NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 83: Sons of Anarchy NJ

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SOA T-Shirt in a store on the Atlantic City Boardwalk

Although fictional, the Sons of Anarchy may very well be the first thing that pops into your head when asked to name a motorcycle club. Sure, the Hells Angels are probably the most recognizable, but the Sons of Anarchy are about to embark on their 4th season of their own show tonight on FX.

SOA are based in California but they also have chapters all over the U.S and around the world. Members of this outlaw motorcycle gang are recognized by the logo on their vest. The logo is white on black and depicts a grim reaper holding a scythe with an M16 handle and crystal ball showing the anarchy symbol. The various regional chapters are cited under the logo and this one is from the New Jersey chapter of the SOA.

The existence of a New Jersey chapter may be the idea of the show’s creator, executive producer, and full blooded Jersey guy, Kurt Sutter. A graduate of Rutgers University, Sutter was also a writer on FX’s “The Shield.” Sutter has proven his versatility by serving as writer, actor, director, and producer on both The Shield and his own creation, Sons of Anarchy. In real life, Sutter is married to Katey Sagal (Peggy Bundy) who also plays Gemma on the show. According to his IMDB profile, he’s got pediophobia, which means he’s scared of dolls.

Sutter grew up in Clark NJ watching a lot of cartoons and told reporter Linda Moss in an interview on New Jersey News Room, that he learned “the essentials of storytelling from Hanna Barbera.” You can watch the premiere of Sons of Anarchy tonight at 10pm on FX!

Follow Kurt Sutter on Twitter and check out his blog!

Jon Bon Jovi Does Not Work For Me

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gFlfuqcsF0?rel=0]
Surprisingly “Work For The Working Man” sucks only a little bit less than the rest of the tracks on Bon Jovi’s latest effort The Circle. The second I heard this blah medium paced rocker previous to it’s release in late 2009, it’s lyrics struck me as ironic coming from an obscenely wealthy music icon. I’m a working man and Jon Bon Jovi sure as hell doesn’t work for me, otherwise he’d still be recording songs that make me jump out of my chair and play air guitar in front of my mirror.
Jon Bon Jovi’s limp songwriting as of late is partly because in the past several years he’s been too concerned with being an entrepreneur and hosting political galas to be a real rock star. Why concentrate on writing kickass songs when there’s hobnobbing to do, hands to shake, pockets to fill, and horned up wives to flirt with? Rock stars always boast that there’s no better job in the world than to play their music in front of crowds on a nightly basis. Sure, being a successful musician or rock star is lucrative, and as you know, offers a lot of tremendous fringe benefits. So why is this guy singing about losing his pension and having to work 2 jobs just to get by?
Jon Bon Jovi’s net worth is estimated to be in the same range of the number of records his band has sold: 100 million. Listening to Jon sing lyrics that question “Who’s gonna work for the working man?” is ridiculous. Jon brazenly announces that he’s “here trying to make a living” in the first line of the song. It’s a warm and fuzzy sentiment, but really just a futile attempt at appealing to the hard working average middle class citizen – the very group of people responsible for igniting the band to fame in early ’80s New Jersey. Most of them aren’t rock stars, but some did take a crack at it after seeing him make it big. Where are they now? Probably looking to be interviewed by The Sexy Armpit.
Jon Bon Jovi may have grown up in middle class suburban Sayreville, New Jersey, but it wasn’t very long before Bon Jovi’s hit records started making them millions. Oh, the woes of having a family and trying to make ends meet on a one hundred million dollar budget! I know Jon, it must be a real challenge to get those utility bills paid at the end of the month when dealing with such a meager salary. I hear the Bon Jovi clan may even have to skip Christmas this year. You know, sometimes I have $9 dollars left in my account when I’m done paying bills? Look out, airing on E! Network soon, Jay’s True New Jersey Story
Talk about Captain Crash, more like Captain Obvious! Themes such as the economy, unemployment lines, and government involvement are as easily detectable in the song as the moments in concert when Jon’s about to twinkle his spirit fingers. You can see them coming from 7800 miles away. The song’s clunky title, awkward chorus, and political theme fail to unite with the run of the mill Jovi musical background. Which reminds me about an old story. Once upon a time…not so long ago, Bon Jovi sang a song about a working class couple. Although “Work” shares a similar chugging musical intro that recalls their signature song “Livin’ On A Prayer,” their hopes to evoke the same emotions as “Prayer” has for the last 25 years were squashed.
John F. Kennedy’s Inaugrual Address in 1961 included his famous call to action “…ask what you can do for your country.” Essentially, Jon lyrics stand behind Americans who work their asses off every day and are still getting screwed. Now it’s the governments turn to help the people out a little bit, and no matter your political beliefs, that’s not a bad idea that Jon has. The bigger issue here is why he and his guitar slinger Richie Sambora couldn’t turn these passionate sentiments into a huge walloping rock song with an indelible chorus that doesn’t merely ask a question, but instead commands results. Rock music needs to resist and challenge the status quo, but unfortunately Bon Jovi’s “Work” output is too sluggish to be taken seriously.

Straight No Chaser at Harrah’s in Atlantic City

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2E8znrSgxqM?rel=0]

Rock, metal, pop, new wave, I enjoy it all, except for a capella. It’s not like I loathe a capella music, it’s more of the fact that I’d rather just hear songs the way they were originally recorded. So, it was ironic that for the past couple of years there’s been an ongoing joke I’ve had with Miss Sexy Armpit about the a capella band Straight No Chaser. I knew nothing about these guys except for the fact that they were appearing every damn place I went. If I was walking down a hallway, leaning up against a wall, or surfing the net, I would somehow encounter Straight No Chaser, without fail, especially while in Atlantic City.

You can’t really go anywhere in A.C without hearing this group mentioned. I grew so sick of hearing about them that I started working them into everything I said to point out how ludicrous their name sounded. Soon I met up with one of my best friends for pizza (Sciortino’s if you’re wondering) and he started gushing about how amazing this singing group was who he saw perform in Atlantic City a few weeks prior. Of course, it was Straight No Chaser which made me laugh. I couldn’t escape these guys! I still wasn’t sold. 
On top of all that, Miss Armpit informed me that she got us a couple of tickets to their Back To The Shore concert at Harrah’s during Labor Day weekend. I appeased her and said “I’ll go,” even though I was less than enthusiastic about it. Fast forward a day or two later and even my parents came home from a weekend trip to A.C totally raving about the time they had at a recent Straight No Chaser show. I needed to check these guys out to see what all the fuss was about.

SNC are an all dude a capella group from Indiana who have tremendous voices and harmonize flawlessly. They perform a wide range of cover songs, all of which you are familiar with, from pop songs to TV theme songs. The band recreates all the vocals, background music, and sounds you hear in the original song purely using their voices. Now I’m trusting all the high praise that I’ve heard about them and looking forward to the show! Tickets are available at the link above.

Here’s SNC live in A.C with medley’s of BRUCE and Bon Jovi courtesy of YouTuber DaisyKary:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lPBWPbHr00?rel=0]
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WeithIkKRQ?rel=0]

Futurama’s Got Jokes 2

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Jersey is again the punchline of a joke in a Futurama episode. Fry and Bender decide to become roommates in “I, Roommate,” episode 3 of season 1 which originally aired in April of 1999.

It’s decided by the group that Fry has to move out since he’s being a slob and fouling up the business. They have no choice but to kick him out. After Fry moves into Bender’s apartment that’s as small as a closet, they set out on a search for a new apartment for the both of them.
During a montage of clips showing the duo’s quest for a new place to live, we see them go through all kinds of weird places including one apartment that turned out to be an MC Escher painting come to life. 
But the moment Fry visits an apartment that looks suspiciously perfect, he’s in disbelief as the realtor shows them around.

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FRY: “Well I give up…what’s the catch?”
REALTOR: “Oh, no catch, although we are technically in New Jersey.”
Immediately after seeing the New Jersey apartment he was convinced they exhausted all their options. Fry determines that he hasn’t looked at “one place even remotely livable.” Eventually, the odd pair are able to move into the apartment of one of Professor Farnsworth’s recently deceased colleagues.

Bat-Fest on Asbury Park Boardwalk

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYa8sqVDQPo?rel=0]

When I read that the Asbury Park Boardwalk would be holding a Bat-Fest, Egghead, Bookworm, not even Mad Hatter could stop me from getting there. On Saturday August 20th, an entire day of events dubbed “Bat-Fest” promoted Jersey born bat-producer Michael Uslan’s new memoir The Boy Who Loved Batman. If you’re male and you like Batman, then that title should sound like a familiar story.

The Batmobile is constantly maneuvering the streets of Gotham and isn’t used to cruising around down the shore, but on Saturday it made the trip from Gotham to Asbury Park on autopilot. That’s the kind of clout that Uslan has, after all, he was the man responsible for bringing all the Batman movies to the big screen. Both the 1966 and 1989 Batmobiles were on display courtesy of John Brown of Gotham City Supercars for fans and beachgoers to take pictures with. Seeing the 1966 Batmbobile has been fairly common lately since it shows up at a lot of pop culture conventions, but the ’89 car isn’t always around, so I was excited to see it. The sleek ’89 model was parked beside the boardwalk and was in mint condition and driveable, unlike the shell that sits outside Batman: The Ride at Six Flags Great Adventure.

Chicks dig the car, but they also like romantic rendezvous on the beach, and there was a little bit of that also. Going to watch movies on the beach has become a popular event in many shore towns, and Asbury Park presents many of them. Bat-fest capped off with a showing of the 1989 Batman movie introduced by Michael Uslan himself. I thought Uslan’s intro was insightful as he compared the Gotham City in the film before it’s 200th birthday to Asbury Park, a once crumbling city that has recently made quite a comeback.

Once I thumbed through Uslan’s book at The Sundry Times store on the boardwalk, I knew I wanted to read it. The first thing that struck me was the high quality pages and lots of color photos. What can I say, too many words intimidate me! I was able to speak with Michael at the end of the festivities and he took time answering my questions and signed my book as well.

Uslan isn’t just some guy who wanted to be a Hollywood movie producer. His heart has always been with comic books and superheroes. He once had a collection of nearly 30,000 comic books that he has since donated to Indiana University’s Lilly Library. You can take a look at Uslan’s IMDB profile and you’ll literally be amazed at how many comic book related projects he has produced throughout his career (Batman, Swamp Thing, and The Spirit to name a few) Uslan also created and produced one of the cartoons that I watched before leaving for school as a kid: Dinosaucers! I’ll be reading his book after I finish a couple of others and I can’t wait!

The Boy Who Loved Batman is available through Chronicle Books, Amazon, and book stores:
http://www.chroniclebooks.com/theboywholovedbatman

The Official Site of The Asbury Park Boardwalk:
http://apboardwalk.com/

Slippery When Wet’s 25th Anniversary

PhotobucketMany readers of The Sexy Armpit who don’t know me in real life think I’m always bashing Bon Jovi…and I am. The thing is, I’m a huge Bon Jovi fan at the same time. You see, Bon Jovi is not the same band as they were when I was growing up. The cool rock stars from a few miles down the road who lived and breathed rock and roll are long gone. I guess sitting on billions of dollars sucked all the coolness and rock and roll out of them too. The guys hungry for stardom who worked with famed songwriter Desmond Child in Richie Sambora’s basement once upon a time creating what would become one of the most iconic rock albums of all time have taken a wrong turn on the road to rock.

I want none of this “Who Says You Can’t Go Home” crap or this “(You Want to) Make a Memory” bullshit. The modern Bon Jovi completely ignores the hard edged pop rock they once produced because they believe it isn’t lucrative anymore. Let’s be honest – I think Bon Jovi would become even more popular than they ever were if they released a really kickass hard rock song with a catchy chorus like they used to do back in the ’80s. People worship those songs. Do you really think people hanging out in bars 20 years from now are going to be sliding dollar bills into a space age jukebox to hear “When We Were Beautiful?” F-ck no. They want to hear the good stuff!

It’s simple, if you want to relive some of Bon Jovi’s greatest musical achievements then go into your iTunes and listen to their 1986 album Slippery When Wet in it’s entirety. It’s one of the greatest rock albums of all time and it’s sold 28 million copies worldwide. Even if you’re not a Bon Jovi fan, respect must be given to this album for it’s prominence in pop culture. Go to a wedding, a beach bar, a barbecue, or sporting event and chances are you will hear a song from Slippery When Wet. You know them whether you like to admit it or not, here we go: “Wanted Dead or Alive,” “You Give Love a Bad Name,” “Never Say Goodbye,” and of course the song that’s almost as popular with drunk women as Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin'” – “Livin’ On a Prayer.” Oh and I can’t forget one of my personal favorites, a song I share fondness for with Barf from Spaceballs, “Raise Your Hands.”

And now, easily one of Bon Jovi’s greatest tracks:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRvCvsRp5ho?rel=0]

Classic WWF/WWE Event Cards From New Jersey #8

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Damn, the WWE just doesn’t put on shows like they used to. Take note that Summerslam 1989 featured NINE matches on the card which included basically all their big stars. Of course, this wasn’t as much of a spectacle as Wrestlemania was back then, but still a lot of bang for your buck. Tomorrow, Summerlam 2011 will feature a mere 5 matches. And I don’t want to hear about how much better the wrestling quality is now, because at the end of the show, all that matters is how much was I entertained. I could care less if Daniel Bryan pulled off a near perfect surfboard maneuver. Hell yeah I want to see action, but moreover, I want to see controversy. I want Summerslam 2011 to be so damn good that it will make me want to call up my friends and actually converse with them over the phone – something I try my damnedest never to do. I’m hoping CM Punk pushes the boundaries even further this time.

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As a kid I remember being so surprised that Wrestlemania 4 was going to be live from Atlantic City New Jersey. The following year, Wrestlemania returned to A.C! You could imagine how much more shocked and pumped up I was to hear the announcement that Summerslam ’89 would be emanating live from The Meadowlands Arena in East Rutherford, NJ. That was back in the days when it was actually called The Meadowlands. Selling the name of an arena to make millions of extra dollars in revenue is obviously a smart way to monetize an establishment but The Meadowlands Arena is what it still is to many of us in Jersey, not Izod Center. Shit, I’d prefer Brendan Byrne Arena, after all, that’s the guy who had his name plastered on the arena for the majority of my childhood.

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I worshipped Coliseum Video as a kid. 
Their P.O Box was in Fairfield NJ!

Regardless of what the former home of the New Jersey Devils is now called, back then, having Summerslam take place live merely 20 miles away from me was a real kick. Seeing Hogan and Beefcake tag up was awesome, but actually, Summerslam 89 was just OK. Even back then when I was a kid who loved every bit of it, I didn’t think 89’s Summerslam surpassed the original previous year’s edition fittingly held at MSG. Although, lots of these young punk “smarks” as they are referred to, think Summerslam ’88 sucked. Well, this old school wrestling fan says they don’t know shit. And yes, I’m drawing the heat. See you at Summerslam?

Futurama’s Got Jokes!

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Before cable TV shows made it fashionable to live in New Jersey, The Garden State was categorized right beside fart jokes on the humor scale. A New Jersey joke still never fails. 
Why can’t we laugh at ourselves? There’s all this nonsense going around about “defending New Jersey,” and it’s totally lame. Since when are we New Jerseyans the type of people not to find humor in stereotypes? I know I’ve never been one to take it seriously when there’s a joke about us in a movie or a comedian starts ripping on Jersey because it’s all in the name of humor. Plus, a lot of the jokes are based on absolute truth. Have you ever heard someone making fun of how bad it reeks on the New Jersey Turnpike? Well, they aren’t exaggerating because it f*cking stinks to high heaven every time I’m driving on it! Stinks is putting it mildly because it usually gets to the point where I have to pull my t-shirt up over my nose and mouth. In the picture below you can see why.

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Futurama’s depiction of New Jersey
So, yeah – that brings us to Season 1, Episode 8 of Futurama entitled “A Big Piece of Garbage” which originally aired on May 11, 1999. Parts of the episode parody the film Armageddon and as you can probably surmise, instead of an asteroid, earth is in danger of being hit by a humongous piece of garbage. During his demonstration of his new invention The Smelloscope, which allows its user to smell planets, Professor Farnsworth shows a historical video he found on the Internet called The Great Garbage Crisis of 2000 which explained what a dump New York City used to be and how it became that way. Here is the voice over from that video:
“…New York City. The year: 2000. The most wasteful society in the history of the galaxy,
and it was running out of places to bury its neverending output of garbage.
The landfills were full…New Jersey was full…”

The Smithereens – “Blood and Roses”

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqML7WbOun8?rel=0]
If you can make it through the 30 second ad, you’ll see the official “Blood and Roses” video!

25 years ago this week, The Smithereens, a rock band proud to be from Jersey, claimed their first spot on the Billboard Maintstream Rock Chart at number 14 with “Blood and Roses,” off their first full length album, Especially For You. This is an important album for Jersey music and pop culture because it’s regarded by critics as one of The Smithereen’s best efforts and also cited by Kurt Cobain to be one of his favorite albums according to his journal. In addition to its video getting MTV airplay, the track “Blood and Roses” appeared in the films Dangerously Close, Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion (I better watch it, that’s 2 Romy and Michele references on this site in one week), and TV’s Miami Vice.

Check out the official website of The Smithereens:

Lucille Ball On Stage In Princeton, 1937

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Today Lucille Ball would’ve been 100 years old! While most people remember her fondly from her zany exploits in I Love Lucy, she also starred in numerous plays, movies, and TV shows. In tribute to the famed actress I dug up this article which was printed on the front page of The Daily Princetonian on January 14, 1937. Among other Hollywood stars of the time, Ball was one of the several that starred in Broadway’s “Hey Diddle Diddle!” In preparation for the New York City run of the show, the show premiered for one night only on Princeton’s McCarter Theater stage. That would be a pretty damn cool thing today if a Broadway play premiered in a New Jersey playhouse. Note that the Princetonian was only 5 cents back in 1937, while The Sexy Armpit is completely FREE, unless you subscribe on Kindle like my friend Sara, and even then it’s a bargain at $0.99 cents! Also, you may want to head over to Google to check out it’s tribute to Lucille Ball when you’re finished here!