed as of late. It’s one of their most hard rocking songs that rises to immense proportions. Lyrically, “You and Me Can Turn a Whisper To a Scream” recalls the title of The Icicle Works’ hit “Birds Fly (Whisper to a Scream).”

10) Breakout, Bon Jovi (1984) Back in the day, Bon Jovi wrote songs that were all about being lied to and getting fed up with the deceptive hoebags that they were dating: “Your lies can’t hide what I see, I’m better off on my own.” The band’s mega success and bagging chicks like Diane Lane and Heather Locklear seemed to have squelched their scornful sentiments rather quickly.

9) Social Disease, Slippery When Wet (1986) – “You can’t start a fire without a spark” was ripped straight from Springsteen’s “Dancing in the Dark” and as eloquent as it is, “She could run the bullet train on 38 Double D’s” sure as hell wasn’t. “Social Disease” is a fun and lively romp about love, sex, and maybe even a PSA about STD’s: “You cant hide when infection starts…”

8) If I Was Your Mother, Keep The Faith (1992) – Possibly the oddest, most f’d up Bon Jovi song ever. If you don’t listen closely you might miss the pussified lyrics because they’re smothered by crunching rhythms and blistering guitars. BJ wonders “Tell me what I got to do, To make my life mean more to you, I could get so close it’s true, If I was your mother.” There are various rumors as to what the message to this song really is, but it just seems to me that Jon’s singing about seeking a deeper, more elusive connection with a woman. Or maybe he’s just being a pansy.

7) Hey God, These Days (1995) – An average guy with a family asks God why he’s making life so tough for him. The music kicks into a tornado of desperation while the lyrics describe family problems, and financial troubles: “Hey God – Tell me what the hell is going on, Seems like all the good shit’s gone” The most awesome aspect of this song is that Bon Jovi can still write songs from the perspective of the regular guy and still make them sound relatable, even though the band is worth millions.

6) In and Out of Love, 7800 Fahrenheit (1985) – I like blasting this one, and I don’t know about you, but I’m a sucker for a good sexual euphemism. Like Jane Lynch motioning perversly with her bagel dog in Role Models, “Shes here to make my night complete.”

5) 99 In The Shade, New Jersey (1988) in the category of carefree summer songs this one wipes the floor with Lost Highway’s “Summertime.” Remember when the band was young and had fun getting into some trouble and had trouble getting out of their spandex pants? Lines like “I got a party in my pocket cause you know I just got paid,” indicated that the possibilities were limitless. The perfect song for looking at girls in bikinis on a sunny day at the Jersey Shore. In comparison, “Summertime” is reserved for the folks relaxing in their retirement community.

4) You Give Love a Bad Name, Slippery When Wet (1986) Just as he is in “Breakout,” Jon is all tied up in those metaphorical chains again in this Jovi classic. I heeded their warning back in ’86, girls promise you heaven, then put you through hell.

3) Wanted Dead or Alive, Slippery When Wet (1986) No other band or singer should ever think of covering the ULTIMATE Bon Jovi song, Chris Daughtry, this means YOU!

2) Roulette, Bon Jovi (1984) – The purest example of what Bon Jovi did best. The driving bassline is accentuated with a gambling analogy. Apparently, banging a woman who’s in a relationship is comparable to placing bets on a roulette wheel. I’m placing all my money on the fact that she’s actually a cheating whore. “You just keep on playin’ when all the bets are down”

1) Raise Your Hands, Slippery When Wet (1986) – No, it’s not the old Sure Deodorant commercial, it’s the most kickass Bon Jovi song EVER MADE, just ask Lone Star and Barf. They had to buy new speakers for the space winnebago after cranking this one. If the heroes of Spaceballs can rock out to it, then it’s good enough for you to BLAST in your super silly smart car. Fun fact from New Jersey to Tokyo: As the song fades out, listen closely for the shout out to Jon’s hometown of Sayreville, NJ.

George Carlin: What am I Doing in New Jersey?

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On March 25th & 26th, 1988, at the Park Theater in Union City NJ, the eternal KING of comedy George Carlin recorded a special for HBO called What am I Doing in New Jersey? Though it’s not considered his best work, Carlin fearlessly attacked controversial topics head on using his legendary wit and sarcasm. Sure, it’s a 20 year old comedy special, but the ideas Carlin explores and rips on are still fresh and relevant today.

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Carlin fiercely kicks the show off with his gripes of Reagan’s government. The Reagan White House vowed to the American people that they’d get government off their backs, but still ’till this day decide what you can read, and what broadcasters can say on the radio. Carlin tore right into the idea of the FCC and how they pointlessly horn in on our 1st amendment right. The bits on Ronald Reagan are obviously dated but if you really wanted to, it’s entirely possible to substitute George W. Bush and it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch. From there, he blew “right to lifers” out of the water, and did a hysterical bit on Civil War reanactors: “…they should use live ammunition!”

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Carlin is at his best as he details ironic and sometimes bizarre aspects of American culture:

This is a place where gun store owners are given a list of stolen credit cards, but not a list of criminals and maniacs! And now they’re thinking about banning toy guns, and they’re gonna KEEP the fuckin’ REAL ones!

Later on in the show, Carlin deals with some of the most appropriate topics for a show in NJ, such as traffic and driving:

“…New Jersey deserves the title “Toll Booth Capitol” of the United States of America.”

“…you can’t back out of your driveway in New Jersey without some schmuck in a hat wants 50 cents! And i don’t mind payin’ tolls, but every 27 feet? Bullshit!

“…so I say let ’em be honest, let ’em put it right on the license plates, New Jersey: The Tollbooth State. What does it say now? The Garden State, haha, sure, if you’re growing smokestacks…YES.”

I like New Jersey…I even have one of those t-shirts you guys sell, “Kiss Her Where It Smells Take Her to New Jersey”…so I like the place…”

Carlin also offers some helpful tips and hints on improving your life:

how to get rid of counterfeit money: put it in the collection plate at church. See how often the simple solution will elude us?

“…someone asks you what time it is, say, well it’s either 6:15 or Mickey has a hard on.”

Keeping with the driving and traffic topic, signs and stickers on cars get Carlin fired up. He also offers a few suggestions on how to deal with a cop when you get pulled over.

In his review of the comedy album, JT Griffith of AllMusic.com had this to say: “The main weakness of What Am I Doing in New Jersey is that it doesn’t have any choice takes on the “Garden State” at all. What a missed opportunity. Overall, a light and entertaining comedy album, but not a groundbreaking or challenging one. ” I concur with JT. I would’ve liked to hear more of Carlin roasting New Jersey, but at the time, in ’88, making fun of NJ guido’s wasn’t as popular of a trend as it is now. Perhaps riffing on Joe Piscopo or Pork Roll sandwiches didn’t entice Carlin very much either and I think this HBO special was better off for it. Regardless of it’s shortcomings, What am I Doing in New Jersey is another quite entertaining entry in Carlin’s extensive discography. It’s available on CD and DVD.

** Built in 1931, The Park Theater Performing Arts Center features the the longest running passion play in the United States which details Christ’s last days. It’s now in it’s 94th season. Judging by their website, it looks like there aren’t many big names performing there anymore.

The Beastie Boys: From White Castle to the Nile? Scratch That. New Jersey!

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Have you ever wondered what the correlation is between The Beastie Boys, South Orange, Slyders, and Secaucus? No? Well, I’m going to explain it anyway!

Aside from White Castle references that make Harold and Kumar feel inadequate, The Beastie Boys are also associated with NJ. Not only was Adam Horovitz a.k.a King Adrock born in South Orange NJ, but the Beastie Boys also refer to the NJ town of Secaucus in 2 of their songs:
“We’re from Manhattan, You’re from Secaucus”
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“You’re From Secaucus – I’m from Manhattan”
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In addition to geographical name drops, sprinkled throughout the lyrics of the album, the Beasties make their lust for the mini burgers abundantly clear. It’s unbelievable how many people from around the world first heard of White Castle through listening to The Beastie Boys’ debut album License to Ill. Just type it in a Google search and you’ll see what I mean! Plateoftheday.com, a food blog, claims that “White Castle burgers if you don’t know, were first made popular by a Beastie Boys song back in the ’80s.” All I can say is…wow. If giving each person in the world the power to go on the Internet means granting them permission to spew such innacurate and outrageous comments, then I say people like that need a License to Internet
BTW, Even though they were founded in 1921, NJ is one of only 11 states that have White Castle restaurants. Such a pity for the other 39 states! Now If you’ll excuse me, I’m about to grab two girlies and a beer that’s cold…