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Interview with Iron-Cow Productions’ Matt Cauley

Posted on July 16, 2008 by sexyarmpit

I cannot believe you actually have something this cool in your house!

– Mouth from The Goonies

I was fortunate enough to snag this amazing customized Batcave last year from the Iron-Cow Productions store on eBay. The Batcave playset utilizes a custom version of the ’89 Batcave playset from Toy Biz and also features a custom Joker card and giant penny from Batman’s Trophy Room. Naturally, this custom Batcave is one of the highlights of my Batman collection. And YES, it takes center stage in my bedroom! You could imagine how many “40-Year Old Virgin” jokes I get even though I’ve got a while to go before I reach 40!

The man behind Iron-Cow Productions is Matt Cauley, who has grabbed the attention of the industry by showcasing his amazing custom action figures, and illustrations. Matt is a featured contributer to ToyFare Magazine, and he also designed various DC Direct, Battlestar Galactica, and Marvel Comics Minimate action figures. In honor of the Dark Knight countdown Matt “Iron-Cow” Cauley granted me an interview to talk a little bit about what’s going on with his company and how he feels about the premiere of The Dark Knight.

The Batcave playset pictured here was created by Iron-Cow Productions, after all the different properties from Marvel, DC and other companies you’ve customized for do you have a favorite universe or character to work on?

Well, I’ve been a Batman fan all my life, so I’m naturally drawn to him. He’s what got me into comic books and since I drew him so many times as a kid, he’s the character on whom I really developed my art skills. In fact, the earliest surviving piece of Matt-art is a picture of Batman. Batman is easily the character that I’ve customized the most. Black, blue, animated, artist-specific, stylized… no version of the character seems too obscure for me to purchase for my collection, or for me to customize one of my own. You’d think I might get tired of customizing Batman over and over again, but I really have a blast with the character and love all the various interpretations.At least by staying primarily with one character, it gives me a lot of focus. This might explain why all my Doctor Who projects never get finished. With that line there are simply SO many characters I want to make, I’ll start on a new one before finishing up any already started project.

Whether it be illustrations or customizations, do you have any dream projects you’d like to work on?

It’s funny you say that. With the DC Minimates line, I was able to combine both my love of toys and illustrating. The S.T.R.I.P.E. Minimate was based off not only my control art, but if you remove the chest piece, you can see my illustration as well, in the form of his inner cockpit. That was definitely a fun project, creatively speaking. And, since I’m *such* a Batman fan, getting to help design a DC line really was a dream come true! Hopefully the Doctor Who Minimates will see the light of day. Ever since I was a kid, Batman and Doctor Who were my two biggest passions, and to have the opportunity to design toys for both lines? Seriously, that is my dream come true.

Are you looking forward to The Dark Knight?

That opens soon, right? I might catch it at some point. In reality, my wife and I are checking it out Friday night. Can’t wait! Obviously, I don’t know more than anyone else out there, but I have such ridiculous high hopes for this movie. I seem to remember the website TheOneRing.net having a countdown clock for when “Fellowship of the Ring” was to be released. I found myself obsessively checking that, and then unintentionally counting down the days in my head. 12 months, 6 months… 25 days, etc. The website Batman-on-Film.com has a similar countdown clock, and it feels like I’ve been counting down the days to Dark Knight for as long as I can remember. After this Saturday, though, it’ll be interesting to see what is next in line to obsess over. Sure, there’s Iron Man 2 and the Avengers, but for me I need to know when Batman 3 is in the works!

What are some projects Iron-Cow is working on right now?

Most of what I’m doing these days isn’t toy-related at all. I’ve been contributing art to the GREENDOG and EPIC THREADS fashion line that’s exclusive to Macy’s. That’s definitely been an interesting project, as they allow me so much creative freedom. Walking into a store and seeing my art hanging there on the rack gets me grinning from ear to ear. I’ve also been putting together a huge series of portrait paintings for an art show later this year. One of these should be appearing in the upcoming ‘Eye Candy for Strangers’ coffee table book, so look for a sneak peek this summer!

If someone was insulting New Jersey would you go along with them and come up with zingers of your own or would you defend the honor of Jersey and explain all the reasons why it’s great? Either way we won’t hold it against you!

Now WHY would anyone insult Jersey? Now, Texas, on the other hand… you do NOT mess with!

Thank you Matt! I appreciate it!

Wow, Matt is even designing art for clothing lines! And he’s comical too. He was obviously being funny when I asked about The Dark Knight and he replied “That’s opens soon right?” Haha! You can check out Matt’s work at http://www.ironcowprod.com/! He’s got a great Michael Keaton/Batman customization posted there among a TON of other great stuff. Be sure to look out for his customized figures, illustrations, and free downloads to help with your own customizations!

The Sexy Armpit’s “We Can Make a Difference” Campaign Phase 1

Posted on March 20, 2008 by sexyarmpit

You know something…F–K politics! Aren’t you fed up with this country’s total lack of focus on what’s really important? This is why I’ve decided to lay out my plan which is a complete overhaul of this country. My plan will put this country on a spin cycle, and I can assure you I WILL NOT FORGET THE FABRIC SOFTENER!

Are you at all surprised by McGreevy’s 3-ways, rest stop romps, or “Friday night specials”??? Think about it, Spitzer’s so desperate he needs to hire a prostitute to get a BJ? Wait, desperate isn’t even the proper word, he spent over $4,000 to get some action! Not to mention that the action was from a Jersey girl, talk about a waste of funds! That’s a fortune to some people and he spent it on something the majority of us halfway decent looking guys with average brain power could get after spending the night in any dive bar around the country (especially in Jersey!) His successor Patterson is such a scared pansy that he spilled all so they don’t catch him in a lie. What more can come out in the media each day? Each story released spurs further dirt on candidates and politicians that truly have nothing to do with the war in Iraq, health care, or the apparent recession. All these smutty stories do is divert our attention from examining the true problems this country has.

I’m so fed up with the direction this country is going. I’m angry that our media decides to focus on everything BUT the important issues at hand. Why do we care if Bill Clinton had a side piece? Are we that gullible to believe he was the first politician to do that? How come the guys only get called out on it? Talk about a sexist world! It would really make my day if Spitzer announced he was divorcing his wife for being a dried up old hag with no sexual interest in favor of running off with his 22 year old, 105 lb prostitute…that little hot bitch. All men want is to have a woman who brings some lust and excitement to the bedroom department. For some reason, the guys that go into politics aren’t typically Ambercrombie models. Most of these guys grew up with a chip on their shoulders because they couldn’t get laid, and now that they have some notoriety they use it to their advantage whether gay or straight.

This country is in denial! It needs to sit down on a couch with a therapist just like Tony Soprano did. If the rough, tough, and macho mob boss Tony Soprano could sit down with a therapist then why the hell can’t the United States? America has lost it’s focus, it’s ignoring the real issues, and frankly it’s got a real addiction to Hollywood gossip. That’s gotta stop!

As for my grassroots campaign, my candidate will use Jem and the Holograms “We Can Make a Difference” as his campaign song. My candidate will fight every battle with fierce patriotism and the values the country was founded on. Where the hell did our pride go? Remember all that Red, White, and Blue that was splattered all over your town about 6 or 7 years ago? That 9/11 rallying seemed to disappear not too long afterward. Jem will assure the country that our new candidate can and WILL make a difference!

Let me go over a few of the Policies of the the ideal candidate. The first policy my candidate ratifies will be replacing the House of Representatives with “The Secretaries of State.” The Secretaries of State will comprise of women, celebrities or well known female personalities who will serve as the spokesperson for each state. For instance, Eva Longoria will be the representative for Texas since she is from Texas. Each secretary would obviously have no responsibilities since they would merely be figureheads associated with tourism and sports teams. People will automatically think of the representative of the state when they think of that specific state. Most likely you’ll see them on T-shirts in airport gift shops. As an example, the Texas shirt features Eva Longoria all sweaty and dirty in a camouflage bikini, a machine gun and a bandanna. The shirt reads “Don’t Mess With Texas.” That’ll definitely be a top seller.

My new Secretarial program will also integrate political commentary into shows like Extra and Access Hollywood. It will in turn give us all a reason to watch those boring ass political shows on Sunday morning. Featured each week as guest hosts will be different Secretaries of state wowing us with their comprehensive, educated, answers and lightning fast responses to hard pressing, hot button issues. How will that miracle of modern science be accomplished? Easy! A small microchip implanted in their ears will send them transmissions from Washington D.C feeding them exactly what to say! Only Jack Bauer is in on the secret. This measure will prevent stuff like THIS from happening:

“I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the US should help
the US, uh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian
countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us.”

There will be hott calendars featuring the secretaries on sale in gift shops and Spencer’s everywhere. Half the proceeds of all “Secretaries” merch will go to the government, in order to offset the ass rape of taxes we receive all year long. I won’t rule out action figures, playsets, and thongs either. Think of how easy for us guys to remember…oh ok, “Angelina Jolie” represents California! “What’s the capital of California? Who gives a fuck! I know who the secretary is, and I can name all the films she appeared nude in! Isn’t that enough dammit! That’s enough politics for one day!” Even young students will find it advantageous to memorize each states representative. Many young boys will have their first wet dream thanks to California. “Mommy, I can’t seem to remember the representative of California, can we discuss her more thoroughly and purchasing her complete filmography on iTunes might jog my memory”
The sexy Secretaries would meet in the House of Representatives when they have their bi-annual (its not called “bi” for nothing (wink, nudge) lingerie pillow fight. Lots of important issues will be voted on afterward like who looked the hottest, who can get the most applause, and who should take their top off. There’s also the much anticipated annual Chili competition. No, it’s not what you think! The girls don’t put on chefs hats and cook up their own spicy, beany, meat stew. They all get put in a room in hot string bikinis where air jets are blasting ice cold frosty air. Whoever can stay in the room the longest without grabbing for stuff to keep them warm like a fur coat or thigh highs, will win the competition. Whoever has the most meat on her bones will have the edge. Just think…Hard Nipples for EVERYONE! Even though I’m not a necrophiliac, I’ve always thought blue lips were superhot.
Please join us tomorrow for the outline of Phase II of The Sexy Armpit’s “We Can Make a Difference” campaign 2008!

Getting High with Mr. Sketch

Posted on November 27, 2007 by sexyarmpit

Earlier, I was taking a shower and the air creeping over the curtain and down into my nostrils smelt like Woolworth’s in Menlo Park mall circa ’84. Sometimes I get the whiff of Cheese Nips, other times it’s the scent of hotel pools or convenience stores. I’m a scent connoisseur. Usually I perceive and recognize smells extremely fast. I may not be able to run a 7 minute mile, but I can definitely tell if the odor that’s wafting our way reminds me of Bugles. Bugles might not even be in the vicinity but there’s a definite Bugle-esque bouquet in the air. Through the years several factors have helped shape my keen ability to identify the spectrum of scents.
I don’t think I would’ve grown up to be as well adjusted as I am if it wasn’t for spending my youth sniffing the purple pie man. Strawberry Shortcake action figures were known for luring young girls in the toy aisle using their enchanting aroma. If I was over a friends house that happened to be a girl, I would sneak sniffs of the purple pie man like it was an asthma inhaler. He made such an impression on me that I’ve made “Sniffing the purple pie man” into an everyday phrase. Sometimes you need to stop and sniff the purple pie man. It’ll relax you when you’re stressed and it brings you back to the fun times when all you had to do was play with toys.
My childhood also wouldn’t have been the same if Stinkor and Moss Man didn’t smell the way they did. It’s similar to hearing a story from a senior citizen about how simple life was when they were young. Life was easier and there wasn’t much technology to keep you working at home on your laptop and getting calls and emails on your blackberry 47 times when you’re tyring to relax. Sure, we had technology and stress, but we also had smelly action figures to counteract it all. Every once in a while after a really stressful day you might catch my dad digging through my Masters of the Universe action figure box to snatch up Moss Man for just 5 seconds to nervously inhale his calming mossy aroma. No one forgets Moss Man and Stinkor, while guys like f—ing Clamp Champ are all but forgotten (except here). I bet you can still smell them if you think a little bit. People who weren’t even alive at the time remember Stinkor and Moss Man, EVERYONE knows them. I’m pretty sure Moss Man is now the President of Timor–Leste.

Remember how much fun it was to come across scratch and sniff stickers in your sticker album? Even if you could barely see the freakin‘ banana because it was scratched 865 times, you still scratched it to bring out the last faint sigh of it’s banana breath. Many times, the artificial scents on the stickers smelled way better than the real thing. Imagine if the real thing started to smell as good as the artificial version? Imagine if virgin vagina’s actually smelled like cherries? What if Grape Nuts actually smelled like grapes? That would’ve been a surefire way to get me to eat loads of them as a kid.

Not only do I have a keen sniffer but I can think up some smelly new products. Life would be grand if everything that existed had fun scents. For instance, if you walked up to your car in the morning as its glistening with morning dew and you carefully move your nose close to the paint job and your forest green Jetta smells faintly like a pine tree. As you fall asleep at night embracing your warm blue comforter you become totally relaxed and the subtle smell of blueberry muffins wafts up your nose.

I know you’ve heard of Pot stickers. The thing is that they aren’t actual stickers. They are a kind of Chinese dumpling. But while eating one in Buddakan in A.C, I came up with a great idea. A scratch and sniff sticker of a marijuana bud that smells like pot. Also, why doesn’t Yankee Candle produce a candle that smells like the dead of summer and the hot pavement just got soaked by a sprinkler. That would be a hot seller. I’d pay 29.95 for that. It would be fantastic if they had a vintage Bowling Alley scent vintage ’83. Or even Library ’78.

Awaiting you at the top of Mount Smellanai is a whiff of possibly the greatest scent ever created. The scent of a Mr. Sketch marker. How come no one has come up with Aromatherapy with Mr.Sketch? To me, this would be the pinnacle of Holistic healing since their scents arouse those warm fuzzy feeling inside. It reminds me of when I first used them in school as a kid. Everyone would argue over which scent was the best or which one was their favorite. If Oxygen bars exist, then why not Mr. Sketch bars? With “fragrances” such as Wild Cherry (always my favorite) and Mint, there’s no end to the variety of scents you can take in.

Smells and memories go hand in hand. I had this Darth Vader eraser that smelled phenomenal. I kept it my entire childhood and never used it, I just sat there and sniffed it all the time. There’s also that wondrous smell that you detect anytime you used to walk in the house and your mom was cooking up a delicious meal. Think of all of the scents that jog your memory like bubble gum, or a newly painted room. The plastic scent that invades your nostrils every time you open up a brand new action figure. How about the tickling scent that comes at you after you unscrew a bottle of Pepsi? Maybe you have fond memories of your uncle who smelt like English Leather, or my old hallway closet that smelled like mothballs. So whatever it is you enjoy smelling, relax, sniff, and enjoy. Let your fragrant fantasies run wild and you’ll be climbing the peak of nostril enjoyment.

Oh yeah, if you need some conversation pieces or a stocking stuffer this year I found this whacked out website that sells sells weird perfume. This is for those of you who want to smell like Egg Nogg, Gin and Tonics, Play-Doh, and Crayola Crayons. Where’s the Pepsi perfume, or Cabbage Patch Kids Perfume?

The Goonies Treasures Discovered

Posted on November 19, 2007 by sexyarmpit

In the past 20 some odd years it’s been tough being a Goonies fan. We waited such an insanely long time after DVDs became mainstream to even get The Goonies on DVD. ’80s classics like The Gremlins had an early release when DVD’s first got popular, but Goonies fans had to continually watch our beat up VHS copies. There’s also been constant teasing from the media for several years that a Goonies sequel has been in the works but it never seems to go anywhere.

Things started to look up a few years ago when The Goonies was finally given a nice treatment on DVD. About 6 years ago I started to notice an influx of Goonies merch like T-shirts, lunch boxes, and a whole lot of junk that could most likely be purchased at your local Hot Topic. I didn’t care what it was, or where I could get this stuff, I was just happy to see that my favorite movie of all time was finally getting some play. Even growing up there wasn’t much fervor for the Goonies and I didn’t see why. At the time, everyone close to my age loved watching the Goonies. I remember my mother bringing me to see it and I thought it was the most awesome movie ever and it reminded me of how it was hanging out with my friends at the time.

Just when there finally seems to be a big demand for Goonies stuff, I’m really losing my touch trying to keep tabs on all of these cool collectibles. If it weren’t for the Internet I would miss out on alot of crap. I try to keep up on the collectible landscape but the new Goonies action figures seemed to have slipped by me. I went to a website that said they’ve been out since August, so I immediately bought the entire 5 figure set. These figures are unbelievable. The accessories! Chunk has his milkshake (cause it brings all the boys to the yard), Mouth has his comb, and Mikey comes with an alternate hand so he can suck on his inhaler. Freakin’ amazing! While purchasing the figures, I noticed another entry for the “Copper Bone” contraption that Mikey used to activate the huge boulder trap. I couldn’t believe that a replica of this existed and how cool it looked. It’s a limited edition made by Mezco Toys and it was a Comic Con exclusive. When it came in the mail, I was overwhelmed at it’s authenticity and beautiful packaging.

Just this morning while doing a Goonie Google search, I found another great Goonies related treasure. How could I have missed this one? Did you happen to see it? Apparently Jeep is celebrating 20 years of their involvement in the Goonies film and they have a video game Goonies: Return to Astoria on their site. The game is downright horrible to play but there’s new artwork and a trailer to check out.

It’s fantastic that all this Goonies nostalgia’s happening, so hopefully it’ll make way for a sequel. I’m sure the pirate nostalgia caused by the popularity of the Pirates of the Carribean films helped out a bit. ’80s nostalgia in general is big too, and it only means dollar signs so why not keep it rolling? One of the best parts of being a Goonies collector is that there aren’t too many things to actually get. I’m happy with my Goonies posters, Goonies Burger King glasses, and movie magazines, although I am even more excited that there will be more to come.

Knockoffs in Disguise

Posted on June 29, 2007 by sexyarmpit

With the hysteria of the new Transformers movie and living in a world of constant nostalgia, I wanted to share a revelation that I came to recently. It had nothing to do with the meaning of life, or the fact that I feel I was meant to finally bring Dingbat and the Creeps to the Broadway stage. This is one of those little mysteries that I was bent on solving.

I got into a conversation at work about Transformers. Believe it or not, it was about the fact that I didn’t have too many Transformer toys as a kid and rarely watched the show that much. I did catch the show on occasion and I did have the original, awesome Optimus Prime figure/truck. It was a killer toy. For my taste, I was never too intrigued by the Transformers. I was more of a fan of the Go-Bots for some reason even though robots in general never did it for me unless it was C3PO, R2D2, or Vicki from Small Wonder.

The Go-bots were basically a knock-off of Transformers. They road the wave of popularity that transforming robots created in the ’80s. I mentioned in this nostalgic powwow that I had one Go-bot figure whose name escaped me but I remembered what it looked like. It was then my mission to scour the Internet for the exact figure I had. Luckily I found this site that had a list of every Transformer and Go-Bot toy ever made. I checked each and every one of them twice with no luck finding my old toy. It was frustrating to think that the mighty Internet couldn’t solve this mystery for me. It shows how reliant I am on the net, but there really isn’t any other way to find this kind of thing out easily. I figured if it wasn’t a Transformer and it wasn’t that specific Go-Bot that I thought then what the hell was it?

My friend Steve sent me a link to check out in hopes that I may get to the bottom of this.
http://www.toyarchive.com/Gobots/StoreDisplayShellConvert.html

I’m sure it was my birthday or Christmastime and an Aunt, Uncle, or cousin actually drove up to get gas at Shell and remembered that they didn’t by little Jay a gift! Oh crap! Luckily they are selling these knockoff Go-Bots aptly named CONVERTIBLE ROBOTS, and you can get one when you buy some gas. I can honestly say that I had alot of knockoff toys in my childhood because the real ones were always more expensive and sometimes harder to find. This knockoff, even though generic, was more convincing as it took me over 20 years to figure out that it was a ripoff and not a real Go-Bot or Transformer. It was perfect for kid who wasn’t a huge fan of either of the shows because I had no idea that it wasn’t even a real character. It truly was a robot in disguise.

There aren’t many things in life that are worse than knowing you had a knockoff of Go-Bo figure as a child. What a sad memory to hold in my heart! I owned a knockoff of a knockoff. I think falling into the toilet and getting your ass all wet just after you took a shit might be the only thing worse.