BIOCH License Plate


I delved into The Sexy Armpit News Archives and found a news report from last year that aired on New York’s Fox 5 news. Reporter Cora-Ann Mihalik broke this truly newsworthy (sarcasm) story about Kim Romano a resident of Manville, New Jersey. The anchor at the time, Ernie Anastos, kept f*cking that chicken by introducing the story as “License Plates Personalized with Profanity!?!”

It all started with an anonymous complaint to the NJ DMV. Some idiot was so offended by Kim Romano’s plate that they took the precious time out of their life to send an e-mail complaint to the DMV about how appalling it was. 4 years prior to the story Kim says her BIOCH license plate started out as a joke but the DMV computers processed and approved the name without any problems. Then, at the time of the news report, the NJ DMV was forcing Kim to give the plates back and making her choose a new plate.


Mihalik interviewed a couple of bystanders regarding this crucial news story. First, Michele Tubby, yes that’s actually her name, said “I don’t want my kids seeing it,” while a retired police officer said it’s not offensive because it looks like it says Bocce Ball. Not sure if that was his attempt at humor or if he’s dislexic: BIOCH/BOCHI BALL. I wouldn’t have given this much thought if I saw this plate on a car on the road. I’d probably get a laugh but that would be the extent of it considering it doesn’t look remotely offensive to me.

The report shouldn’t have implied that the word was offensive from the get go. The report would’ve been more effective if they polled the audience asking if people thought it was offensive or not and went into a tirade about how f*cking ridiculous the person was that complained about it. If it does look offensive to some, it’s obvious that Kim is the one who is the brunt of the joke. License plates don’t call other drivers names, they typically describe the driver of the car. Unless it’s this plate which I have already applied for: URNASS. If you can’t figure that one out then you need to go to text messaging school.
For those who are Bioch curious, a Google search will yield the infinite amount of ways to spell “Bioch,” and I must say that they way it’s spelled on the plate is not my first choice. I would spell it BIATCH primarily because there’s an “ahh” sound in there, and many people even get a little crazy and throw the letter Y in for good measure. To me, BIOCH just looks like the abbreviation for BIOGRAPHY CHANNEL. 

Not sure why Cora-Ann Mihalik conveniently left out the fact that Manville NJ is primarily known to many people in the state as the home of the establishment formerly known as Frank’s Chicken House now referred to as Delilah’s Den, but now you know. So there you go, BIOCH!

Strip Monopoly is Fun and Entertaining

Monopoly is said to be the most played board game in the world. I’m sure there are still at least a few folks out there who have no idea that many of the streets and a couple of the railroad lines on the classic Monopoly board were named after ones that actually existed in Atlantic City during the time the game was conceived in the 1930’s. Many of the streets are still there, so the next time you go to A.C and you blow all your cash, you can then take your own Monopoly driving tour for FREE! Just a word to the wise – don’t pull a Clark Griswold and ask a random stranger to give you directions back onto the Expressway. That’s a bad move.

In honor of the new Monopoly header that I made, here’s a clip of a game of Strip Monopoly – the version not endorsed by Hasbro. Monopoly does tend to get a little boring after you’ve been playing for 3 1/2 hours and no one has gone bankrupt yet, so why not spice it up a bit? Maybe getting stuck in this jail won’t be so bad! Remember to wear a thimble though!

A Sexy Game of Strip Monopoly by Liv FilmsMore amazing videos are a click away

Rules of Strip Monopoly
Hasbro’s Official Monopoly Website

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 10: The Sopranos T-Shirts

I woke up this morning…had a T-Shirt idea in my eyes. Allright, so the lyrics to Alabama 3’s Sopranos theme song don’t necessarily translate into a winning blog post joke. But it has been on my mind that The Sopranos has not been represented here on T-Shirt Tuesday. What a crime! One might think that I was roughed up a little by Mr. Silvio Dante in order to keep my mouth shut, but who cares? Do you think I’m going to listen to those guys? Let them try beating me again because I have a mind of my own, one that veers off frequently throughout the day into daydreams where I am a guy named Kevin Finnerty. Jeez, maybe all those beatings have taken their toll! Now fix me a capicola sand. with peppers so we can get down to business, and make sure this room isn’t tapped!

Word has come down that has assembled quite a haul of links to stores that sell Sopranos shirts, hats, and other collectibles. This stuff fell off a truck so it’s hot! Let’s take a look at some of the T-Shirts they’re featuring:
You can find about a hundred different Bada Bing variations on Cafe Press, but this version is from the store Funny T-Shirts from seller “ybiaw.” Next is the Barone Sanitation shirt from Cafe Press seller “strk3.” One of my personal favorite T-Shirts shops is Stylin’ Online. They can be a little pricey at times but they’ve got an awesome selection. This Sopranos shirt they are offering specifically mentions New Jersey! Of course these are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Sopranos tees, so we’ll delve deeper in future posts.

The Wrestler starring Mickey Rourke filmed in New Jersey

In The Wrestler, starring Mickey Rourke, it seems that Marisa Tomei plays a stripper. I’m a big fan of her recent renaissance as an on screen sexpot. Anytime Marisa Tomei is nude or partially nude is a good thing (see Until The Devil Knows Your Dead). I’ve pondered how incredible she looked under those clothes since I was a kid watching A Different World and now I wonder no more. How does this work into The Sexy Armpit you say? Some scenes in The Wrestler were filmed in New Jersey and a new Bruce Springsteen track is featured in the closing credits.

Criss Angel Makes His “Believe” Show Disappear

Dear Criss,
This isn’t a letter hailing you for all your advances in the world of illusions. What you do on television is impressive but I can recall the days when success wasn’t so easy to come by for you. During my time working in radio you practically begged the various stations around NY/NJ to play your CD’s.  Back then you were lucky to be called an adequate, formulaic, and effeminate magic act with a fierce lisp who just happened to play some pretty heinous hard rock music.  But, there’s no need for us to harp on the past.  Like Colonel Sandurz said, “We’re at now, now.”  In fact, let’s talk about what I found in my inbox yesterday:

Exhibit A: a strategically written e-mail that your people sent out to anyone who purchased tickets to preview your Believe stage show in Vegas produced by Cirque Du Soleil.  The show was slated to start on September 12th but they just flat out cancelled the first several “preview” shows. Oops, sorry folks!  I’m glad they told us now you know, especially since my hotel and airfare are booked. Seeing Believe was the purpose of the trip. No apologies were offered for causing an inconvenience.  They just aren’t ready yet. What doesn’t make sense is that before purchasing tickets, warnings were abound explaining the nature of a preview show. We would be seeing merely a preview which might not have the kinks worked out yet. The fans ate the tickets up anyway. We could look past some minor flubs unless you’re accidentally revealing how you pull all your illusions off.
Since my expectations are usually set pretty low, I was just happy I got a refund with no hassle. Perhaps that was some sort of illusion as well?  Is the trick going to be telling us that you refunded us but it miraculously doesn’t show up on the credit card bill?  Wow, that’s really inventive. Almost as good as “Hey, got your ear!”  Thank God for that cause it never gets old!
I understand completely that I shouldn’t be holding you accountable personally, but the production crew.  Oh yeah, the production crew…the guys who apparently work their asses off around the clock getting this thing together. For some reason these unionized professional effects gurus who create the wondrous wizardry that will be presented in the show felt that they just couldn’t make their deadline.  Perhaps one too many lunch breaks at The Spearmint Rhino, huh fellas? I remember when I had a 50 page paper due my senior year of college and if it wasn’t in by the deadline I would receive a zero and have to take the course over again.  That was only one 3 credit course which probably cost a few hundred dollars to participate in.  I worked over 4 years to graduate college because I thought it might help my future.  It was completely voluntary.  This expert production company who’s getting paid literally millions of dollars, can’t make their deadline?  They’ll sure as hell still get paid regardless of how many “peons” they screw over.  
I don’t care about the refund, I actually wanted to see your show.  Now, the only way that can happen is if I plan a whole entire future trip to Las Vegas. As you and I know, money doesn’t grow on trees although the leaves on the trees in your mansion are made of hundred dollar bills.  Perhaps you could reach into those deep pockets of yours? You know, those swampy, smelly leather pants that you wear and finance my next trip out to Vegas to see your lame show that probably pales in comparison to say, a Broadway institution such as Phantom of the Opera.
Perhaps your little mind con, uhh, I mean mind freak isn’t translating to the stage as well as you thought it would? Do you think having a few more days might buy you the time to figure out how to cut that girl you’re banging into 3 pieces instead of 2, then float above her with industrial fans blowing your beautiful brown L’Oreal locks as your bare chest glistens for all the women in the audience to wet their panties?  I honestly don’t know if you can accomplish all that with just a few extra days to play with.  But think of it this way, it’s only a few days, but a TON of Vegas vacations are now ruined.  How does that motivate you?  Do you feel like Marty Moose? Clark Griswold wanted nothing more than to take his family to Wally World and the f’n park was CLOSED when they got there.  “Soorrry Folks!”  I thought paying astronomical amounts of money to see Bon Jovi was absurd, but it pales in comparison since his talent is monumentally more entertaining than any parlor trick.  I’d like an apology for screwing up my trip or perhaps even a 20% discount on tickets if we want to come to a future show?  F-that, you could’ve sent us all free Mindfreak T-shirts or something. I’m sure the women who got screwed over would love a pint of your sweat.  You don’t have to shell out anything for that, Lord knows you sweat enough.   I’m going to think twice about shelling out almost $200 a ticket for your show in the future let alone planning an entire vacation around it.
When my mind is clear and its doors are open for mesmerizing, your chicanery never fails to enthrall me. I have always been a “believer” until yesterday when my loyal status level has been downgraded to pending. Walking on water and floating in the air is impressive and that’s what made me believe that your stage show would be several shades of Unbelievable. As the story unfolds you’ve been disloyal to your “loyal and some of us won’t be experiencing your supposed fantastic and astonishing spectacle.
Now that a chunk of your fans have been unequivocally disappointed, are they expected to stand by idly and wait for your next “magic trick?”  Perhaps one of the world’s most beloved and chaotic characters, who coincidentally also knows magic, might show you a little trick he can do with a pencil.  You are one big M.F, and I don’t mean Mind Freak!  Oh and by the way Criss, will you also be refunding the money of all 12 of the people out there who bought your albums over the years?