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New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.43: JAWS and Jersey

Posted on July 2, 2010 by sexyarmpit

With 4th of July weekend upon us, why not escape from your pool parties and bbq’s and watch JAWS! Grab a cold drink, kick back and stream JAWS on Netflix. 35 years since it’s release, Jaws still provides thrilling entertainment. In this scene Brody (Scheider) and Hooper (Dreyfuss) attempt to convince Mayor Vaughn (Murray Hamilton) that he should close down the beach for the 4th of July weekend because of the terror that may ensue. The attacks on the Jersey Shore give validity to their case.

BRODY: “This is a Great White Larry, a BIG one, and any shark expert in the world will tell you it’s a killer, a maneater!”
HOOPER: “Look, the situation is that apparently a Great White shark has staked a claim in the waters off Amity Island and he is going to continue to feed here as long as there is food in the water”
BRODY: “…and there’s no limit to what he’s going to do. I mean we’ve already had 3 incidents. Two people killed inside of a week and it’s gonna happen again, it happened before…The Jersey Beach…”
BRODY and HOOPER: “1916!!! There were five people chewed up in the surf…”
HOOPER: “In one week.”
BRODY: “Tell him about the swimmers.”
HOOPER: “A shark is attracted to the exact kind of splashing and activity that occurs whenever human beings go in swimming, you cannot avoid it.”
BRODY: “You open the beaches on the 4th of July, it’s like ringing the dinner bell for Christ sakes!”

That’s not where the JAWS/Jersey connection ends either! The author of Jaws, Peter Benchley, who had a cameo as a news reporter in the film, worked in Pennington Furnace Supply Co. in Pennington New Jersey during the time he began writing the story of the man eating shark. It is speculated that the Jersey Shore attacks were indeed one of Benchley’s inspirations. In 2006, Peter Benchley passed away in his Princeton, NJ home.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.42: When In Rome

Posted on June 22, 2010 by sexyarmpit

BETH: “Is this your Euro?”

ANTONIO: “that’s weird…”

BETH: “Antonio?”

ANTONIO: “It’s Anthony actually.”

BETH: “From Nunzio?”

ANTONIO: “No. Newark…New Jersey”

BETH: “Are you really a tortured artist?”

ANTONIO: “Tortured. Been in retail shoe sales for the last 9 years. As far as being an artist, I don’t know I guess I figured going to Italy would make me one.”

Thankfully, I’ve never been in the situation but watching When In Rome gave me the same feeling that a passenger on a plane might experience seconds before they realize they are about to crash. Imagine how serene the land below looks when gazing out the window thousands of feet in the air, and then your thoughts suddenly turn sour as the plane begins to take a nose dive. At least your captain makes you aware that you all need to put on your masks and take note of the exits. In contrast, a DVD does not supply that type of warning, so heed the one I’m about to bestow on you: When In Rome is a pretty stupid movie.

The crazy thing about When In Rome is that I’ve actually seen movies with lower budgets and Z-list actors that are actually better than this. As a fan of Kristen Bell I had high hopes for her big starring role. Her comedic sharpness and sly sarcasm has lent itself superbly to Veronica Mars, and even her recent role on Party Down, which you should watch if you haven’t yet. As the main character of the film she maintains those qualities, but in a very subtle way in comparison to her other roles. Her curator, Beth, is more likable than Sarah Marshall, but Bell flourishes more as the latter. She’s at her best when playing saucy, self absorbed characters full of idiosyncrasies.

The cliched, silly plot involves a fountain of love from which Beth takes back coins just like Mouth did in The Goonies. Meanwhile, the owners who originally threw those coins into the fountain all wind up falling in love with Beth, although she already has eyes for Nick, played by Josh Duhamel. The role of Nick is not too much different than the numbskull Duhamel probably is in real life. Nick is a former football player who got struck by lightning during a game and soon meets Beth at her sisters wedding in Rome.

Much like that plane that I mentioned earlier, you can probably imagine how the movie plummets from there. There’s a Napolean Dynamite connection, a kick ass performance by SNL’s Bobby Moynihan, and cameos by Newark NJ born Shaquille O’Neal and former Giant Lawrence Taylor. When in Rome also stars Don Johnson as Beth’s father, Danny DeVito as a Sausage King, Angelica Huston as Beth’s boss, Will Arnett as wannabe artist, Jon Heder doing a parody of Criss Angel, and Kristen Bell’s real life dude, Dax Shepard, who as much as I hate to admit it, is pretty funny. Even with this outstanding cast and a Jersey mention, when in Rome, do as The Sexy Armpit says and don’t bother.
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New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.41: Muppets Take Passaic?

Posted on June 9, 2010 by sexyarmpit

Kermit’s doctor played by Linda Lavin (TV’s Alice) diagnoses him with Amnesia

from Muppets Take Manhattan (1984)
KERMIT’S DOCTOR: “No doubt about it, you have amnesia. Now, the problem is, you were found with no identification and oddly enough, wearing no clothing, so I did some research into the major nudist colonies in the area and I think I’ve come up with something…”
KERMIT: “…oh?”
KERMIT’S DOCTOR: “You are Mr. Enrico Tortellini of Passaic, New Jersey”
KERMIT: “well…I really don’t feel Italian.”
KERMIT’S DOCTOR: “…it was just a long shot anyway”

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New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.40: Suburban Girl

Posted on June 3, 2010 by sexyarmpit

Why was I even watching this film, you ask? I can’t think of a more appropriate query – pun intended. There were two motivators that compelled me to watch this. Naturally, the most prominent reason is Sarah Michelle Gellar, the one actress who I have maintained should star in every film ever. Secondly, the humorous cameo by Audra Blaser as Petal. I met her back at the premiere for The Toxic Avenger at the George Street Playhouse in New Brunswick. I just wish she had a larger role in Suburban Girl, since she lights up the screen in one of the few scenes that actually made The Sexy Armpit laugh.

The only movies my girlfriend and I agree on are usually those starring Paul Rudd, Jason Segal, or an iron clad Robert Downey Jr. Just like many women out there, she loves a good silly no-brainer romcom or a tear inducing drama, so once in a while I’ll meet her halfway. I found a movie starring SMG and Alec Baldwin that didn’t seem super cheesy, so it was a win-win.

In Suburban Girl, Alec Baldwin seems comfortable in the role of Archie Knox, a middle aged well known writer. The fact that Baldwin gives a sincere performance is not surprising since his role involves philandering, daughter issues, and alcoholism. Those aspects of Archie helped Baldwin provide the character with a very realistic quality.

Sarah Michelle Gellar plays Brett Eisenberg, a young associate book editor who falls for Archie. The much older Archie is noticeably taken by Brett and the two get their bang on. Their relationship is pretty weird, and almost uncomfortable in a father/daughter sort of way. That’s not some unfounded comment either, because Archie is looking to fill a void since his daughter doesn’t speak to him, while Gellar feels like her Dad, who has a terminal illness, was a bit cold and not as involved in her life when she was growing up. Subtext? It’s pretty blatant to me.

Not to diss a profession, but watching a film about an editor is almost as boring and tedious as learning the ins and outs of the editing process itself. Ultimately the film is not very interesting, nor does the “com” part of romcom exist aside from a few clever instances where you’ll definitely chuckle (i.e Solo Hacky Sack in Central Park, etc). As with many of the films I discuss here at The Sexy Armpit, this one has a few saving graces. The fact that it’s set in New York City is not one of them, but let’s take a look at the rest:

BRETT: “You were about to offer some advice?”
ARCHIE: “Well, when it comes to writers, there’s only one rule. Patience. Of course, if that fails, I know a very discreet hit-man who would spread the body parts all over Jersey.”

Later in the film, while flipping through a photo album of all the girls he’s bedded in the last 25 years or so, Archie mentions how he met his ex-wife at Princeton where he was a professor.

PETAL: “…I’m on hiatus right now…doing a play in the Village about the life of Eva Braun.”

I guess I’ll qualify Maggie Grace as one of the saving graces for the “Grace” correlation as well as the cool character Chloe who she brought to the screen. As Brett’s friend Chloe, Grace reminded me of a modern day version of Helen Hunt’s Lynn Stone from Girls Just Want to Have Fun, only less wild.

Well this book is obviously not a compendium of Archie’s sexual conquests, it’s Blubber a classic book written by Elizabeth, NJ born author Judy Blume!

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.39: Dallas

Posted on April 30, 2010 by sexyarmpit

Dallas spent 13 years on the air and in its 14 seasons, New Jersey was mentioned only once. Regardless of being mostly Jersey-less, it’s still one of my favorite TV shows of all time. One NJ namedropping seems like one too many since The Garden State is probably the furthest thing from the wheelin’ and dealin’ of a Texas oil company. In Season 13, Sasha Mitchell (Cody on Step by Step, Kickboxer sequels, and Slammed) joined the cast as James Beaumont, J.R’s illegitimate son. In this scene he reveals a bit of his past to J.R’s assisstant, Sly Lovegren, just after applying suntan lotion on her back.

“Are you sure you don’t want to take this off?”

– Good ‘ol James – always worried about those tan lines!

JAMES: “I was kicked out of 3 different schools in 3 different countries.”

SLY: “You don’t sound very European.”

JAMES: “No, when I was 10 my parents sent me to a military school in New Jersey…”

*Just in case you want to model your kid after James Beaumont from Dallas, two of the most popular military schools in New Jersey are The U.S Military Academy Prep School at Fort Monmouth aka West Point Prep, and Cedar Bridge Military Academy in Toms River, NJ.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.38: Baby It’s You

Posted on April 11, 2010 by sexyarmpit

I had not heard of Baby It’s You until a couple of years ago when I discovered that it was based in Trenton, NJ so I wanted to check it out. Recently, I rented it from Netflix and even though there’s been many occasions where The Sexy Armpit has been known to save a film merely based on its ties to New Jersey, as you will read in this review, even with the added feature of seeing Rosanna Arquette’s boobs for the bazillionth time, Baby It’s You is better left undiscovered.

Baby It’s You, is based on a story by Trenton-born Amy Robinson, and begins in 1966, and progresses into the early ’70s. The soundtrack is classic, but even it can’t incite the plot, if you want to call it that, to miraculously become interesting. Considering the film was made in 1983 and is set in 1966, when I heard the first Springsteen track play it was obvious the filmmakers were taking some creative license. Featuring some of Springsteen’s best songs worked well within the film and it kept with the Jersey theme, but it wasn’t enough to rescue the dismal film out of the depths of the Delaware River.

The flaw of the film is that the two main characters are unlikeable. Our main character, Jill, played by Rosanna Arquette, gets courted by a more suave version of a greaser who calls himself Sheik. Sheik (Vincent Spano) dresses to the nines to make up for the fact that he’s pretty much a loser and has daddy issues. For some outrageous reason, he thinks that he’s going to be a singer someday and make something of himself. Shiek’s mom is very sweet and encouraging while his father is tough on him. I didn’t feel bad for Sheik’s home life at all, nor did I have any sympathy for Jill’s situation. Jill seemed to have a perfect situation, she was an above average student who lived with 2 caring parents in a nice house. She aspired to be an actress and she succeeded in high school and college, but not without Sheik proving to be a distraction in her pursuit.

Get this, Sheik’s aspirations were not to be an actor like Jill, but to be a singer like Frank Sinatra. Now, if he could only actually SING then he’d be headed in the right direction! This guy looked like he would be a crooning version of Tony Manero. His dream is to do a night club show where he lip syncs to songs from Sinatra, Dean Martin, Paul Anka, and others. What kind of a lousy dream is it to lipsync to songs played from a stereo at a night club half filled with old drunk people? The dude winds up working at a club in Florida lip syncing along with songs, not even doing Karaoke. Karaoke singers seem like Pavarotti compared to this guy. If you’re halfway decent at the video game Rock Band then you already have more talent than Sheik! With all his expensive suits helping to play up his image, Sheik was clearly trying to find an identity. Sheik was overcompensating for the fact that he didn’t really have any talent, but knew that he wanted to be a famous singer. It was hard to relate to this character, since it’s easy to realize when you just aren’t cut out for something.

His advances toward Jill were just plain creepy. They didn’t even know each other and he just plopped himself down at her lunch table one day, came on strong, and then wondered why she wasn’t receptive to him. Eventually, Jill falls for this metrosexual bad boy. She agrees to let him take her out. Sheik brings her to a dive bar and ignores her to hang with his friends at a completely different table for the entire night. What a douche! Oh yeah, was there a time when you were allowed to drive on the boardwalk? Or was this another way for him to demonstrate what a badass he is? Shiek was basically the film’s answer to late ’60s guido. Maybe guidos have a license to drive on the boardwalk?

“The way I figure it, there’s only 3 people in the world that matter.

Jesus Christ, Frank Sinatra, and Me.”

– Albert “Sheik” Capadilupo (It’s must be the late ’60s version of GTL)

Sheik had a bad temper. Spano played him like a completely unhinged slimeball, especially when Sheik informs Jill that he got kicked off the basketball team. She tries to get away from him and tells him to leave her alone “Whattya think you’re too f-cking good for me?” he says before launching her school books down the hallway. He throws a fit and hits the locker like an immature little bitch. What’s with this guy? Was this how Jersey Shore would have been in 1966? In a later scene, while looking for Jill, he trashed her dorm room before she returned. After she walks in to see him, Arquette barely shows any feeling of shock that he has just completely trashed her place. “…my stuff” she says in a docile tone. Yeah. That’s what I’d say if I came home to find that my shit was thrown around the room and the place had been totally ransacked. “…my stuff.”

As you can see, Jill is just plain stupid. Sheik and his pal actually wind up kidnapping Jill and her friend. He grabs them, tosses them in the car, puts a gun to them, and speeds away. Maybe I wasn’t interpreting this scene and the ones that followed correctly, but it seemed like a truly dumbass move for Jill to forgive him after what he did. If I put myself into Jill’s character, I just can’t relate to her, but you can bet your ass that I would NOT continue dating someone who kidnapped me at gunpoint. Crazy bitch! Is this entire movie just about Jill’s infatuation with “the wrong guy?” How pathetic. At one point, Sheik even bangs one of her best friends!

The theme of the film seems to be “I’ll love you no matter how fucked in the head you are.” With all the emotions that were desperately pleading to be relayed to the viewers, they never come across. It’s a shame because the movie intends to mirror the frustration, confusion, and chaos that makes up a teenagers transition into adulthood. It’s a downer and it fails to convey these feelings because of our lack of sympahty for the two main characters. Their lives aren’t that bad, in fact, they are pretty damn good. After watching the film, the characters seemed like 2 spoiled brats who are bored with their suburban upbringing. They are basically normal teens who are going through the same crap that everyone else goes through. Baby It’s You isn’t sure what it wants to be, but what it does agree on being is a f-cked up love story with some damn good shots of Asbury Park.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.37: The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3

Posted on April 1, 2010 by sexyarmpit

The 2009 remake of The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3, has a New Jersey in-joke. Travolta’s subway hijaking character Ryder becomes very defensive when dispatcher Walter Garber (Denzel Washington) makes a punchline out of The Garden State. In reality, Travolta was born in Englewood, New Jersey. In an ironic twist, the film also stars Jersey born Tony Soprano himself, James Gandolfini as the Mayor of New York City!

Ryder and Garber

RYDER: “Yeah well you know, you live, you die, you either go with the current or you fight it, but you all wind up in the same place”

WALTER GARBER: “Where’s that, Jersey?”

RYDER: “Yeah you watch it, I was born there man.”

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.36: Superhero League of Hoboken

Posted on March 22, 2010 by sexyarmpit

More info on Superhero League of Hoboken at Moby Games

If it’s got adventure, New Jersey, and a sexy blonde bimbo who clearly cares more about posing for the camera than she does saving the Tri-State area, then I’m all about it! OK, so the dude on the cover looks like Thor’s mentally challenged younger step brother, but that doesn’t keep me from being utterly intrigued by the 1994 video game Superhero League of Hoboken, which I discovered while perusing the Moby Games website. The game was released in CD-Rom format and on an archaic 3.5 Diskette! Compared to PS3 and XBox games, this one is laughable, but as I found out, that’s exactly how it was intended.

This satirical RPG is set in a “post apocalyptic wasteland,” aka the Tri-State Area. The game features several New Jersey locales in addition to other points of interest in New York and Pennsylvania. The game map depicts The NJ Turnpike, Newark, Edison’s Laboratory, a Radioactive Wasteland, The East Orange Marketplace, Newark Airport, and Atlantic City.

The heroes in Superhero League of Hoboken sound more like The Mystery Men rather than The Super Friends. Check out some of these character descriptions listed at Moby Games: Captain Excitement “his aura of lethargy and dullness can put opponents to sleep instantly,” Iron Tummy “capable of eating spicy foods without any distress,” and Mademoiselle Pepperoni “capable of seeing inside a pizza box without even opening it.” If anyone decides to dress up as this valiant crew at Comic Con or for Halloween, then you have no choice but to forward me some pics. One thing is for sure, NOBODY will have the same costume as you! Your welcome. Leave a comment if you’ve played this game! Is it a Troma Production in the making? Should I get on the horn with Lloyd Kaufman? If Walt Disney can transform Prince of Persia into a movie than why not let Troma have a crack at Superhero Leauge of Hoboken?

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol. 35: Moving

Posted on February 25, 2010 by sexyarmpit

Somehow everything in my life reverts back to Batman, KISS, and Pro Wrestling. In this instance, wrestling motivated me to want to see Moving back in 1988. If not for the pre-release coverage in WWF magazine, I would not have been as remotely interested in seeing the Richard Pryor comedy. Thanks to New Jersey’s “Walking Condominium,” King Kong Bundy’s role in the film, I suddenly became unusually geared up to see it. At that time I was just a kid and it would be a long time before I started obsessively writing little globs of inconsequential New Jersey drivel on the Internet. A private goes through boot camp to advance in the ranks of the Army, while other people let WWF Magazine be the handbook of their life.

In Moving, Richard Pryor stars as Arlo, an engineer living in New Jersey who loses his job and has to take a new one in Boise, Idaho. There’s one tiny stipulation though, his family has to move with him. Throughout the film, there’s appearances by Rodney Dangerfield, Dana Carvey, and Jay and Silent Bob’s favorite lead singer…Morris Day! Terrorizing Arlo is his neighbor, Frank, played by Randy Quaid, who is a little more sadistic than his trademark role of Cousin Eddie. This time Quaid plays a creep with a brain tumor instead of a metal plate in his head. There’s wacky hijinks galore as Arlo attempts to relocate his family and start his new job.

After noticing that Richard Pryor has starred in 2 films set in New Jersey, it lead me to coin the term Pryor Points. Feel free to use the term to commend an actor, singer, band, writer, etc. who involves themselves in a Jersey related project, for example, “Writer Robert Siegel and director Darren Aronofsky scored major Pryor Points for setting their film, The Wrestler, in New Jersey.” Moving was unabashed about it’s Jersey setting as you can tell by it’s tagline: On the New Jersey Turnpike, no one can hear you scream. I’ll attest to that, but only if you are driving with your windows closed and nobody is in the car with you.

I’m positive I’ll draw some flack for this, but Moving beats Brewster’s Millions any day. Sure, Moving might be accused of being sillier fare than Brewster’s Millions, but it’s a comedy dammit! Did I mention that motherf-ckin’ King Kong Bundy has a role in the film? It was worth bringing up again because knowing is half the battle, and awareness might save you from being smashed by an unexpected Bundy Avalanche. How could such a big cuddly Hawaiian-shirted teddy bear do such a thing?

Ohhh…that’s how.
You know the shit’s gonna hit the fan when Bundy makes his angry face.

I suppose offering him up a Pupu platter would be a futile maneuver

See how everything relates to wrestling? All it takes is a 445 lb. ginormous badass from Atlantic City to get you to see it my way regardless of the Hawaiian shirt. Wait…what’s that you say? You still aren’t convinced that Moving is better than Brewster’s Millions? What if I throw in a young Stacey Dash, bound and tied in a suburban New Jersey basement? Ding ding, ding! WINNER!

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol. 34: Brewster’s Millions

Posted on February 11, 2010 by sexyarmpit

“C’mon, this is Hackensack, New Jersey, no scout comes here you understand that? A train’s going through the outfield right now…” – Spike Nolan, Brewster’s Millions

It’s only a matter of days before pitchers and catchers will be reporting to spring training. To get you geared up for baseball season, today’s entry features 1985’s Brewster’s Millions starring Richard Pryor. If you are a baseball fan and you haven’t seen this, it’s worth adding to your Netflix queue. The film is actually based on George Barr McCutcheon’s 1902 novel which spawned several movies, but this incarnation is the most well known. In addition to it’s baseball backdrop, New Jersey also plays a significant role in the film.

We first see Brewster (Pryor) as the pitcher on the minor league Hackensack Bulls. At first the film is reminiscent of 2000’s The Replacements, and it’s possible that this low rent, rag tag baseball team might get a shot at the big leagues later in the movie. Once the plot is exposed as fairly un-baseball related, the story becomes a bit cockamamy. Brewster stands to inherit $300 million dollars from his deceased great uncle, but only if he’s able to spend $30 million in 30 days. Brewster does everything he can to spend the dough, including running for Mayor of New York City and hiring the New York Yankees to take on the Hackensack Bulls in a 3-inning exhibition game.

Brewster’s Millions is one of those ’80s films that seems to get lost in the shuffle. The film is mildy humorous, thanks mostly to John Candy as Brewster’s friend, Spike Nolan. Candy was clearly not given the best material to work with but was still amusing as always. As the main character, Monty Brewster, even Pryor’s performance was mediocre at best. The storyline isn’t meant to be hysterical, but one would think that combining the comedic powers of Pryor and Candy on screen would equal gold, but it’s unfortunately not the case. I’m in no way implying that there are no funny parts in this film, but just not as many as I had hoped.

According to IMDB, Jennifer Beals was up for the role of Brewster’s love interest and financial advisor, Angela Drake, but the role ultimately went to Lonette McKee. McKee’s performance was dull and the film could’ve used a female lead with some sort of spark. McKee and Pryor didn’t have much chemistry at all and just the idea of Beals playing the role of Drake is much more enticing. I’m not sure why Beal didn’t get the role, but after reading more about Beals’ career, it seems to be a trend. She passed up the role of Appolonia in Purple Rain, and she was apparently the first choice to play Andie in Pretty in Pink, but lost out to Molly Ringwald.

Friday the 13th Part III’s Gloria Charles in a Camden Braves Jersey

Billboards at Pulaski Field: National Bank of Bergen County and Hasbrouck Dairy

Also thanks to IMDB, the exterior shot of Torchy’s Bar is also seen in 1979’s When a Stranger Calls:

“…he was out drinking ’til 3:30 at a bar in Plainfield last night…”

Brewster’s Millions offers various other mentions of New Jersey, Newark, and the fictional Hackensack Bulls baseball team. Look out for a hysterical cameo by Rick Moranis as Morty King King of the Mimics and Yakov Smirnoff as Vladimir the driver.