NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 115: Camp Crystal Lake in Wessex, NJ

Horror t-shirt fanatics like myself never have to worry about not having enough tees to fill their wardrobe. With online shops like Fright Rags and Rotten Cotton and horror conventions across the country, you can easily buy multiple shirts based on all of your favorite horror films. Today’s entry continues with the long line of awesome Friday the 13th shirts floating around waiting to be purchased on the Internet.

The Camp Crystal Lake t-shirt from Beware the Moon Clothing Co. is truly right out of a Friday the 13th fans wish list. The shirt references the fictional town of Wessex, NJ. There’s nothing geekier than discussing a fictional town barely mentioned in a horror movie and eventually emblazoned on a t-shirt, so let’s discuss the shit out of it right now.

Although the first several films in the franchise were set in New Jersey (you can see evidence HERE HERE HERE HERE HERE and HERE) Wessex is not exploited much except for the morgue/medical center that Jason is brought to in The Final Chapter. Later, Jason Goes to Hell changed the location of Crystal Lake to Cunningham County and the Friday the 13th Wiki considers the geography change in that film it’s own entity. Screw Jason Goes To Hell, it’s easily my least favorite of the entire series and it’s disappointing because F13 is hands down my favorite horror franchise.

Beware the Moon Clothing Co. has a bunch of excellent horror, wrestling, TV, and movie t-shirts for sale. The only downside is that shipping is a bit steep since the online store is based in the UK, so you’ll have to kick in some extra coin for shipping, unless you’re actually in the UK, then you get FREE shipping.

Halloween Mood Table 2014!

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For several years during my childhood, my mom would keep a medium sized artificial Christmas tree up year round. No, she didn’t leave the Christmas decorations on it the whole time, she would decorate it with whatever coincided with the season. Summertime usually had things like American flags and beach décor, and Halloween, of course, had pumpkins, ghosts, and witches, etc. As offbeat as this seemed to people who came over at the time, it was truly a conversation piece. Personally, I thought it was a lot of work because I would help her put the ornaments up. Although it didn’t last more than a few years, it was certainly a memorable way to celebrate holidays and the changing of seasons. Since we’re deep into the Halloween season, if you don’t really want an artificial Christmas tree taking up space in your living room just yet, you can create a Halloween Mood Table.

The pioneer of the Halloween Mood Table, Matt from Dinosaur Dracula, has been doing these for eons and so many of his readers follow suit each year to usher in their own personal Halloween celebrations (this year even Jorge Garcia, star of LOST, got in on the fun!) Surprisingly, up until now I only admired Matt’s Mood Table as well as photos of the tables that were sent in to him. I finally decided to get into the game with my own assemblage of spooky crap to create my own Halloween Mood Table!

There’s a few reasons why I never took part in the festivities.

Perhaps the most prominent reason why I never created a Halloween Mood table of my own was because I’ve always kept so much of my Halloween and Horror stuff displayed all year that I never had the motivation to dust it all off and relocate it to another spot. If you are drowning in knick-knacks like I am, you know what a pain this is! This year, it dawned on me that if all this stuff sits in the same spot all the time and collects dust, it’s making things stagnant! I figured, why not take a stab at finally making a Mood Table to infuse my surroundings with a shot of Halloween spirit?

First, my September and October months have always been packed with events and trips well before I ever had my first website, so this left little time and motivation to work on the mood table. Then when I started doing the Halloween Specials, that ate up much of my time in September and October as well. It dawned on me recently that if I have time to put up a Christmas tree, then why the hell can’t I make some time for a mood table? Since this year’s Halloween Special is now available for all to see, I finally had time to dedicate to making this monstrosity!

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The minute I started conjuring up this mood table, I was immediately overcome by the exact feeling that Matt described that one should get after admiring what they designed. It’s true too, because the table wasn’t even complete and I felt a surge of Halloween spirit, instead of butterflies in my stomach, I’m pretty sure they were cheap rubber bats. The fact that I haven’t done this in the past is ludicrous.

Let’s take a closer look at what I slapped together fairly haphazardly.

The table itself is a black wrought iron accent table that has to date back to the late ’60s. It was a gift to my parents after they got married and it had plant on it. It’s simple, and I’ve always loved it. It was probably because it was always there in my house, whether it had a spider plant sitting on it or a few coffee mugs, an ash tray, and some random uncles bifocals. It’s heavy, black table and it’s pretty timeless. When we moved into a smaller place, I lobbied hard to keep the table, I even said I’d keep it in my small bedroom. So, with us it came. Then when I moved out into my own place, I brought it with me. There was no doubt that it was screaming to be the official Mood Table from now on. It was fate. It travelled all these years and through all the different homes and has finally found it’s place in this world holding random Halloween related junk. I hired a table whisperer and he said the table is so happy now, it may want to keep that crap on it all year long, but mostly because it knows I probably won’t move it off until late November.

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I threw together a lot of stuff that I’ve procured recently myself or as gifts and have mentioned here on the blog along with some other items that I’ve had for a long time.

There’s an illuminated pumpkin, a few Reaction figures, the vampire Monster in My Pocket that I picked up at the Trenton Punk Rock Flea Market, Halloween edition Toxic Waste candy, Halloween 3 Glow art from Bob Burke, atrocious Halloween art that I made with @DinosaurDracula and @FreddyInSpace, a mummy pooper, the Librarian Ghost from Ghostbusters, the Krispy Kreme GhostBusters pail, a couple of styrofoam headstones, Halloween Gak (thanks to Ipoisonthenachos) Frankenstein LED color changing candle, Jason goblet, a packet of Ghoul Aid, a skull, pumpkin candle, a wind up zombie, a Rockin’ Solar Buddy, Blair Witch Sticks and Stones VHS tape, Clarence, Prime Evil who was my costume inspiration last year, the Dino Drac 2014 Halloween countdown print, a Miller Lite Scary Pumpkin Coaster, Ghosts of Central New Jersey book, and one of the horns used to make Mike’s Jersey Devil getup in this year’s Halloween Special.

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Wrapped up sloppily and helping to create the ambience underneath the table are orange and purple rope lights that I was about to take back because I didn’t think I needed them this season, but it dawned on me that this is the perfect way to put them to good use. After nearly impaling myself on their sharp plastic packaging, I wrapped them around the legs of the table and plugged them into a step-on light switch for easy access. Not sure if that’s the technical UL certified name for it, but step-on light switch works just fine for me.

To take this a step further, I wanted to connect my iPod speaker dock underneath the table as well, but there were no more outlets. It was best to avoid a Darren McGavin fuse moment in A Christmas Story. I’ll save that project for the weekend!

Production Blog 4: The Halloween Special 2014 Premieres FRIDAY!

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In case you haven’t seen it around on social media, The Sexy Armpit Halloween Special hits YouTube on Friday night!

My previous production update included the colossal bummer of discovering that a full days worth of footage we shot didn’t come out. That’s the less technical way of putting it, and to keep this post from being 6 pages long, let’s leave it at that. Things are a lot more upbeat this time around and I’m psyched to announce that the Halloween special premieres on YouTube this FRIDAY night!

After having our schedule pushed out a week, I can still say that even after getting thrown off by a full week, I am planning on premiering the Halloween special a full week ahead of last years premiere date!

Aside from our schedule being thrown out of whack, I was equally as concerned that the video would surpass 30 minutes. Fortunately, it’s not 30 minutes, but it’s about as long as a TV sitcom. Now, this would all depend on the way you look at things, but some fans and friends of the site, and even I could lodge the argument that even if we did come in at 30 minutes, it would be 30 minutes of free, independent Halloween goodness that you won’t see anywhere else. Plus, it has some of our online cohorts in it as well. Most of the time I prefer 20 minutes to be the absolute maximum, but this time there’s more of an actual fleshed out storyline to get wrapped up in.

If you enjoyed our previous 2 Halloween specials, you won’t be disappointed! From a personal standpoint, I can’t yet comment on which one is my favorite until I watch the finished product on the big screen TV with friends and family to really capture the feel of it. As it stands now, last years Halloween special is my favorite, and possibly my favorite video I’ve ever made, but in only mere days I’ll find out if the 2014 installment edges it out.

For your Halloween enjoyment, I highly recommend you try to watch it on your TV, whether it be a Smart TV or if you have a PS3/4, XBox, Apple TV or Roku. I feel like Michael Cole berating you with information, but in this case, I have this feeling that your experience will be so much better than watching it on a tablet or a phone.

I thank you for reading along with the production updates, and I appreciate all of you who showed support on Twitter, IG, and Facebook! This whole thing, including my site, videos, and everything means so much more when I run into people who legitimately enjoy it. This year the special has been a lot more work and sucked up way more time than ever, but I am proud of it. It gives me the chance to present you with a little something extra during my favorite time of the year. Literally several quarts of sweat went into this video, and I also stained my face, pissed a lot of people off, burned the entire interior of my mouth including my tongue, almost had the cops called on me, and probably gained 7 lbs sitting on my ass writing and editing, but it was worth it.

A huge thanks go out to our small crew of friends (you know who you are) and loved ones who helped make this special happen. Whether you’re here with me driving all around New Jersey or you sent me a recorded part your part from across the country, I have nothing but immense appreciation for you.

I haven’t had much time to do anything except work on this film for nearly 2 months. It’s hard to imagine the amount of hours we’ve spent making this film, and to consider that I’ve spent almost triple the amount of hours editing it than we took to film it is pretty nuts. It seems totally preposterous, and even though it’s a silly YouTube video, it’s still incredible time consuming. Getting back to a normal existence will be welcome. Next year the special is going to be 4 minutes lol.

What’s next for me? Most important, I am going to enjoy the rest of October and get right back into the Halloween countdown. I’ll be reading your blogs as well. Come back soon for a few more cool posts for the countdown and at least another video, maybe two if I have enough horror and caffeine in me!

BE HERE FOR THE PREMIERE:

FRIDAY NIGHT 10.10.14
THE SEXY ARMPIT HALLOWEEN SPECIAL!

AD JERSEUM 18: Ballantine Ale Halloween Party!

We all know there’s nothing scarier than…OLD BEER!

Growing up in the ’80s, there were plenty of Halloween and Beer ad tie-ins. We were pretty spoiled in that regard, although it’s been going on for many moons before Elvira showed up in a Coors Light ad. Above, you can see an example of such a thing from 1943, except without a beehive haircut and cleavage.

Today’s ad features one of the oldest beer brands in the country, Ballantine Ale, which is deeply rooted in New Jersey. I wasn’t around during it’s heyday, but growing up, we had a few pieces of Ballantine paraphernalia in my house, so I was familiar with it, even as its popularity throughout the country waned.

In the house I lived most of my life in, we had an actual bar in our house, not one that you would buy at a furniture store or at a place that sells bars, but an actual bar complete with leather stools transported from a real bar in Newark.

It was permanently installed in our den, which was basically our play room. Yes, we played in a room that had a giant full wet bar. Once the huge family gatherings started to become a rarity because family moved away to various parts of the country, the bar room eventually evolved into my own personal play room and wrestling arena for the better pat of my childhood.

We didn’t change anything in the bar so it pretty much stayed the same way since the late ’70s. There were colored lights and lots of authentic liquor trays coasters, branded glasses and mugs, and lighted fixtures with various brands of beer and soda like Schaefer, Carlsberg, Heineken, 7Up, and others.

I can’t really say I ever cared to sample anything until I got older. Maybe crème de menthe because it was green and looked somewhat more appetizing than say, Seagrams 7. The Frangelico bottle in the monk costume didn’t look to shabby either, mostly because it reminded me of the figural shape of Mrs. Butterworth’s, but I hadn’t developed a taste for it yet.

Trust me, just because this thing was in my house didn’t drive me to boozin’ at an early age. If anything it removed the temptation that a lot of my other friends had. Why would I beg my sister or ask an older friend to go to a liquor store for me when I stared at these dusty bottles that no one ever drank every day of my life? Eventually, as I got a little older, there were a few times when I had to enlist some help, similar to the Goldslick Vodka fiasco in Superbad.

While clicking through eBay, and definitely not intentionally looking for Ballatine Ale memorabilia, I came across a vintage Halloween themed ad for this beer which is perfect for our column AD JERSEUM. Print ads are rarely this enticing anymore and finding one oozing with so much old school Halloween spirit makes it even more tremendous!

The ad is pure persuasive Halloween magic. The kickass bar didn’t drive me to drink, but this ad makes it seem like the most fun and appealing activity that anyone could ever take part in. Whenever a product or company completely embraces holidays and makes them the basis of an entire ad campaign, that’s gold in my book.

The ad recalls a time before I was born when parties with a slew of guests were a common practice and entertaining on a weekly basis was the thing to do. Finger foods were a hot commodity and quirky adult beverages were always on the menu.

Let me break this scene down for you. A spooky witch, A knight, and Mr. Pumpkinhead with the argyle shirt are all at a dinner party. It looks as if the witch is attempting to scare the letters in the word BOOO and those letters are shooting back sarcastically with one of those “shakin’ in their boots” mocks back to her as if her attempts are not really scary at all, cause he knows the drill. Boo has been around the block many times with this witch. Cannot pull the wool over his eyes anymore…or the sheet.

The main focal point, of course, is the beer, which looks so damn appealing. It almost looks more like an ice cream soda with whip cream swirled on top than a plain old beer. And look how this brew is making these m’fers HAPPY. You can almost hear Pharrell Williams singing the background song of this ad.

The Knight is completely psychotic and will without a doubt KILL Mr. Pumpkinhead after the first round of hors de ouvers. Hopefully he’ll let everyone grab a cocktail wiener on a toothpick before he chops this poor guys head off and puts it over his head to reenact the legend of Sleepy Hollow out front to the delight of the snobby drunk well-to-do folks who attended this soiree. I just realized, cocktail wieners were completely out of the question for this party, CORRECTION – Crab Puff pastries, my bad.

If you can read the very tiny verbiage, it describes talking with our hands as if it was an ancient thing, which is interesting. Jerseyans and New Yorkers are often described as people who talk with their hands, so this part of the ad works on two levels. Here, hand gestures are referred to as a “Handy.” Stop smirking. This is serious beer business.

The handy mumbo jumbo doesn’t make much sense to me, but I chalk that up to it’s age. Maybe at one time it made perfect sense to readers. We don’t really need to connect with this lingo, because apparently, all we need to know is that the “OK” hand signal means this Ballantine stuff is a superlative beer.

According to Wikipedia The new Ballantine is not the same exact brew as it once was because the original recipe from over 100 years ago has been lost to the ages. Presently, it’s been said that the brew is reminiscent of it’s original flavor. I’ve tried it actually found it enjoyable, and easy to drink. If you want to add a vintage flair to your Halloween party this year, give Ballantine a shot, look how happy it made the Knight and Mr. Pumpkinhead!

*Long after I wrote this, a coincidental thing about this beer happened. I was driving home last weekend from Weehawken, NJ on the NJ Turnpike with Miss Sexy Armpit and we saw a giant Ballantine billboard. It looks like this beer is attempting to make a comeback! I had no clue about that either because this post had been in the can for about a month before I even saw that billboard!

Facts about Ballatine from Wikipedia:

– Founded in Newark in 1840, the company stayed in the Ballantine family until the brewery close in 1972.

– Ballantine, based out of Newark, exists in name only nowadays. The brand is owned and marketed by Pabst while the actual brewing is outsourced to Miller.

– Ballatine was a longtime sponsor of the New York Yankees

– Martin Crane on Frasier was a fan of Ballatine beer

Production Blog 3: Halloween Special 2014, Catastrophe!

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Now is the most logical time to impress upon you that you should check out our 1st and 2nd Halloween specials if you’ve never watched them. They do have aspects that will continue in our upcoming 3rd special, so watch ’em on your smart TV right before you view your next horror movie!

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOhL19V-TfM][youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJ_R7kXLGZc]

Please subscribe and check out our other videos at: https://www.youtube.com/user/thesexyarmpit/videos

Back to the production update:

There was a lot of positivity and momentum going on in the last production update.

This one is more filled with rage and furious anger.
What I intended on being the final day of filming actually turned out to be disastrous, aside from an wondrous trip to Smashburger (had the chicken avocado club in case you were wondering!) It was no fault of the people involved like Mike, his wife Lauren, and Miss Sexy Armpit. It wasn’t my fault either, it was the camera. It seems to gave gone bye-bye. Not disappeared, but more accurately, gone to shit. It’s a realm that I don’t think it will ever return from.
Regardless, after I transferred the footage the computer, I watched it back…stupefied at what I was viewing. Each piece of footage was incredibly pixelated and distorted. If I was making a found footage movie that was recorded on a half broken GoPro camera, this would’ve been tops. I even tried converting the footage, but there was no fixing it since it seems to definitely be an issue within the camera itself.
So, the footage was fucked, and I felt that I was as well. Nothing like a catastrophe like this putting a huge damper on forward progress and what little motivation I had at that moment. I won’t feel fully in the game until we get back on track with the all the footage in the can.
Looking back, it makes this whole thing seem like more of a struggle, and it definitely IS. There’s no embellishing here. Considering there’s no budget, and a fair amount of arguing, the resentment of Jay factor is rising amongst those involved. The only thing I can promise is that when it’s done, the crew and YOU will be moderately entertained. That is what will redeem me here, I hope.
Fingers crossed, tomorrow we’ll complete our re-shoots with a brand new cam. After that it shouldn’t be too long before I can unleash The Halloween Special 2014 to all of you. 
As far as running time, we are looking at pushing 25-30 minutes and I previously mentioned in the last post, that is way too long in my view. But there’s too much good stuff that it’s not getting chopped to hell. Let’s face it, we don’t get a limited edition Scream Factory blu-ray so I’m gonna make this one count! 
Also, it’d be great if you want to incorporate it into an October horror-thon, like watching it before ohhh, say…Halloween 2 or something, of course that’s just a suggestion, I don’t mean you should actually do that, except no, I DO MEAN EXACTLY THAT. PLEASE.
Cursed footage. Raging tension. Heated arguments. This could be the basis of next years Halloween special. Bah, who am I kidding, I already have 5 ideas for it.
I truly appreciate everyone coming together to help out when this really brought down all of our moods. On a lighter note, I can report that this has been a real team effort. Lots of our online friends have pitched in to help, and even some surprise guests that went out of their way to make appearances both on camera and off. You know who you are, and you will all be thanked heavily in the credits! This aspect of it is really going to make this special the most monumental installment so far. My original vision for these was exactly that – a throwback. I’m all about including guest stars and hijinks much like some low budget TV special you might have seen in the ’70s.
Stay Tuned and thanks for hanging in there! I will not rest until it’s complete!

Production Blog 2: Halloween Special

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Since we won’t be filming the next half of the special until the weekend, I decided to begin cutting the footage we’ve already shot. I always find an insane amount of joy in watching the raw footage back while editing, it’s one of the more enjoyable phases of the process.

Although, even basking in this glorious almost-Autumn weather hasn’t been enough to rescue me from feeling a bit distraught. The excitement of Halloween has not yet fully hit me yet because this mammoth undertaking IS A LOT OF DAMN WORK!

I blame myself.

Honestly – writing, “acting,” filming, and editing are aspects I certainly adore, but they’re all a free-time leech, and prove to be a major distraction from being able to fully enjoy the early part of the Halloween season. By time the season is in full swing, I’m beat up from lack of sleep because I’ve been editing for weeks and staying up until 2am and then waking up at 5am for work. When Halloween is over, I look back and have no idea where it all went. One of these days I just want to sit back and take it all in. Maybe I’ll start recording the special in the spring time? Nah. It just wouldn’t feel right.

Like so many of you, Halloween inspires me. The span of September 1st all the way until October’s big 3-1 is one huge overload on my brain. I can’t even reign in all the ideas I have, nor could I possibly ever execute all the trips, blog posts, and videos that I have on deck. There’s just not enough time, especially when one is biting off more than he can chew with a full time job, trying to blog, AND creating a Halloween special for YouTube.

I’m sure there were many people out there who probably watched our last two specials and got nauseated, but I am not here to beat them into submission and staple their eyelids open to watch our ridiculous YouTube video. I’m appreciative and happy about those out there who genuinely enjoy them and plainly see in them the obvious outpouring of love that I have for Halloween, horror films, and pop culture in general. All 3 of those things have literally consumed my entire life, and so has making videos.

For those of you who read blogs in our circles and elsewhere and see the term “labor of love,” well, I can tell you for damn sure that that is a real thing.

A crazy expensive professional video camera was first placed in my hand when I was 8 or 9 years old…in the ’80s. This thing was GIGANTIC and HEAVY. Seeing a similar reference on The Goldbergs last season was surreal. I’m sure there were others who felt the same way, but I said to myself “Holy shit, that was me!” Hauling around what felt like a 90 pound video camera on my shoulders interviewing family members, recording backyard wrestling events, and acting out movie scenes was common content found on a blank VHS tape at our house. That stuff never stopped, it just evolved. Next it was 8-millimeter, digital cams, and transitioning from old school editing on decks to editing right on the computer, it’s been a long journey.

So, to bring that all together, what I’m saying is, as wacky as our videos might be, they actually represent the culmination of many years of passion for horror, comedy, screenwriting, editing, and amateur filmmaking.

Enough of this schmaltzy B.S! Onto the actual production update!

As I mentioned in the first production update, I enjoy the editing process immensely. While the rest of my productions are usually created in a slightly haphazard way, the editing is very methodical.

For only the first half of scenes, we had over 90 minutes of footage. That’s deceiving though, because a large chunk of this is raw footage for the intro credits. To clue you in, I’ve dwindled this all down to 28 minutes, but we have another 2-3 days of filming left. My hope is never make these specials longer than 15 minutes, but it’s a major challenge to tell a story properly in such a quick amount of time. I’m hoping this special will be in the range of 15-20 minutes max. If it’s more, I’m going to get cranky. Since this is our 3rd special, I owe it to myself to not rush the story and make it the best it can be. Who knows, maybe it will be the best one we’ve done so far. What I can tell you is that we have some super special cameos that are really icing on the cake.

I can also add that for every tense moment during filming there’s about 5 or 6 that make us all laugh and prohibit us from continuing for a few minutes. This type of absurdity has already given us about 5 minutes of outtakes that I really wanted to weave in during the credits, but we shall see how long the film itself is. If the run time is already 20 minutes, I’m going to have to make a separate outtake reel and upload that on it’s own.

Another thing I’ve noticed as I look back on this footage is that I am certainly not Stanley Kubrick, but I just wind up acting like him when we’re making these specials. During filming I have no idea that I become a total dick, but it’s like I’m possessed. I think I said “let’s do it one more time,” about 67 times in the first half of footage. Plus that makes editing that much more grueling because for a 3 word sentence I’ll have 43 takes filmed. Talk about driving myself mad!

I’m hoping to have all the filming in the can by Monday, save for a few little bits of the intro and a few other very minor details. Once I load that footage in, I’ll begin the second phase of editing. Time-wise we seem to be pretty much on target. Thanks for reading and come back again soon to track our progress!

Production Blog 1: Halloween Special 2014

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You might be wondering how I could have the audacity to start a Halloween countdown and then not post a damn thing for a week? Trust me, there’s a good reason, and it’s well worth it!

Thanks for baring with me folks. We’re about halfway into production of The Sexy Armpit Halloween Special 2014! This is our 3rd Halloween special and to make it even remotely entertaining (and I use that term loosely) we have to put a lot of thought and actual hard work into it. Since I’ve had to turn my attention away from the Halloween countdown in favor of our annual Halloween video extravaganza, I figured, why not present you some inside info about it right here on the blog?

Although I consider the content of these specials to be a complete farce, I still infuse them with the utmost care and attention to detail. Ahh yes, details…that’s where Mike (@IdiotAtPlay) comes in. He’s always our continuity expert. Of course, we’ll still have one or two minor flubs in that department, but it’s no fault of his. This is multiple levels below even a Troma level of production, so keep that in mind. A few pumpkin beers and everything’s thrown out the window!

As I mentioned, we’re about halfway through filming and things are going well. The second half of filming will continue later this month, and that will contain more arduous scenes in terms of dialogue, props, and “scenery.” While I enjoy the process of directing and “acting,” they are my least favorite part of all this.

Having gone through so many film and acting classes, it became apparent to me over the years that I gain the most enjoyment out of two facets of the filmmaking process. I have an affinity for scriptwriting, but editing is my strong suit and it’s what I have the most passion for. So, I’m definitely anxious to start editing. Matter of fact, I may begin loading the footage we’ve already shot and dive right in to get a jump on things.

As for a premiere date, unfortunately, it’s still too early to tell, but I’ll be announcing one soon. Once we get the rest of the filming is complete, I’ll have a better idea of when it will hit the YouTubes. It will obviously be sometime in October. Typically, I aim for early to mid-month, so stay tuned!

Halloween Countdown 2014, Halloween A-Z

Velcome to Castle Sexy Armpit! Just changing that W to a V made a world of difference, and it’s those little details that have completely transformed The Sexy Armpit into a virtual house or horrors, a terrifying realm of text in tribute to our favorite time of the entire year, HALLOWEEN!

For the past several years, The Sexy Armpit has taken on Halloween motifs that were parodies of stuff like famous horror film posters, and band themes like The Misfits. We continue the tradition with the parody you see above. This header is inspired by a brochure advertising the greatest haunted attraction of all time, Castle Dracula.

Castle Dracula is legendary among those of us who frequented the Wildwood boardwalk as kids. Although it burned down so long ago, it still lives on via the Internet. It’s been paid tribute many times by Matt from Dinosaur Dracula. He’s also gone on record to state  that “Last year’s Halloween season was one of the best ever,” and I am in full agreement with him. I’m not sure if 2014 will be able to surpass 2013, especially when the actual year number was an eerie one itself. Just from a commentator’s perspective, 2014 is going to have to pull off a big swerve to reach the haunted heights of last year.

So, the Halloween Countdown 2014 is on! On the horizon is our 2014 Halloween special which is categorized as “in production” as we speak.

It’s all a bit overwhelming for me. My brain is absolutely flooded with ideas. What will my costume be, will I have to drive all over creation to find the limited edition crap? It’s all about antici—PATION. My mind is racing with all the cool Halloween stuff, products, food gimmicks, events, attractions, costume parties, etc. We wait for it all year and then it just creeps up on us and BAM it’s officially here and I feel like I can’t possibly be ready. Glad this thing starts September 1st, otherwise it would be over with a snap of a monstrous finger.

There’s a moat around Sexy Armpit Castle, we’ll call it Crystal Lake, and we’re diving right in. The lake of course, is made of Ghoul-Aid, hopefully laced with some psychedelics.

So it’s here, we’re living it right now. It seems like everyone else is ready, while I feel ill prepared. It’s like those dreams that you show up late to class on a test day without studying for it. Well, that’s me right now and I’m in that Amazing Stories episode “Go to the Head of the Class” with Professor Beanes.

Every year I typically kick off The Sexy Armpit’s side of the Halloween countdown with a recap of the best posts of the previous years countdown. Since the blog is in it’s 10th year, I’m going to do it a little differently this time. Although I haven’t been doing the countdown for 10 years, I’ve still accumulated so many posts that I feel are worthy enough to present to you once again, especially since you may be new to the site. These are posts that include personal stories from life events, movies, attractions, trivia, monsters, and a homemade comic book among other things. Do a little digging and maybe you’ll unearth something spine tingling.

To get A through Z, I had to do some finagling to get it to work out. You’ll notice some repeats, for instance, it felt like I had 23 “H” entries and there could’ve been at least half of these starting with “S.” And you’ll also notice THAT I HAVE AN ENTRY FOR Q and Z! Hell yes.