New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.53: The Switch

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WALLY: “We’ll move out out to the suburbs, huh?”
PAULINE: “OK, umm, New Jersey?”
WALLY: “Great! Easy commute, of course, I have to work a ton to afford that second house. Although that could end up just being an excuse, I might just be hiding from the ever growing tedium of New Jersey drudgery…”

Memories are fuzzy about this weekend. Did I seriously watch The Switch (2010) starring Jason Bateman? C’mon, I expected much more from the most audacious member Hogan Family! His character Wally was too much of a neurotic chicken shit to be honest with his best friend and love of his life Kassie (Jennifer Aniston) that he winds up getting sloshed and hijacks her baby batter. Hey Wally, you can’t just go around dumping her present suitor’s (Nite Owl aka Patrick Wilson) sperm into the sink and replacing it with your own! Man up. And the fact that Diane Sawyer helped you accomplish your mission was quite a desperate measure. Naturally, Kassie takes Wally back in a predictably sappy romcom fashion. Just when you think a movie might be a little more interesting than the average crap: IT’S NOT!
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New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.52: Grammy’s Top 10

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I’d rather watch someone scrape paint off a garage door than watch The Grammy Awards. Every year they are a complete waste of time. I’m usually against the idea of award shows and I tend to trash all of them, but I actually did enjoy the last American Music Awards. They kept it fresh and attempted to make it entertaining. My problem is that I left my musical taste back in 1988. The Grammy’s lost me at Lady Antebellum. Eminem doesn’t impress me and neither does Rhianna. The Arcade Fire confounded me when they were musical guests on SNL. I’m not going to become a fan of a band just because it gives me street cred or because that’s what the hipsters are doing. Does the fact that I’ve never even heard of Mumford and Sons mean I’ve been living under a rock? Not to sound old, but when I was young if a band named themselves Mumford and Sons they better be a magical troupe of Muppets otherwise they would be made fun of mercilessly.

Fortunately, the producers of The Grammys were wise enough to ask David Letterman to provide one of his classic Top 10 lists for the broadcast. Those few minutes listening to Dave rattle off one liners was the most entertaining part of the show. The number 7 joke even made reference to Trenton, NJ, and even though it wasn’t as funny as some of the other entries it was still cool.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.51: The Other Guys

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While gathering evidence to crack a case, NYPD cops Terry and Allen (Wahlberg and Ferrell) must cross the river over to New Jersey to pay a visit to the Gretchel and Dawson accounting firm in Fair Lawn, NJ. This scene in 2010’s The Other Guys was actually not filmed in Jersey but Wahlberg’s character did reference Jersey:

TERRY: “It looks like we’re going to Jersey to visit an accounting firm, that’s a shitty day.”

Just because you’re reading a guy’s blog about Jersey nonsense doesn’t automatically mean he has a hard on for Kevin Smith movies. OK, it does mean exactly that, but so what? You can mouse on over to the back arrow on your browser and take a lightning fast trip (depending on your ISP of course) back to wherever you came from if you don’t like it. And NO, this post isn’t about Brody Bruce, Silent Bob, Randal, Trish the Dish, Holden McNeil or any of Smith’s host of signature characters. It’s about a cop film that Kevin Smith was supposed to direct if the studio’s original plan came to fruition. Needless to say, it didn’t, and Smith went on to direct a very similar, non-Kevin Smith film called Cop Out, which I found to be way more entertaining than it’s sub-par doppelganger, The Other Guys.

Adam Mckay directed The Other Guys with a mega budget while Smith directed Cop Out on an insanely meager budget in comparison. Merely teaming cinema favorites Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg together did not guarantee success considering the big ongoing joke of the movie is a reference to the female R and B group TLC. That was the best material writers Adam McKay and Chris Henchy could come up with? Do Hollywood writers just get together and type up whatever they were making jokes about the night before while getting stoned? “…Heyyyy…duuuude…you remember TLC?” “Yeeeahhhh maaan they were some hot ladies.”

In Cop Out, a film that beat The Other Guys to theaters, Bruce Willis’ finesse and Tracy Morgan’s intrinsic comedic timing win this battle by a landslide. In The Other Guys, Wahlberg’s character Terry was kind of odd and by no means should he be doing comedy unless he’s reprimanding Andy Samberg on SNL for doing impressions of him. As always, Ferrell is funny during his random outbursts back into “The Gator,” a nickname from his days as a pimp.

In Hollywood’s continued pursuit of being completely unoriginal, they decided to rehash ’80s cop movies like Lethal Weapon and 48 Hours. Even with terrible material to work with Ferrell was amusing as a geeky cop who also designs phone apps in his spare time yet scores ridiculously hot chicks. The odd couple relationship between Terry and Allen is more often annoyingly realistic than funny. I must admit that there are some people who make me want to smash my computer into the ground like Terry did, but the effect came off the same as the relief of a squishy stress ball rather than providing over the top laughter.

The Other Guys’ NYPD Captain Gene Mauch is also a part time manager at Bed Bath and Beyond. Fortunately for us, he is played by Michael Keaton. I was glad to see Keaton doing comedy once again, since that’s where he thrives. And yes, I got it, he’s totally unaware of the existence of the group TLC.

Even though it feels as if it just rolled off the assembly line, The Other Guys is worth a rental because it does have a few strong points. Two creatively directed scenes look as if they are straight out of a music video. The first is a still life scene where Terry and Allen are in a bar getting shitfaced and everyone in the bar looks like they are made of mannequins or wax statues. The other is an action scene toward the end where Terry and Allen barge in on a meeting and it turns into a shootout. You might also appreciate that it’s a very New York movie. Look for several breathtaking shots of the Manhattan skyline.

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New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.50: Miracle on 34th Street

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MACY: “Well, we can cover the country too. Notify our stores in San Francisco, Atlanta, Toledo, and Newark to get going right away.”
This scene in 1947’s Miracle on 34th Street shows R.H Macy rattling off several store locations from his empire. In retaliation against Gimbel’s, Macy instructs a couple of his employees to expand the new referral policy that Kris Kringle started because it created so much customer loyalty and positive publicity for them.   
When I watch movies like Miracle on 34th Street and A Christmas Story every Christmas season, I find myself in awe of the department store scenes. Shopping in department stores back in the 1940’s seemed like such a larger than life experience in comparison to the horrific battles encountered at Targets and Wal-Marts around the country. If you were a kid back then, the wondrous store front displays were of utmost importance because they provided the chance to scope out all the toys that you might put on your Christmas list. Macy’s in New York still attracts huge lines to view their store window spectacle during the holidays, but there isn’t really anything that grand in New Jersey. 

In the above scene, the Newark location Macy mentions is actually a Bamberger’s, which was one of the premiere department stores in New Jersey. It was founded way back in 1893 and their flagship store was built in Newark in 1912. In 1929, Macy’s bought Bamberger’s, but it wasn’t until 1986 that they were officially rebranded as Macy’s. In addition to malls across The Garden State, Bamberger’s operated stores in Morristown, Plainfield, and Princeton as well as in New York, Pennsylvania, Delaware, and Maryland. An anonymous comment posted at The Department Store Museum blog summarizes exactly what Bamberger’s was: “Jersey’s version of Macy’s…”

Check out the Bamberger’s post at The Department Store Museum which offers pictures and info on many of their New Jersey locations. Also, several facts in this post were taken from the Bamberger’s Wikipedia entry.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.49: RANSOM – When Mel Still Had His Marbles…

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Please welcome the newest member of The Sexy Armpit, Nick “N.J” Holden! In his first contribution, a look back at the 1996 film Ransom prompts Nick to give Mel a second chance. Check out Nick’s profile which is linked on the right sidebar!

It’s easy to dismiss a person by what is printed and said, even if that person was, at one point or another, decent. For an example, Chris Benoit was regarded as one of the finest technical wrestlers to have ever graced a mat, but after the tragedy with him and his ill-fated family, all of his achievements have been forgotten, almost as if they have never existed. To look at Mel Gibson now, after all the tabloids and rumors, one would see him as an out of his mind, racist, misogynistic narcissist with way too much money and too much ego. But at some point, Mel, before he blew a fuse, visited the Garden State (briefly) in the caper film Ransom, and while it didn’t reinvent the wheel or increase NJ’s tourist trade (at least not to my knowledge), it’s nice to look back on the Garden State before it was forever changed by some guy named Tony Soprano.

Tom Mullen (Gibson) is a self-made millionaire airline owner who finds himself out of his depth when his son Sean (Brawny Nolte, Nick’s son) is kidnapped and held for ransom. Now, the rational thing to do would be to pay the captors (which include a pre-Sex and the City Evan Handler) the money and be done with it. It should also be noted that, through a subplot, Tom was investigated by the FBI for possibly paying off a mob guy to keep his airline going. But after a disastrous turn of events in Jersey (where the ransom was supposed to be paid – holla Fair Lawn!), Tom turns the tables on the captors and uses the ransom as a bounty that he places on the captors, hoping that they will crumble under the pressure and turn on one another. In doing so, Tom not only draws scorn from his wife (Rene Russo) and the FBI agent (Delroy Lindo) on the case, but also become a pariah in the media for such a risky tactic. From then on, the suspense builds as both Tom and the captors begin to lose patience with one another, building in a climax that puts both Tom and captors on a collision course. Not necessarily with each other, but a course that is sure to spell doom for some.

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The movie, directed by Ron Howard, does a great job with the cast. Especially good is Mel, who is kept at a feverish pace. In his eyes, you can see the hopelessness and desperation, but also a man who is not afraid to cross the line to save his son. Also doing fine is Gary Sinse as the ruthless mastermind of the kidnapping who slowly becomes unglued and Lindo as the veteran agent who is confounded by the change of events. Unfortunately, what is seen of Jersey is very little, happening at nighttime at a stone quarry, but is pivotal in the storyline, so I guess we can forgive Howard for setting up an important scene in my home state. It was nice to see Route 4 without traffic for a change.

Ransom is a taut, well-acted cracker of a film that reminds you that Mel was once a good actor. It got him a Golden Globe nomination, so if you want to see Mel Gibson as a hero without a suicide fixation or dressed in a leather suit, give this one a whirl, otherwise you can just smile and blow him.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.48: Bride of Chucky

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“It was buried with my corpse in Hackensack, New Jersey”

The original Child’s Play was a fine horror film and gave me the creeps when I was a kid, but Child’s Play 2 and 3 didn’t grab me. It is rumored that Childs Play 3-D will be released next year, but for now, let’s take a look back at 1998’s Bride of Chucky
Child’s Play was most effective within the time frame it was released since dolls like My Buddy and Cabbage Patch Kids were hugely popular. Dolls are really only popular with very young girls nowadays, while back in the ’80s dolls were marketed to boys and girls, making the idea of a murderous doll freaky for every young kid. The Chucky franchise changed after 10 years and with Bride of Chucky it incorporated a more comedic tone. Whether you like the direction of how the Child’s Play films continued or not, the Chucky story developed and became more intriguing than if they just continued to make straight up, cookie cutter sequels.

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In Bride, Chucky finds himself a main squeeze, Tiffany (voiced by Jennifer Tilly), and off to killing they go. Bride of Chucky seemed to breath new life into the series even though Seed of Chucky has been the only film that followed in 2004. Bride is truly imaginative, it pays tribute to many iconic horror films, and it contains some amazing visuals. The film was directed by Ronny Yu, who later went on to direct Freddy vs. Jason. Katherine Heigl stars as Jade and John Ritter also appears as her uncle.

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Chucky and Tiffany decide to embark on a road trip to a New Jersey cemetary in order to get the amulet and make Chucky human again. Soon after, they come to the realization that they’re dolls and they can’t actually drive. The dolls pay Jade’s boyfriend Jesse to drive them, but first, Tiffany has her own little montage where she’s applying makeup and painting her nails. Playing during this scene is “Call Me,” by recent Garden State Playmate Debbie Harry and Blondie.
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Here’s a little trivia you can share with your horror buff friends: The son of Chucky and Tiffany was born in New Jersaaay!

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.47: Friday the 13th Part 3

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What do sexual escapades, skinny dipping, smoking pot, and getting murdered all have in common? They are all things that those punk ass teenagers from New Jersey like to take part in, hence, the state was the natural choice for the home of Camp Crystal Lake in the Friday the 13th franchise. Some of the films in the series don’t harp on it’s setting, while others are proud and throw in many references, some blatant, some subtle. Friday the 13th Part 3, was not only presented in 3-D, but it also featured overt references to New Jersey.

Friday the 13 Part 3 is one of my favorite installments of the series along with 1, 2, 4, 6, and Freddy vs. Jason. How could it not be on my list? There’s hot women, a Tommy Chong wannabe, and 3-D yo-yo-ing! And I also can’t forget the villainous biker gang led by Ali, who look like they were ripped out of Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” video. In the scene pictured above, one of the gang members is about to siphon the gas from the kids van. Their van has a New Jersey license plate as well as a Bruce Springsteen “The Boss” bumper sticker. I think it’s cool that the filmmakers paid attention to the details and kept the film set in Jersey no matter how unpopular the state used to be. Nowadays the chances of seeing a film set in Jersey are much greater.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.46: Derek Jeter’s Taco Hole

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Derek Jeter promoted his imaginary restaurant when he hosted a December 2001 episode of Saturday Night Live. The hysterical commercial jingle was sung to the tune of The Beach Boys’ “Kokomo.”

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“I think you’ll agree that we’re one of the top 5 Mexican Restaurants in all of Northern New Jersey. It’s Derek Jeter’s Taco Hole off Route 3 in Nutley, New Jersey next to the Kinko’s and El Duqe’s Shoe Repair.”

“Thaaaat’s where I wanna go…Derek Jeter’s Taco Hole!”

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.45: Man vs. Food

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In the past few years New Jersey has been shoved down TV viewers throats to the extent that I’m sure it makes them want to regurgitate. I doubt the fine folks in North Dakota want to constantly see New Jersey pop up in every show they’re watching. Aside from contrived reality shows, food shows have also been wrapped up in a love affair with the Garden State. I’m not sure why though, since much of our native cuisine consists of deep fried, artery clogging crap just like what Adam Richman encountered in Season 2 of his show (because naturally we weren’t good enough for Season 1), Man vs. Food on The Travel Channel.

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Adam Richman responds to food challenges all over the country and this time around he visited The Grease Trucks in New Brunswick NJ, a legendary spot serving the perfect selections to cap off those nights of binge drinking. If you’re not familiar with the local food phenom, it not only serves Rutgers students, but even out-of-staters come to chow down on some deliciously unhealthy food.

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In this episode, Richman answered the “Fat Sandwich Challenge” at RU Hungry “The Original Grease Truck,” in which he must eat 5 overstuffed sandwiches in 45 minutes. Some of the renowned sandwich amalgamations pile on chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, pork roll, cheesesteak, french fries, and other heavenly items into a sub roll. To psych Richman out, the owner informed him that only around 16 people out of approximately 250 have risen to the challenge and successfully downed the big 5 before the clock stopped. If Richman wins, he gets to create his own sandwich which will be named after him.

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SPOILER ALERT!!! Richman didn’t win, but he went down swinging. I could have done without the little side interviews with the onlookers that the production crew shot and intercut between the tense scenes of him wolfing down the sandwiches. It was obvious that they were fed some terribly cheesy lines.

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Richman also stopped at Harold’s New York Deli in Edison, NJ, which serves only monsterous, supersized meals. I’ve been going there since it opened in 1997 and my first reaction upon seeing the waitress bringing me my food is always “No human being could finish this.” In the above picture, Richman is seen with one of Harold’s Deli’s signature sandwiches, a foot tall, 10 pound corned beef and pastrami sandwich!

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I couldn’t believe that Richman had more room in his stomach to cram even MORE food into it! There’s not a more appropriately named restaurant to accomplish that than Stuff Yer Face, also in New Brunwick, NJ. Open since 1977, Stuff Yer Face is known for their stromboli or just “bolis.” They have 30 different ones to choose from and the option to make your own. Richman customized his own boli, and after it was finished baking, he sat down to eat it. Let me say that damn thing looked so delicious that The Sexy Armpit is now looking to stuff his face there very soon!

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.44: Lois & Clark

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GRANT GENDELL: “Forgive me but we have a few routine security questions to ask you…have you visited a foreign country in the last 7 months?”
LOIS LANE: “Does New Jersey count?”

This line comes from the Season 4 episode of Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman titled “Bob and Carol and Lois and Clark.” The episode originally aired on November 17th, 1996 and features Antonio Sabato Jr. as Deathstroke, a character loosely based on the DC comics assassin, although here, Sabato’s alter ego is Bob Stanford instead of Slade Wilson.

Lois and Clark was merely a stepping stone for Teri Hatcher, but unfortunately it was a career pinnacle for Princeton graduate Dean Cain. The show never matched up to my high expectations and I stopped watching the series after it became an average soap opera which also just so happened to star a major superhero. As crazy as it sounds I enjoyed the often shat upon Superboy TV series much more.