New York City Archives - Page 7 of 7

The Sexy Armpit’s Guide To The BEST KISS Songs You Should Download Part 1

Posted on August 21, 2008 by sexyarmpit

Welcome to Part 1 of The Sexy Armpit’s Guide to the BEST KISS songs. While “best Kiss songs” is an oxymoron to some naysayers out there, it IS the premise of this article because Kiss is one of the most iconic and influential rock bands in history. Out of the “long and distinguished” KISS catalog of music, how were these songs chosen? Well, I’ve painstakingly hand picked tracks from each album that I think have withstood the test of time. Is there any personal bias involved? Yes of course. You would think Gene Simmons paid me off to write this entry, but actually, I had to pay him. I’m wiring him the royalties right now. When I finish handing over my bank account to The Demon, I will present you with the BEST KISS tracks in the most fair manner possible.

BUT JAY, there’s not enough Ace and Peter, what’s the deal yo? OK, let me get this out of the way right now: We all know Ace had the best solo album, so I won’t list any tracks from the solo albums here. And I enjoy Peter’s work especially Getaway, Hooligan, and various others. The fact that I’m not gushing about their “underrated” contributions to the KISS albums is just a personal preference. Believe it or not, there’s too many Gene/Paul songs that generally went unnoticed. Trust me…when you’re done amassing your new Kiss collection you’ll be pretending you’re Paul Stanley in front of your mirror pouting your lips and fluffing your hair. Step aside Starchild, it’s time for the countdown…

KISS’ self titled debut from 1974 captures the essence of the band the way they were originally intended. It’s sort of like the first installment of Nightmare on Elm Street, although it didn’t make nearly as much of an impact. 34 years later I can proudly say that you should buy, download, or borrow this album because it will seduce you into the world of KISS. When people hear the band for the first time they are often surprised at some of the melodies, sing along choruses, and hooks. The first album features a lot of that, but also some plain old grungy New York Rock and Roll. Some of the greatest KISS songs of all time are on this album. BEST TRACKS: Deuce, Strutter, Black Diamond

The same year KISS followed up their hard rocking debut with Hotter than Hell. If there was such a thing as “alternative” music in 1974 this album would be considered just that. The music on this album is dark and grungy while still keeping that rock star flair. If you know Gene Simmons from his Family Jewels reality show, you would barely recognize him from listening to him sing on Parasite. This guy sounds so guttural it’s like he’s a crooning werewolf. It’s awesome. Sure, maybe he doesn’t have the greatest “singing” voice, but he’s got a great ROCK voice. He makes you feel the music. Trust me, there are much worse singers out there. The truth is, his voice matches their type of music. It went well with their hard driving, sexual tunes. Paul’s voice went better with the fluffier, pop geared tracks. BEST TRACKS: Hotter Than Hell, Parasite, Got To Choose

1975’s Dressed to Kill features one of the most offbeat Kiss album covers. After seeing the band flaunt their out of this world costumes on the cover of Hotter Than Hell, here the band is dressed up in suits and standing on a street corner. Dressed to Kill presents Kiss in a much bigger light. It shows a bit of a departure as they seem to go for a trumped up rock star sound. Maybe the album doesn’t have the most thought provoking lyrics, but hey…it’s KISS: “She’s a dancer, a romancer, I’m a Capricorn and she’s a Cancer” need I say more? Personally I love the euphemistic language on “Room Service.” Paul Stanley even helped Anthrax cover “Love Her All I Can.” You also might try to dig up Sebastian Bach’s cover of “Rock Bottom.” BEST TRACKS: Ladies in Waiting, Rock and Roll All Nite (c’mon, it’s a classic!)

Even though KISS ALIVE! was the album that really put them over the top popularity wise, I’m going to skip it since there’s no new material on the album. Although it’s a must have if you’re a fan of live music.

Destroyer, (1976) showed that KISS could truly create fine pop oriented rock songs. There’s plenty of upbeat, hard driving music on this album which was produced by the late Bob Ezrin. ***(BOB EZRIN is not dead, he let me know that in the comments. Sorry Bob! I confused you with Bruce Fairbairn) With Destroyer, Kiss was solidified as larger than life superheroes. This album also introduced a couple of KISS concert mainstays. BEST TRACKS: Detroit Rock City, King of the Night Time World, God of Thunder, Beth

Also in 1976, Rock and Roll Over, contains the most genius lyric in any song ever created at the start of “Take Me.” We hear Paul Stanley commanding a girl (hopefully) “Put your hand in my pocket, grab onto my rocket.” If I could write stuff like that I wouldn’t be on blogger blogging…I’d be a gazillionaire rock star. BEST TRACKS: Calling Dr. Love, and Mr. Speed (which could easily be covered by Big and Rich or Toby Keith nowadays.)

Come back to The Sexy Armpit tomorrow for the next installment of our Guide to The Best Kiss Songs!

CLICK HERE TO READ PART 2!

The Sexy Armpit Has Joined The WWE Fan Nation!

Posted on August 20, 2008 by sexyarmpit

Sunday was the 20th edition of WWE’s Summerslam Pay Per View. I can’t believe that the first ever Summerslam event is already 20 years old! Damn, I may as well check myself into an old age home! Summerslam ’88 was an awesome event packed with classic WWE moments. Most notably, when Miss Elizabeth ripped away her skirt to leave Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase, and everyone else in the arena stunned. This made way for the Mega Powers to score the victory at Madison Square Garden in New York City. The Mega Powers, the greatest force known to man, paired “The Madness with The Mania.” When Hulk Hogan and Macho Man Randy Savage were together on-screen sparks always flew. They always put on great matches together and cut even better promos. ‘Til this day, no WWE superstar has come close to exuding the outrageous amount of charisma that these two superstars did.

20 years later, after watching Summerslam ’08, I can’t say that the WWE talent quality is at the exact same level but the WWE is still putting on top notch entertainment. The enthralling and dramatic montages WWE creates grab you right off of your couch and suck you right into the story lines. Today’s WWE climate is different, it’s less of a traveling carnival and more of an actual late night soap for guys AND girls, but mostly for kids. The themes WWE hits on are bold, topical, and often times…actually groundbreaking. For example, Chris Jericho is really gonna get his ass beat after accidentally popping Shawn Michaels’ pretty wife right in the mouth. But Shawn didn’t retaliate!?!?!? Now we’re dealing with psyche and morals, not just piledrivers and atomic drops. You might go through your days thinking “Damn, I forgot to pay the electric bill!” while I go through my day thinking “I can’t wait to see Shawn lose his shit and go ballistic on Jericho!” I’m pretty sure that means they’re doing a great job.

You won’t hear many TV critics or pop culture gurus giving any props to Vince McMahon and the WWE. It’ll probably continue like that until Vince McMahon kicks the bucket, and I mean for real this time! Not like the time he got into his limo and it exploded. They struck that from the record, so you should too! Just go with it, don’t ask too many questions. Let yourself be entertained. Stop being so pretentious. We’re all very similar in our makeup and WWE puts on a show that everyone can enjoy. Well, maybe not through the entire RAW broadcast, but at least when Santino Marella is out there. And Cody Rhodes! And if you can’t enjoy the hot looking WWE Divas, you’re out of your mind.

WWE has had some exciting developments. Recently they welcomed actor Freddie Prinze Jr. to their writing staff and they also unveiled their new social networking site called THE WWE FAN NATION. For a few months I’ve been hearing about this site during RAW and SMACKDOWN. Like all new Internet gimmicks my first instinct was to ignore it, but like the thought of Miss Elizabeth tearing away her skirt for my 8 year old eyes to see, it enticed me. If you’re a WWE fan, F–K Twitter, why not join the WWE Fan Nation? It’s basically WWE’s answer to MySpace. Click here to check out The Sexy Armpit’s slice of it.

Don’t feel like joining the Fan Nation? Well then, here’s a choose your own Sexy Armpit Adventure:

My “coverage” of last year’s Summerslam blogging from my cell phone live from the Continental Airlines Arena (now the Izod Center) in East Rutherford, New Jersey.

Here’s the Main Event from Summerslam ’88 which I found on You Tube. For all of you impatient, horny Miss Elizabeth fans out there, fast forward to 6:42!

Bon Jovi Madison Square Garden Review July 14th 2008

Posted on July 15, 2008 by sexyarmpit

I’ve said before that it doesn’t seem possible for Bon Jovi to top themselves. They won’t leave the arena until they amaze the entire crowd. Throughout one of their concerts you’ll feel nostalgic, get lovey dovey, jump out of your seat, and have your jaw drop open from Richie’s guitar solos.

At MSG last night the set list differed greatly from the Central Park show. The concert was kicked off with “Lost Highway,” the title track from their latest album and a song that Jon Bon Jovi considers one of the best he’s ever written. The band also performed some songs I didn’t expect to hear like “Captain Crash,” and “On Any Other Day” from Lost Highway.

Any critic out there who likes to throw Bon Jovi to the wolves is clearly taking that stance to get a rise out of people. No, not everyone has to like Bon Jovi, but to say that they are untalented or pop fluff isn’t accurate.

An immediate rebuttal exists in a song off of their 1992 album Keep the Faith called “Dry County.” It’s a dramatic, intricate, and often times dark song. It’s definitely an outcast amongst the of Bon Jovi library due to it’s atmosphere and length (9:52). During this track the whole band gets to show off their chops. Here’s some of my shoddy camerawork of this performance. I used my Sony still camera, which I hate, but it’s all that I had with me. It’s also my first time uploading anything to You Tube! After I uploaded I discovered there’s about 30 of the same clips. It was a good first try though!

I knew I would enjoy seeing Bon Jovi at MSG way more than in Central Park. Not only was the sound electrifying but MSG is my favorite venue to see any event especially a concert. The place goes bananas and you can feel the rumbling and shrieks of the crowd. Toward the end of the show they blasted into a hard rocking performance of “Have a Nice Day,” and then a song I renamed “It’s Allright” a.k.a the New Jersey Tourism song “Who Says You Can’t Go Home.” The night ended with their classics: “Wanted Dead or Alive,” and a rousing rendition of “Livin’ on a Prayer.”

I won’t blow smoke up your ass, I don’t understand why Bon Jovi feels the need to cover Jeff Buckley’s “Hallelujah.” Nothing against Buckley but I’m not going to go along with the crowd who’s just getting into that song because Jon decided he wanted to start covering it. Bon Jovi has so many songs that they could be doing in place of a cover song. What about the stuff that brought them to the party? HEY Bon Jovi…Why do you guys forget that you used to play “hard rock?” Don’t tell me cause the girls don’t want to hear it because that’s a cop out. No matter how much I love the band I still can’t stand the fact that they won’t play songs that myself and many other fans desperately want to hear. Here’s just a few:

I Believe, She Don’t Know Me, Roulette, Breakout, 99 In the shade, In and out of love, King of the Mountain, Only Lonely, Tokyo Road, Something for the Pain, Hey God. I’m sure they’ve done some of these songs throughout the last few years somewhere in the world but I didn’t get to see them.

The All American Rejects opened the show. I’ve always been a fan of AAR and they performed at MSG with ease. They were appreciative of the chance to open for some of their idols and they were excited to be playing MSG for the first time. Along with their hits like “Swing, Swing,” “Dirty little Secret,” and “It Ends Tonight,” they premiered a new song “Mona Lisa,” which sounds like it will be all over the place once the album gets released in September. Appropriately they finished with “Move Along,” and they did just that as they made way for Bon Jovi.

Bon Jovi: Free Concert in Central Park Review

Posted on July 13, 2008 by sexyarmpit

Bon Jovi has done pretty much everything a band can do but they didn’t play Central Park until Saturday July 12th. In honor of the MLB’s all-star week Bon Jovi decided to put on a free concert on the Great Lawn in New York City’s Central Park. It was rumored that there’d be close to 60,000 fans in attendance so I knew we’d have a hell of a time getting into the park. I’m not one who enjoys hassle or complications. I enjoy being laid back rather than rushing from Penn Station to hop on the subway to Central Park. Then from there we had to get checked, scanned, and frisked several times and wait in numerous lines. By the time we got into the audience area there weren’t too many people there but the ones that were there were relaxing on towels they brought. I didn’t think to bring a towel or a blanket and neither did anyone I went with. That was the least of my problems. It was only 3:00 pm, so we had another 5 hours to wait until Bon Jovi took the stage. I was betting on them not starting on time but they were in a public park so the rules were a little bit more tight. Go on at 8 and get off the stage at 10 pm you New Jersey rebel rousers!

By 7:45 the place was mobbed with people and the towels were getting rolled up and people started sneaking closer and closer to the barricades. After hearing representatives from Central Park, Major League Baseball, and Bank of America there was another short wait and then Bon Jovi took the stage on this beautiful summer night in NYC. Bank of America had such a damn presence at the show that they may as well have set up portable teller stands where people could do their banking. Their logo was all over the place, I really thought Jon would have worn a Bank of America jersey. Thankfully he didn’t and nor did he wear a Philadelphia Soul jersey either. And gee…all this talk of “jerseys” where the hell is New Jersey in this picture? He’s an owner of a Philadelphia Arena Football team, he’s doing concerts in Central Park and MSG so where does his home state of N.J fit in? They’re always singing “Who Says You Can’t Go Home?” so I guess apparently Jon himself is saying they can’t.

As for the setlist for the night, you can’t expect much of a departure when you go to see Bon Jovi. They kicked things off with “Livin’ on a Prayer” and “You Give Love a Bad Name.” After “Born to Be My Baby” they rocked with “I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead” which ended with their version of “Twist and Shout” which is always a fun song. Of course, I prefer it when Matthew Broderick is singing it on a float in a parade. “Whole Lotta Leavin’ Goin’ On” their latest single, made me realize that they should just change the title of the song to “Not a Whole Lot of Rock Going On” because the song makes people want to go country line dancing. Aside from “..Whole Lotta Leavin” they also performed “Lost Highway,” and “We Got it Goin On” from Lost Highway. While still managing to wow the massive audience with his guitar riffs, Richie stirred the crowd with his rendition of “I’ll Be There for You.” We also got to hear (not in this order) “It’s My Life,” “In These Arms,” “Have a Nice Day,” “Keep The Faith,” and “Bad Medicine.”

The band said goodnight but came back for an encore of “Always,” “Wanted Dead or Alive,” and “I Love This Town.” For a full set list check out my friend Anthony at The Screen Door. From there it was time to hop back on the subway and then find out what NJ Transit track we’d be on. Isn’t the train ride home always the best? Lots of obnoxious people, you get whipped around, and you’re just trying to sleep for a minute since you’ve been on a 9 hour Bon Jovi retreat.

I’m looking forward to the Madison Square Garden shows because the sound seemed to get lost in such an enormous outdoor area. There was a good amount of delay between the sound way up in front and the sound coming out of the speakers that were in the middle of the audience. That was natural, it just got annoying at times. I kept thinking “what song is Tico drumming to?…that isn’t part of the song.” Actually it WAS part of the song…just 3 seconds before. Regardless of those minor details it was a welcome feeling to have attended a Bon Jovi concert where they sounded excellent as usual and I didn’t pay $200 to get in.

Review: The Incredible Hulk

Posted on June 13, 2008 by sexyarmpit

While many folks schedule their vacations to the Bahamas or Mexico this summer, I base my vacation time off release dates of super hero movies. It’s something I’ve always done, even as a kid. Well, let me correct myself, we weren’t lucky enough to be able to schedule our own vacation time when we were in school but I did it anyway. “Mom, Batman Returns comes out on Friday and I want to take off of school so can you take me?” Surprisingly, my mom was always supportive of that kind of thing. Even as I went through High School I never ditched class, I just had my mom call me in sick. Then my friends (who all pulled similar strings with their moms) and I went to the theater whenever a MUST SEE movie came out. Most of the time it was a Batman movie. You can just imagine how pumped I am for THE DARK KNIGHT! I’ve already scheduled my day off and booked a room in Atlantic City so I can see it in an IMAX theater. To a lot of you those plans might seem a little excessive just to see a movie. The sun, palm trees, a frozen cocktail…a Jedi crave not these things. Today my vacation day entailed a trip to the theater to see The Incredible Hulk. Here’s the recap:

Like so many other people, I was not impressed with Hulk’s last movie treatment in 2003. I was never an obsessive fan of the Hulk like I am with Batman, but I was a loyal fan of the TV show as a kid. That was the type of film I was hoping for when I saw Ang Lee’s version. The latest incarnation starring Ed Norton as David Banner reached such a level of satisfaction for me that I was entirely impressed. Ed Norton and the rest of the cast (Liv Tyler, William Hurt, and Tim Roth) seemed like they rocketed straight out of the comic books and onto the screen.

A couple of my favorite scenes featured the interaction between Norton and Tyler who had such a natural chemistry. One scene involves Betty Ross (Liv Tyler), attempting to nurture the Hulk with her soothing voice while Hulk is going balls out throwing boulders because he just saw some lightning and heard thunder. “It’s OK, it’s only the rain…” she says. In that scene, the relationship between Kong and Ann Darrow come to mind. In comparison, Ang Lee’s version seemed tragic while this rejuvenated Hulk evokes vitality. A Hulk film should not be dull and dreary and this film was the opposite and triumphed because of it. Thankfully, The Incredible Hulk maintainted the drama and action with occasional poignant moments.

Another scene that I adored, and actually laughed out loud, is a scene where David Banner and Betty Ross are taking a cab ride in New York City. The driver is completely reckless and driving like a maniac. Because they’re getting dangerously bounced around, Banner is about to go ape shit. They get out and the ever protective Ross gets irate on the taxi driver kicking his car and calling him an “Asshole.” I couldn’t tell if her character was just trying to protect Banner from hulking up or if the filmmakers were attempting a social commentary on the uptight aggressive nature of New York City? If any place in the world makes you turn into a super pissed off 9 foot tall green monster it will probably be the New York/New Jersey area. Represent.

Fans of the TV series and comic book will not be disappointed because it seemed very much an accurate mixture of the two. You’ll notice many references to the TV series such as Ferrigno as a pizza accepting security guard, Bill Bixby’s on the TV in The Courtship of Eddie’s Father, hints of the old theme song, and of course the Marvel staple Stan Lee is sipping a gaurana soda. Norton even begins to utter “You wouldn’t like me if I’m…” I’ll leave the rest to your imagination if you haven’t seen it yet. You may even hear a “HULK SMASH!!!” thrown in for good measure and a hint at Leader as the next villian.

The film had an excellent pace and didn’t drag, and the action scenes were skillfully created. And like the filmmakers promised, this Hulk film wasn’t bogged down with CGI. Even though Hulk and Abomination were CGI, they looked totally realistic and not like a video game. Hulk especially looked awesome.

If you’ve read articles on the Internet about the film or watched any TV spots, they couldn’t wait to spoil the Tony Stark cameo. I really wish it was a secret because seeing him at the end would’ve been more more of a surprise. But honestly, I was so wrapped up in the film that I totally slipped my mind that Robert Downey Jr. was about to drop in. How exciting will THE AVENGERS be? That one might necessitate a week long celebration, not just a day off!

So far this has been one helluva summer for movies. I’m traditionally let down by “summer blockbusters” but many such as Indy, and Hulk have blown me away. I can’t imagine what THE DARK KNIGHT is going to do to me. It might make me Hulk up and SMASH stuff! Have you seen The Incredible Hulk yet? Did you enjoy it? I’d like to hear YOUR thoughts!

Goin’ Hollywood

Posted on May 17, 2008October 26, 2020 by sexyarmpit

From the swamps, fumes, toxic sludge, and the congestion of New Jersey, The Sexy Armpit flew all the way across the country to Los Angeles, California. Like alot of other kids I knew, I grew up with a bit of an inflated idea of Hollywood. As a kid, I pictured famous people everywhere, hot girls galore, and bright sunny days. Regardless of my love for the state I was born and raised in, Hollywood sits on a gold encrusted throne high above any other city I’ve ever visited. There’s a slew of reasons why this town offers so much more than just the random celebrity sightings. (Mena Suvari, Ian Ziering, and Rebecca Gayheart just to name a few) If you’re trying to keep up with “the scene,” then you know that everything in Hollywood IS based on you’re look. It seems like the only people there who aren’t beautiful are some of the tourists, excluding myself of course…ahem. joke. I looked like a mutant compared to some of the natives. Those hot, hot, natives. Even the f’n mannequins are hotter there.

The most minuscule details of life in Hollywood seem to make everything about my life in New Jersey seem meaningless. I’ve always complained that “nothing cool ever happens in Jersey.” Of course that’s a generalization but it’s mostly true. It’s a disservice to say that the only thing cool about Hollywood is that there are celebrities all over the place. Actually, celebrity sightings just added to the amazing times I had there. In fact I don’t know if I can say I’ve ever had that much fun doing anything in New Jersey. If I stood on one leg eating a leftover bowl of macaroni in the middle of a street in Jersey and then did the same thing on the Sunset Strip…something tells me that it would be about 250,000 times more fun on the Strip. Maybe it’s because it’s called “The Strip?” It’s no coincidence that The Strip is home to the illustrious gentleman’s clubs that Motley Crue’s Vince Neil shouted out in “Girls, Girls, Girls” like the Seventh Veil, and The Body Shop. I couldn’t believe I was walking past places that are mentioned in a song that I’ve sang along to about 4,000 times! Screw you, that was exciting to me.

North Jersey guido’s or Jocks who are still re-living their high school football memories need not even visit Hollywood because they won’t fit in. The freaks, the flamboyant, and the filthy rich create the city’s aura and keep it’s blood pumping. New York was always said to be the city that never sleeps but Hollywood is way more of a constant party. There’s always an after party, and you’re never at a loss to find somewhere else to go. The people of the town are way more sociable than the angry, uptight NY/NJ people. Being a lifelong Jersey native and a person whose hung out in New York more times than you can imagine, it’s a fact that we’re a cold, aggressive bunch of folks. Even with smog blocking the sun on some days, Hollywood keeps it’s positive, go getting, adventurous atmosphere. That atmosphere may be what fuels people to go there to follow their dreams. Whether it was playing in a band, or acting, everyone seemed to have talent and ambition to “make it.” Believe it or not, just going out and showing your face consistently gives you your own “fun size” sample of star power.

Going to New York to follow your dreams may only land you a job on Wall Street or at a corner store selling fruit, energy drinks, and flowers. New York City in comparison to Hollywood is nothing but business. Not too much fun to be had there in Manhattan. You like Opera? Show tunes? Working your ass off? Traffic and honking? Getting lost? Then Manhattan is the place for you. Hollywood is all about a laid back, party atmosphere and it looks like not much has changed there in quite a long time. We even stayed in the Hyatt, West Hollywood because of it’s rich rock history. Click the link for a great rundown of facts about the hotel at Wikipedia.

In any local establishment in NJ all you hear over their sound system is Rhianna, Leona Lewis, John Mayer etc. All I had to do was travel 3,000 miles and in every establishment, EVEN MEXICAN RESTAURANTS, you can hear a whole slew of ’80s rock. Everywhere I was I heard Motley, Guns, Van Halen, Poison, and Bon Jovi. Even though it was only a few days, it gave me hope that at least some place in the world still likes to ROCK! Jersey sure as hell doesn’t remember that one of it’s own stereotypes was BIG HAIR!

The rock music scene is still alive and flourishing. While there seems to be no place for rock in New Jersey, Hollywood wears their rock rags proudly. Whether you wear eyeliner or high heel boots, everything rock is accepted. In fact, all kinds of music get their fair share of stage time on the strip. New York and New Jersey are famous for certain venues but I guess I missed their golden age. Music venues in Asbury Park, Atlantic City, and Hoboken have become historic because of the artists that would frequently play there. Heck, even the Izod Center in East Rutherford and The Starland Ballroom in Sayreville constantly has huge concerts with all the big names. The problem is, they aren’t the type of places you go to just hang out and coincidentally catch an awesome band who might hit it huge in a few years. Regardless of the fact that Manhattan is home to the most famous arena, Madison Square Garden, as well as places like Roseland, Hammerstein, and the defunct CBGB’s, the good stuff takes a while to travel over to the East Coast. Perhaps it’s the vastness of the metropolitan area that hinders it from being as great as Hollywood. You can’t walk down a street and choose between 3 concert venues all featuring several solid acts. I can’t imagine how far it would be to walk from Starland Ballroom in Sayreville all the way to the Izod Center in East Rutherford. (According to mapquest it’s about 36 miles and it would take about 50 minutes depending on traffic…bummer) In Hollywood I can walk from the Viper Room to the Key Club, to the Roxy all in a matter of a few minutes. Venues like the Whiskey-a-Go-Go and all the clubs on the strip are legendary for the great bands and artists that have played there. When you visit the Jersey Shore, you can hit up Jenkinson’s and check out a cover band, and then also check out Martell’s Tiki Bar and then…check out a cover band! Now don’t get me wrong I love cover bands but after you had the time in Hollywood that I did, Jersey pales in comparison.

In about 4 days here’s the rundown of all the bands I got to see, and it wasn’t even a festival! Check this out:
The Donnas 15th Anniversary show, a very intimate gathering for the Donnas hardcore fans, and family members. Wow, these girls have worked hard for 15 years already and they’re music and performances just keep getting stronger. Back in ’01 I got to interview Torry, (The Donnas drummer) for my radio show and finally got to meet her in person at this show. Their latest album Bitchin‘ is a kick ass rock party album and is in stores now.

Vains of Jenna – I first heard about these Swedish guys a few years ago on Stevie Rachelle’s Metal Sludge site and I picked up their CD (which was released on Bam Margera’s record label) as soon as it came out. I’ve always been a fan of Swedish rock bands (like Dogpound) because the folks in Sweden eat, sleep, and bathe in rock and roll. They are so obsessed with it that they study rock music that was popular in the ’70s and ’80s in the U.S. You might ask, for a bunch of guys so serious about their craft how can they be bad? Unfortunately I was actually disappointed in the recording quality of “Lit Up, Let Down,” and there wasn’t that many tracks that blew me away. It just seemed like a bunch of guys doing throwback sleaze rock from the ’80s. WAS I WRONG! Have you ever heard the old adage that you have to experience a band live to make an accurate opinion on them? Remember how the first few KISS albums weren’t big sellers but after people started seeing their explosive, loud, rocking live show the band started to blow up. This is exactly how Veins of Jenna is going to do it. They played one blistering set of tunes that sounded almost completely separate from the tracks on the album. Their CD does not do them justice. They also threw in a cover of Tom Petty’s Refugee which was heavy and friggin‘ amazing.

I also got to check out The Atomic Punks – The Tribute to Early Van Halen with lead singer Ralph Saenz, who coincidentally is also the lead singer of STEEL PANTHER. For those who have been under a rock for the last 8 years or so, Steel Panther (formerly Danger Kitty, Metal Shop and Metal Skool) are rock’s reigning kings of the sunset strip. Their original brand of Hair Band Parody sells out every Monday night. They play ’80s hair metal from Bon Jovi to Poison and always throw in one of their original comedy rock songs like “Death to All But Metal” or “Fat Girl.” Celebs are known to show up and sing with them from time to time like Kelly Clarkson, Jessica Simpson, and Pink. I was lucky to see Matt Sorum introduce the band, Scott Ian from Anthrax join them onstage, Corey Taylor of Slipknot, and Whitfield Crane formerly of Ugly Kid Joe/Another Animal.

Some of the other amazing bands I saw during my stay in Hollywood: Franki’s Broken Toys (Franki Doll=great frontwoman), Mack Winston and the Reflections,(original, pretty damn mesmerizing music) The Binges (BEST band I’ve heard in years) and the hard driving Bullets and Octane. And more! I don’t think a feat this cool could ever be accomplished in NY/NJ or for that matter, anywhere on the east coast. There’s always a band to discover there before it makes it’s way east. I originally intended the name of this site to embrace the good stuff Jersey offered but, man, I’m not far away from making it all about how it’s so not as cool as Hollywood. But really…not many places are.

New York City: Champion of Scuzz

Posted on March 17, 2008 by sexyarmpit

It’s obvious that New York has always trumped New Jersey in their bitter rivalry for popularity. Although, in the battle for who’s scummier, smellier, and who has the better strip clubs, it’s usually a pretty close match up. A recent trip to NYC granted me the opportunity to hereby relinquish New Jersey’s contention in this silly grudge once and for all. WE SUBMIT!!!

I went to a bar in Manhattan where I took the risk of using the men’s room. As my tinkle started to trickle down into the urinal, I noticed a familiar title emblazoned on the brownish yellow urinal screen. I was actually paying attention to the urinal screen, so I figured I HAD to be drunk. But I wasn’t and the urinal screen said VAN WILDER! Van Wilder is one of my favorite movies and I doubted this promotional item was from the original Van Wilder, and my deduction was correct. After a close examination (yes folks, I DID make a closer examination…I may have actually made out with the bacteria, fly infested urinal, but I proved I was right)

The ribbon that used to be underneath the title VAN WILDER has worn off. It used to say The Rise of Taj. Regardless, according to IMDB The Rise of Taj went straight to DVD and was released for a short time theatrically on December 1st, 2006 and the DVD went on sale on March 27th, 2007. If my calculations are correct, promotional items for The Rise of Taj were probably put out at least a month ahead of time. I wonder how much longer they’ll leave this sickeningly old thing in there? I always knew NYC bathrooms were disgusting, but keeping that in the urinal for so long has to be violating some sort of health code.

I bet they have no idea that there’s some guy blogging about their urinal screen. Haha…it’s the little things. Secretly writing about their lack of changing their urinal screen really gives me the jollies for some reason. Probably cause I’m a sick fuck.

Perhaps they’re leaving the screen in there for the novelty factor, like an in-joke in a movie? Though the only people who are getting a little “rise” out of it are the people like me who appreciate obscure pop culture references that would’ve otherwise been lost to the ages. Or they’re just trying to be delightfully tacky. Something tells me that the actual DVD of The Rise of Taj will soon be worth as much as this 2-year old promotional urinal screen. I can see it making the ridiculously huge $5 bargain bins at Wal-Mart! Unless the bar owner can prove Justin Timberlake once pissed on it, I’m pretty sure it’s time to retire the Taj screen. DING, DING, DING!! Can we get Michael Buffer over here? HERE IS YOUR WINNER AND NEW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION OF SCUZZ: NEW YORK CITY!!!

Night Walk

Posted on June 5, 2007 by sexyarmpit

I went for a long walk downtown on Saturday night. It was a pretty nice night out considering how hot it was in the daytime. I figured I’d walk to the Quick Check to see if they had the new Monster Energy Coffee drink that I wanted to try. I began my trip with a glance at the New York City skyline. Far in the distance it glows like a majestic Oz. New York is no Oz, and neither is where I‘m about to go. As I walked down Main Street I thought about how I used to want to move out to California and live in San Diego. In fact, it didn’t seem like an option, I was set on moving once I finished college. Some of my friends always said they wanted to pack up and just move the hell out of here. I never thought of moving away to a different state as an escape, I felt there would be more job opportunities there. I never felt like I needed to “get out of this damn town.” I believed that it was pretty lame to stay in the same place my whole life. I never wanted to be “that guy.” You know, the middle aged guy who works jobs around town gathering shopping carts at the store and cutting grass all while reminiscing with the people in town about the old days. That same guy could tell you every one of his teachers names from High School and the score to every football game he played in. Or possibly a more realistic scenario, he wears a Metallica T-shirt and can tell you the in-s and outs of his Pontiac Firebird that he bought junior year of high school that he still drives. Thankfully, I’m not them but it is scary to think that it’s possible to become that way. Is it because they get trapped in their hometown forever? I don’t think so because I know many people who have strong familial ties to the town and the surrounding towns. My family isn’t from this town, in fact they’ve collectively lived in so many different towns that I can’t keep track. I thought about how time passed and that money and a realistic career kept me from ever moving so far away. I don’t feel that making the decision to not move away has made me any worse off though.

As I made my way under the route 9 overpass I noticed how much garbage decorated the dirt sidewalk. I thought “Why do we even have stretches of dirt sidewalk in a town with 100,000 people in it?” I quickly forgot about the garbage on the ground. Some low hanging tree branches presented my face with the always annoying spider web, and another, and even one more a few hundred feet further to get me pissed just enough. With the spider webs and the humidity I feel like I need to take 17 showers at this point.

I think I live in the only town that has convenience stores every 300 feet. 7-11didn’t have the drink I wanted so I moved along. The stores and restaraunts were closed and it seemed like a ghost town except for the cars. I looked into the windows of some of the places in the center of town and wondered “How do some of these places stay in business?” I rarely see anyone ever going into some of them. Next stop was Quick Check and again, no luck with the Monster coffee. I kept walking and noticed two Latina ladies passing me on the left. One of the girls said quietly “Hiii Papi” in a friendly fashion. I was surprised because I don’t think anyone has ever said that to me and inside, I was laughing. I walked about 200 feet away this time and stopped into, YES, ANOTHER QUICK CHECK! No luck again. I’m not kidding here people, there ARE that many convenience stores in our area. Watch the tram car please, Next Stop: Walgreen’s open til’ midnight! No Monster Coffee beverage. Bummer.

My journey was unsuccessful and it was time to make my way back home. I walked back down Main Street as a tall guy passed me on the right. He nodded his head and said “What’s up?” in a pretty upbeat manner. I said “what’s up” back and kept on my way. Shitty me was about to ignore him. It was an oddly good feeling to have people say hello to me at 11:30 at night when the streets are pretty empty. The idea I have when walking the streets aimlessly at night (or at any time or place for that matter) is that this person is going to mug me so please walk past me as quickly as possible. Does their friendliness make me feel like things are “getting better in the world?” Not really judging by the garbage all over the ground and that there are psychos that decide to shoot people like at Virginia Tech. Life isn’t so peachy keen, but for that hour and a half that I was walking the streets on a cool but humid night, I felt like things were good and it was my town. I felt like throwing a party in the middle of main street. This vibe of positivity didn’t end there. Not 2 minutes after the tall guy said what’s up to me the cars in the street stopped for a red light at the intersection. “YO JAY!” I heard a guys voice yell from a car that was waiting at the light. An old friend from high school recognized me and we started talking a bit. He asked if I needed a ride. I definitely looked like I was homeless or something. You can’t walk around late at night in cargo shorts and a Hanes T-shirt anymore and have people NOT think you are homeless. It’s a crime! I told him I was actually intentionally out walking and enjoying the night. He was telling me how he had National Guard duty early the next morning. We ended the conversation and I continued home. It crossed my mind how different it is walking through Times Square than where I just was. There was no hustle and bustle, no horns honking, no nasty odors, but I did have 3 people say hello to me. There were no flashy lights which I do enjoy, but I didn’t have someone hastling me for money or standing on a bucket preaching their good word to me. That’s pretty damn good if you ask me. I was able to take a leisurely stroll with no worries. I’m sure I’d be able to do that in say, San Diego, or Orlando, or anywhere else for that matter, but why? I’m already here. I’ve always been here. And, there’s like 6 convenience stores within walking distance! Let’s face it maybe I was embellishing but I in no way feel like shouting “I love this town!” like Ernie Hudson did in Ghostbusters, but I guess it’s a pretty damn good place.