Blue lights on the trees?

There was a great commercial that aired during the kickass episode of Heroes on Monday. I must give props to Cingular and Motorola who produced an homage of A Christmas Story to promote their latest phone deal.

I find it quite amazing that A Charlie Brown Christmas is already airing on television right at this second on ABC. What’s even nuttier is that the Christmas Tree lighting in Rockefeller Center seems like it’s being scheduled earlier and earlier each year. Next thing you know, Halloween will be cancelled and replaced by a new holiday called “Countdown to Christmas.”

Tomorrow is the tree lighting and to me it’s pretty exciting. I’m looking forward to going to see the tree because it’s one of the last real traditions we have in the tri-state area. Traditions are awesome and make Christmas one of the most highly anticipated holidays. From the holiday music to the classic movies, it’s fun to relive them each year. Even though the holiday season has the most anticipation of any tradition, (next to the Super Bowl of course!) the more miniscule ones are still important. To many people, watching Monday Night Football (or Raw in my case) is one of the feelings that makes living life so awesome. If you don’t have traditions in your life, I recommend starting a brand new one up and then see if you can make it catch on with other people. Oh wait, George Costanza’s father tried that on Seinfeld (fesitvus) and Seth tried to on The O.C (Chrismakuh) and they both didn’t work out. It’s worth a shot anyway. I’ve always wanted to make a horror movie night with some friends where we all got together and watched a different horror movie every week or so. To me that is a great tradition.

Finally, it’s important to note that the town has decorated the trees on Main St. They put these weird blueish/purple lights on the trees! Usually red and green is more festive, or even colorless lights are better. I can’t get into lavendar, it’s not traditional enough dammit! Even silver and gold would be better.

A Very Vital Billy Idol Christmas

How the Pam Anderson/Kid Rock split is at the top of all the news updates is beyond me. At this point I’m curious to know who still cares about that storyline unless you are a hardcore Kid Rock or Pam Anderson fan. (who are you people???)

Now onto what should be at the forefront of the news, my recent purchases.

First, I was in the grocery store to get a cold beverage because I was parched. There I found the always satisfying Vitamin Water. Keep in mind that I have tasted every flavor that has existed except the one that I found on Friday. Vital-T is supposed to taste like Lemon Iced Tea, but it unfortunately tastes like Pledge, or Pine Sol. It’s really awful in comparison with the other flavors. The great part of Vitamin Water is that unlike other beverages it’s low in sugar, has vitamins, and a light feel to it. This Vital-T had a syrupy aftertaste and it just wasn’t all that refreshing. You can try it for yourself and let me know what you think.

My second purchase was the pièce de resistance. And no, it wasn’t a portable DVD player for $13 dollars. Why are they still such a hot commodity? While some people were clamoring for the sales on the big ticket items and the sought after stuff like PS3 and Wii, I’m always keeping an eye out for that little known gem of an item. One that will make my eyes glow and make me belt out Fah who for-aze! Dah who dor-aze! Welcome Christmas, Come this way! Ok well, I didn’t quite sing in the middle of Best Buy but I pretty much geeked out when my eyes locked on this cd like Maverick can lock a mig 28. The cover of the CD had a picture of a very familiar bleach blonde rocker. And no, I didn’t geek out for “Poison your Egg Nogg: A VERY Bret Michaelsy Christmas.” It was one of the most badass rockers from my childhood…BILLY IDOL! It was none other than the “Billy Idol, Happy Holidays” CD! I couldn’t believe what I saw because I usually never let stuff like that slip by my radar but for some reason I hadn’t heard about this one. I’m sure it will become a perennial favorite like his “Yellin’ at the Christmas Tree” track from Devil’s Playground. On New Year’s Eve if you listen closely you may be able to hear the faint tones of “Auld Lang Syne” coming from my Ipod sung by the one and only BILLY IDOL!

Pilgrimage to the store on the Black Friday before Survivor Series

It’s pretty crazy that Thanksgiving is just about a week away. I know it’s been said a million times before but Thanksgiving is really just an afterthought. I feel bad for the Holiday. When I was a kid there was so much more meaning to Thanksgiving. It stood on its own more than it does now. It had more personality. Nowadays it seems that the capitalism and the Christmas holiday have stole some of Thanksgiving’s thunder. What a shame! I’ve been seeing Christmas commercials for weeks now. The day after Thanksgiving we are officially in the Christmas season, they won’t let you wait til you digest your freakin 20 lb. turkey! I remember the days of making pilgrim hats out of cardboard in school, and learning about crops that Native Americans cultivated, and of course WATCHING SURVIVOR SERIES!!!

Yes, the WWE (then WWF) and Thanksgiving used to go hand in hand. They had a steady relationship for many years when I was growing up. The Survivor Series was known as the “Thanksgiving Tradition.” It was pretty cool because none of the Pay Per View events were associated with a Holiday on a consistent basis. This gave us fans double the reason to look forward to November. To build up the excitement, each week they ran the Survivor Series Report which kept us updated on the card and what new matches would take place. The anticipation was ridiculous especially when you are young kid. It was so much fun to have the WWE event and the big family gathering to look forward to each year. They just don’t do it like they used to. This year Thanksgiving is on Thursday and Survivor Series isn’t until Sunday. I can’t stand that the PPV’s are on Sundays, I’d much rather Friday or Saturday. I guess they figure people are more apt to watch TV then go out on a Sunday night. Regardless, the Thanksgiving Holiday needs to MAN UP! I’m looking forward to the event either way.

Remember people – you have 24 hours on November 23rd to give thanks. Once it hits the 24th your window of opportunity to offer your thanks is done so make it count. If you really want to thank Beyonce for being your inspirational leader then by all means do so but don’t forget that if you keep wasting time thanking people you might not be able to make it to the stores on Black Friday at 3 AM for the crazy insane sales. Don’t be shutout.

I mean these savings are out of this world. Forget 3 AM, be there at midnight. You’ll get $3 DVD players and it’ll come with a free couch. You’ll wait on line for 7 hours and 2 people will get their hands on the coveted PS3 even though everyone on line had a ticket. Somewhere when you lost feeling in your face because of the frigid cold you missed the store associate yelling out that they only had 2 PS3 units to sell. Then of course you need to buy that new ironing board because they’re throwing in a free meat and cheese set and Aunty Helen really loves that shit. At one of the stores you can get an entertainment center with a free surround sound system AND they’ll pay off the rest of your mortgage. I hear even Quick Check and Hess Express are blowing out boxes of cigarettes for half off so you can stuff people’s stockings. This year the bigger stores are even setting up a ring in the middle of the stores so the customers can solve all of their fighting and bickering about who got the last dinosapien. Fran from Old Bridge said she had her pinky on the box before Lee-Ann from Staten Island ripped it from her clutches so little Giacomo can have a swell Christmas this year.
FRAN: “My son loves the robo dinasours, he’s crazy about them.”
Lee-Ann: “Fuck him, yaw a fuckin’ whooore… the DINOSAPIEN IS MINE BITCH, let’s solve this in the ring, matta a fact it’s now the fuckin’ Surviva Series.”
Fuck all these stores and the freaks that go out on Black Friday. Stay home and sleep you idiots!!!

We’re sold out of Mir, sir…

Did u realize that the word “old” is in the word “mold?” That is awesome. I was enthralled when I realized it. It came to me after I told my Dad not to eat a sub that has been in the refrigerator for several weeks. Personally I can’t eat things once they are past a week or two. Also – F Kean University. Had to get that in because they have morons who work there.
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People need to stop going to malls and stores and go the fuck home and be with their families. Christmas happens once a year and they will shop til the last minute. They will appreciate the moments for about an hour. If you waited til Christmas Eve to shop then you are fucking retarded. You can quote me on that. I will say it to your face. You back up traffic. You are annoying. You smell. Your breath stinks. You are cheap. You think the world revolves around you. You have no patience. You have an attitude. You have a dirty mouth. You have no respect. You can’t drive. I pretty much despise you all. If you waited til Christmas Eve to buy a nice gift for someone you love and you have no excuse then you SUCK!!! If you are destitute, unemployed, having a hard time in your life, or whatever…then it’s obvious you can’t do it. I get it. But who says you have to get the $400 dollar item? This world is way too into “things.” Hell, I love getting things too, but I like things that are free, like sex. Nah, seriously I would be happy with something small. It’s the people in your life that are important. And of course, Gwen Stefani. And www.TheSexyArmpit.com. And the fact that my friend Steve can draw. Because without him, we’d have no kick-ass online comic book.

But remember all you fuckers who are backing up traffic and cutting people’s throats for a toy like an Idog or an Ipod or whatever…This is is Jesus’ b-day so break out your fucking party hats, balloons, streamers, and we gotta big cake with a stripper popping out of later. Good Ol’ J.C is gonna be pumped this year. We got him a home theater system with surround sound for his cave. Last year we could only afford a GPS tracking system for his SAAB. Needless to say he was a little upset. He grants us things all year and we get him a fucking GPS for his car. The thing wound up conking out on him in only a few weeks. It was a damn good idea we got the service plan on that. Instead of Frankinscence and Mir buy the man something from your heart, give him a lapdance or something. What the hell IS Frankincense? Was it like ancient Frankenberry? If it was a breakfast cereal, I think they should have brought him something better like Crunchberries. From the internet: “Mir, described by Bishop Spong as Jewish deodorant.” It’s also known as a space station, a village in Russia, and it means Peace. Regardless of Mir being a spice or a scent or whatever, we’ll have to substitute that with a Glade Plug-in this year and he’ll have to like it. We’re not going all over town to find Mir on Christmas Eve. All the stores are probably gonna be sold out of it anyway. There’s tons of traffic and I doubt the stripper would even know how to incorporate “Mir” into her routine. Anyway – Happy Birthday big guy!!!