This Halloween Don’t Go Guido

Jersey Shore Wigs
Check out the Pauly D wannabe giving us the Blue Steel 

Halloween isn’t even here yet and I’m already preemptively sick of all the people dressing up as characters from MTV’s Jersey Shore. I can see the groups now, entering costume contests, lifting their shirts up to show their abs, comparing their poufs, and just being plain obnoxious. I live in Jersey so I don’t need to run into artificial guidos when there’s already enough real ones around as it is. Hopefully people thinking of buying these Jersey Shore costumes will think twice before making the purchase. Just a word of advice if you are actually thinking of going through with it, don’t you think there’s going to be a shitload of other people going as the same thing? Seriously people, this is Halloween not a Snook-a-like contest.

Guidette Kit
Because only people from Jersey like “Chewing Gum” right?

Kurt Loder in Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2

Photobucket
Mainly thanks to his MTV exposure, Kurt Loder has appeared in a bunch of TV shows and films. One of those films is 2000’s Blair Witch sequel, Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2. It’s a movie I’m fanatical about, and thought it deserved a better reception, but that’s another story. It’s now time for MTV NEWS.

To the Gideon Yagos and the Sways of the world: You will never be Kurt Loder. Ocean City, New Jersey’s own Kurt Loder might have had a bland, straight down the middle delivery when breaking in between commercials with his MTV News brief, but he’s still the most authoritative news anchor MTV has had. If there was an important event going on in the music industry, I used to feel comfort in hearing it from the droll Kurt Loder.

The guys and girls who came after the likes of Kurt Loder, John Norris, Chris Connelly, and Tabitha Soren, totally missed the point. To be a cool broadcast journalist on MTV you shouldn’t try to be cool, and you shouldn’t try to be uncool. Loder didn’t try, he just seemed like he was always on a mission to bring us all accurate, unbiased music news. With U.S Army experience and a serious journalism career under his belt, Kurt Loder has become one of the most reputable music authorities in the world. And he was in the first scene of Blair Witch 2 which is pretty badass in my book.

Jersey Circus

Photobucket
Often there are times when people wonder “where do people come up with this shit?” Many of those times people in my life say that about me. This time, I’m saying it about the highly amusing new blog, Jersey Circus. They’ve enjoyed a lot of press lately, but if you’ve somehow missed it, it’s simple: “…Jersey Shore and Family Circus Come Together.”

Introducing Robbie E. and Cookie: SHORE on TNA

Photobucket

I have no qualms about admitting that I’ve enjoyed TNA Wrestling much more than the crap WWE has been putting out for the last several months. There’s a bunch of reasons why I’ve basically jumped ship like Nash and Hall did when they went to WCW. If you can’t possibly comprehend why I feel this way, I’ll explain.

Foremost, the feel of TNA programming overall reminds me of how wrestling was when I first became obsessed with it. The roster is a crew of extremely talented individuals. Whether it’s the stellar tag teams, the X-division, or the ladies, they all have proven their talent and they didn’t need no stinkin’ reality show! Their new stars aren’t being forced down our throats either, they are genuinely making fans interested via awesome matches and cutting attention grabbing promos. TNA’s ranking system adds some legitimacy to the title race, while the unscripted promos are more natural and lend realism to the characters.

Since Hogan and Bischoff joined the company, TNA has been on a slow, but steady incline. There’s certainly a handful of veteran stars, but the focus is predominantly on new talent. Personally, I find it more exciting to watch wrestlers that come from the indy scene rather than those who have been scooped up after Vince fired their asses.

One of those wrestlers who has had an extensive run in several independent companies as well as occasional spots in WWE is New Jersey born Rob Eckos. Eckos, the former “Platinum Poppa,” was recently signed to TNA as Robbie E., a guido type character inspired by MTV’s Jersey Shore, which happens to be TNA’s direct timeslot competition. Do not judge him by his upcoming tongue in cheek take off on the Jersey Shore crew, Eckos is a profoundly talented wrestler who already has over 10 years of in-ring experience. An entry in The Top 10 Reasons to Watch The Wrestler on Blu-Ray here at The Sexy Armpit was that Eckos’ name was mentioned in it! I think it’s the coolest thing to be name dropped in one of my favorite movies of all time, and one of the best Jersey based films ever.

Robby E’s valet will be a send up of Snooki, aptly named Cookie, whose previous ring name was Becky Bayless, a spunky female wrestler also pulled from the indy scene. Make sure you check out TNA Thursday Night iMPACT! on SPIKE TV in the coming weeks to see the premiere of Robbie E. and Cookie!

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 62: The Beachcomber in Seaside Heights

This past weekend I took a trip with my girlfriend and some other friends to The Beachcomber in Seaside Heights, NJ. I wanted to check out It Ain’t Pretty, a band churning out modern rock and pop cover songs. The band is made up of Dennis Zimmer, P.J Farley (Trixter, Ra), Shawn Mars, Mark Hall and Dave Clauro. They rocked the place and helped the Beachcomber live up to it’s renewed reputation as a fun place to go to drink and let loose.

Photobucket

When your establishment’s claim to fame is “This is where Snooki got punched,” it’s easy to attract business. Even their t-shirt has become a collectible with the stamp of approval: The Beachcomber Bar and Grill: The Official Bar of MTV’s Jersey Shore.

While walking around the Seaside Heights boardwalk that night, I realized why MTV chose the Seaside Boardwalk as opposed to the other stretches of the expansive Jersey Shore. Why not Point Pleasant, Atlantic City, or Wildwood? The answer is because the Seaside Boardwalk is unbeatable. There’s so much crap to do! There’s games, stores, bars, and rides; you’re almost guaranteed to have some sort of fun. So, for those watching Jersey Shore repeats thinking that Seaside Heights has a cheap, shlocky mess of a boardwalk, well, you’re absolutely right and that’s why it’s awesome.

Jersey Shore Halloween Costumes

via Costume Craze and Fashionably Geek

Photobucket

It’s inevitable that you’ll be seeing people at Halloween parties across the country dressing as Snooki, The Situation, and the rest of the Jersey Shore cast this year. Dressing as a member of the Jersey Shore cast is not only fairly easy to pull off, but you’re also guaranteed to get recognized and bothered to take many Facebook photos with party goers, no matter how ridiculous you look.

Photobucket

You could probably slap together a more authentic costume based on your favorite Jersey Shore character on your own, but for the lazy ones out there, Costume Craze has whipped ’em out for you. The website is offering Snooki, The Situation, and DJ Pauly D costumes in deluxe and lower budget versions. For the cash strapped, you can be The Situation with the purchase of the cheap and easy equivalent of the Tuxedo T-Shirt complete with painted on abs.

I’m not surprised that nobody wants to dress as J-Woww. With that big shot attitude of her’s she’s not exactly inspiring a generation of J-Wowwnabes. Hey, if you really want to be original why don’t you just go as a giant grenade?

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 53: Aqua Teen Jersey Shore Shirt

Photobucket
Aqua Teen’s “Greetings from The Jersey Shore” T-Shirt
It won’t be long before people everywhere want to literally vomit at the mere mention of the names Snooki, JWoww, and The Situation. With the 2nd season of MTV’s Jersey Shore creeping up on us, it won’t be long before your cable channels are infested by guidos again. Don’t worry though, when their 15 minutes is up, you can always fall back on the original crew to hang out down at The Jersey Shore, The Aqua Teen Hunger Force. The cult Adult Swim series is still going strong, in fact, just last week Aqua Teen Hunger Force Volume 7 was released on DVD. Personally, I’d rather listen to a talking ball of meat than JWoww.

http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=thesexarm-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=B00330WP6Q&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 52: Jersey Shore Variety Pack

No, these tees aren’t actually available in a variety pack, don’t be so literal! If they did come in a pack it would be pretty awesome, I’d be having flashbacks to the days of the Wise Chips variety pack in the long box which included Bravos, popcorn, Potato chips, and Cheez Doodles; there were so many possibilities! What would I discover in my lunchbox, or should I say treasure chest? Back then, I had my favorite, and I know you did too. Bravos were the best because even though they were flimsier than a Dorito, their flavor was more subtle. So, much like tearing into a lunchbox sized bag of the second string nacho chip, if you can’t actually be at the Jersey Shore this summer, at least you might as well pretend you’re there with these t-shirts.

jersey shore,mtv,t-shirt,guido

Even though MTV’s Jersey Shore brings a lot of attention to New Jersey, it’s not the best kind of attention. With guidos there is a lot of obnoxiousness, a melange of stenches made up of gallons of cologne mixed with body odor, terrible dancing, and tees with sweaty pits. All 12 of you who aren’t from Jersey originally and never lived in Jersey at one time or another, please understand that the experience of going “Down the Shore,” isn’t as much of a train wreck as you see on MTV’s stereotypical reality show. It’s nothing like walking around Malibu, California mind you, but we love it anyway for some f-cked up reason. Trust me though, except for certain bars and clubs, the actual Jersey Shore has nothing to do with the lobotomized guidos who have popularized it.

*Out of these tees, the Palm Tree shirt is my favorite because believe it or not, you’d be hard pressed to find a palm tree amongst all the refineries and toxic waste. At first glance The G.I Joe parody is pretty cool, but I would never step out of the house wearing it. Which one is your favorite?

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 50: The Saint in Asbury Park

new jersey,asbury park,the saint,t-shirt

The Saint in Asbury Park, NJ is one of the best venues to discover new bands in the Tri-State area. Since 1994, the stage at this corner bar has been graced by major label acts, local up and coming bands, and artists hailing literally from around the globe.

On a recent visit to Asbury Park, I stopped into The Saint for a beer. As I sat on a stool at the bar, I absorbed the atmosphere. The multicolored lights saturated the various concert posters, memorabilia, and other quirky decor hanging on the walls. To the right, I noticed a band setting up their equipment on the stage, and even though I was curious to stay and check them out, my eyelids were already involuntarily shutting on me. I just can’t hang anymore, especially since I was up at 5:00 am that morning. As my girlfriend and I were about to call it a night and hop back on the GSP, Lipstick and Cigarettes, were plugged in and ready to rock the crowd. I peered around at people’s faces in the bar and everyone was waiting patiently, so I figured this band must be pretty good. One girl standing not too far from my stool who said her name was Stephanie, seemed like a fan, so I asked her if she saw this band before: “Yeah I did, and this is only their 2nd show actually,” ahh, thanks for the info Steph. Normally “only their 2nd show” would be a surefire signal for me to hightail it out of there, but after hearing merely 20 seconds of their opening song “Burn This City,” I knew they were my type of band.

lipstick and cigarettes,band,the saint,asbury park

Almost all the songs this trio performed were instantly memorable. I was sold on their bouncy, energized, retro rock vibe. Chris, the lead singer and guitarist of Lipstick and Cigarettes, could have been yanked out of a video from the early days of MTV with his skinny tie and black button down shirt. His voice matched the visual, creating a sound similar to many new wave bands with the prefix “The” in their names like The Cars, The Fixx, and The Knack. Their drummer, Erik, provided killer beats throughout the show, especially on the intro to “Alibi.” He infuses the songs with a rhythm that made me feel like they could have been on an ’80s movie soundtrack. But providing the key female element in the band is their bassist, Sarah, who probably gets so sick of hearing all the Cassandra from Wayne’s World references, so unless you want to get punched in the mouth, you better think twice about asking her if Crucial Taunt is playing The Gasworks this week. Sarah provided backing vocals on a few of the songs, such as “White Tie Affair,” but the band would benefit from making Sarah and Erik’s backing vocals more prominent in every song, which would provide a fuller, more distinct sound.

During the concert, I admired how meticulously constructed their pop rock songs were. For instance, “Taking it Slow’s” big “Whoa-Oh” chorus was fun, less sugary than the sweet power pop of Tinted Windows, and way less effeminate than Franz Ferdinand. Accentuating their set was a fresh cover of The Romantics’ “Talking in Your Sleep,” while some of their best tracks followed such as “Sleight of Hand” and “Dangerous Eyes.” As they brought it home, the crowd wanted more. Although unsure of what song they would do, Lipstick and Cigarettes delivered an encore. After some back and forth, Sarah was elected to sing. She enticed all the guys in the crowd with her alluring vocals on Blondie’s “Call Me,” and of course, she slapped some bass as well.

The show was over and I wasn’t tired at all after seeing Lipstick and Cigarettes. The second the show ended I basically interrogated the drummer Erik and tried to shake him down for a CD, but he claimed they didn’t have one made yet. That got me more than a little pissed considering that I could totally picture myself cruising around this summer with the windows down blasting their music. I thought he was just joking around and didn’t want to give me a copy, but then he mentioned that this would be their last live show for a while since they are working on writing and recording their debut album. Damn, I was glad that we decided to hang out! I admit that I was unsure if I wanted to stick around for a band I knew nothing about and whose music I have never heard, but that is the type of unexpected magic a place like The Saint offers. All the classic bands started somewhere, and if I’m lucky I may have witnessed one in the making.

LIKE Lipstick and Cigarettes on Facebook
and
visit http://thesaintnj.com to check out their event schedule

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 49: Guidon’t!

guido,new jersey,jersey shore,shirt
The great Darius Whiteplume of Adventures in Nerdliness brought this tee to The Sexy Armpit’s attention. Guidos have been associated with Jersey since the dawn of time. When cavemen roamed the land, tanned, roided up, fist pounding, shaved beasts scientifically referred to as Guidos gallivanted around New Jersey. For the past several years anthropologists knew they weren’t officially extinct, but they definitely seemed dormant for a while, until now. Thanks to MTV’s Jersey Shore we’ve seen more and more guidos come out of the woodwork, almost as if they think it’s socially acceptable to be a Guido now. Go back and take refuge in the club where you belong! The Guido has become a mockery and this shirt sums up that sentiment perfectly. Regardless, they are more marketable now than ever because of Snooki, The Situation, and the rest of MTV’s Jersey Shore cast. The graphic on this tee would make a great logo for Guidobusters: The Movie, how much do you want to bet it gets greenlit before Ghostbusters 3?

**T-Shirt Bordello refers to this shirt as their “Fist Pumping Tribute to Jersey Shore” and it’s “made of 100% cotton for that comfy feeling you get after changing the channel from Jersey Shore.” Just before this post was published the tee was on sale for a rock bottom price of $2.99, so get it while you can! www.tshirtbordello.com