How I Discovered Music Not By Clicking a Mouse

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Mining through my parents vinyl LP collection was something I did often as a kid. On a summer weekday morning when my parents were working and my sister was yapping on the phone in her room, I’d be gazing in wonderment as I opened a colorful gatefold record sleeve.

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A few of my favorite albums to look at were The Beatles’ Greatest Hits The Red Album 1962-1966, The Blue Album 1967-1970, and the Bee Gee’s Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack, simply because I thought they looked ridiculous (this coming from a kid who at the time thought Brutus Beefcake and Jesse “The Body” Ventura were the epitome of cool.) I was also mesmerized by every other album in their vast collection ranging from Benny Goodman and Artie Shaw to Sinatra and Streisand. I’d also feel remiss if I left out the free Christmas albums they got from the gas stations.

Discovering music in this paleontological way was risky. What if I scratched one of their records? I’d feel terrible and they’d immediately know it was me since I was the only “hi-fi curious” one in the household. In subsequent visits to my parents record collection, which resided in a shelf under the stereo components, I made sure I was extra careful. Once I got the courage to actually put a record on the turntable, I placed the needle ever so gingerly onto the groove of the record. I may have had my first heart attack at that tender young age when I heard the record playing on the wrong speed. After my ears nearly bled, and I almost soiled myself, I was convinced that I ruined their pristine records. Seconds later, I figured out what the problem was.

Once I got the hang of it, playing records became a favorite hobby of mine as a kid, especially when no one was around. Eventually, I inherited my sister’s portable turntable which I would set up on an open area of the floor, plug it in, and lay out my very own collection of 45’s. I used to play Bobby Freeman’s “Betty Lou’s Got a New Pair of Shoes,” and spin around like a maniacal dreidel. Some of these mini records were mine and others were ones that my sister scratched or my father was bored with. I had a nice little collection going even though I padded out the bunch with some book and record sets like my absolute favorites, “Batman: Stacked Cards,” and Masters of the Universe The Power of Point Dread and The Danger at Castle Grayskull.

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I was about 5 or 6 years old when I started to have a major crush on a girl, Stephanie, and that record player really came through for me. My dad had given me a 45 of Ricky Nelson’s version of “The Very Thought of You” from Decca Records that he had since 1964. It’s definitely a testament to Teaneck NJ native Ricky Nelson that a little kid in the early ’80s used to lay on the floor spinning one of Nelson’s singles daydreaming about a girl he had a mind altering crush on. None of my friends at that time would have even known who Ricky Nelson was. I’m sure I would’ve gotten shit for listening to that and being in love with the little girl with dirty blonde hair who paid no attention to me.

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Around the same time, my neighbor Darren always granted me permission to admire his KISS record collection. Was he just being nice or did my incessant requests drive him nuts? The gatefolds of KISS Alive and KISS Alive II both made my senses go into overload. In fact, I remember literally asking the poor guy if I could look at his albums every time I was at his house. He must’ve thought I was out of my mind. In actuality, I was merely admiring the way the album sleeve opened up and featured these outrageously scary and bizarre photos of a larger than life band. Perhaps more enticing to me than those gatefold Alive albums were their albums Kiss, Dressed to Kill, Dynasty, and Creatures of the Night. These are album covers that focus on the band members’ faces which helped acquaint me with each of their “characters.” (The Beatles started this trend with their album “Meet The Beatles.”) I wasn’t old enough to know what multiplication was, but I sure as hell could tell you that Gene Simmons was the “scary one who spits blood.”

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The records I’ve mentioned had much influence in shaping my musical taste. I’ve always had an affinity for bands who have band members with their own distinct appearance. As basic and cliche as it is, it helps greatly in a band’s chance at success. C’mon…everyone had a favorite Spice Girl! One of the most classic cases of this is another gatefold album cover that I used to stare at while listening to their music: Time Peace: The Rascal’s Greatest Hits.
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The album was released in 1968…so what? I was a little kid and the music sounded fresh and rocking to me. All their big ones were on here, including “Good Lovin’,” “How Can I Be Sure,” “It’s Wonderful,” “Groovin’,” “I’ve Been Lonley Too Long,” “Mustang Sally,” and “You Better Run.” What made listening to the album a complete sensory experience was that I could hold the album and stare at the comic strip style cover art that featured each member of the band. I remember wondering to myself “which one of them is singing?” during each song I listened to. It was almost 20 years later and The Rascal’s music sounded upbeat and made me feel like jumping around. What made them even cooler was that I remembered that my mother told me how a couple of members of The Rascals went to her high school and hung out in town before they were famous. (Eddie Brigati and Dino Danelli are both from Jersey.) In Bruce Eder’s All Music.com review of Time Peace, he writes “Arguably the greatest greatest hits album of the ’60s. A White-Soul classic.”

As I write this, it’s the first day of 2009. Vinyl records have since came and went and came back again just for shits (and collectors). I’ve lived through vinyl, cassette tapes, and CD’s…hey does anyone actually BUY CD’s anymore? I know I do. How else am I going to get to know each of the band members and get caught up in their aura? If CD’s are put to death, are actual living breathing bands still going to exist? Will music be made my nameless, invisible spirits? 1-click will bring us the sound. No more setting up a record player or carefully placing the needle down. I’ll never again have to fast forward a cassette tape to my favorite song for what felt like ages. I guess I’ll have to adjust to looking at slow-loading spammed up Myspace band profiles or promotional sites full of annoying bells and whistles. My eyes are straining already. My head is spinning. It’s not delivering me to another world. I’m not mesmerized. I’m definitely not in awe. I don’t really have anything to be curious about.
It’s sad to see the extinction of the process of a young kid discovering music in his own little way. In the next several years will kids discover books through the use of an Amazon Kindle? It just doesn’t sound as adventurous as walking up to the Turnpike bridge and then digging through old books in the air conditioned library on a hot summer day. I still want to discover music in my own way. Maybe I even want to daydream a little and not stare into a computer screen. I don’t look forward to the moment when time brings the official end of CD’s and downloading becomes the only avenue of procuring music. I still want to hold the artwork because it pulled me into another world. I want to open up a gatefold and see what’s inside. There was curiosity. Possibilities. Details. It wasn’t intangible, it wasn’t merely sound. I want to lay on the carpet with my chin in my hands, get hypnotized by the spinning black Decca 45, and imagine what it would be like if she was mine.
www.SexyArmpit.com

Free Dr. Pepper > Medicore GNR Album

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Yesterday, an envelope in my mailbox contained a letter from Dr. Pepper. It informed me that Dr. Pepper has kept their promise about issuing FREE Dr. Pepper for everyone if Guns N Roses released Chinese Democracy by the end of the year. After almost 15 years, Axl finally mustered up the courage to release his “meh” album last month. Instead of being gloriously serenaded by a masterful musical achievement, I’ve been inadvertantly bestowed a free delicious soft drink. Instead of suing Dr. Pepper, GNR should thank the Doc for smoothing over such an overhyped, letdown of a record. If you were one of the lucky folks who registered for the coupon at Dr. Pepper’s website in the short alloted timeframe, then you’re probably guzzling some DP right now! The letter is below and you’ll see a VOID watermark appeared upon scanning it:

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This comment was posted after an interview with Axl Rose on BLABBERMOUTH:

COMMENT posted by : DeadSkin Mask12/12/2008 8:10:25 AM

CHINESE MEDIOCRITY STARTS NOW!!!!!Chinese Democracy is the musical equivalent of Waterworld & Godfather III.

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Trixter Rocks Dexter’s in Riverdale, New Jersey!

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I wasn’t about to travel to Pryor Creek, Oklahoma this past summer just to see a few boys from Paramus, New Jersey known as Trixter perform. For years, myself and many other fans of pop metal or the most insulting, heart wrenching adjective I can think of…hairbands, have been waiting patiently hoping that Trixter would reunite. Sure we’ve seen Warrant reunite with Jani Lane several thousand times, (FYI, Robert Mason is now lead singer) but what about Trixter? Steve (Stereo Fallout) and P.J (Ra) were in the successful local cover band Sugarbelly for years and they also released an extremely underrated CD as 40 Foot Ringo. Pete Loran and Mark “Gus” Scott haven’t been on the scene in quite some time, until now! It turns out that I didn’t have to head to Oklahoma to see a Trixter reunion after all!

On Friday, November 28th, all the original members of Trixter played their first show in New Jersey in over 13 years! Dexter’s Entertainment Complex in Riverdale was jammed and I could barely find parking. I’ve never been to Dexter’s so I wasn’t sure what to expect. I pulled into the lot and I thought I was Christmas shopping at the mall! After near endless attempts at finding a spot, I finally got one and made my way inside. I caught TNA’s performance which wasn’t bad. As TNA’s set came to an end, the place started filling up fast and I found myself getting moved closer to the stage.  

At around midnight, Trixter took the stage. It was a cool moment and I’m glad I got to be there. They tore through all of their staple songs like “One in a Million,” “Surrender,” and of course, ended their set with “Give it to Me Good.” If you’re into glam metal or hairbands and you’ve never listened to Trixter, then you definitely need to. “Heart of Steel” and “Bad Girl” are a couple of personal favorites. Also, their 1992 album Hear! features a slew of great songs that went criminally unnoticed. Trixter veers toward the poppier side of the genre much like Poison does, but Trixter’s musicianship and knack for upbeat pop is undeniable. The band has expressed their interest in recording a new album, and if that happens, I see it making more of an impact than many of the other hairbands enjoying this under the radar renaissance.

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We Wish You a Metal Xmas and a Headbanging New Year CD

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Silly me for trying to resist getting into the Christmas spirit so soon. Thanks to my brand spankin’ new copy of We Wish You A Metal Xmas and a Headbanging New Year, the Christmas spirit was just jammed through my ear canals with devil horns. 

Twisted Sister’s Christmas album kicks ass, but this one brings the meaning of Metal Christmas to a whole new level! I’m listening to Lemmy, Billy Gibbons, and Dave Grohl on “Run Run Rudolph”!!?? Am I really hearing this? I’m in sheer amazement at this instantly classic CD. I would wager to say that most fans of metal will certainly cringe and/or vomit when listening to these songs, but not me! This CD was made for me because I thrive on this kind of crap. I don’t have the words to describe my feeling of utter elation upon my first listen to Stephen Pearcy singing “Grandma Got Ran Over By a Reindeer.” Also featured on the track are Tracii Guns and Billy Sheehan. Moments of such musical bliss haven’t occured since the days of Mozart, Bach, Handel, and hell…even Wham’s “Careless Whisper.” Joe Lynn Turner seriously does a bang up job singing “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,” which sonically may be the best on the album. The track also features the brothers Kulick, Rudy Sarzo, and Simon Wright. 
It takes a little suspension of disbelief to realize that Dio IS actually belting out “God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman.” Perhaps the most unimaginable track belongs to Alice Cooper. He takes a break from singing about spiders and Frankenstein to croon “Santa Claws is Coming To Town.” There’s no doubt about it, these songs will definitely NOT show up on Phil Spector’s Christmas Gift to You Part 2, but they are still AWESOME. If you’re a Christmas music geek like me, then We Wish You a Metal Xmas should be a required part of your holiday iPod playlist! Nothing like a little METAL to inject you with holiday spirit! Check out my Christmas playlists from ’05, and ’07:

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Criss Angel Makes His “Believe” Show Disappear

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Dear Criss,
This isn’t a letter hailing you for all your advances in the world of illusions. What you do on television is impressive but I can recall the days when success wasn’t so easy to come by for you. During my time working in radio you practically begged the various stations around NY/NJ to play your CD’s.  Back then you were lucky to be called an adequate, formulaic, and effeminate magic act with a fierce lisp who just happened to play some pretty heinous hard rock music.  But, there’s no need for us to harp on the past.  Like Colonel Sandurz said, “We’re at now, now.”  In fact, let’s talk about what I found in my inbox yesterday:

Exhibit A: a strategically written e-mail that your people sent out to anyone who purchased tickets to preview your Believe stage show in Vegas produced by Cirque Du Soleil.  The show was slated to start on September 12th but they just flat out cancelled the first several “preview” shows. Oops, sorry folks!  I’m glad they told us now you know, especially since my hotel and airfare are booked. Seeing Believe was the purpose of the trip. No apologies were offered for causing an inconvenience.  They just aren’t ready yet. What doesn’t make sense is that before purchasing tickets, warnings were abound explaining the nature of a preview show. We would be seeing merely a preview which might not have the kinks worked out yet. The fans ate the tickets up anyway. We could look past some minor flubs unless you’re accidentally revealing how you pull all your illusions off.
Since my expectations are usually set pretty low, I was just happy I got a refund with no hassle. Perhaps that was some sort of illusion as well?  Is the trick going to be telling us that you refunded us but it miraculously doesn’t show up on the credit card bill?  Wow, that’s really inventive. Almost as good as “Hey, got your ear!”  Thank God for that cause it never gets old!
I understand completely that I shouldn’t be holding you accountable personally, but the production crew.  Oh yeah, the production crew…the guys who apparently work their asses off around the clock getting this thing together. For some reason these unionized professional effects gurus who create the wondrous wizardry that will be presented in the show felt that they just couldn’t make their deadline.  Perhaps one too many lunch breaks at The Spearmint Rhino, huh fellas? I remember when I had a 50 page paper due my senior year of college and if it wasn’t in by the deadline I would receive a zero and have to take the course over again.  That was only one 3 credit course which probably cost a few hundred dollars to participate in.  I worked over 4 years to graduate college because I thought it might help my future.  It was completely voluntary.  This expert production company who’s getting paid literally millions of dollars, can’t make their deadline?  They’ll sure as hell still get paid regardless of how many “peons” they screw over.  
I don’t care about the refund, I actually wanted to see your show.  Now, the only way that can happen is if I plan a whole entire future trip to Las Vegas. As you and I know, money doesn’t grow on trees although the leaves on the trees in your mansion are made of hundred dollar bills.  Perhaps you could reach into those deep pockets of yours? You know, those swampy, smelly leather pants that you wear and finance my next trip out to Vegas to see your lame show that probably pales in comparison to say, a Broadway institution such as Phantom of the Opera.
Perhaps your little mind con, uhh, I mean mind freak isn’t translating to the stage as well as you thought it would? Do you think having a few more days might buy you the time to figure out how to cut that girl you’re banging into 3 pieces instead of 2, then float above her with industrial fans blowing your beautiful brown L’Oreal locks as your bare chest glistens for all the women in the audience to wet their panties?  I honestly don’t know if you can accomplish all that with just a few extra days to play with.  But think of it this way, it’s only a few days, but a TON of Vegas vacations are now ruined.  How does that motivate you?  Do you feel like Marty Moose? Clark Griswold wanted nothing more than to take his family to Wally World and the f’n park was CLOSED when they got there.  “Soorrry Folks!”  I thought paying astronomical amounts of money to see Bon Jovi was absurd, but it pales in comparison since his talent is monumentally more entertaining than any parlor trick.  I’d like an apology for screwing up my trip or perhaps even a 20% discount on tickets if we want to come to a future show?  F-that, you could’ve sent us all free Mindfreak T-shirts or something. I’m sure the women who got screwed over would love a pint of your sweat.  You don’t have to shell out anything for that, Lord knows you sweat enough.   I’m going to think twice about shelling out almost $200 a ticket for your show in the future let alone planning an entire vacation around it.
When my mind is clear and its doors are open for mesmerizing, your chicanery never fails to enthrall me. I have always been a “believer” until yesterday when my loyal status level has been downgraded to pending. Walking on water and floating in the air is impressive and that’s what made me believe that your stage show would be several shades of Unbelievable. As the story unfolds you’ve been disloyal to your “loyal“ and some of us won’t be experiencing your supposed fantastic and astonishing spectacle.
Now that a chunk of your fans have been unequivocally disappointed, are they expected to stand by idly and wait for your next “magic trick?”  Perhaps one of the world’s most beloved and chaotic characters, who coincidentally also knows magic, might show you a little trick he can do with a pencil.  You are one big M.F, and I don’t mean Mind Freak!  Oh and by the way Criss, will you also be refunding the money of all 12 of the people out there who bought your albums over the years?
www.SexyArmpit.com

The Sexy Armpit’s Guide To The Best KISS Songs You Should Download Part 3

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Our KISS saga continues here at The Sexy Armpit.

KISS maintained their polished glam metal musical style with 1984’s Animalize. Although it stood as their highest selling album since ALIVE II and it contains several great tracks, 24 years later this album isn’t their most memorable. What I can’t believe is the fact that at the time it outsold both Creatures and Lick It Up, which are 2 of the very BEST albums that Kiss ever released. The late Mark St. John came into the band replacing Vinnie Vincent. During this time KISS held their own against most of the other dime a dozen “hairbands” out there, even though the KISS Army knew that their favorite band was colossal and shouldn’t be referred to as a “hairband.” It was still a solid effort but my favorite thing about this album wasn’t the music, it was the totally ’80s animal print on the cover. BEST TRACKS: Thrills in the Night, Heaven’s On Fire, Under The Gun, Get All You Can Take

To replace Mark St. John, Kiss welcomed Bruce Kulick to the band. In 1985 Kiss released Asylum which features 2 of the best songs of the “non makeup” era (Tears Are Falling, and Who Wants to Be Lonely) BEST TRACKS: Tears Are Falling, Who Wants To Be Lonely, Uh All Night!, King of The Mountain

With a sugary pop rock title track, Crazy Nights was a huge album for KISS. They continued with their lineup featuring Bruce and Eric, perhaps their strongest lineup musically. As KISS opted to lose their dark, raw, rock roots MTV embraced their videos and Kiss still enjoyed big success 13 years later. Crazy Nights was KISS in full on ’80s pop metal mode. BEST TRACKS: Crazy Crazy Nights, Reason To Live, Turn on the Night

Smashes, Thrashes, and Hits, a “best of” compilation released in ‘88, featured 2 new tracks that I’ve always enjoyed. For some reason they get torn apart by critics and fans on the Internet though. Who cares? Eric Carr also sings vocals on “Beth” on the album. BEST TRACKS: Let’s Put the X in Sex, You Make Me Rock Hard

If you remember anything about Hot in The Shade it could be the Sphinx wearing sunglasses on the cover. Or it could be the fact that Paul Stanley co-wrote the album’s biggest hit, Forever, with Michael Bolton. Even though it’s a little sappy, and it might have been your wedding song, it’s undeniably good. It’s sad to think that it was Eric Carr’s last KISS album when he and Bruce helped unify the band in so many ways. Judging by the maturity of the actual musical compositions and the sound, perhaps not the lyrics, KISS was still fully capable of crafting some excellent rock songs. BEST TRACKS: Hide Your Heart, Rise To It, Forever


It’s possible that the pinnacle of KISS’ career came in ’92 with the release of Revenge. Kiss came full circle as they recaptured their sound but they lost the charismatic and irreplaceable drummer Eric Carr. I miss Eric Carr ’til this day but Eric Singer was and still is a worthy successor. Bob Ezrin returned to co-write and produce and Vinnie Vincent was also on board to co-write a few songs. The music rocked in a serious way. Sure there was a lot of blatant KISS trademark sexuality, but there was also Gene’s return to his “demon” roots with “Unholy.” I always wondered what KISS’ next album would sound like since Revenge seemed to have helped them come to the realization that they were a legendary and still relevant band. From being featured in Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey all the way to one of the bands best ballads, Revenge is a diverse KISS effort and definitely a CLASSIC! BEST TRACKS: Unholy, God Gave Rock ‘n’ Roll To You, Domino, Heart of Chrome, I Just Wanna, Every time I Look At You

I’ll quietly tiptoe over ALIVE III since there’s no new material there unless we count their performance of The Star Spangled Banner. We’ll skip right over to KISS UNPLUGGED, which was the CD released after their acoustic MTV special. This intimate, bare bones KISS show was very meaningful to the band and the fans. We got to see Ace and Peter return to play with the band and at one point Gene, Paul, Bruce, Ace, Peter, and Eric are all up performing on the same stage at the same time. Without rambling too much about how awesome this album is, pick it up for yourself. Kiss Unplugged is as worthy of being called great as ALIVE! is. Even though the songs are performed acoustically, each one sounds perfect. It’s also such a different experience to hear these iconic songs in a stripped down style. If any album of KISS is going to prove their chops it’ll overwhelmingly be this one. BEST TRACKS: I can’t pick just one since they all sound so damn good!

Although it was recorded between 1995 and 1996, Carnival of Souls was finally released in 1997. Let me now defend the incessantly derided COS. It’s late release truly pissed me off but I was lucky enough to have a bootleg for over a year before it was actually released. When I first heard the tracks on the bootleg I almost pissed myself! It featured a dark, grungy, otherworldly hard rock sound that showed KISS venturing into new territory. Even early concept art for the cover of the album seemed fitting and a step forward from the typical KISS cover art. The album had some introspective moments, some hints of sadness, and even requisite anger. Kiss didn’t trust their intuition and held off on releasing the album. Perhaps the record company didn’t think they could compete with the bands of the day like Alice in Chains? When COS was circulating as a bootleg is when it should’ve been released. It was their answer to the shoe-staring grunge era music that ruled the day. The entire band sounds tighter, edgier, and more mature than ever. The lyrics are actually thought provoking, especially on “Childhood’s End,” which was co-written by present day Space Ace, Tommy Thayer. If only this album was released as a follow up to Revenge rather than an afterthought. BEST TRACKS: Hate, Rain, Master and Slave, The Jungle, It Never Goes Away, In the Mirror
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The reunion of the original KISS members spawned an album of new material called Psycho Circus in 1998. IT was great seeing “the band get back together” but at this point being a KISS fan was getting tedious. Just as we were getting used to Eric Carr, he passes away. Bruce Kulick was one of the most talented and longest tenured members of KISS. And now that we have Eric Singer truly making his mark on the band we might as well let both of those guys go to get Ace and Peter back. What a disaster! Psycho Circus was one of the most anticipated comeback albums in rock history and it didn’t live up to it’s potential at all. Of course we have the strong title track and the whole “psycho carnival” theme but there’s not much else going on here. “You Wanted The Best” while a guilty pleasure, is for die hards only since it’s cheesiness is incomparable. The song deals with all of the strife among the original members of the band. Rather than re-inventing the original KISS lineup as a formidable rock gang like they originally intended to be, they opted to ride the “reunion” railroad but they never passed go. They blew the opportunity to build on the creepy vibes given off in the title track. I give more credit to the Bruce/Eric/Eric lineup since for 13 years they were plugging away releasing music that continually improved upon the previous. BEST TRACKS: Psycho Circus, Within, Into the Void, I Pledge Allegiance To The State of Rock & Roll

Thank you for reading and I hope one day KISS will quit releasing “best of” compilations. I wish that Paul Stanley stops saying that fans don’t want to hear “New” KISS music because that’s not true at all. Hey Paul, maybe it’s that you guys are too lazy to make it? Shit, I would be too if I breathed the fumes of thousands of dollar bills all day. KISS needs to return to making the hard rocking tunes they were always known for.

www.SexyArmpit.com

The Sexy Armpit’s Guide To The Best KISS Songs You Should Download Part 2

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Welcome back to The Sexy Armpit as we examine the BEST KISS songs from their entire discography. And now for Part 2:

One of the most thunderous Kiss albums is Love Gun. It blasts your speakers apart from the onset with “I Stole Your Love,” which is perhaps the most underrated Kiss song. Take an unfiltered listen and momentarily forget Gene’s Family Jewels, and the umpteen farewell tours. Just listen to it. LOUD! By the way, loud is the only way to listen to KISS, and this album is a prime example. Ace’s classic “Shock Me” is an awesome track although to me, it always seemed like it needed some Viagra or a red bull. It has a plodding beat and it never reaches the its full potential. Sorry Ace fans, you can praise it on YOUR blog! And here’s one from bizarro world, KISS covers “Then He Kissed Me” originally performed by The Crystals except they change it to “Then She Kissed Me.” Genius! lol. It’s definitely worth a listen. BEST TRACKS: I Stole Your Love, Got Love For Sale, Love Gun

KISS Alive II features more blistering live KISS tracks. Here you go Ace Frehley fans: BEST TRACK: Rocket Ride. As far as the Kiss solo albums go, I’m recommending that you go in with an open mind. So you’re not too disappointed, start out with Ace and Paul’s since those albums feature music more in tune with the KISS music you’re used to hearing. BEST TRACK OUT OF ALL THE SOLO ALBUMS: New York Groove

Disco Kiss? Most people would say YUCK! while others may vomit upon just hearing those words. DYNASTY actually has some outstanding KISS tracks. Disco or not you can’t deny a good song. BEST TRACKS: Magic Touch, Sure Know Something (sounds like you can use it when you make your amateur porno), I Was Made For Loving You

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I’ll be honest, Unmasked is a tough listen unless you’re a hardcore KISS fan. They pretty much went into a complete pop direction and it didn’t work out too well. BEST TRACK: What Makes the World Go Round
Music From The Elder may possibly be the most panned, disappointing KISS album ever. The music on this album was supposed to coincide with a screenplay but it was never released. At one point there were failed talks of a Broadway musical as well. After the shift in musical styles that were featured on the last couple of KISS albums, they became even more experimental on The Elder. I give them credit for trying to stretch out creatively, but The Elder was pretty strange and it didn’t satiate KISS fans. Kiss was known for making pop oriented hard rock and The Elder only had one or two tracks that resembled that on this album. BEST TRACK: The Oath
Around this time a “Best of Kiss” compilation called KILLERS was released as an import and featured 4 new KISS songs but none of them are worth mentioning.
Aside from their debut album, CREATURES OF THE NIGHT perfectly captures what KISS is about. Not only does it evoke the style they created 8 years earlier, but it also introduces one of the hardest hitting drummers of all time, Eric Carr as well as new KISS guitarist and songwriter Vinnie Vincent. The addition of Eric brought so much life to KISS. They became more of the fire breathing band of yore and less of a cliche. Even their concerts got louder and more explosive thanks to Eric’s tank drum kit. The KISS army felt proud: “Don’t Fuck with KISS, cause we‘ll blow you away!” The entire Creatures album is the most accessible and hard rocking Kiss album that still holds up by today’s hard rock standards. Creatures is a serious album which lacks Paul Stanley cheesy rap solos and Gene’s constant sexual euphemisms. It’s a combo of great writing and Eric Carr’s thunderous drumming that solidifies this album as easily THE BEST KISS ALBUM OF ALL TIME.Try listening from start to finish and I promise you’ll truly get wrapped up in this album. I tend to play this album a lot in the fall for several reasons. Some of the songs have an ominous tone almost as if this should’ve been the soundtrack to a horror film. Also, the album was originally released in the fall and it rocks a spooky looking cover. C’mon, that title track almost begs zombies to escape from their graves. You can even listen to the album’s only ballad “I Still Love You,“ without feeling like a chick! BEST TRACKS: EVERY F’N ONE OF THEM!

After it’s release in ’82, Creatures was looked at as a failure for some God awful reason. Lick It Up ushered in the era of KISS without makeup. There’s a slew of awesome, straight up “glam metal” on this album. It maintains the optimum style of KISS just like Creatures did. As I mentioned Gene’s performance in “Parasite” in Part 1, you’ll notice some echoes of that song in the music and Gene’s voice on Young and Wasted. Rick Derringer even guest stars on Exciter! BEST TRACKS: Exciter, A Million To One, Lick It Up, Young and Wasted
You Wanted The Best and You Got The Best…Part 3 of The Sexy Armpit’s Guide to the Best Kiss Songs is coming tomorrow!
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The Sexy Armpit’s Guide To The BEST KISS Songs You Should Download Part 1

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Welcome to Part 1 of The Sexy Armpit’s Guide to the BEST KISS songs. While “best Kiss songs” is an oxymoron to some naysayers out there, it IS the premise of this article because Kiss is one of the most iconic and influential rock bands in history. Out of the “long and distinguished” KISS catalog of music, how were these songs chosen? Well, I’ve painstakingly hand picked tracks from each album that I think have withstood the test of time. Is there any personal bias involved? Yes of course. You would think Gene Simmons paid me off to write this entry, but actually, I had to pay him. I’m wiring him the royalties right now. When I finish handing over my bank account to The Demon, I will present you with the BEST KISS tracks in the most fair manner possible.

BUT JAY, there’s not enough Ace and Peter, what’s the deal yo? OK, let me get this out of the way right now: We all know Ace had the best solo album, so I won’t list any tracks from the solo albums here. And I enjoy Peter’s work especially Getaway, Hooligan, and various others. The fact that I’m not gushing about their “underrated” contributions to the KISS albums is just a personal preference. Believe it or not, there’s too many Gene/Paul songs that generally went unnoticed. Trust me…when you’re done amassing your new Kiss collection you’ll be pretending you’re Paul Stanley in front of your mirror pouting your lips and fluffing your hair. Step aside Starchild, it’s time for the countdown…

KISS’ self titled debut from 1974 captures the essence of the band the way they were originally intended. It’s sort of like the first installment of Nightmare on Elm Street, although it didn’t make nearly as much of an impact. 34 years later I can proudly say that you should buy, download, or borrow this album because it will seduce you into the world of KISS. When people hear the band for the first time they are often surprised at some of the melodies, sing along choruses, and hooks. The first album features a lot of that, but also some plain old grungy New York Rock and Roll. Some of the greatest KISS songs of all time are on this album. BEST TRACKS: Deuce, Strutter, Black Diamond

The same year KISS followed up their hard rocking debut with Hotter than Hell. If there was such a thing as “alternative” music in 1974 this album would be considered just that. The music on this album is dark and grungy while still keeping that rock star flair. If you know Gene Simmons from his Family Jewels reality show, you would barely recognize him from listening to him sing on Parasite. This guy sounds so guttural it’s like he’s a crooning werewolf. It’s awesome. Sure, maybe he doesn’t have the greatest “singing” voice, but he’s got a great ROCK voice. He makes you feel the music. Trust me, there are much worse singers out there. The truth is, his voice matches their type of music. It went well with their hard driving, sexual tunes. Paul’s voice went better with the fluffier, pop geared tracks. BEST TRACKS: Hotter Than Hell, Parasite, Got To Choose

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1975’s Dressed to Kill features one of the most offbeat Kiss album covers. After seeing the band flaunt their out of this world costumes on the cover of Hotter Than Hell, here the band is dressed up in suits and standing on a street corner. Dressed to Kill presents Kiss in a much bigger light. It shows a bit of a departure as they seem to go for a trumped up rock star sound. Maybe the album doesn’t have the most thought provoking lyrics, but hey…it’s KISS: “She’s a dancer, a romancer, I’m a Capricorn and she’s a Cancer” need I say more? Personally I love the euphemistic language on “Room Service.” Paul Stanley even helped Anthrax cover “Love Her All I Can.” You also might try to dig up Sebastian Bach’s cover of “Rock Bottom.” BEST TRACKS: Ladies in Waiting, Rock and Roll All Nite (c’mon, it’s a classic!)

Even though KISS ALIVE! was the album that really put them over the top popularity wise, I’m going to skip it since there’s no new material on the album. Although it’s a must have if you’re a fan of live music.
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Destroyer, (1976) showed that KISS could truly create fine pop oriented rock songs. There’s plenty of upbeat, hard driving music on this album which was produced by the late Bob Ezrin. ***(BOB EZRIN is not dead, he let me know that in the comments. Sorry Bob! I confused you with Bruce Fairbairn) With Destroyer, Kiss was solidified as larger than life superheroes. This album also introduced a couple of KISS concert mainstays. BEST TRACKS: Detroit Rock City, King of the Night Time World, God of Thunder, Beth
Also in 1976, Rock and Roll Over, contains the most genius lyric in any song ever created at the start of “Take Me.” We hear Paul Stanley commanding a girl (hopefully) “Put your hand in my pocket, grab onto my rocket.” If I could write stuff like that I wouldn’t be on blogger blogging…I’d be a gazillionaire rock star. BEST TRACKS: Calling Dr. Love, and Mr. Speed (which could easily be covered by Big and Rich or Toby Keith nowadays.)
Come back to The Sexy Armpit tomorrow for the next installment of our Guide to The Best Kiss Songs!
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